WTH Am I Doing Wrong?!

[hgonzalez]

This could be me right now. Every time I have to take someone to the bathroom, change a diaper etc, they start breaking rules. I have them sit at the table during pickup time, because otherwise it is so chaotic, it is unmanageable. Someone always gets down from the table, or they pound their fists on the table etc.

I have decided I might need to make some changes, but for financial reasons cannot cut someone unless I have a replacement family. I have kids here that point blank refuse to cooperative, they yell 'no' in my face and then do what ever they want to. I love doing curriculum and art with the kids, but it is a struggle to even get to it some days. I end up feeling awful and guilty.

I think young kids are plugged in to electronics too much these days. They don't know how to just sit for a couple of minutes and are seeking out some kind of stimulation, even if it is jumping on the couch, because they can't handle being still and quiet for a short time.

I know how you feel. It is a struggle just to get through the day.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

One thing I have found that helps with runners, is "sit down and play." If they are not standing when they play, they cannot run. I have a couple of wonderers for which this technique works well, too. When I see them rise to walk or run around, I just say their name and "sit down to play." At first you repeat it about ever 2 sec. but they figure it out quickly. Loosen up on the sitting and playing as appropriate.

When I've had a rowdy group like you describe, after breakfast we have a "meeting" where I pair the group up and as pairs they choose what they are going to play with. It's important to have things out that are conducive to playing in pairs (ie, train tracks, little people sets, waffle blocks, legos, art at the table, etc). I require that they remain in pairs, but I may mix up the group as I see fit. That person is their buddy for the day. By assessing their individual personalities, you should be able to get well matched pairs together.

And finally, rule breakers come sit by me. And I am booorring.

:: I had to do the opposite with this group. I have almost all little boys and they all love me and want to be near me. It doesn't matter if we are staring at a wall. If we are together, they are good to go. So, if you cannot follow the rules you do not get to have fun which translates to playing in the circle time room by yourself (there are 3 centers in there) while I play with my little buddies in the center time room.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Honestly, I feel as though this is the issue When I'm on top of them, they are good. As soon as I need to change a diaper, use the bathroom, prep a meal, etc. They start. I have them sit at the table, where they fight, argue, etc. etc.

I think I am running out of viable options. If I call parents to come get, then I get a bad rep in a small town (she can't handle the kids!) when the fact is, I've handled this age group before with ease - something has changed.

How are the most challenging children in your group parented? I ask this because this is what I noticed about my top 3:
1. 5YO Was not taught self control at all before age 4 1/2. Allowed to play endless hours on video gaming systems and watching TV at home instead of interacting with adults, thus making the problem of no self control even worse.

2. Almost 4YO Coddled. Asked nicely to do everything with no consequence for disobeying. "Can we please leave now?" *Blank stare at parent* "Buddy, it is time to go .... c'mon ...." *Blank stare at parent* "C'mon, 4YO, let's go home! " *Blank stare at parent* and this type of situation can continue for TEN MINUTES at a time! If corrected in front of the parent, they give hugs and say they'll fix the sadness at home while the child tells them how sad they are.

3. Almost 5YO Coddled. Was the youngest (with a big age gap) for quite some time. Just now are they beginning to change parenting strategies and will use the word no, discipline, etc.

[Annalee]

Rules - I have instituted more rules than ever with this group , but I don't know if they are unreasonable or too much. Things like not running in the house, not hitting friends, etc. When I ask the kids why they do things the answer is usually because "I don't know" or "Because I wanted to"
Naps - all my kids nap here but I don't think they nap at home. I will say I've noticed worse behavior after naps some times.
Toys - I took out a bunch out of the dc room as they tend to just dump and run. Trying to get them to pick up after themselves is worse then pulling teeth. I often wind up closing off the play room because I get tired of reminding them to play nicely, and cleaning it.
Structured activities - they start out okay, but eventually the kids start arguing, crying, etc.

And maybe I'm being too hard on myself and my group - I sometimes feel that other providers have kids who sit and actually play with the toys, walk nicely beside them while out, follow directions, etc. meanwhile my guys are increasingly off the wall, running all over, crying, whining, loud, etc.

I have implemented a "super friend" theme to get the children to learn what is appropriate behavior...not that it works all the time but it has helped. When the dck change personalities when someone comes to observe or a parent comes in, I make sure the child and/or parent understands that is NOT "super friend" behavior and is unacceptable...we live in such an "all about me and what I want" generation.....

When I read your post, I knew where you were coming from...By using the "super friend" term, it is a way to get across to parents as well that good behavior is expected and bad behavior will not be tolerated. Sometimes the parent needs to know this more than the child. :hug:

[daycare]

I was at a loss a few years back and so this is what I decided to do.

I set up two video cameras and started recording our free play and circle time. Anything that was going on that day.

Up loaded to my computer and watched them. Much to my surprise, there was a LOT of stuff my two eyes were not catching.

I had one kid who when I would walk away from them would look around to see if anyone was watching, hall off and do something bad and then as soon as I turned around they would completley blame it on another child. Often right after doing it, they would say Ms_______________Johnny just threw a block at me. I would then look at Johnny and say blocks are for building, not throwing.


This whole time I thought that it was Johnny and it was really this other sweet little angel who was really no angel at all..

I was also able to see where in my environment I needed to change, the things that I myself needed to change, like I needed to smile more and speak ,louder. I talk very softly and often the kids don't hear me.

All in all, it was one of the best ways that I was able to view my program and see where I was going wrong. It is so hard for us to see when we are on the inside looking out. Much easier to see when we can be on the outside looking in.

BTW, I am not saying that you are doing something wrong, but wanted to share with you how I was able to solve my issue that sounds much like yours.