Refusing to Clean Up...Help!

[daycarediva]

I know this is fairly common, so maybe someone can give me some advice here.

We have a set schedule and do free play until breakfast, eat breakfast, free play during my last 2 drop offs, morning circle/arts &crafts and then play outside until lunch. After lunch is nap, snack and then free play until pick ups.. since I now have varied pick ups, our free play in the afternoon is indoors.

I have never cared about 'toy mess' and allow the kids to take out/play with as much as they want.

My current group will take out a few things and then REFUSE to clean up. Every single one of the kids sat down today and looked at me and refused to clean up. One cried (more like sobbed at the mention of the word clean up) So we sat there, I wouldn't let them get out anything else. I set up for circle, (which they love) they missed circle, I set up for free art/paints out, etc and they still refused and missed arts and crafts and half of outside time until they realized I was serious, we weren't moving forward until it was cleaned up.

In the past I have had 1 or 2 kids refuse, but ALL 6!? SERIOUSLY!? It has steadily gotten worse since school started, and I for one, now realize how much my SA'ers were doing. I am seriously considering allowing them each ONE toy bin after snack and not allowing any more toys out until those are cleaned up.

No idea what I am going to say to parents today. "I had a battle of wills with your 2-4y ear olds and they won."

[MsLaura529]

Oh boy! Sounds like you have your hands full with stubborn little ones.

I don't have any advice for you ... as right now I am struggling with my own clean-up troubles (apparently, no one can remember where ANYTHING goes ), but I hope someone here is able to give you some advice?

[blandino]

It depends on your method, I have tried several things...

Sometimes if my kids are being slow to pick up (not defiant, but not listening their best) then we play games to clean up. One where each person gets a "job", ie Dillon cleans up all the balls/red blocks/ etc and each child gets a roll. I also do "lets see who can clean up the most toys" or "who can clean up the fastest - lets race". That is the game for when I am wearing my nice hat.

My mean Ms. B hat, has a ransom box or a trash can and the toys that are still out after I set a 2 minute timer go in the trash/ransom
Box. If we are having a day/week where no one feels like cleaning then things get pretty boring with no toys to play with.

[Heidi]

I like pp'd ideas, but I'd take it a step further if that doesn't work.

Pack up 80% of the toys, and they can earn them back a few at a time when they show you that they are ready for them.

Put it on them. "Well, guys, I was very sad to have to put all those toys away for a while, but it's not my responsibility to clean them up. I don't play with them, and I have other jobs to do, like.... So, they are put away for a few days until you all can show me that you've earned the privilege of nice toys".

Sounds like a circle time activity. Maybe the library has some books about cleaning up to reinforce the idea.

[butterfly]

It depends on your method, I have tried several things...

Sometimes if my kids are being slow to pick up (not defiant, but not listening their best) then we play games to clean up. One where each person gets a "job", ie Dillon cleans up all the balls/red blocks/ etc and each child gets a roll. I also do "lets see who can clean up the most toys" or "who can clean up the fastest - lets race". That is the game for when I am wearing my nice hat.

My mean Ms. B hat, has a ransom box or a trash can and the toys that are still out after I set a 2 minute timer go in the trash/ransom
Box. If we are having a day/week where no one feels like cleaning then things get pretty boring with no toys to play with.

I must be hungry. I thought you meant donuts... (see bolded). I thought you were one brave lady to give out donuts for great cleaning. ::

OP - I agree to the advice given. I try to make it fun by making it a game. If I have a stubborn one, I do hand over hand. I MAKE everyone clean up. It only takes a time or two of that and it seems like they get that I mean business when I say it's clean up time. We clean up before every single change in routine (before meals, before circle time, before outdoor time, before nap, etc, etc)

[MamaBearCanada]

I agree. Take the bulk of the toys away as they clean up what they have they can earn more. Play some clean up games and sing clean up songs to remind them how much fun clean up can be Enlist the help of the child you think will be the most likely to clean up & give them a special hat/badge when they do then work your way through the group. Perhaps more frequent clean up times might make it easier as there will be less to clean up each time. Could they be overwhelmed by the amount?

[blandino]

I must be hungry. I thought you meant donuts... (see bolded). I thought you were one brave lady to give out donuts for great cleaning. ::

OP - I agree to the advice given. I try to make it fun by making it a game. If I have a stubborn one, I do hand over hand. I MAKE everyone clean up. It only takes a time or two of that and it seems like they get that I mean business when I say it's clean up time. We clean up before every single change in routine (before meals, before circle time, before outdoor time, before nap, etc, etc)

Haha, I was on my phone at that point - so autocorrect makes me look ignorant more than it helps. ROLE

[butterfly]

Haha, I was on my phone at that point - so autocorrect makes me look ignorant more than it helps. ROLE

:::: I didn't even catch the spelling error. ::::

[JoseyJo]

This may not work for you, but I for one cannot stand toy mess everywhere to the point where toys are being stepped on. As soon as it gets to the point that toys are being stepped on I say "Boys and Girls, we have a problem. There are too many toys out and they are being stepped on. Everyone needs to pick up any toys that are not currently being played with. Then when that is done you can go back to play". This usually happens 2-3 times during each free play time (7-8:30 and 3:30-5:30)

So when we are ready to go onto a new activity there isn't a huge toy mess and it isn't so overwhelming. We have a place for everything- each toy has a specific bin or place and everything is put away correctly each time.

If it was only 1 or 2 children (or even all but 1) I would have that child/children clean up everything on their own while the rest went onto the next activity (this works REALLY well for us, even with the 1.5-2 yos)

If the whole group refused to clean up I would ban toys for the day. They would be able to color, draw, read, or do one activity of my choosing- with those things cleaned up before moving onto anything else. We would "try again" the next morning, but I would have everyone stop and clean after about a 1/2 hour to see if they were going to comply before they had too big of a mess.

Just my 2 cents!!

[Angelsj]

Lots of good ideas here.
Given the scenario today, I would have told them all to sit in one spot, and chosen one child. That child will help clean up all the duplos. Refusal at this point and everyone goes to sit again. You can all sit, or we can clean together, take your pick. Once you have done your cleanup time, you can go color or read a book or do puzzles.
Sometimes with a new group, you have to teach them individually how to clean and what you want. It is to the point now that I can say, J, pick up blocks, I, pick up duplos, K, pick up dolls, etc, and they know. But it took time to get there.

[daycarediva]

It depends on your method, I have tried several things...

Sometimes if my kids are being slow to pick up (not defiant, but not listening their best) then we play games to clean up. One where each person gets a "job", ie Dillon cleans up all the balls/red blocks/ etc and each child gets a roll. I also do "lets see who can clean up the most toys" or "who can clean up the fastest - lets race". That is the game for when I am wearing my nice hat.

My mean Ms. B hat, has a ransom box or a trash can and the toys that are still out after I set a 2 minute timer go in the trash/ransom
Box. If we are having a day/week where no one feels like cleaning then things get pretty boring with no toys to play with.

That is what I typically do (assign jobs) and it typically works, but I added in 3 new kids, and my 'old' kids aren't helping the new, they are learning 'new' "bad" behavior and EVERYONE just REFUSED. "No, I don't want to race you!" "No, Im not being the helper, I don't like helping!"

I like pp'd ideas, but I'd take it a step further if that doesn't work.

Pack up 80% of the toys, and they can earn them back a few at a time when they show you that they are ready for them.

Put it on them. "Well, guys, I was very sad to have to put all those toys away for a while, but it's not my responsibility to clean them up. I don't play with them, and I have other jobs to do, like.... So, they are put away for a few days until you all can show me that you've earned the privilege of nice toys".

Sounds like a circle time activity. Maybe the library has some books about cleaning up to reinforce the idea.

We have a clean up cd that I always play, upbeat songs and every other song is the clean up song. One dcb walked over and switched it off!

I must be hungry. I thought you meant donuts... (see bolded). I thought you were one brave lady to give out donuts for great cleaning. ::

OP - I agree to the advice given. I try to make it fun by making it a game. If I have a stubborn one, I do hand over hand. I MAKE everyone clean up. It only takes a time or two of that and it seems like they get that I mean business when I say it's clean up time. We clean up before every single change in routine (before meals, before circle time, before outdoor time, before nap, etc, etc)

I feel uncomfortable doing hand over hand with my older kids. (youngest was 18m, the rest are 2-4) they KNOW what to do, where it goes, everything is neatly labeled with photos in easy to see/access bins.

I agree. Take the bulk of the toys away as they clean up what they have they can earn more. Play some clean up games and sing clean up songs to remind them how much fun clean up can be Enlist the help of the child you think will be the most likely to clean up & give them a special hat/badge when they do then work your way through the group. Perhaps more frequent clean up times might make it easier as there will be less to clean up each time. Could they be overwhelmed by the amount?

I took HALF the toys away at nap and allowed them one bin each OR they could do a table activity. Nobody was happy with me One dcg told her Mom that I was mean and wouldn't let them play with toys. I explained to the mom that we were having trouble cleaning up and she said "At our house, too! If you find something that works, let me know. Right now she is down to books and art supplies and her ONE stuffed animal!"

I will see how tomorrow goes with fewer toys. I don't have THAT many out at a time (3 shelves with labeled bins, plus kitchen, dress up and dolls at the moment).

I really think losing kids to K hurt my dynamics!

[Maria2013]

maybe they are testing you to see just how much you don't care for toy mess

kids here have to clean up before moving to the next activity, they can take as long as they please but they don't get to do nothing until they put away what they got out...all the kids here know this and I hardly have to remind anyone

[nothingwithoutjoy]

My best clean-up tips--

Few toys (sounds like that's what you have).

Very organized, beautifully arranged shelves, so it looks great and it's appealing to put it back that way.

Many kids are completely overwhelmed looking at a trashed room, and really can't do it--they have no idea where to begin (many adults, too). So it's helpful to make very specific requests. I often put a basket right into their hands, asking "will you please put the blocks back in this basket?").

For the same reason, I don't expect kids to do all the clean-up, or even most of it. I just expect them to help. I work alongside them, modeling and making it easier.

Many kids resist being told what to do, but do like to be helpful when it's their idea. I often say "I see a puzzle that needs to be put back together. Oh, and there's some paper that needs to go into the recycling box," etc. Sometimes paired with "who can do that?"

And here's my most controversial thing. (Drastic change of heart years ago after reading Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, which I loved.) I realized that there is no internal motivation for clean-up time for most kids (and I believe strongly in internal--not external--motivation). They probably aren't bothered by the mess, and don't particularly care how your house looks. After much internal struggle over this, I decided that aside from working to instill that love of tidiness (which I do by saying things like "let's pick those toys up so no one breaks them by mistake," or "let's put this stuff away so we can find what we need next time), really the only internal motivator would be that kids want to do what looks like fun. Clean-up time does not look like fun when we're constantly nagging at them or ordering them about or whatever (not implying that you are; just explaining my thinking. I know I did a lot of nagging.) Who'd want to be a part of that? So I forced myself (yes, it was really hard) to shut up about it and focus only on the positive. I chat while cleaning--mostly with the kids who are cleaning with me. I motivate them the same way I do myself ("let's clean up quickly so we'll have more time outside," for example). I put on music sometimes, or sing about what we're doing. Those of us who are cleaning are having fun together, and so it looks worth joining in. And though it might still irritate me when someone opts out, when I don't focus on that, I'm more relaxed and more kids participate and we can all enjoy our day more. Happier kids=more likely to help kids. And eventually they learn how and join in willingly.

Good luck. I know how frustrating it can be!

[jenn]

Mine are allowed one tub each. They do not play with anything else until that tub is put away. They can play with it, stare at the mess, stare at the wall, scream,....but do not get anything else out. That remains their toy/their mess until they give in or the day ends.