Need Advise....

[mrsnj]

My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged ****....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?

[ihop]

I know its tough but you should Charge her. Let her know you are there for her and to let you know in advance if there is anything you can do to help. If you don't keep the line between provider and friend clear, she will take full advantage of you. She has already proved that.
:hug:

[KidGrind]

My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged ****....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WRONG WAY!

You are NOT there for her. You offer a service with policies. Her life troubles shouldn’t be your burden. Her family and friends will hopefully be there for her in her time in need. One of my dearest friends shared with my what her FCC Director use to tell all her providers, “Don’t start anything, you can’t finish.”

Charge her but if you feel like you want to be understanding in your pocket tell her the normal late charge would be ABC but you’ll take half of it off. REMEMBER she had a chance to pick up DCK on her way home. But it was okay for DCK to spend every second and then some in your care on YOUR TIME.

Do not allow her life issues to be visited on your business. As we read time and time again; as I have LIVED it when you allow it, YOU’LL REGRET IT.

[mrsnj]

I agree. I know it. But her oldest and my youngest are BFFs. I often have the oldest one here a lot. I admit it comes to the point that I offer more so to daddy when he has the girls than I do to mommy cause I have been burned so many times with that woman. She just rubs my last nerve. But I love the girls and we walk the line of business and after hours friends (the girls that is). I just try not to do it with mom. She will expect and keep going till you want to strangle her. I know I know.....I agree. I just feel bad. I know if that were dad with the medical issues I wouldn't have charged. But then he never picks up late

[Naptime yet?]

Express your heartfelt sympathy and ask her how her FAMILY & FRIENDS are going to pitch in & help her during this difficult time (ie, who's going to be picking up dcg by closing?).

If you know she's a drama mama & will abuse your kindness, don't offer it. If she thinks your a cold hearted b****, oh well, makes it easier for you to enforce your rules.

:hug:

[Unregistered]

I know you feel bad for her but charge her...even if you just turn around and use the money to do something special for her later. She is lucky in a way. In many places if she was that late picking up child protective services would have been called on her after being 1 hour late.

[Josiegirl]

I guess I'm the odd duck but I'd let it go this time and have a talk with her about having responsible pick-ups planned for her as you cannot care for her child as she goes through this. And of course, express your sympathy with the struggle she will be going through.

[MissAnn]

I would not charge her. Looks like I'm in the minority though. Prayers for her.

[Annalee]

My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged ****....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?

Used to, I would have given this lady a break and overlooked her being late. But after 20 plus years of daycare and my own hardships, I realize that the average parent is out for themselves. My dad passed away several years ago and I was off a week and I had to deal with a parent calling other parents trying to get them not to pay me, my brother has had health issues and, while no parent says anything when I close daycare, I still feel the "miffs" and the "sigh"s. So that being said, I think it is better if we follow our contract and remain on a business level with parents. I have went both ways through the years but following the contract and charging for late fees is probably going to reap positive dividends in the end.

[melilley]

I honestly don't know if I would charge or not, but I do agree with others that if you do let it go, she will keep thinking she can get away with things.

I have a dcf, we'll mainly the dcm, who always asks for favors and I will admit I have gone above and beyond with her and during Christmas week she apparently thought we were friends and had the nerve to say that since we have known each other for over a year, she didn't want to pay for that week because I lost power and didn't open the three days and dcd couldn't work because the power was out which was a lie....heck no! They have money to help friends or get a new dog. Then last week dcd was in the hospital so they asked if they could be a little late and I felt bad so said it was OK and didn't charge. They picked up and dcd was driving and that had their other son who is in preschool so low and behold, they passed my house to get their other son from preschool so they wouldn't be late picking him up, but it was OK to be late here. No more favors!

Sorry to go on and on, it just goes to show that if you give a little, they may think that they can take advantage of you.

[Mom2TLE]

I would charge her if you think it will lead to additional feelings of entitlement with her. If you feel bad and want to do something for her do it separate from daycare services. Make double of a meal and send one home with her, something like that. I would also make her set up an alternate pick up for when she is unavailable or can't be reached.

[melilley]

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WRONG WAY!

You are NOT there for her. You offer a service with policies. Her life troubles shouldn’t be your burden. Her family and friends will hopefully be there for her in her time in need. One of my dearest friends shared with my what her FCC Director use to tell all her providers, “Don’t start anything, you can’t finish.”

Charge her but if you feel like you want to be understanding in your pocket tell her the normal late charge would be ABC but you’ll take half of it off. REMEMBER she had a chance to pick up DCK on her way home. But it was okay for DCK to spend every second and then some in your care on YOUR TIME.

Do not allow her life issues to be visited on your business. As we read time and time again; as I have LIVED it when you allow it, YOU’LL REGRET IT.

I am starting to see this!
I have worked in childcare forever, but just opened my home dc a little over a year ago. I am seeing and coming to the realization that parents (almost all) are out for themselves and do not care about you. I'm lucky to have almost all great patents, but definitely have 1 or 2 that think of themselves only. I am starting to veer away from my too nice, letting people get away with things self, to having a more business like attitude.

[Josiegirl]

Sometimes even businesses help out in times of need. When we lost our 9 month old son, people came out of the woodwork to help but one that stood out in my mind was we needed to have our tires changed over for the season and the mechanic didn't charge us. Just sayin'....

[rosieteddy]

I would not charge for that day.However I would write a letter explaining it.I would express my condolances for what she is going through.Then I would include notice of late charges and express the need for her to have alternate pick-up people. I to have found when we blur the line of provider and friend we mostly get taken advantage of. At the end of the day the parents are our clients not family or friends.Good luck it is hard to keep the line drawn.Nan

[Jack Sprat]

That is a tough one. However, since this isn't the first time and as you said it won't be that last I would probably charge. I agree with the others who have mentioned as the sense of entitlement. As I get more experience under my belt I am seeing clearly that if you give dcf an inch many will take a mile!


I do like the idea of a letter. Explaining that you understand the stress and worry she is going through. And that it would be a great idea to have a backup person to pick up kids when she is running late.