WWYD: Timeout resulting in epic tantrum

[taylorw1210]

I have a 22 mo. old dcg who is in her 3 week trial period. It's not been the best of trial periods, to say the least.

Today's issue is that after 2 warnings for pushing/shoving friends outside, she had to come inside and do a timeout. That timeout turned into a 35 minute screaming/kicking/head banging tantrum.

I do not allow the kids to get out of timeout if they are behaving that way and wait until they calm down and then we get up, hug, talk about why we went into timeout, and go on our merry way. However, I've never had a child throw a tantrum for 35 minutes that aggressively and I'm concerned I did not handle it properly.

What would you have done? And how would you address this issue with the parents?

Edited to add additional details of the situation: Post 6

I should also clarify that I do timeouts so infrequently that I really have no "formal" timeout. DCG's "timeout" that led to her tantrum was her having to come in from outside (while my assistant was outside with the others), and stay in the kitchen with me while I cleaned up and her tantrum ensued because she wanted to go back outside.

The first time she shoved a little boy off of a climber and I had her apologize, give hugs, made a fuss over the boy, and talked about how we don't push our friends. Second time she shoved a dcb out of the way to play at the sand table, and I warned her that if she was mean to her friends again she would have to go inside with Miss Taylor. Third time she pushed a dcg off a swing so she could get on it and we headed inside for her "timeout". After about 5 minutes of her sobbing in the kitchen because she wanted to go outside, and me trying to explain she had to come in because she was being mean, I sat her in the hallway (less than 4 ft from me) and told her she would need to sit there until she calmed down. At that point she continued for 30 minutes with screaming, kicking, crying, banging her head, etc.

I apologize for not providing better details in my original post as I was quickly posting and left out some important explanations.

[Meyou]

My timeout starts when the tantrum stops. They are welcome to make it as epic as possible....all alone on my crying step.

However, at 22 months I would be much more likely to have the child play alone for pushing rather than a time out. I don't find timeouts work very well this young. Natural consequences seem to connect better for them IMO.

[taylorw1210]

My timeout starts when the tantrum stops. They are welcome to make it as epic as possible....all alone on my crying step.

However, at 22 months I would be much more likely to have the child play alone for pushing rather than a time out. I don't find timeouts work very well this young. Natural consequences seem to connect better for them IMO.

We have been doing that during the course of her 3 week trial period - it has not helped, thus my resorting to time outs this week per her parents suggestion when we discussed the issue at the start of this week.

I hardly do any time outs with my DCK's because I don't need to - I mostly use re-direction and discussion, and so far it's worked wonderful with all the kiddos I've had come in and out. Not this girl, though.

[misslori50]

My timeout starts when the tantrum stops. They are welcome to make it as epic as possible....all alone on my crying step.

However, at 22 months I would be much more likely to have the child play alone for pushing rather than a time out. I don't find timeouts work very well this young. Natural consequences seem to connect better for them IMO.

I agree time out for a 22 month old does not work.

[taylorw1210]

I agree time out for a 22 month old does not work.

What would you suggest?

[taylorw1210]

I should also clarify that I do timeouts so infrequently that I really have no "formal" timeout. DCG's "timeout" that led to her tantrum was her having to come in from outside (while my assistant was outside with the others), and stay in the kitchen with me while I cleaned up and her tantrum ensued because she wanted to go back outside.

The first time she shoved a little boy off of a climber and I had her apologize, give hugs, made a fuss over the boy, and talked about how we don't push our friends. Second time she shoved a dcb out of the way to play at the sand table, and I warned her that if she was mean to her friends again she would have to go inside with Miss Taylor. Third time she pushed a dcg off a swing so she could get on it and we headed inside for her "timeout". After about 5 minutes of her sobbing in the kitchen because she wanted to go outside, and me trying to explain she had to come in because she was being mean, I sat her in the hallway (less than 4 ft from me) and told her she would need to sit there until she calmed down. At that point she continued for 30 minutes with screaming, kicking, crying, banging her head, etc.

I apologize for not providing better details in my original post as I was quickly posting and left out some important explanations.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't do timeouts. That said, if I can't manage their behavior then I just let them go. Aggressive behavior combined with lengthy over the top tantrums during the trial period and off they go to a new daycare.

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

[childcaremom]

I don't do timeouts. That said, if I can't manage their behavior then I just let them go. Aggressive behavior combined with lengthy over the top tantrums during the trial period and off they go to a new daycare.

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

[daycarediva]

I don't do timeouts. That said, if I can't manage their behavior then I just let them go. Aggressive behavior combined with lengthy over the top tantrums during the trial period and off they go to a new daycare.

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

I managed for months and months with a 3yo displaying similar behavior. It was multiple times a day, every single day. It was EXHAUSTING. I ended up letting her go. BEST DECISION EVER.

[Oss_cc]

I managed for months and months with a 3yo displaying similar behavior. It was multiple times a day, every single day. It was EXHAUSTING. I ended up letting her go. BEST DECISION EVER.

Same here with a 2.5 yo. Ex.haus.ting. I termed and my stress is down tenfold.
There is only so much we as providers can do. The hard parenting needs to be done by the parents.

[llpa]

I had a 27 month old like that. Every time he shoved or hit or screamed and cried he was separated to play alone. As I separated him I repeated what he did wrong every time. As soon as he stopped screaming and crying he went back to the group. Rinse and repeat. He finally got it after a month. While he was separated I gave him no attention at all. I intervened if his behavior was escalating, so I caught him before the shoving or hitting. He is much improved at this point, but a month is my limit.

[preschoolteacher]

I don't think what you did was actually a time-out. She was pushing outside, so she had to come inside. She threw a fit in the kitchen, so you moved her to a safer place where you could still supervise her. Sounds totally appropriate to me.

She sounds like a handful. I'm not sure I would continue with her if this sort of behavior continues.

[DuchessRavenwaves]

I don't think what you did was actually a time-out. She was pushing outside, so she had to come inside. She threw a fit in the kitchen, so you moved her to a safer place where you could still supervise her. Sounds totally appropriate to me.

She sounds like a handful. I'm not sure I would continue with her if this sort of behavior continues.

Yes, what PT said!

I managed for months and months with a 3yo displaying similar behavior. It was multiple times a day, every single day. It was EXHAUSTING. I ended up letting her go. BEST DECISION EVER.

ME TOO. Simple things like this :"DCK, let's keep the bus on the floor, please, " even when phrased pleasantly, led to him screaming like I was trying to gut him with a melon baller. Seriously. No thank you. Dropping him (and his annoying damn brother) actually reduced my income by about half, but I don't even care. I'd rather have to go to the foo bank than have to deal with that every day!

[Atroya]

I disagree with saying a 22 month old would not understand a time out. Technically what I do is not a true time out--there is no time limit. It is more of a technique for dealing with temper tantrums with the little ones. I have a 2.5 yr old that started here when she was 2. She also had screaming/kicking tantrums. I would give her 2 warnings, then put her in my bedroom in a pack-n-play and let her scream it out. As soon as she was quiet, I would bring her out. It would be as short or long as SHE decided. As soon as she figured out that she could come out when she was quiet, the screaming would only last a few minutes..just long enough to get her frustration out of her system. No more 30-40 minutes of screaming. Sure, it started out that way, but if you immediately go get them out when they are quiet for a good 30-60 seconds, they pick up on it quickly. ALSO...if she started crying right away when I opened the door, I would say "No, I guess you are not done", turn around and walk out again. That also stopped quickly. Now when I walk in, she says "I'm done", and we go on with the day.

[SilverSabre25]

I think you handled it perfectly. I separate from the group a lot for various kids, and it's often, okay come sit at the table doing nothing while I get lunch/snack/invent something to do because you need a break. And the most frequent offended is just shy of two.

Of course this child, you can tell him no a couple times and then very gently move his body and THAT turns into a screamy-memey fit. Any time you move his squeals like he's been bitten and punched in the face.