Would YOU Do Something?

[Childminder]

Young mom(22) with 2 boys, 2 years 3 months and 11 months, the youngest has developmental delays due do cleft palate and because he was failure to thrive so I'm guessing about 7 months developmentally.

Mom does not watch her children and is always coming in telling us about what happened on her watch. She also forgets to bring extra clothes and other necessities all the time. Yesterday she picks up her children 2 hours late at 11:45 am and then brings them back three hours later for her next shift at 3:15. All approved not the issue. They had not eaten since breakfast at 8:30 because she had gone home, set the baby down in his car seat and ran to the bathroom and while she was in there the 2 years old poured a bottle of nail polish all over the baby's face. Scalp, eyes, nose, ear and of course his cleft opening. Trip in ambulance.

Okay, accidents happen. We all know not to take our eyes off children even for a second and not to leave hazardous materials in reach but stuff like this happens to her all the time. Once she came in and told us that he had sprayed the baby with carpet cleaner. Another trip to hospital. Baby has been in and out of hospital six times since he started here in Jan, mostly for lung issues and twice has been chemically induced trips.

Almost every day she comes in saying boy woke up and got into something. Refrigerator; pouring milk or eggs or cottage cheese or whatever on living room carpet. Bought a lock for it and he broke it. Into the bathroom and shampoos, etc... She bought a lock for his door and locks him in his room!?

My question is what to do. Call CPS? This is all hearsay. Does hospital have any concerns? We only know these things because the mom is telling us. Absolutely no problems with dcb2 here unless she doesn't put him down for a nap and then he easily shows frustration when playing with others, even when by himself with toys.

My DH is really giving her a lot of hassle about the lack of parenting skills and telling me we need to term before something happens. I feel that we need to be a safe haven for these sweet boys and continue caring for them. She pays on time and seems very loving and caring, at least in our presence. I'm for keeping the communication lines open and helping her her to learn if we can.

[Unregistered]

How is that hearsay?She told you,it's a fact. Yes,please call cps before someone gets killed.
She is neglectful and as a provider if that happened on our watch we wouldbe reported.

[Familycare71]

How is that hearsay?She told you,it's a fact. Yes,please call cps before someone gets killed.
She is neglectful and as a provider if that happened on our watch we wouldbe reported.

This! What if those kids come and she doesn't realize they got into something but they show symptoms in your care!? None of it is ok or explainable... I wouldn't term but I would call Cps. Not hearsay and they can look at hospital records...

[MyAngels]

I have zero experience with neglectful parents, but I think I would call CPS or whatever your agency is in this case, mostly to try to get her the help she needs to be a better parent. I'm wouldn't do it lightly, but it sure sounds like she needs the help.

[hope]

Yes, call CPS. It is neglect. Maybe she needs someone to be a little tough and tell her to supervise her children better.

[Blackcat31]

Have you had this family a long time? Do you have a close relationship with her? Comfortable enough that she may listen to advice or help you offer?

I DO think it is a wise move to atleast let CPS know you have some concerns but DEPENDING on the relationship I had with the parent and whether or not I truly felt she was simply neglectful or in need of some serious parental education, I would also consider having a sit down discussion with her about your concerns as well as the possible outcomes of her behavior.

I am older than most my daycare parents and there are a few who would absolutely listen to anything I had to say or offer as far as advice and parent help I offered. If it were one of those parents, I would take that route ALONG WITH atleast some notification to CPS just so that it is documented just in case...kwim?

If it were a parent that I really believed was simply being a dumba$$, I would probably report and term.

[littlemissmuffet]

Please, please call CPS - or as PP said, one of those kids could DIE! It is your job as a provider to report neglect and abuse - and what you have shared is absolutely neglect.

Mom obviously needs help.

So do those poor kids.

[itlw8]

I know this boy... he is my grandson ... ok not him but could be. she did not feed him because they were in the emergency room though if she had calmed down she might have asked someone to get them something or stopped on the way to your house unless they were sleeping

dgs gets in the fridge and trys to cook. we have locks on the door. he has broken it before. spray bottles he loves.. we had a lock but I moved it all to the garage and on top of the upright freezer. It wears you out.look around your house it is safe right??? do you have dish soap out or hand soap yep they dump the whole bottle and hand soap gets flushed down the toilet.

vegetable oil in the cabinet.... dumped on the rug. on and on it is constant and they are quiet when they wake and sneak around.

She may NOT lock him in his room... suggest she get an alarm for his door so it wakes her up. also along with locks an alarm on the fridge and doors to outdoors would be wise.

She needs support I would flat out tell her she has got to get it together before something happens and it is serious and CPS is called.

[Familycare71]

Do you know if she always goes to the same hospital?

[itlw8]

does she work nights?? if she gets off at 11 or 12 by time she gets home eats settles down it is 3 am or later before she falls asleep then in less than 5 hours she has to pick up the children... she takes them home has to stay awake until nap time. She is exhausted. no husband??? Not sure of the solution but you see it all the time in parents that have to work nights to even have a job. They have to have 2 shifts of childcare plus they are exhausted being awake with the kids when they really need to be sleeping.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This! What if those kids come and she doesn't realize they got into something but they show symptoms in your care!? None of it is ok or explainable... I wouldn't term but I would call Cps. Not hearsay and they can look at hospital records...

Exactly what I would do.

I don't EVER play around when it comes to reporting. If I even slightly suspect anything, it gets reported. With this Mom, they will likely give her FREE parenting classes (that she is required to attend) and it will be very beneficial for her!

[Familycare71]

Exactly what I would do.

I don't EVER play around when it comes to reporting. If I even slightly suspect anything, it gets reported. With this Mom, they will likely give her FREE parenting classes (that she is required to attend) and it will be very beneficial for her!

Yes!! People think Cps is all about pulling kids from families but they only do that in extreme cases (sometimes I don't think quickly enough for certain situations). But they are legally mandated to be about helping those kids remain safely with their mother.
To the PP who mentioned her grandchild and the mom poss working nights- I can sympathize BUT I don't ultimately care when she works- she HAS to keep her kids safe!! With the above examples from OP these aren't minor issues- they require trips to the HOSPITAL! What is happening that hasnt required a trip or been shared?!
You cannot assume things will be fine. We are legally mandated to report any time we believe kids could not be safe. Period! It is up to Cps to decide if it is reportable, and what action to take. You NEED to report this. You can share that the mom seems like she is trying and cares for the kids. It doesn't have to be done in a neg way but because you care for this family.

[itlw8]

Not saying she does not need help and CPS might be how she gets it. But from my experience after you hotline they may decide this is not neglect. BUT she still needs help I HAVE CALLED IN WORSE AND THEY SAY POOR PARENTING BUT NOT NEGLECT.

This is not a normal boy parenting classes are not going to help she needs more help. LOTS more help. These are the kinds of things you find in children with ADHD a support group might be of help. Until you live with a child like this you do not know what they can do You need to be 10 steps ahead of them.

These kids also are often very intelligent and just curious. my sister had to lock up all the phones years ago because her youngest kept dismantling them,

Normal childproofing is not enough for these kids.

This is why I am afraid they may not feel it is neglect.... yet. most people do not put nail polish under lock and key... but she should know now she has to. the oven cleaner is a different story.

Yes as a provider it should be called in and let them decide. BUT She still needs help and as a provider we can help guide her to resourses available.

[craftymissbeth]

Honestly, as a mandated reporter, if you question whether you should report it or not then you should. It's not our jobs to "investigate" or try to talk mom into being a better parent. If we feel something is wrong then it gets reported. End of story.

[Familycare71]

Not saying she does not need help and CPS might be how she gets it. But from my experience after you hotline they may decide this is not neglect. BUT she still needs help I HAVE CALLED IN WORSE AND THEY SAY POOR PARENTING BUT NOT NEGLECT.

This is not a normal boy parenting classes are not going to help she needs more help. LOTS more help. These are the kinds of things you find in children with ADHD a support group might be of help. Until you live with a child like this you do not know what they can do You need to be 10 steps ahead of them.

These kids also are often very intelligent and just curious. my sister had to lock up all the phones years ago because her youngest kept dismantling them,

Normal childproofing is not enough for these kids.

This is why I am afraid they may not feel it is neglect.... yet. most people do not put nail polish under lock and key... but she should know now she has to. the oven cleaner is a different story.

Yes as a provider it should be called in and let them decide. BUT She still needs help and as a provider we can help guide her to resourses available.

I have lived with this child. I have cared for this child.
As a provider you are correct she needs to let Cps decide. If something happens to these kids and she talked to anyone, this post, etc... Could put the provider in legal trouble.
I never said to not try to help- I actually said I would not term as it seems mom may be open to learning. If she wasn't- I would term. There are many suggestions. All of which are fine- after the call.