"I Am Better/Faster/Cooler, etc"

[DaycareMom]

Just curious how you handle this.

Lately everytime we do ANYTHING a particular dck is saying he is better, cooler, faster, whatever it is we are doing. It drives me crazy because they will all be playing so well together and then he says something like that and gets everyone upset.

I have been explaining to him that it is hurtful and if he doesn't have anything nice to say then he shouldn't say anything at all. He is 4 so I know he understands. Usually he will stop for awhile or even the rest of the day, but then it starts all over again the next day.

Have you ever dealt with this situation? what did you do?

[sharlan]

Sounds like my 11 yo dcb. He has to be the "top" at any and everything. This morning I was putting box tops in a baggie for my grandson and he asked how many I had. I told him there were only 215, but last month gds turned in 700. Of course, dcb had 800.

Funny last month, he told me he had 45.

Drives me crazy, but I have no advice on how to stop it.

[snbauser]

Sounds like the 4 y/o dcb here. Someone else will be first and he has to say "I'm first too", he always has to tell others that they aren't doing something right, he always has to be first, best, etc. Makes me crazy!! I will on many occassions make him be last in line or last to do an actiity because he needs to learn to wait and to not always be the first. Or I will just reinforce the fact - No, you were not first, so and so was first that time. But he is also manipulative. If someone has something he wants he will stand there saying "But I don't have xyz" or "But I want xyz" And he whine enough that typically they will end up giving it to him if I don't step in and redirect him. Then he get's upset and decides he doesn't want it because they will give it to him and go find something else to do.

[grandmom]

After having conversations with this dck I'd do 2 things.

Remove him when something like that is said.

Set him up to NOT be faster.... and give another chance to be faster.
Then talk to the dck and help him understand how great the other guy felt finally being faster.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

He is 4 so I know he understands. Usually he will stop for awhile or even the rest of the day, but then it starts all over again the next day.

Have you ever dealt with this situation? what did you do?

Yes, I see that a lot. I'm not sure that they do actually understand how it can be hurtful. And I think it's reinforced all the time in our culture, with people making comparisons and competitions out of everything--it's no surprise that kids do it, too.

I usually rephrase for them, and explain why as needed:
"My picture is the prettiest!"
"You feel really proud of that drawing, don't you?"
"Yeah--it's the prettiest."
"It can make other people feel bad when you say yours is the prettiest. It makes them feel like theirs is ugly. If you want to tell us how proud you feel, you can say 'my drawing is really pretty.' Then no one's feelings get hurt."

Pretty soon the other kids stick up for themselves in the same way:
"It hurts my feelings when you say you're the fastest. Just say 'I'm fast!'"

[snbauser]

Yes, I see that a lot. I'm not sure that they do actually understand how it can be hurtful. And I think it's reinforced all the time in our culture, with people making comparisons and competitions out of everything--it's no surprise that kids do it, too.

I usually rephrase for them, and explain why as needed:
"My picture is the prettiest!"
"You feel really proud of that drawing, don't you?"
"Yeah--it's the prettiest."
"It can make other people feel bad when you say yours is the prettiest. It makes them feel like theirs is ugly. If you want to tell us how proud you feel, you can say 'my drawing is really pretty.' Then no one's feelings get hurt."

Pretty soon the other kids stick up for themselves in the same way:
"It hurts my feelings when you say you're the fastest. Just say 'I'm fast!'"

I do the same type of things but unfortunately when the parents don't do the same, it doesn't help much. I have kids who do this type of stuff all of the time. "Ms. Sonya see my picture?" "Ms. Sonya look at my tower." and on and on and on. My response is typically "Yes, I see your picture" or "I like all of the green in your picture" But parents pick up and it is automatically "Mom, look at my picture" and the response is "Wow, it's beautiful" Sad part, all of my mom's work in the school system.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I do the same type of things but unfortunately when the parents don't do the same, it doesn't help much.

Yeah, I should have added that this is the kind of thing that I address in the daily emails I write to all the parents. I give specific examples of how we address things here with rationale about why, with the hope of getting parents to think about how they address such things at home. Lots of parents have told me how much they've learned from the emails.

[Starburst]

All the boys at my ST preschool do that; except they usually say "I beat you" or "I won" when they are just doing small projects like coloring or cutting and pasting. One boy lately has also been into calling all the other kids "bad"; which (to be honest) I find ironic since he is the most misbehaved and out of control child in the whole class.

[Cradle2crayons]

After having conversations with this dck I'd do 2 things.

Remove him when something like that is said.

Set him up to NOT be faster.... and give another chance to be faster.
Then talk to the dck and help him understand how great the other guy felt finally being faster.

Yes, I've done this before with a. Few kids who were sore winners. Once we had a little fun day with different activities for every age group. So this little guy bragged how he won everything and he was the best. So I said "hey Steve, how about this race, boy it's going to be a lot harder" and he says "oh they can't beat me" and off they went and poor Steve was last place and crying like a rain storm. But I gave hima big hug and explained that yes it hurts coming not in firdpst place and he agreed. After that I noticed the improvement. It still took a fre more reminders but he got it in the end, by the end of the season, he was the mos thoughtful kid on the team.