What To Say On Dropping Infant Hours?

[laceylmm]

I've posted before about my high maintenance baby. This family is my neighbors so it is a little sticky. Mom has told before that I can't term no matter what...which is frustrating because I feel like she thinks I should just deal with the screaming no matter what...maybe because I need the money? Or because it's convenient for her to walk across the street?

So while I would like to term I am first going to offer them to drop to part time 25 hours a week or less.

Dad is usually home by 1pm everyday and just leaves me here with baby knowing she is a screamer....he doesn't want to deal. I'm also tired of them taking all these extra shopping days and leaving me with the baby. Yes it's my job but they are the parents and should be taking the brunt of the screaming. Only thy don't because they just pass her back and forth to avoid it.

So please advice on what to say in person or via note...do I say it in person first? About the hours I am willing to go down to.

Also it's the holiday season and I'd really like to not be stressed out the whole time.

[melilley]

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but I had/have the same baby and same mom and dad. It's so frustrating that they think we want to deal with the screaming all day, yet they won't. My dh and I used to joke that they bring him when they don't work because they can't deal with him, sadly it was true. One day mom took a "wellness" day off of her nanny job, yes she nannied for her friend, so her child could come here!

I still have this child and thankfully he doesn't scream and cry all day anymore , but mom and dad still bring him here every day that they have off. The little guy is even having a procedure done on Mon. where he has to have a tube down his nose for 24 hours and she still wants to maybe bring him and BOTH parents have the day off!

Sorry to go on on about my situation, but I know exactly what you are going through. I felt bad terming so I didn't, but my days (for about 6 mo.) were he**, and if it ever happens again I will not hesitate to term! They are lucky you are offering part time!

[melilley]

Also, I told myself to never take a neighbor's or a friend's children so that if I needed to term, it wouldn't be awkward.

[childcaremom]

I've posted before about my high maintenance baby. This family is my neighbors so it is a little sticky. Mom has told before that I can't term no matter what...which is frustrating because I feel like she thinks I should just deal with the screaming no matter what...maybe because I need the money? Or because it's convenient for her to walk across the street?

So while I would like to term I am first going to offer them to drop to part time 25 hours a week or less.

Dad is usually home by 1pm everyday and just leaves me here with baby knowing she is a screamer....he doesn't want to deal. I'm also tired of them taking all these extra shopping days and leaving me with the baby. Yes it's my job but they are the parents and should be taking the brunt of the screaming. Only thy don't because they just pass her back and forth to avoid it.

So please advice on what to say in person or via note...do I say it in person first? About the hours I am willing to go down to.

Also it's the holiday season and I'd really like to not be stressed out the whole time.

I know she is your neighbour... but I would just tell her that is what is going to happen. I would approach it as necessary next step. That you are trying to get the baby settled into a daycare routine, it's not working the way it is, so they can either try her PT, with Dad picking her up at 1, or else you will just need to term. Put it on them to deal with her crying. They are the parents.

Say it in person while you are handing them the note. You are unable to continue with the schedule they currently have but are willing to try..... and put a time limit on it (x weeks). Gives you an out down the road if PT doesn't make a difference.

Honestly, I just termed a problem child/family that I could not afford to lose. They live just around the corner. And yes, it ended badly. And I will probably feel awkward when I run into them. Best decision of my life. The minute they were gone, a big smile on my face and I love my job again. Not. worth. the. aggravation. I will cut back somewhere, anywhere until I get another child.

[Play Care]

Mom has told YOU that you can NOT term?! NERVE. If she thinks of saying that again you say "DCM, I know you are just kidding (even if she isn't) but one of the responsibilities that goes with being my OWN boss (I love using this line with parents) is that I have to do what's best for ALL the people in my care and ME. While I sincerely hope things work out when I take on a child, I can and will term the arrangement if it doesn't."

[Blackcat31]

Mom has told YOU that you can NOT term?! NERVE. If she thinks of saying that again you say "DCM, I know you are just kidding (even if she isn't) but one of the responsibilities that goes with being my OWN boss (I love using this line with parents) is that I have to do what's best for ALL the people in my care and ME. While I sincerely hope things work out when I take on a child, I can and will term the arrangement if it doesn't."

Mom said you can't term.... :: :: ::

Sounds to me like you are allowing these parents to call the shots.

Who cares if they are your neighbors or not, they sure don't respect you or value you as person according to the way they are treating you!

Can I ask you why you are allowing them to treat you this way?

If it's about the money and you aren't willing to term, then there really is no advice that could/would help.

You have to decide if you are willing to continue taking their money (along with their disrespect) or if it isn't worth it and term.

Not wanting to care for their own child but expecting (or rather TELLING) you that you have to... is ridiculous!

NO WAY would I allow someone to put their parental duties onto me.

[NeedaVaca]

Mom said you can't term.... :: :: ::

Sounds to me like you are allowing these parents to call the shots.

Who cares if they are your neighbors or not, they sure don't respect you or value you as person according to the way they are treating you!

Can I ask you why you are allowing them to treat you this way?

If it's about the money and you aren't willing to term, then there really is no advice that could/would help.

You have to decide if you are willing to continue taking their money (along with their disrespect) or if it isn't worth it and term.

Not wanting to care for their own child but expecting (or rather TELLING) you that you have to... is ridiculous!

NO WAY would I allow someone to put their parental duties onto me.

NO ONE tells me how to run MY business!

[laceylmm]

We are kind I friendly so she did say it as a joke but I'm sure she also meant it. This is the note along with explanation that I plan to hand over tonight.

Dear parent

As of Dec 1 I will no longer be able to offer full time care for dck. I will be dropping availability to no more than 25 hours per week. It is important that I am able to offer all the children in care the same amount of care and attention.

Thank you,
Lacey

I would about 80% of my attention is focused on this child. Whether that be from having to constantly hold to keep her from crying or having to listen to her scream when she isn't being held.

I prefer that they don't pull but it is something I am okay with happening. Even if it is turned on me. Plus I can always fill the spot with more kids my own two year old' age. But wouldn't until after Xmas to give myself a bit of a break.

[Blackcat31]

We are kind I friendly so she did say it as a joke but I'm sure she also meant it. This is the note along with explanation that I plan to hand over tonight.

Dear parent

As of Dec 1 I will no longer be able to offer full time care for dck. I will be dropping availability to no more than 25 hours per week. It is important that I am able to offer all the children in care the same amount of care and attention.

Thank you,
Lacey

I would about 80% of my attention is focused on this child. Whether that be from having to constantly hold to keep her from crying or having to listen to her scream when she isn't being held.

I prefer that they don't pull but it is something I am okay with happening. Even if it is turned on me. Plus I can always fill the spot with more kids my own two year old' age. But wouldn't until after Xmas to give myself a bit of a break.

I think your note sounds good but honestly, I would address the issue of the child's screaming. Set a time line and have the parents start training her to not HAVE to be held etc... They have to do their part and not teach her that being held is not going to happen all the time.

I would also ask that the dad come get her as soon as he is off work.

The behavior of a child is DIRECTLY related to the amount of face time they have with their parent.

They HAVE to take some responsibility in this. Cutting their hours only makes it so that you don't have to listen to the screaming as much but is kind of like a Band-aide and doesn't really address the real issue...kwim?

I DO think cutting their hours will give you a MUCH needed break, but if you are going to keep her on at all (even at a minimum hours) you are going to have to have the parents start stepping up and helping their child out.

Hang in there.... we are all here to support you.

This is a tough job! :hug:

[laceylmm]

I agree. She is here 8-4 daily give or take a half an hour/45 minutes. And is in bed by 7pm-ish. And from what I'm told th rest of the night off and on is spent trading off to get her to sleep.

[Heidi]

If cutting her hours will help, please be specific about WHAT hours. She needs to have the same routine every day, so bringing her 3x a week, full days, would not be the same as 5 hours 5 days, kwim? I know you THINK they will see it as implied, but they won't.

You could also add in somehow that she needs to be picked up at 1, since this is naptime, and you need to offer the other children the opportunity to rest in a quiet environment. Once she has mastered the GROUP schedule and is more content, you will be happy to revisit her coming full time.

This give them a goal as incentive.

Or, they could just say up yours and walk... ::

[laceylmm]

I imagine their response is that the don't hold her all the time...but it's a safe bet those three hours she is awake with them she is being held. Then she is rocked to sleep the next 12 hours or is cosleeping with mom or dad. So yes in the time that they have her she is mostly being held.

[Heidi]

Lacey, how old is she?

[laceylmm]

I suppose I'm being a little passive aggressive, but I feel better offering less hours than a full out term. Thank you all for your advice. I know they are going to look at me like I have a third head when I bring it up.

[laceylmm]

Four and half months I've had her since she was six weeks. Her schedule is getting a bit better but the screaming unless she is being held is making me lose my mind.