Still Biting

[nannyde]

......says meekly and quietly from the back.......

I've NEVER had a biter. ever.

I had one the first year I did daycare. Same as Crystal... two kids bit each other. I got schooled and it hasn't happened since.

[NeedaVaca]

Just read last post in fact years ago I did have a daycare kid(very solid for his age) that body slammed DD (2yrs old at time) to the floor and fell on top of her; broke her elbow. I did not term them or sue. To this day this kid is proud of what he did and always remarks on it when he see DD now.( always wondered if he used to tear animal heads off etc too.!)

:confused:

Would have termed in a heartbeat...he is still proud of this? Maybe had he been termed and dealt with he would have learned this is not something to be proud of.

[Crystal]

My victims Mother is a social worker with the local school system.( so I don't think she sees this as neglect)! At this point they /we are all trying to move thru this phase....we are all communicating. And no I do not have a waiting line and hubs is not bringing in any $ so I am the one paying the mortgage and all other bills...we have no health ins. Recently found we had termites...thankfully the company we went with does monthly payments. So I am doing what I can to curb this behavior.Thanks again to all input. I'm hoping our vacay breaks will help put an end to this.But the last two weeks of Aug. I have 2 older Sa that are sibs to their littles...diff. fams. (these fams I've had for going on 8 yrs.) before school starts they will be a big help.My hubs is home ALOT these days and does help as does college age DD when she can.I know some of you do what you have to to keep the roof over your heads....that's where I'm at....if I could walk into any other job(almost) that I could make this amount of $$ then I'd be out of daycare in a flash(24+ yrs)....yes I started by accident---helping out a neighbor when I had first DD ---used to think I'd get to be class Mom and all that but not when you have 3-4 infants/toddlers. Had to miss alot of school plays etc. so I could take care of others kids...... anyway thanks again to all input.

Right now, she may not see it as neglect. Right now she MAY APPEAR to be okay with it, but how do you really know that? How do you know she isn't just agreeing to your face, but looking for care elsewhere? She may actually be okay with it right now, but what about the next time, and the next time, and the next time.............

I don't care. No amount of money would be worth it to me for other children to be getting bitten and possible putting my business and my professional reputation on the line as well.

Good luck.

[Crystal]

:confused:

Would have termed in a heartbeat...he is still proud of this? Maybe had he been termed and dealt with he would have learned this is not something to be proud of.

No kidding.

[Crystal]

OP....I just read your first post again and see that the child was actually bitten today, again. Has Mom been notified and how did she take it? If she hasn't, how are you going to respond if she says she has had enough and is pulling? Would THAT prompt you to term the biter, or would you understand and let the victim's Mom pull her out?

[daycare]

......says meekly and quietly from the back.......

I've NEVER had a biter. ever.

I wish I could say that. I just had my very first bitter in 10 years. Sister bit big brother because he put his fingers in her mouth........never happened again, but I guess it still counts.....

[Familycare71]

Right now, she may not see it as neglect. Right now she MAY APPEAR to be okay with it, but how do you really know that? How do you know she isn't just agreeing to your face, but looking for care elsewhere? She may actually be okay with it right now, but what about the next time, and the next time, and the next time.............

I don't care. No amount of money would be worth it to me for other children to be getting bitten and possible putting my business and my professional reputation on the line as well.

Good luck.

I have to say in OP situation with the way the parents are dealing now I would do the same she is... I do think (some)people jump to term quickly. And to PP who said it shouldn't be about the $. It is. It's a business. The bitee isn't being neglected. The situation is being dealt with the best it can. Seems like bitees mom knows this and is trusting her provider- which says a ton.
No one has threatened or mentioned pulling their kid- if that happens I'm sure OP will make a choice.
She is asking HOW you deal with a biter that terming isn't an option. Nan you said you got "schooled" and haven't had biters again... What do you do to prevent it?
She NEEDS the income- not for her dinners out... To keep food on the table and a roof over her families head!
:hug: I have been there and hope it improves soon for you! I would give advice but haven't dealt w a biter in 20 yrs *knocks on wood!

[daycare]

I have to say in OP situation with the way the parents are dealing now I would do the same she is... I do think (some)people jump to term quickly. And to PP who said it shouldn't be about the $. It is. It's a business. The bitee isn't being neglected. The situation is being dealt with the best it can. Seems like bitees mom knows this and is trusting her provider- which says a ton.
No one has threatened or mentioned pulling their kid- if that happens I'm sure OP will make a choice.
She is asking HOW you deal with a biter that terming isn't an option. Nan you said you got "schooled" and haven't had biters again... What do you do to prevent it?
She NEEDS the income- not for her dinners out... To keep food on the table and a roof over her families head!
:hug: I have been there and hope it improves soon for you! I would give advice but haven't dealt w a biter in 20 yrs *knocks on wood!

I understand what you are saying...BUT what you have to think about is the other families who's children are being subject to an UNSAFE environment. Yes, it is not the Providers fault at all, but it is what it is.......This is group care and you have to think about everyone in it......

I would pull my child in a heartbeat if they were bitten more than one..........

LIke I said and Crystal said.....it sounds like it is too late to try to fix it now. If the OP wants to try and fix it that is her choice, but she does run the risk of loosing her good families by trying to keep this one....In the end, it could cost her a whole lot more than money...............................................

[Familycare71]

I understand what you are saying...BUT what you have to think about is the other families who's children are being subject to an UNSAFE environment. Yes, it is not the Providers fault at all, but it is what it is.......This is group care and you have to think about everyone in it......

I would pull my child in a heartbeat if they were bitten more than one..........

LIke I said and Crystal said.....it sounds like it is too late to try to fix it now. If the OP wants to try and fix it that is her choice, but she does run the risk of loosing her good families by trying to keep this one....In the end, it could cost her a whole lot more than money...............................................

I understand that- its a tough job and hard to make certain calls! Prob why she says shed be out if she could!

[JoseyJo]

Maybe typical is not the right word. It is NOT ok, I am absolutely not saying that. But, it is not uncommon. I don't have any statistics, only anecdotal data here, but I don't know a single daycare provider (and I've know a lot of them in 23 years) who hasn't had one or two biters.

Maybe I am thinking of the term "biter" differently. We have had children who have bitten. We had one 2 yo who bit his mom one day at p/u. We had a 18mo who bit 2 or 3 times in the course of a few months. Two of my 3 own children bit once or twice. I have dealt with it VERY firmly each time and it has stopped quickly. But I wouldn't say we have had a BITER. To me a "biter" is a child who has to be watched constantly because he/she WILL bite if given the chance, even after pretty much everything has been done to correct the behavior. It sounds to me like the OP's bitter is that kind.

As a daycare provider our jobs are to look after a GROUP of children. We, for example, have 9 children in our care. Why should 8 children suffer because 1 is constantly biting or hitting them? Why should 8 children get way less of their fair share of time and attention because we have to watch 1 child ALL the time? Why is the parent not expected to provide/ pay for one-on-one care for their child until said child learns that it is NOT okay to hurt others? If my child was biting daily I would DO something about it- even if that meant a one on one provider to make sure they get the attention they need to teach them that it is not okay. And I can't imagine my child getting bit daily- I would not tolerate it and would pull my child immediately. Maybe other parents don't feel that way though.

[Heidi]

Maybe I am thinking of the term "biter" differently. We have had children who have bitten. We had one 2 yo who bit his mom one day at p/u. We had a 18mo who bit 2 or 3 times in the course of a few months. Two of my 3 own children bit once or twice. I have dealt with it VERY firmly each time and it has stopped quickly. But I wouldn't say we have had a BITER. To me a "biter" is a child who has to be watched constantly because he/she WILL bite if given the chance, even after pretty much everything has been done to correct the behavior. It sounds to me like the OP's bitter is that kind.

As a daycare provider our jobs are to look after a GROUP of children. We, for example, have 9 children in our care. Why should 8 children suffer because 1 is constantly biting or hitting them? Why should 8 children get way less of their fair share of time and attention because we have to watch 1 child ALL the time? Why is the parent not expected to provide/ pay for one-on-one care for their child until said child learns that it is NOT okay to hurt others? If my child was biting daily I would DO something about it- even if that meant a one on one provider to make sure they get the attention they need to teach them that it is not okay. And I can't imagine my child getting bit daily- I would not tolerate it and would pull my child immediately. Maybe other parents don't feel that way though.

Yes, by "biter" I included children that have bitten once or twice. Sometimes, it ends quickly. Sometimes, it takes a little more time to figure out. Only OP and her dc families can figure out just how much time will work for them.


Keeping kids safe IS the biggest part of this job. But, so is managing behaviors and teaching social skills.

She said she can't term, so I'm trying to help. That's all I can do.

[daycare]

opps I forgot to attach the post......

[daycare]

Maybe I am thinking of the term "biter" differently. We have had children who have bitten. We had one 2 yo who bit his mom one day at p/u. We had a 18mo who bit 2 or 3 times in the course of a few months. Two of my 3 own children bit once or twice. I have dealt with it VERY firmly each time and it has stopped quickly. But I wouldn't say we have had a BITER. To me a "biter" is a child who has to be watched constantly because he/she WILL bite if given the chance, even after pretty much everything has been done to correct the behavior. It sounds to me like the OP's bitter is that kind.

As a daycare provider our jobs are to look after a GROUP of children. We, for example, have 9 children in our care. Why should 8 children suffer because 1 is constantly biting or hitting them? Why should 8 children get way less of their fair share of time and attention because we have to watch 1 child ALL the time? Why is the parent not expected to provide/ pay for one-on-one care for their child until said child learns that it is NOT okay to hurt others? If my child was biting daily I would DO something about it- even if that meant a one on one provider to make sure they get the attention they need to teach them that it is not okay. And I can't imagine my child getting bit daily- I would not tolerate it and would pull my child immediately. Maybe other parents don't feel that way though.

[JoseyJo]

She said she can't term, so I'm trying to help. That's all I can do.

:hug:

[daycare]

Yes, by "biter" I included children that have bitten once or twice. Sometimes, it ends quickly. Sometimes, it takes a little more time to figure out. Only OP and her dc families can figure out just how much time will work for them.


Keeping kids safe IS the biggest part of this job. But, so is managing behaviors and teaching social skills.

She said she can't term, so I'm trying to help. That's all I can do.

you are doing a great great job of trying to help... I love the advice you gave and I copied it to file for a later date should I ever need it....lets pray that I don't.

I think that some of us are trying to get her to see the overall picture and help from that aspect........ I know that this is NOT what the OP wanted to hear, but sometimes we need to hear it....

Trust me. BC is so real, she tells it like it is. She will tell me what I need to hear, not necessarily what I want to hear. Same with Crystal and Nan. But if they never did it that way, I may have not seen things from that angle....... that is what I love about this form. Everyone views things from different angles that I may have never thought about it that way before....

Honest engine......... having others tell me what I need to hear and not want I want to hear has saved my BUTT..........