Help With The Kid That Has An Impulsive Mouth

[WImom]

I have this DCB that will be 4y in September...He does and says thing impulsively all the time every day. (Except Monday - he has great days here on Mondays for some reason).

Just in the last two days he has told me “I’m going to smack you in the face later”, kept calling another boy her “A lady” and yelled at the kids “You kids are all stupid”.
The "A Lady" talking about the boy, I think he was just trying to be funny? Mean?
The other two were because he was mad about not getting his way.

How would you handle? I don’t want to give attention to it but it’s also disrespectful as well has mean to other kids which I don’t tolerate. I tell him that is words are hurtful, the other kids will tell him he is being mean, etc.

Right now I CANNOT term. I am losing so many kids this September to school and haven’t replaced any yet.

[Cradle2crayons]

I have this DCB that will be 4y in September...He does and says thing impulsively all the time every day. (Except Monday - he has great days here on Mondays for some reason).

Just in the last two days he has told me “I’m going to smack you in the face later”, kept calling another boy her “A lady” and yelled at the kids “You kids are all stupid”.
The "A Lady" talking about the boy, I think he was just trying to be funny? Mean?
The other two were because he was mad about not getting his way.

How would you handle? I don’t want to give attention to it but it’s also disrespectful as well has mean to other kids which I don’t tolerate. I tell him that is words are hurtful, the other kids will tell him he is being mean, etc.

Right now I CANNOT term. I am losing so many kids this September to school and haven’t replaced any yet.

Instead of the oer kids telling him he's mean have you tried role playing... Where ONLY feeling words were used, instead of mean??

I sit my kids in a circle. And we talk about bullying and when ores hurt our feelings and then we do role reversal and help the victims say " that really hurt my feelings" etc. never pointing out the one who IS being mean.

Then we role play to help those that don't know healthy ways to deal with being upset, to communicate better.

It really works!!

[WImom]

We have role played and I've read books about using kind words. We go over how it makes other feel when we do not use kind words. Most of the time a child will say "That hurt my feelings when you say ____. He'll say sorry and 10 minutes later he is doing it again to someone else. I mentioned the "mean" thing since a child today told him "That when you keeping calling me a lady that is really mean".

Parents always make him say sorry. I hate that, sorry becomes nothing to them then.

Copying is his favorite because he knows that other kids really hate when he does it. I just can't seem to get the kids to ignore it. They will say "_____, please stop" and he will just say "Please Stop".

[Cradle2crayons]

We have role played and I've read books about using kind words. We go over how it makes other feel when we do not use kind words. Most of the time a child will say "That hurt my feelings when you say ____. He'll say sorry and 10 minutes later he is doing it again to someone else. I mentioned the "mean" thing since a child today told him "That when you keeping calling me a lady that is really mean".

Parents always make him say sorry. I hate that, sorry becomes nothing to them then.

Copying is his favorite because he knows that other kids really hate when he does it. I just can't seem to get the kids to ignore it. They will say "_____, please stop" and he will just say "Please Stop".

Do you give him any consequences such as " Johnny, I needy to go to the thinking area and think about ways you can improve how you play with others" or something like that. Like removing him from any fun he may have had??

[nannyde]

I would tell him to knock it off. I wouldn't get into why. I would just respond to the phrases and tell him to stop it on the ones I don't like. All he needs to know is my yes or no. Once he gets the no's he will be able to eventually know in advance whether I would like it or not.

[countrymom]

I'm mean, I give you two warnings, the third time you go to time out and for the rest of the time. If you don't fix it now, it will get worse.

[daycare]

you think you are mean...... if it were somthing like this...

I would tell kid after I heard it the first time that we don't talk that way to anyone, it is not ok stop it. Then I would go on to the one and done if he said ANYTHING like that again......

One in done means you get to sit and think about making a better decision.. while I make sure everyone else has UBER fun.........

when you are done thinking, I will ask what could you have done differently??

I let the kid tell me and then we move on......

[JoseyJo]

I would tell him to knock it off. I wouldn't get into why. I would just respond to the phrases and tell him to stop it on the ones I don't like. All he needs to know is my yes or no. Once he gets the no's he will be able to eventually know in advance whether I would like it or not.

I would just say "That is not nice, don't say it again." End of story. If he did it again I would say- "Go think about it" (Time out)

[WImom]

Thanks! I will try some of this - this will only work on one of his cooperating days - otherwise he refuses time about, yells, walks around talking a bunch of nonsense ( I'm going to hit you, you can't tell me what to do, I don't have to sit there, I can sit here, or he'll keep going back to the play area he was moved from) it takes up so much of my time. It frustrates me because I want my time spent on the ki that are behaving. I have been making it so he loses the next activity for his behavior. Maybe I should continue with that.

[daycare]

Thanks! I will try some of this - this will only work on one of his cooperating days - otherwise he refuses time about, yells, walks around talking a bunch of nonsense ( I'm going to hit you, you can't tell me what to do, I don't have to sit there, I can sit here, or he'll keep going back to the play area he was moved from) it takes up so much of my time. It frustrates me because I want my time spent on the ki that are behaving. I have been making it so he loses the next activity for his behavior. Maybe I should continue with that.

what is he doing before he says all of those things???

[countrymom]

Thanks! I will try some of this - this will only work on one of his cooperating days - otherwise he refuses time about, yells, walks around talking a bunch of nonsense ( I'm going to hit you, you can't tell me what to do, I don't have to sit there, I can sit here, or he'll keep going back to the play area he was moved from) it takes up so much of my time. It frustrates me because I want my time spent on the ki that are behaving. I have been making it so he loses the next activity for his behavior. Maybe I should continue with that.

listen, you need to call mom to come and deal with it. She needs to fix the problem before it gets worse. Imagine when he goes to school.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

you think you are mean...... if it were somthing like this...

I would tell kid after I heard it the first time that we don't talk that way to anyone, it is not ok stop it. Then I would go on to the one and done if he said ANYTHING like that again......

One in done means you get to sit and think about making a better decision.. while I make sure everyone else has UBER fun.........

when you are done thinking, I will ask what could you have done differently??

I let the kid tell me and then we move on......

Same here. I have one quite similar ... and he gets his act together by the end if the week. Then we start over.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thanks! I will try some of this - this will only work on one of his cooperating days - otherwise he refuses time about, yells, walks around talking a bunch of nonsense ( I'm going to hit you, you can't tell me what to do, I don't have to sit there, I can sit here, or he'll keep going back to the play area he was moved from) it takes up so much of my time. It frustrates me because I want my time spent on the ki that are behaving. I have been making it so he loses the next activity for his behavior. Maybe I should continue with that.

He is 4 and a child. He is intelligent, knows better, and NEEDS to do better.

"I am the boss. You are not the boss here."

"You will sit HERE. If you get up, you will have to sit here for longer." If he gets up, take him by the hand and lead him back to that spot, get in his face, and say, "No." Over and over and over.

Since he is being such a brat, I would make him your shadow. He gets to read a book or do something else "tame" at your side while the other children play nicely. "I can't trust you to use nice words to your friends, so you will sit by me to play today. We'll try again tomorrow."

[daycare]

Same here. I have one quite similar ... and he gets his act together by the end if the week. Then we start over.

Must be the same kid. Monday to Wednesday my dck is pure you know what. By the end of the week Thursday and Friday he's really good.

Ugh..

[Play Care]

He is 4 and a child. He is intelligent, knows better, and NEEDS to do better.

"I am the boss. You are not the boss here."

"You will sit HERE. If you get up, you will have to sit here for longer." If he gets up, take him by the hand and lead him back to that spot, get in his face, and say, "No." Over and over and over.

Since he is being such a brat, I would make him your shadow. He gets to read a book or do something else "tame" at your side while the other children play nicely. "I can't trust you to use nice words to your friends, so you will sit by me to play today. We'll try again tomorrow."

I am so tired of tip-toeing around kids who are behaving badly. This is a child who seems to be screaming for firm guidance. He's behaving horribly, and getting away with it. Unlike others, I would STOP putting this on his parents. Having him say he's sorry *hours* after the fact is meaningless. He shouldn't be allowed to continue his reign of terror in the playroom. He should be right with you, playing with a small basket of toys of your choosing. Being able to play freely with friends is a privilege.

At the risk of being slammed, a 4 yo child who *dared* get up out of a time out that they completely earned and deserved would be put firmly back in TO with a very firm/stern "NO! DO NOT GET UP!" When I say firm, I mean firm. Not slammed, not thrown, but firm enough so they know that they better park their bottom. And if the child is a little bit fearful after that? GOOD (GASP) I spend all day praising, encouraging, rewarding. Chances are if it gets to the point I do a TO the child has had multiple reminders, we've probably read books about the issue, role played, etc. We've completely exhausted other efforts. Obviously if there continued to be issues I would evaluate my ability to continue care, because if the child's behavior is that bad, I'd worry about losing my "better" kids because of it.