Is There Anything I Can Say - or Just Keep Ignoring It

[Former Teacher]

Did you read the part that said "Due to a very serious allergy to most perfumes and fragrances, parents and children may not enter the day care at any time wearing any kind of perfume, after shave, lotion, or scents. "?

How in Gods green earth could you think a policy about scents could be extreme AFTER you read that section which was before the list of specific lotions and scents that would be okay?

Touchy? Yeah because what you said was RUDE. It's like you don't even CARE about someone in the house having a very serious allergy.

I speak only for myself but as much as we all would like to live in your rose colored glasses world, we can't.

I read your policies nannyde. I also read the information you post on this forum (I am not on any other forum). In IMHO I don't really know how you stay in business. I am not talking about your rules, philosophies etc. I am talking about how these so called parents let YOU call the shots. Letting YOU make the decisions on how to raise THEIR child. IE feeding, what diapers and wipes to buy, etc. How can these parents let a complete stranger , regardless of how long you known them, rule over their parenting job. I also find disturbing is that these parents agree to not go to the area where their child plays and at least see and meet their child's friends! That is what is ridiculous. But I totally blame the parents for allowing it.

As for the child who allergy is severe. I totally respect the fact that you are taking precautions for this child's life. However what does this child do in the outside world? Does he become a bubble boy? This boy needs to have one on one care if his life is in danger by the whiff of perfume.

IMO your "policy" about this child is just another strict command to take complete charge over everything.

[BentleysBands]

I just want to clarify that I too am raising children without violence. I don't teach it, accept it, tolerate it, promote it, expose them to it or encourage it. I live in a violence free home.
Just because a child hit once in your home does NOT mean that you are raising them WITH violence. Instead of booting a child out of my care for violence I'd rather take the time and help this child learn the right way.

I stand by my post earlier which I'd be curious to see how many share the same philosophy...

I agree!!

i dont believe ANY one promotes hitting, violence. We are all in the business, atleast most i hope, to care and nurture children in a respectful manner , like our OWN children! I also agree w/working with a child. Theres no way in hell a child in her care has ever hit. just dont buy it. the PP said it perfectly!
anyone can be anything behind a computer screen or closed doors

[nannyde]

LOL interesting as I DO have a very allergic person IN my home, ME...alllergic to BS !

Now you are just tossing words around.

Did you understand that there was a person in the house with allergies to scents? If so, then how could you say that it was extreme to tell parents what scents would be okay and to ask specifically for scent free detergents?

What part of that is extreme or did you just not understand?

[melskids]

you know, i may not agree with all of what nannyde is saying....

but.....

how many of us come here to this board day in and day out bitching and complaining about about the same issues all the time? parents, kids behaviors, stress at drop offs and pick ups, lack of payments, etc, etc, etc,....

how many posts of nannyde's have you ever read about her complainng about these things?

like i said, i dont agree with everything she says, but

i'm just saying....

[BentleysBands]

Now you are just tossing words around.

Did you understand that there was a person in the house with allergies to scents? If so, then how could you say that it was extreme to tell parents what scents would be okay and to ask specifically for scent free detergents?

What part of that is extreme or did you just not understand?

understood very well thanks

so why havent you answered a previous question ... how do u run your program so perfect and be able to write 'book' responses? ::

[QualiTcare]

For my area my rates are high. :::: I make more per kid than the Center down the street from me but I also have a better adult to child ratio than they do.

not prep school daycare high (which i was responding to the post about the expensive schools).

[QualiTcare]

I just want to clarify that I too am raising children without violence. I don't teach it, accept it, tolerate it, promote it, expose them to it or encourage it. I live in a violence free home.
Just because a child hit once in your home does NOT mean that you are raising them WITH violence. Instead of booting a child out of my care for violence I'd rather take the time and help this child learn the right way.

I stand by my post earlier which I'd be curious to see how many share the same philosophy...

i agree - and i think most people do. that was the initial point is that it's normal and DAP for YOUNG children to be aggressive at least once just to see what happens, but most often it's more than once. not allowing it is one thing, but claiming it's never happened in almost 2 decades - ::::::

nannyde, is your name Jo? nah, even supernanny wouldn't claim to be able to prevent the inevitable - she just knows how to stop it like most human beings.

[daysofelijah]

Gosh some of you guys on this board are so rude. Why do you think it's okay to keep attacking another provider? I thought this board was here to be a help? How about we try being examples of how we want our children to behave?

I used to babysit for a woman with extreme scent allergies. She had me keep clothes at her house that she washed and when I came in I had to change into those clothes because she was so sensitive to anything that might come in to the house. It is a real problem for some people and Nan is great to offer that service/accomodation if she is able to.

[nannyde]

I speak only for myself but as much as we all would like to live in your rose colored glasses world, we can't.

I read your policies nannyde. I also read the information you post on this forum (I am not on any other forum). In IMHO I don't really know how you stay in business. I am not talking about your rules, philosophies etc. I am talking about how these so called parents let YOU call the shots. Letting YOU make the decisions on how to raise THEIR child. IE feeding, what diapers and wipes to buy, etc. How can these parents let a complete stranger , regardless of how long you known them, rule over their parenting job. I also find disturbing is that these parents agree to not go to the area where their child plays and at least see and meet their child's friends! That is what is ridiculous. But I totally blame the parents for allowing it.

As for the child who allergy is severe. I totally respect the fact that you are taking precautions for this child's life. However what does this child do in the outside world? Does he become a bubble boy? This boy needs to have one on one care if his life is in danger by the whiff of perfume.

IMO your "policy" about this child is just another strict command to take complete charge over everything.

As for the child who allergy is severe. I totally respect the fact that you are taking precautions for this child's life. However what does this child do in the outside world? Does he become a bubble boy?

His caregiver carries rescue medication with him at all times.

This boy needs to have one on one care if his life is in danger by the whiff of perfume

Or they can pay me a awesome salary to manage a "no scent" day care. Well over three years and never an incident. He's been protected every day.

IMO your "policy" about this child is just another strict command to take complete charge over everything Yes that is correct.

In IMHO I don't really know how you stay in business. Seventeen years of in home child care and a total of 31 years caring for kids as a Nanny and a School Nurse. It's UNBELIEVABLE that I'm able to pull it off isn't it? After all these years I get to do what "I" think is right. I get to have policies that make "ME" happy. I get to set up my business with policies that net a stress free life here for me, my kid, my staff assistant, and the day care kids.

The parents go thru a intensive set of interviews over WEEKS before they get an opportunity to enroll here. They spend as little as 5 hours and some as many as eight in my home on a minimum of three different interviews that are done over weeks if not months. They have a lot of TIME to think about our policies. They are given a full list of names of current clients and any client that has accessed my services in the last five calander year. They have the TIME to call each one individually and spend TIME asking questions about life in the day care. They are interviewing people who REALLY know because they live this life with their child in my care. I have clients attending who I have worked for for over six years. One for nearly five. One for four. One for 3.5 years. (you can see this is the truth by looking at the age progression of the children in my photos). These kids are still HERE attending FULL TIME.

The hours upon hours of time I spend with each client before I consider enrolling them is spent going thru specifically my philosophy of care. I'm VERY clear that I am the one making the decisions. These are my decisions. Will these decisions work for you? If not, this is not a good match.

They have access to not one but two unnanounced State Inspections where I received 100 percent compliance both times. They are copied and given to them at the first interview. That's an amazing gift to them and the smart ones recognize how unique it is to find care where the provider meets five hundred plus points of compliance on any given day unnanounced TWICE.

I decide to decide. That's my decision. It's a very big decision for a new parent to allow someone esle to decide. This is why it takes WEEKS of interviewing and researching. If it doesn't work for them then this just isn't the right place for them and that's all cool.

Even with all that they are not offered a contract with me until they have been here at least three months but usually six to eight months. I want them to have a SIGNIFICANT amount of experience here with my day to day decisions before they commit. They can walk away at any time during this long probationary time without ANY financial obligation and no notice.

They aren't mindless automotons. They are leaders themselves so they know the importance of the person caring for their kid to be the leader. They respect the leader because that's what they do in THEIR jobs.

They are quite well versed at the house of Nan before they come. They trust me. That's why they start here and stay here year after year after year after year. The KNOW I'm doing great because every day their kid comes home in awesome condition.

The Mama knows Mama love when she sees it. On that you can rely.

No more on this now. You guys aren't going to accept it no matter what. It's so foreign to you and appears to be full of lies and deceit so we shall leave it at that.

[SilverSabre25]

The scent policy is totally reasonable. Scent allergies can be as bad in their way as peanut or shellfish allergies. When I was in high school, one of the teachers was extremely allergic to scents and her classroom was a scent-free zone. The students in her classes could not wear perfumes or strong scents. I never took a class from her, but as far as I know, everyone complied. My step-mother is very allergic to scents and gets terrible asthma attacks if she is exposed to too much scent--and this extends even to deodorent, laundry detergent, etc. When we go visit my dad (and back when I had to go spend every other weekend there) we bring scentless deodorent, shampoo, soap, conditioner, everything.

People in America use WAY too much scented stuff. More people are sensitive to scents than realize it--a lot of people who have chronic headaches are suffering from scent sensitivities. Think about all the products you use in a single day that are scented...and some people use so much perfume everyday that they smell like they are marinated it in. My MIL is one, and I get a terrible headache around her. Some of my dcks even come smelling like perfumed stuff sometimes.

[QualiTcare]

The scent policy is totally reasonable. Scent allergies can be as bad in their way as peanut or shellfish allergies. When I was in high school, one of the teachers was extremely allergic to scents and her classroom was a scent-free zone. The students in her classes could not wear perfumes or strong scents. I never took a class from her, but as far as I know, everyone complied. My step-mother is very allergic to scents and gets terrible asthma attacks if she is exposed to too much scent--and this extends even to deodorent, laundry detergent, etc. When we go visit my dad (and back when I had to go spend every other weekend there) we bring scentless deodorent, shampoo, soap, conditioner, everything.

People in America use WAY too much scented stuff. More people are sensitive to scents than realize it--a lot of people who have chronic headaches are suffering from scent sensitivities. Think about all the products you use in a single day that are scented...and some people use so much perfume everyday that they smell like they are marinated it in. My MIL is one, and I get a terrible headache around her. Some of my dcks even come smelling like perfumed stuff sometimes.

i agree that people go overboard on the scents, and i can see making adjustments to keep an allergic child safe. what i can't see is passing the responsibility and the bill onto all of the other parents. asking dads not to use aftershave and moms not to use lotion with scents goes beyond the children. not only do they have to think about the child at the daycare when they shop, they have to think about them if their child stays with a grandparent or someone who might use scented soap or detergent AND the bill for the unscented products is passed onto the parents of the children without allergies - even though nan says she's paid an "awesome salary" to provide a scent free zone, she isn't providing it - the parents are.

i just can't believe that there are so many parents who would adjust their lives in such a way and not be allowed to see their children interact with the provider and their peers, but as a PP said - they're the ones to blame for agreeing to such nonsense, not nan.

[melskids]

i think nannyde is respectfully asking everyone to drop it. no sense beating a dead horse....

[sahm2three]

hats off to nannyde but I couldnt do that. Im so glad it works for you and am glad that you are so successful.


Here we are a family childcare home, When boy Q and his sister girl O are picked up by aunt w who is also picking up her son baby J, everyone says,.. Hi aunt wee wee!!! and they make sure to say goodbye to her too,.... All my children know all of the other parents. we are extremely proud of our family atmosphere. My own kids have been raised in the daycare and no disrespect to Nannyde but my four kids, every one of them benefitted more from the interaction, the interpersonal skills, the atmosphere of a loving home environment in being raised with such a large extended family. Which is how I consider our family childcare clients. Not only do my kids, aged 19, 17, 12 and 9 interact and engage in daily conversations with not only the daycare children, but their parents grandparents and aunts and uncles.... but my older two actually provide care for families on weekends and overnights. The 12 yr old is beginning to as well. EVERY kid who has been in my home over the last 18 yrs has called my son Bubby. To this day when out he will see one and they will run and hug him and say HI BUBBY. Not only that but any friends that my kids have, (and yes, I mean big stinky teenagers ) are either Bubby too (they actually say,.. Hi Bubby too!) cause one day my 17 yr old was asked, who is that with bubby,.. and she didnt know his name so she said,.. thats bubby too,... it stuck. This is when she was 9. I cant express how important I feel interactions are between the families I care for. I think its important because when the parents see toddler M every day,.. and her behavior and how she is usually,.. and one day they say,.. son says toddler M bit him,... is everything ok? I can answer with,.. yes,.. we are just going through some things in that age stage right now but Mom and I are on top of it and hopefully it wont happen again.

Ive always done it this way. I invite my families camping, we have BBQ's, we are a big extended family.

Recently during my accreditation process I realized it was actually required to have parental involvement and interaction. Your not supposed to keep them seperate. Also, when my children were small,.. (before school age, ) I couldnt imagine keeping them in a seperate part of my home. I would have had to hire someone to care for my own child. The reason I started this was to stay home with them....

I also think the mindset of,... ""Each client is a 7-8 THOUSAND dollar a year contract and I don't want my son to have any access to that relationship. ""

is odd.
I dont worry that having my kids around would in any way jeapordize that income. If I did then We would have a refresher course in behavior. My children have never done anything to make me question their behavior.

Ive only been a provider for 21 years, Ive only been online since 91, and only been on message boards since 93. I offer advice, ideas and encouragement. I think Nannyde and I are complete opposites. Both seem to have very established businesses, I am also full at all times, and charge premium for my area. I am a very relaxed, social person who opens up my home, heart and family to the children we care for. It works for me. I just couldnt imagine being so black and white about it. to each their own.

OMG! Thank you for saying all of this!!! This is my home. First. It is my childrens home. First. It is a daycare. Second. My home is a place where children come to be loved while their parents are at work. My kids think they are the luckiest kids in the world to have playdates EVERY day! My daycare parents all love seeing the kids interacting when they come to drop off or pick up their children. No interaction is, wow, harsh, sad, and would raise a HUGE red flag if I were a parent taking my child to that daycare. So thanks, laundrymom, for saying all that you said!

As far as OP's issue, I guess I would say something the next time DCD said something like that. I would say something like, "Welcome to the world of kids, they all teach eachother wonderful habits. It doesn't stop when they are little either, unfortunately!" Then . I guess I wouldn't start pointing fingers at his child, don't stoop to his level. You know kids aren't perfect, his included. Hugs!

[SilverSabre25]

i agree that people go overboard on the scents, and i can see making adjustments to keep an allergic child safe. what i can't see is passing the responsibility and the bill onto all of the other parents. asking dads not to use aftershave and moms not to use lotion with scents goes beyond the children. not only do they have to think about the child at the daycare when they shop, they have to think about them if their child stays with a grandparent or someone who might use scented soap or detergent AND the bill for the unscented products is passed onto the parents of the children without allergies - even though nan says she's paid an "awesome salary" to provide a scent free zone, she isn't providing it - the parents are.

This happens for peanut allergies all the time as well as latex allergies. Scent may be a rarer one, but it's no less serious. There are plenty of latex-free schools and peanut free schools. There are scent-free classrooms in public schools, too. It is the law that one must provide a safe environment--part of IDEA and the LRE (Least Restrictive Environment) and responsibility gets passed onto families of classmates of the child in question all the time.

[BentleysBands]

This happens for peanut allergies all the time as well as latex allergies. Scent may be a rarer one, but it's no less serious. There are plenty of latex-free schools and peanut free schools. There are scent-free classrooms in public schools, too. It is the law that one must provide a safe environment--part of IDEA and the LRE (Least Restrictive Environment) and responsibility gets passed onto families of classmates of the child in question all the time.

really? where? just curious as theres no such thing here . latex free gloves yes but not the whole school.

my childrens schools (3 diff ones) will tend to specific allergies mostly food allergies but thats it.

tho i must say that here in my area most parents are or have gone to homeschooling their kids.