Just Feeling Down :(

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I'm in "term talks" with a long-time family who actually termed unexpectedly with me and told me dcb has been going somewhere else one day a week for the past month. I am glad it is ending, they're a troubled family. But now they are making it sound as if I'm trying to get rid of them early. Seriously? How do you term me and not give a date? So I gave them a date.

Then I have dcg age2 whose brother dcb age4 also comes. Had them both since infancy. Nice family, pretty good to work with. Dcp comes in with long report from an outside specialist listing all the stuff dcg can't do yet. But most of it's stuff a 3yr old would be just learning. She's close to 3, but not yet!
Plus dcp says dcg is always in a downward spiral after leaving my house. She's always been high need, but has been leveling off here the past 4-5 months. I think she's great for her age. So this is my fault somehow?

I dunno. I am just down about the whole mess.

[Blackcat31]

(((hugs)))) It's hard sometimes. I get it.

I've been doing this a long time too.

I do have a little pep talk for you but am just sitting down to eat lunch with my hubs so if you hang on or check back a bit later, I'll post my pep talk for you.

[preschoolteacher]

I'm sorry about this. Sometimes when people are having trouble with their kids, it's much easier to blame "the daycare" instead of taking a long, hard look at their own practices and habits.

A 2-year-old in a "downward spiral" at the end of a long day in care? Sounds pretty normal to me. No matter where she is, 8-10 hours in care is a long time and most kids are burned out by the end of the day. And I don't know when it became the daycare provider's responsibility to make sure a child was "ready" for preschool. These poor kids, always having to get "ready" for something... so much of development happens in time, by playing, and with space to just be a kid.

Try not to take it personally. You can find another family that will be better for your daycare!

[llpa]

I'm in "term talks" with a long-time family who actually termed unexpectedly with me and told me dcb has been going somewhere else one day a week for the past month. I am glad it is ending, they're a troubled family. But now they are making it sound as if I'm trying to get rid of them early. Seriously? How do you term me and not give a date? So I gave them a date.

Then I have dcg age2 whose brother dcb age4 also comes. Had them both since infancy. Nice family, pretty good to work with. Dcp comes in with long report from an outside specialist listing all the stuff dcg can't do yet. But most of it's stuff a 3yr old would be just learning. She's close to 3, but not yet!
Plus dcp says dcg is always in a downward spiral after leaving my house. She's always been high need, but has been leveling off here the past 4-5 months. I think she's great for her age. So this is my fault somehow?

I dunno. I am just down about the whole mess.

Sounds like you have a good handle on where the dck is in development vs where she "should" be. That doesn't mean dcp will buy it because they can't poss think that any of her issues ( if she really has any) can be because of her actual family. So much easier to find any other reason. :hug::hug:as far as the terming family, it's hard not to take it to heart but don't go there!! You don't need to burden yourself with that! You will replace them with another family who appreciates you. Good for you for giving them a term date!

[LeslieG]

I'm sorry about this. Sometimes when people are having trouble with their kids, it's much easier to blame "the daycare" instead of taking a long, hard look at their own practices and habits.

A 2-year-old in a "downward spiral" at the end of a long day in care? Sounds pretty normal to me. No matter where she is, 8-10 hours in care is a long time and most kids are burned out by the end of the day. And I don't know when it became the daycare provider's responsibility to make sure a child was "ready" for preschool. These poor kids, always having to get "ready" for something... so much of development happens in time, by playing, and with space to just be a kid.

Try not to take it personally. You can find another family that will be better for your daycare!

Totally agree! It's really hard for me not to take things personally.. I turn to my hubby and mom a lot for encouragement (and the forum of course!).

I once had a family leave because they were concerned about 3 year old dcb's speech development, and decided to put him in a different program, as well as start going to a speech therapist. At the time, I was in my first year and was still making a name for myself, so I only had him and 2 babies. I was SUPER hard on myself by thinking, "oh, I don't have a good program" or "it's my fault that he has speech delays". But in reality, I think the parents really wanted him around kids his age to help with his speech development (which I didn't have any other his age at the time)... I actually just ran into them at the store a few weeks ago (first time that I've seen them since they left) and it was really nice. I could tell that they have positive feelings for me.

All you can do is your best and give the kids lots of love and attention! And tell yourself that you ARE a wonderful provider and have an outstanding program!! Kids will come in and out of your lives a lot in this business.. that is one of the hardest parts for me! :hug:

[Blackcat31]

I'm in "term talks" with a long-time family who actually termed unexpectedly with me and told me dcb has been going somewhere else one day a week for the past month. I am glad it is ending, they're a troubled family. But now they are making it sound as if I'm trying to get rid of them early. Seriously? How do you term me and not give a date? So I gave them a date. GOOD FOR YOU!!! happyface

Then I have dcg age2 whose brother dcb age4 also comes. Had them both since infancy. Nice family, pretty good to work with. Dcp comes in with long report from an outside specialist listing all the stuff dcg can't do yet. But most of it's stuff a 3yr old would be just learning. She's close to 3, but not yet!
Plus dcp says dcg is always in a downward spiral after leaving my house. She's always been high need, but has been leveling off here the past 4-5 months. I think she's great for her age. So this is my fault somehow?

You need to learn to give that right back to the parent. Every time DCM/DCD comments about how the DCG has a downward spiral after leaving your house, just empathize with them and say something like "Well, she is great here! I enjoy having her". Do NOT allow them to bait you into a convo about ANY of DCG's issues having anything to do with your house. Just keep telling them how great she is for you.

I dunno. I am just down about the whole mess.

I answered in blue above.

As for the being down and feeling blue.... I think it comes in cycles with this profession.

There are times I feel discouraged and down about how much I feel I put into this and don't always feel like I get back half as much as I give so what I do is change my attitude.

I can not control other people but I sure can control me and how I perceive, react and interact with others and I make a conscious effort to not let other people's issues or situations affect me. I care and I will try to help but I wont own or borrow someone else's troubles.

The first step for me in remaining positive or optimistic is to clearly define what or what parts of a situation are MY responsibility and what parts/issues are not. Then I go from there.

I view each day as a new day with new beginnings verses each day being part of a long drawn out week, month or year....this helps tremendously with feeling refreshed.

I also try to take a step back for every negative, frustrating and/or annoying thing and try to say or recognize one positive thing. It helps keep me internally balanced.

If the DCK's have a frustrating or tough morning, I will peek at them sleeping and rather than think they are simply recharging so they can have a tough or frustrating afternoon, I remind myself that these little humans are naturally happy and sometimes I need to be visually reminded that it really is the little things that count.

Remember though attitude can make or break some one's ability to have a good or positive day.

Life is only 10% of what actually happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Hang in there! :hug:

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So much thanks

...for all of the comments. It does help
I would love the pep talk BC. Yes, I've done this for a long time. And I'm rather good, though I don't like to brag too much

I never hesitate to refer dcks for special help. I've done that since early childhood special ed was mandated for birth to three in my state. And even before that, I could finagle help for a lot of kids with extra needs. But to me this dcf is finding needs that aren't there. Do two year olds balance on one foot, and then the other, for more than a few seconds? Do they roll out perfect snakes with playdough, then roll a perfect ball? Do they do everything on command during a long assessment :: I personally find the assessment laughable. It's a private company doing it, who would also provide the services, and in their report they even mention that they don't have the proper assessment tools for this dcks age :confused:

And the other dcf. Aye. It just needs to be done. But their last email was full of blame, as if I am forcing them out. They. termed. me.

Yesterday we had a wonderful little Spring Hunt. Each dck chose their own adorable cardboard basket, and hunted for stuffed animals, big balls with bunnies on them, bubbles, bunny paper, crayons, paints, sidewalk chalk, all kinds of little goodies. The only comment I got was that the candy "made them wild". Sure. They each got one mini kitkat, one mini p.b. cup, one chocolate rice krispie carrot. And they only ate the kitkat here - the rest went home for parents to decide when to dole out. What ever happened to "Thank you"?

Yes, I guess I'm still

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BlackCat...

Thanks, BlackCat. I believe similarly. I am great at wiping the slate clean. For the kids, I am, at least. I may need to practice a bit for myself. I guess I feel dumped on right now.
But I refuse to let this define my weekend I am going to go practice right now.

[Blackcat31]

I never hesitate to refer dcks for special help. I've done that since early childhood special ed was mandated for birth to three in my state. And even before that, I could finagle help for a lot of kids with extra needs. But to me this dcf is finding needs that aren't there. Do two year olds balance on one foot, and then the other, for more than a few seconds? Do they roll out perfect snakes with playdough, then roll a perfect ball? Do they do everything on command during a long assessment :: I personally find the assessment laughable. It's a private company doing it, who would also provide the services, and in their report they even mention that they don't have the proper assessment tools for this dcks age :confused:

Sounds to me like NONE of this really has anything to do with DCK. It sounds to me like the parents are the ones wanting the attention for this. If their child is special, they get special attention...

Are you personally concerned about this child's development or have any concerns about her?

If not, then don't even have the "special" conversation with them at all. Just tell them that they have it under control and leave it. If they want to drag you into it, tell them you have NO concerns about her at your house so you can't offer anything.

If they continue pushing how special their child is, Nan taught me that what you do is to agree with them that she is special and that if that means she needs special services or another adult to "assist" her with her difficulties that you will be more than happy to hire an additional adult to do these things one on one with DCG but at the PARENTS expense.

I guarantee you they will do one of two things. Stop talking to you about how special DCG is or they will back pedal.

And the other dcf. Aye. It just needs to be done. But their last email was full of blame, as if I am forcing them out. They. termed. me.

Are they still in your care? At this point, I WOULD force them out.

They do NOT have the right to be so disrespectful to you and blame you for anything. If they feel slighted, they need to look at THEIR role in this.

And if I were you, I would be trying to force them out sooner. I sure wouldn't want my child to continue attending a place that I blamed for so much...kwim?

As a business owner, I most certainly do not wish to do business with someone who has such little regard for the services I offer/provide and would have a hell of a time trying to continue being friendly and nice to someone who has the audacity to blame me for wanting them gone....why would you want to keep someone who wants to leave... do they even realize how ridiculous they sound?

Yesterday we had a wonderful little Spring Hunt. Each dck chose their own adorable cardboard basket, and hunted for stuffed animals, big balls with bunnies on them, bubbles, bunny paper, crayons, paints, sidewalk chalk, all kinds of little goodies. The only comment I got was that the candy "made them wild". Sure. They each got one mini kitkat, one mini p.b. cup, one chocolate rice krispie carrot. And they only ate the kitkat here - the rest went home for parents to decide when to dole out. What ever happened to "Thank you"?

Yes, I guess I'm still

Kids role model what they see. If parents don't use please and thank you, the kids usually won't/don't.

I will say to the child (in front of the parent so they know I am upset)

"You ARE welcome." then smile REAL big. *most* parents are then embarrassed and I feel sorta vindicated. ::

Hang in there..... :hug:

[SignMeUp]

Sounds to me like NONE of this really has anything to do with DCK. It sounds to me like the parents are the ones wanting the attention for this. If their child is special, they get special attention... Yep. BTDT.

Are you personally concerned about this child's development or have any concerns about her? None. At. All. And I am good on my developmental markers

If not, then don't even have the "special" conversation with them at all. Just tell them that they have it under control and leave it. If they want to drag you into it, tell them you have NO concerns about her at your house so you can't offer anything. I think you're right. They just wanted me to know about it, not take part, since dck is home 2 days/wk. But I need to put in my two cents about my lack of concern over motor issues and speech issues <--didn't mention before. She has none ::

If they continue pushing how special their child is, Nan taught me that what you do is to agree with them that she is special and that if that means she needs special services or another adult to "assist" her with her difficulties that you will be more than happy to hire an additional adult to do these things one on one with DCG but at the PARENTS expense. They know me better than this, but thanks for the idea. I do think they just want to draw me into discussions about how special she is.

I guarantee you they will do one of two things. Stop talking to you about how special DCG is or they will back pedal.





Are they still in your care? At this point, I WOULD force them out.

They do NOT have the right to be so disrespectful to you and blame you for anything. If they feel slighted, they need to look at THEIR role in this. So so true.

And if I were you, I would be trying to force them out sooner. I sure wouldn't want my child to continue attending a place that I blamed for so much...kwim? It's in the works

As a business owner, I most certainly do not wish to do business with someone who has such little regard for the services I offer/provide and would have a hell of a time trying to continue being friendly and nice to someone who has the audacity to blame me for wanting them gone....why would you want to keep someone who wants to leave... do they even realize how ridiculous they sound? It's weird, they've always been so complimentary until their last email. The term issue was over hours that they want me to accommodate. I won't because they don't use all of my current hours, so.... Oh! Plus I opened early for them this past year, but they rarely show up for the early hours. Again, I say, so........



Kids role model what they see. If parents don't use please and thank you, the kids usually won't/don't.
That's the weird part, these people are polite. And all of my kids say please and thank you here. They're really good
I will say to the child (in front of the parent so they know I am upset)

"You ARE welcome." then smile REAL big. *most* parents are then embarrassed and I feel sorta vindicated. ::

Hang in there..... :hug:

Working on it Thanks for the support

[spinnymarie]

The first thing I thought of while reading your first post was that if DCG is in such a downward spiral after leaving DC... she needs to be picked up earlier. DC can get long and of course they are tired upon leaving. If they can't handle their tired child, they should pick her up earlier. I would put that on them - 'yes, lots of kids this age need more down time at home and less at daycare, this would probably be alleviated by her being picked up at an earlier time several times each week.'

[Naptime yet?]

I seriously am continually amazed at parents (I am not perfect, but this business has really opened my eyes), although I shouldn't be. When kids melt down at pickup & their parents give the "oh honey what's wrong?" line, I tend to say, "10 hours is a long day for anyone, but especially a child". I think parents think because their child is in someone's home that it's like being at grandmom's.

Hugs to you signmeup, you're doing the best you can. I too, am one that takes things too personally, but I am quickly learning that the only opinions about me that matter are the ones given by people that matter to me.

[SignMeUp]

I'm sorry about this. Sometimes when people are having trouble with their kids, it's much easier to blame "the daycare" instead of taking a long, hard look at their own practices and habits.

A 2-year-old in a "downward spiral" at the end of a long day in care? Sounds pretty normal to me. No matter where she is, 8-10 hours in care is a long time and most kids are burned out by the end of the day. And I don't know when it became the daycare provider's responsibility to make sure a child was "ready" for preschool. These poor kids, always having to get "ready" for something... so much of development happens in time, by playing, and with space to just be a kid.

Try not to take it personally. You can find another family that will be better for your daycare!

I know, right? I do a lot of preschool readiness, and rarely have a child who doesn't do an incredible job on their preschool screening - when I do, we already know about the issues and are working on them. But sometimes I feel like they want me to do the "hard" <---(whiney voice here)part of parenting for them too. That I cannot do. I am not the parent of their children.
And you are so right that play is essential. We should never lose track of that. Small children do not learn in the same way that SAs learn.

Thank you for your support

[SignMeUp]

Kids will come in and out of your lives a lot in this business.. that is one of the hardest parts for me! :hug:

It is definitely hard for me too. It probably adds in to how I am feeling today, knowing that one is leaving "before his time", because I generally keep my dcks from infancy to K. Even though I planned to term this family before this child existed, it's still hard, especially when the blame game started to happen.
Hmm. Lightbulb just went off in my head. The blame game is one of this family's trademarks. I should have expected to be on the receiving end of it Usually it's just an interfamily league

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When kids melt down at pickup & their parents give the "oh honey what's wrong?" line, I tend to say, "10 hours is a long day for anyone, but especially a child".

So true. They "work" longer than their parents