Battle Of Wills

[ihop]

Ill give a little background first. Dcg, almost 3, been with me four months. She rules the roost at home. She thinks the world revolves around her and everyone treats her that way. We have worked very hard to get her used to group care and thing were getting better. She is a no napper usually which just makes it worse and is disruptive. Parents just found out they are expecting. She doesn't know yet. The last couple weeks she has started to challenge every rule we have. She tells me she doesn't have to, cant, or just cries for mommy and daddy.

We have a rule that everyone needs to wear socks, especially her since she is always touching her feet and putting her hands in her mouth. Also the babies both like to try to eat socks.

The last couple of days she keeps taking her socks off. I ask her to find them and put them back on. Total meltdown ensues. I remove her from the group, bring the socks to her and ask her to calm down and put them back on. She just sits there, arms crossed, glaring at me. Sometimes screaming.Yesterday it took over a half hour to get her to put them on.
We went about our day and ignored her and finally she put them on and joined in.

Today the same thing. Except an hour later and she was still sitting there glaring with her socks at her side. Finally I had to let her up to have lunch but told her after nap she would be back in the spot until she put them on.

Am I handling this right? She is 100% challenging me and I don't intend to let her win. Its starting to wear on me.

[Msdunny]

I think you are right on the money with how you are handling this. I might even go so far as to spontaneously come up with a really fun activity (that you have, of course, planned ahead of time just for this occasion!) that she is going to have to miss while she is sitting and stewing. Maybe something that the kids don't get to do often, like play-doh or a really fun craft activity.

Good luck, and stick to your guns! If you are like me, you are probably realizing you can be just as stubborn as a child, if the need arises! There are times when it is ok to give in but in cases of open defiance I always out-wait the child, if possible.

[ihop]

I think you are right on the money with how you are handling this. I might even go so far as to spontaneously come up with a really fun activity (that you have, of course, planned ahead of time just for this occasion!) that she is going to have to miss while she is sitting and stewing. Maybe something that the kids don't get to do often, like play-doh or a really fun craft activity.

Good luck, and stick to your guns! If you are like me, you are probably realizing you can be just as stubborn as a child, if the need arises! There are times when it is ok to give in but in cases of open defiance I always out-wait the child, if possible.

oh yeah I was defiantly planning on breaking out the shaving cream 45 minutes before lunch (way too much clean up but worth it::

Her mouth dropped open and she said but I wannnnnnnaaaaaaaa play.

Then went back to arms crossed.

I just keep repeating to myself.
"this matters" "I. Will. Win"

[MarinaVanessa]

I think you're doing just fine. Just keep at it otherwise she will win.

"I need you to wear socks. You can sit here in the chair or put them back on and play." and then just walk away.

[Oss_cc]

Good luck! I think you're doing great. It's tough when home life has zero rules and it's on you as the DCP to give structure and discipline.
happyface

[ihop]

I won happyface

[blandino]

My mantra when kids do that is "I WILL win, every time". To me, if they see a weakness, if you were to let her get up without putting the socks on, then she knows she can win and it will increase her bad behavior.

[_Dana_]

I won happyface

Way to go!!! happyface

[Leigh]

I'd put that little girl in tights as soon as she comes in the front door.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'd put that little girl in tights as soon as she comes in the front door.

LOL ::

[Unregistered]

I fail to understand what you are celebrating . You got your way against a toddler. It really shouldn't be a battle of wills, she is a young child. Maybe you could pay less attention to what she isn't doing and compliment her when she is following rules. Children that age are trying to establish their own identity. Instead of fighting with her, you could try to sympathise. I know many of you are with this poster on this one, but I don`t get this way of thinking.

[ihop]

I fail to understand what you are celebrating . You got your way against a toddler. It really shouldn't be a battle of wills, she is a young child. Maybe you could pay less attention to what she isn't doing and compliment her when she is following rules. Children that age are trying to establish their own identity. Instead of fighting with her, you could try to sympathise. I know many of you are with this poster on this one, but I don`t get this way of thinking.

IM celebrating teaching her the very important lesson of who is in charge. Teaching her to respect her elders and that rules are made for safety and to be followed. These children get praise and encouragement at every turn but like anyone, they like to test the boundaries. And as the adult, it is my job to help stay within her boundaries.

If I only addresses the positive things a child does my day would be crazy. Ignoring sally hitting and stepping on people but praising her for cleaning up. I can only imagine how that would help her establish her identity.

[Tdhmom]

IM celebrating teaching her the very important lesson of who is in charge. Teaching her to respect her elders and that rules are made for safety and to be followed. These children get praise and encouragement at every turn but like anyone, they like to test the boundaries. And as the adult, it is my job to help stay within her boundaries.

If I only addresses the positive things a child does my day would be crazy. Ignoring sally hitting and stepping on people but praising her for cleaning up. I can only imagine how that would help her establish her identity.

[Blackcat31]

I fail to understand what you are celebrating . You got your way against a toddler. It really shouldn't be a battle of wills, she is a young child. Maybe you could pay less attention to what she isn't doing and compliment her when she is following rules. Children that age are trying to establish their own identity. Instead of fighting with her, you could try to sympathise. I know many of you are with this poster on this one, but I don`t get this way of thinking.

This line of thinking ^^^ is exactly why there is an issue in the first place.

Somewhere along the line, this little gal was taught that she is the one who gets to make the rules.

Someone probably spent an awful lot of time praising her for expected behavior and making such a huge deal out of doing what she is suppose to be doing that she learned that SHE is the one in charge and the one who gets to decide what rules (if any to follow).

When my toddlers don't follow the rules or do something they aren't suppose to do, I certainly don't sympathize with them. Well, I guess I do sympathize with them about having to do something they don't want to do but it doesn't change my expectation that they will ultimately follow the rule and comply.

Establishing your own identity includes learning how to follow rules and comply with what you are suppose to be doing.

Focusing solely on what she IS doing verses the things she isn't doing is akin to burying your head in the sand and deflecting from the hard work of teaching a child.

I agree that we should celebrate the successes but along with that comes the discipline and guidance necessary that creates the framework for future success at following the rules society has.

[ihop]

This line of thinking ^^^ is exactly why there is an issue in the first place.

Somewhere along the line, this little gal was taught that she is the one who gets to make the rules.

Someone probably spent an awful lot of time praising her for expected behavior and making such a huge deal out of doing what she is suppose to be doing that she learned that SHE is the one in charge and the one who gets to decide what rules (if any to follow).

When my toddlers don't follow the rules or do something they aren't suppose to do, I certainly don't sympathize with them. Well, I guess I do sympathize with them about having to do something they don't want to do but it doesn't change my expectation that they will ultimately follow the rule and comply.

Establishing your own identity includes learning how to follow rules and comply with what you are suppose to be doing.

Focusing solely on what she IS doing verses the things she isn't doing is akin to burying your head in the sand and deflecting from the hard work of teaching a child.

I agree that we should celebrate the successes but along with that comes the discipline and guidance necessary that creates the framework for future success at following the rules society has.