Trying Very Hard Not To Be Bitter

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  • Lucy
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jan 2010
    • 1654

    #61
    This, of all the threads I've read on this site over a couple years, has been the one that got me ticked off the most. (At the situation, not you!) I would have been so incredibly hurt and mad at the same time.

    Remember that government shutdown awhile back? I offered to discount for a military family during that. Fortunately, it all blew over really fast and I ended up not losing anything, but I was willing to work with them because I felt for them and for their situation. They work hard, they try hard to provide well, but they do struggle. Then the gov't threw this at them, and they were devastated. It was MY suggestion to help them out.

    I had my reservations and told myself I was probably crazy for taking a hit for someone else's problem, but we do what we feel is right at the time. And it felt more right than it did crazy.

    I'm glad for myself and for the family that it blew over and never affected us, but it very well could have gone the other way. It could have been a long, drawn out event in which I could've lost a LOT of money. Had that happened, and then at the end of the crisis the family just picked up and ran their kids to Grandma's without so much as a "thank you", "how can we ever repay you?", "you've been a godsend to us when we needed it most", etc., etc, I would have been utterly devastated.

    I feel for you. I think I know exactly how it made you feel. Hurt mostly, but at the same time, MAD! I would be very tempted to send an email, just because I hate knowing that they got away with hurting me THAT badly, and never knew about it. Whether that's the right way to think about it, I don't know. Many would say that you should be the bigger person and let them go off into the sunset in their ignorance, and that you should move on with lesson learned.

    I say SCREW THAT!!! Send an email !!!!! LOL

    I'd send something like, "I need to tell you how hurt I was that the help I gave your family over these last several months was not only not acknowledged, but pretty much slapped in the face. If you look at it this way, I literally GAVE you X amount of dollars to help your family in a time of crisis. (stealing from KidGrind here...) Did Grandma give you money? Did any other family members give you money? I'm not even family and I GAVE you X amount of dollars! You didn't even have the decency to acknowledge that, nor to offer some sort of repayment plan. Nothing. You say that you were loyal to me? Loyalty would have been to stay after the charity ran out. I am deeply hurt and insulted by the way you treated me after my gesture of goodwill to your family. I wish the best for your kids."

    Comment

    • KiddieCahoots
      FCC Educator
      • Mar 2014
      • 1349

      #62
      Wow! Tasha, so glad you are sharing this with us! I'm impressed on how you are handling the situation too! Don't think I could with such class and professionalism as you are.
      KidGrind did write the perfect letter, I loved it! Felt myself getting all fired up as I kept reading. I'm sure you are aware, but just gonna mention it....If you do send that letter, it'll most likely open the door for her to retaliate even more, seeing she is choosing denial to deal with it in the first place. kwim?

      Comment

      • Shell
        Daycare.com Member
        • Jul 2013
        • 1765

        #63
        Wow! I, too, came back for the update and can't believe what has unfolded!

        I had a similar situation for a family I was a nanny for. It got ugly real fast when I gave notice, and a bunch of lengthy emails back and forth- then the mom got nasty, and started hurling insults at me. I finally stepped back to look at what was going on, and I just stopped...

        I had said my piece, and there was nothing more productive. The mom I am speaking of was flat out wrong, I could have crushed her with insults as she tried to do to me, she was a VERY easy target, but I didn't.

        If you feel you have gotten your point across, I would walk away from it all. If not, send the email. This mom is 100% in the wrong, and someday she will realize what she's lost. Right now, it's easier for her to toss blame your way, deflecting it from herself. I would want her out of my life, and I would let her know you wish to have no further contact once the financial aspects are settled. :hug:

        Comment

        • Play Care
          Daycare.com Member
          • Dec 2012
          • 6642

          #64
          Originally posted by mrsmichelle
          Wow! I, too, came back for the update and can't believe what has unfolded!

          I had a similar situation for a family I was a nanny for. It got ugly real fast when I gave notice, and a bunch of lengthy emails back and forth- then the mom got nasty, and started hurling insults at me. I finally stepped back to look at what was going on, and I just stopped...

          I had said my piece, and there was nothing more productive. The mom I am speaking of was flat out wrong, I could have crushed her with insults as she tried to do to me, she was a VERY easy target, but I didn't.

          If you feel you have gotten your point across, I would walk away from it all. If not, send the email. This mom is 100% in the wrong, and someday she will realize what she's lost. Right now, it's easier for her to toss blame your way, deflecting it from herself. I would want her out of my life, and I would let her know you wish to have no further contact once the financial aspects are settled. :hug:


          Agree. Sometimes it's hard because you feel as though if you could just explain one more time or a different way, etc. the reality is people see things how they want and often no amount of explaining helps - often it just gives them more ammunition.
          I am so sorry the family did that after what you did for them. :hug:

          Comment

          • Tasha
            Daycare.com Member
            • Jul 2013
            • 155

            #65
            I think you're both right, MrsMichelle and Play Care. I don't think she'll ever get it, but that "loyalty" line just about sent me over the edge. I am just in shock and embarrassed over my huge misjudgment about DCM. I do not know what has gotten into her. I still am so conflicted. Nannyde said I just got got, and I don't want it to end like this, with her actually believing I have somehow done her wrong.

            Comment

            • Tasha
              Daycare.com Member
              • Jul 2013
              • 155

              #66
              Originally posted by KiddieCahoots
              Wow! Tasha, so glad you are sharing this with us! I'm impressed on how you are handling the situation too! Don't think I could with such class and professionalism as you are.
              KidGrind did write the perfect letter, I loved it! Felt myself getting all fired up as I kept reading. I'm sure you are aware, but just gonna mention it....If you do send that letter, it'll most likely open the door for her to retaliate even more, seeing she is choosing denial to deal with it in the first place. kwim?
              This is very nice of you to say, but I don't think I've been very classy. I've cried in private (which is ridiculous, I know) and even though I was calm yesterday, I was clearly irritated with her.

              Comment

              • Tasha
                Daycare.com Member
                • Jul 2013
                • 155

                #67
                Originally posted by Lucy
                This, of all the threads I've read on this site over a couple years, has been the one that got me ticked off the most. (At the situation, not you!) I would have been so incredibly hurt and mad at the same time.

                Remember that government shutdown awhile back? I offered to discount for a military family during that. Fortunately, it all blew over really fast and I ended up not losing anything, but I was willing to work with them because I felt for them and for their situation. They work hard, they try hard to provide well, but they do struggle. Then the gov't threw this at them, and they were devastated. It was MY suggestion to help them out.

                I had my reservations and told myself I was probably crazy for taking a hit for someone else's problem, but we do what we feel is right at the time. And it felt more right than it did crazy.

                I'm glad for myself and for the family that it blew over and never affected us, but it very well could have gone the other way. It could have been a long, drawn out event in which I could've lost a LOT of money. Had that happened, and then at the end of the crisis the family just picked up and ran their kids to Grandma's without so much as a "thank you", "how can we ever repay you?", "you've been a godsend to us when we needed it most", etc., etc, I would have been utterly devastated.

                I feel for you. I think I know exactly how it made you feel. Hurt mostly, but at the same time, MAD! I would be very tempted to send an email, just because I hate knowing that they got away with hurting me THAT badly, and never knew about it. Whether that's the right way to think about it, I don't know. Many would say that you should be the bigger person and let them go off into the sunset in their ignorance, and that you should move on with lesson learned.

                I say SCREW THAT!!! Send an email !!!!! LOL

                I'd send something like, "I need to tell you how hurt I was that the help I gave your family over these last several months was not only not acknowledged, but pretty much slapped in the face. If you look at it this way, I literally GAVE you X amount of dollars to help your family in a time of crisis. (stealing from KidGrind here...) Did Grandma give you money? Did any other family members give you money? I'm not even family and I GAVE you X amount of dollars! You didn't even have the decency to acknowledge that, nor to offer some sort of repayment plan. Nothing. You say that you were loyal to me? Loyalty would have been to stay after the charity ran out. I am deeply hurt and insulted by the way you treated me after my gesture of goodwill to your family. I wish the best for your kids."
                Lucy, you have made me feel so much better with this! And I want to thank everybody on here for your support. I hesitated before posting because I didn't want my first thread on here (though I've been a longtime lurker) to be such a negative downer, and of course I didn't realize how freaky it would get. But you wonderful women have made me feel so much better, and I am truly touched. Thank you.

                Comment

                • momofboys
                  Advanced Daycare Member
                  • Dec 2009
                  • 2560

                  #68
                  Tasha, your post tugs at my heart. I am so sorry you went through this & I would send that e-mail. Some might say no, don't so that. But I think it would make you feel better & after the way you were treated it may help to get it out!:hug::hug::hug:

                  Comment

                  • Lucy
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Jan 2010
                    • 1654

                    #69
                    Originally posted by Tasha
                    Lucy, you have made me feel so much better with this! And I want to thank everybody on here for your support. I hesitated before posting because I didn't want my first thread on here (though I've been a longtime lurker) to be such a negative downer, and of course I didn't realize how freaky it would get. But you wonderful women have made me feel so much better, and I am truly touched. Thank you.

                    Comment

                    • Tasha
                      Daycare.com Member
                      • Jul 2013
                      • 155

                      #70
                      And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty text and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.

                      Comment

                      • Blackcat31
                        • Oct 2010
                        • 36124

                        #71
                        Originally posted by Tasha
                        And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty email and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.
                        I would not allow her to return.

                        Arrange to have her things sent to her.

                        Tell her to stop contacting you. Your business agreement is over and any other connection you may have had ended when she chose to show her true colors.

                        Comment

                        • Tsadri
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Feb 2014
                          • 11

                          #72
                          Don't let this woman into your house! If you have anything at all of theirs, leave it on the porch and halt all further communication. This lady sounds vindictive and on the train to crazy town. It's time to let it go.

                          Comment

                          • CraftyMom
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Jan 2014
                            • 2285

                            #73
                            Just curious, did you respond to the other text?

                            I would not want her back at my house, or her kids (why would she bring them?)

                            Sounds like she's playing games. Respond back, I will put the items in the mail today. No need to come to my home as your items will not be here.

                            Comment

                            • Tasha
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Jul 2013
                              • 155

                              #74
                              Originally posted by CraftyMom
                              Just curious, did you respond to the other text?

                              I would not want her back at my house, or her kids (why would she bring them?)

                              Sounds like she's playing games. Respond back, I will put the items in the mail today. No need to come to my home as your items will not be here.
                              I didn't respond to her text from Tuesday night. I thought about using KidGrind's letter because it was so good, but thought better of it because I was sure this whole mess would escalate. About her daughters: All she wrote was that the girls and I will be by on Saturday... So I haven't the foggiest why she would bring them. I said my goodbyes to them the other day and there is really nothing left to be said.

                              Comment

                              • Shell
                                Daycare.com Member
                                • Jul 2013
                                • 1765

                                #75
                                Originally posted by Tasha
                                And on and on it goes... Got a text earlier today from DCM informing me (not asking) that she'll be by on Saturday ''with the girls'' to pick up some leftover items that I ''kept.'' I did think I gave her everything she left behind on Tuesday, but she says I have a couple of pairs of socks (''one pink, one white''); a pacifier that I know I gave back months ago; a little T-shirt, which I do not have, and a small Teddy bear that one of the girls suddenly discovered was missing and needs it immediately (and that she also stopped playing with awhile ago). I'm still mad about her loyalty text and I don't want to see her at all, ever again. I haven't responded to her yet, and I really do think she's just trying to needle me. I want to ignore her because at this point I feel like anything I say or do will blow up in my face.
                                You know, the story I mentioned above about being a nanny had a similar situation.They were insistent that they come to my house to collect items. I was honestly afraid they were going to pretend to fall and try and sue or something.
                                Agree with everyone else. Do not let them back, put any items certified mail (if they even exist). This mom is a real piece...

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