Not a Daycare Question But a Mother Who Needs Advice And Most Are Mothers Here! : (

[JJPlaycare]

So today is the end of week 3 for my daughter being in Kindergarten! The first week was 3 full days, the second week was 4 full days and this week was the first 5 day week! Well she is still sobbing and throwing a complete fit about going! It is all day everday and quite an adjustment since preschool was just 3 half days a week, but I thought I would see some sort of improvement by now and all in all it is getting worse! Talked to the teacher several times and that seems to be going ALOT better there, no more tears at school! She would have tears at school during lunch, music, library and phy ed whenever the teacher would leave the kids is when my daughter would get teary eyed and want her mom or dad, well that has seemed to stop for the most part! This Monday their bus had problems and kept stahling is what I am getting out of my 5 year old and now she is scared to ride the bus! She rode the bus the last 2 years to preschool, so I am not understanding this entire bus thing! The bus ride is an hour, in which I know is a long time, but she did it for the last 2 years without a problem! I get her ready for school each day and she is a complete mess, sobbing and crying and telling me how she is sad and how she is scared! She has know real reasons and can't explain why she is feeling this way, just keeps saying it over and over again! I have to litterally pick her up and put her on the bus and quick run off and watch as she drives off completely bawling her eyes out! I have coddled her, babied her, talked to her, listened to her, I have shared stories about bus rides when I was little, and I have also been tough and down right straight forward with her and I get the same result from her day after day! I am BURNT out with this and at a loss as what else to do! I don't have any way of getting her to school other than her riding the bus and I don't know what to do and I am desperately looking for advice!! I packed her a coloring book and crayons in her bag, I have snuck a snack in there for her, I put a picture of our family in our bag, today I told her that if she had a good morning and got on the bus good we could go bowling tonight and find a little game for her to play on the bus! Needless to say it wasn't a good morning, I had to lead her out to the bus stop and force her into her seat on the bus! It is really pulling at my heartstrings and at the same time burning me out! She has a friend she sits with on there so that isn't it either! My 3 year old rides with her M and W mornings and my 3 year old is just fine with riding the bus!! I am due to have a baby in December and this is really stressing me out and I need to fix it someway, somehow! Please help with any advice or anything you guys did to help your children adjust! Is my daughter just completely out there or does it usually take this long! I am at a loss as what to do and I have NEVER felt this way as a parent! Please Help!!!

[Live and Learn]

It sounds like you have already talked to teacher, bus driver, and sibling to make sure nothing is going on that you should worry about. You could always ask teacher to send you a quick email after school letting you know how it went.....maybe just for next week. I would make an extra effort to have one on one time with her this weekend. Make sure this extra attention is not a reward for not crying on the bus. Just an extra hour, just the two of you, something easy and cheap! I am thinking library, park, ice-cream shop. I think she just might be needing a little extra attention for awhile. if the teacher and bus driver agree that everything is going ok then (and this is the part that sounds a little harsh) you should make sure that everything is ok and say "don't worry....you are ok" and proceed to ignore. She might just need to freshen up her self soothing skills. Keep on giving her lots and lots of attention when she isn't crying. When my 3 kids were that age I rotated through them each weekend one child would go out with Momma for an hour or so. great memories. I bet her crying is harder on you than it is on her.

[MN Mom]

My now 2nd grader went thru this last year. I think she was doing it for attention, more than anything. My husband works nights and would be woken an hour after going to bed with her screaming and fighting me about going to school. He got up one morning, put her outside on the step and very sternly said said, "If you are going to cry about this, cry out here. You can come in when you are finished." She stopped fighting me after that. She still has crabby days on occasion, but then I ask her if she needs to go outside and cry about it and she stops.

[tenderhearts]

Oh my goodness, you just described my now 18 yr old when she started kindergarten. I feel for you, I totally understand
My daughter would cry herself to sleep every night, she had stomach aches, diarrhea, which we took her to child's gastrointerologist, she made herself throw up sometimes from being scared and crying. I took her to school an when I would leave her in her class her teacher would come and assist(which this teacher was awesome) my daughter would run out and chase me down the hall. It is the most horrible feeling ever. I did work outside the home which wasn't anything new to her, we kept thinking someone did something to her ect. The school suggested she speak to the school counselor which we agreed to and what she told them was she missed her mommy and wanted to sleep with her baby brother at nap time(he was 12 mo old) and they were in daycare. So the counselor asked her what she could take to school that remind her of me and we talked with the daycare provider to ask if she could sleep with her brother. At first she said no because she was afraid she would keep him up but finally agreed to it, those 2 things stopped almost everything. She was still sad at times and missed me but it was way better.
I spent alot of time with my daughter but I think it's just the whole change, kindergarten is a huge adjustment, long days, tired. Hang in there it will get better.

[kitkat]

if the teacher and bus driver agree that everything is going ok then (and this is the part that sounds a little harsh) you should make sure that everything is ok and say "don't worry....you are ok" and proceed to ignore.

Exactly what I was going to say! Dcg easily gets herself worked up about stuff. The more dcm talks to her about something, the worse it gets. After I suggested to dcm to stop talking about it, tell her it'll be fine, and then move on, issues stopped. The only reason I even thought to tell dcm to stop talking about it was because dcg started doing it here and I wasn't about to fall into the trap dcm was falling into. Dcg was doing it more for attention than for anything else. I have a feeling your DD is just having a harder time adjusting, which is normal. Kdg is a huge leap for kids and parents! DS is in 1st grade this year and I'm finally not worrying about him all day. Keep your reassurance short and sweet and I'm sure it'll get better. Remind her when she's 13 and doesn't want to be seen with you anymore how she use to cry to be with you in Kdg ::

[Unregistered]

You have already tried talking to her, talking to school, etc. honestly it sounds to me she is playing a guilt trip on you and doing it for attention as I have seen this in daycare many many times. You need to get stern with her when she starts crying just tell her she needs to dry it up everything will be fine and you will see her after school and MAKE her get on the boss I bet after a couple of times of you doing this she will stop.

[Unregistered]

I have to agree with what everyone else has said. You have done everything a good parent should do: talked to teachers, checked out the bus situation, gave her little items from home for the bus ride, etc. This comes down to plain, old separation anxiety. I've seen it happen time & time again when parents drop off their children at daycare - the majority will stop crying 5 minutes after the parents leave. Funny thing is that many of these children will later take the morning bus from our facility to kdg and we've never had one cry before getting on the bus. This includes the children that cry when mommy or daddy drops them off. I think they are smart enough to realize that since mommy & daddy aren't there - crying will do no good.

Kdg is a huge step in a little one's life and add in an hour long bus ride and that is a huge adjustment. And seeing how upset mommy gets just feeds her anxiety. If she sees you behaving in a calm manner, she'll eventually come to realize that everything's ok. Just keep telling her she's a big girl now and she'll be just fine. And she will.

[MyAngels]

If I'm reading your post right, the big problem right now is just getting her on the bus - once she's at school she's doing pretty well. Is there someone else who can help you get your daughter ready for school and onto the bus? Thankfully I never had this problem with my own kids, but I did have a daycare family once who had something similar going on, and it was really a power struggle between the daughter and her mom. The mom had her husband get the daughter ready and to school, and when he couldn't then she had her father (the daughter's grandfather) come over to do it, and the problems resolved. After about a month the mom was able to go back to getting her daughter off to school with no further issues.

[JJPlaycare]

School is going fine! The teacher said there is no more tears going on there and she seems to have adjusted just fine! She has a few moments here and there that she mentions missing her family, but nothing out of the ordinary her teacher says! It is just the bus!! She is crying each night before bed and every morning about being "sad" and being "scared", but she doesn't give any real reasons behind either of these emotions! The "sad" yes she says she misses us, she never gets time with any of the other kids and things like that! The "scared of the bus" I am not sure where that is comming from, this is her 3rd year of riding the bus, granted now it is everyday opposed to a couple times a week, but I didn't think it would be such a huge deal!! She is completely frantic at the bus stop and all the time leading up to it! She Freaks, she sees the bus pull around the corner and this am, she said "Oh man!" and the tears REALLY started rolling and she just clung to me!! She has been clingy before and I would say some seperation anxiety before, but NOTHING of what we are experiencing with this!! This is the start of the 4th week of school and we have put her on the bus EVERY day no matter how much she is crying and throwing a fit, I just thought it would end by now or we would at least see some sort of improvement! It isn't like it has happened just a couple days, it is going on the 4th week!!!! It is so hard to handle, I can handle a few days even a couple weeks, but a month REALLY! I feel like I am emotionally destroying her!! Ugh I don't know what else to do!! Thanks for all the advice and I guess we will keep sticking with it, but I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel! She is usually not such a stubborn child and usually doesn't take this long to adjust!!

[tenderhearts]

Just from my own kids experience, they didn't like riding the bus because when they were picked up the bus would be full, no one would ever move over for them, people would "hog" the seats, then the bus driver would yell sit down or move over and let them sit. Are there older kids on the bus? maybe she feels scared to speak up and ask if she can sit? Just a thought.

[JJPlaycare]

She is one of the first ones on the bus in the am, so no that isn't the case! I am thinking this is the same for the way home as she is ALWAYS right in the front seat! She has a friend she sits with on there and my younger daughter rides with her on M and W! Maybe it just gets to noisy and chaotic, I don't really no, she doesn't say! She does say it is boring so I snuck a little snack in her backpack, I purchased a few different travel games for her to do on there and I also put a coloring book and crayons in her bag to try to kill the time! I don't know I have been reading about seperation anxiety disorder and honestly this sums her up completely! I called her doctor, but she isn't there today, she will call tomorrow and maybe I can get some advice from her! I have thought about calling the school counselor as well, wow that seems crazy, my daughter is 5! I just don't know what else to do, I am a complete mess over all of this!! I feel like I was raising a healthy, well rounded little girl and now I am talking about couselors, doctors, medication and therapy! Awwww am I serious, I wish I was sleeping! I wish I could wake up tomorrow and it would all be just fine, but I just do not see that happening! She is freaking out like I have never seen before and I feel like I am destroying her emotionally, by forcing her onto the bus! I have dealt with her little seperation issues with babysitters and such and I have dealt with it doing daycare, but this is to the EXTREME! She is crying herself to sleep, she is crying the hour I am getting her ready and I am lifting her into the bus seat and running off and this is the 4th week of this with no improvement!! It is just really all mounting up and I don't know what to do for her!!

[kidkair]

How is she doing with getting on the bus to come home? If she's throwing a fit about the bus ride home then I would consider something to be going on with the bus itself. Such as maybe it's making a noise she never paid attention to before and now that she hears it she's scared or the smell of the bus or the way the sun hits her eyes around a corner later in the route or being unbuckled or buckeled differently than in your car. Sometimes a kid who has seperation anxiety will pick up on sensory issues differently than other kids. Anything really could trigger some sensory something that as adults we just ignore. If she's getting on the bus just fine in the afternoon then I would definately look into having someone else take her to the bus for awhile and have her talk to the counselor. Counselors have training in talking to young children and getting answers from them without feeding information to them. They are also very creative and may have a good plan toward solving the issue. Try teaching her calming breathing exercises at night to help her sleep better so she's not so tired when the morning bus comes. It sounds to me like a cycle has begun and she just needs help to break the cycle. Any amount of extra non-stressing about the bus will do her good. I agree with the others who suggested not talking about it with her. When she gets home focus on school not the bus. Before bed focus on school or an activity happening afterschool and ignore the bus. Help her relax before bed and ignore any mentions of the bus. Even in the morning use phrases like "time to get ready for school" vs "hurry up the bus will be here soon". Try hard to not mention the word bus and it will stop drawing her attention to it. Good luck and keep us posted.

[broncomom1973]

I just wanted to say Im sorry you're dealing with this. My dd just started kindergarten this year too and we had some difficulty the 1st couple of weeks, but it is much better now. Preschool however was a different story. Last year was her 1st year and it wasnt that she rode the bus (dh took her), it was that she did not want to be away from me or her siblings. She fought me every time she was supposed to go to school (3 days/week). She was very angry with me for making her go. Once she was there, she did great, and according to her teacher she seemed to enjoy it. But, if I asked her about her day all she would fill me in on the negative aspects. She started off this year that way too. I had some issues the other day when I was going to have to send her to the after school program for about 30 min. until I could get there to pick her up. She bawled until I made other arrangements so that I could be there right when school got out. If I wouldnt have been there, she would be holding a grudge to this day. Good luck, I know it can really wear you down when one of your kids isnt happy about something.

[gkids09]

How is she doing with getting on the bus to come home? If she's throwing a fit about the bus ride home then I would consider something to be going on with the bus itself. Such as maybe it's making a noise she never paid attention to before and now that she hears it she's scared or the smell of the bus or the way the sun hits her eyes around a corner later in the route or being unbuckled or buckeled differently than in your car. Sometimes a kid who has seperation anxiety will pick up on sensory issues differently than other kids. Anything really could trigger some sensory something that as adults we just ignore. If she's getting on the bus just fine in the afternoon then I would definately look into having someone else take her to the bus for awhile and have her talk to the counselor. Counselors have training in talking to young children and getting answers from them without feeding information to them. They are also very creative and may have a good plan toward solving the issue. Try teaching her calming breathing exercises at night to help her sleep better so she's not so tired when the morning bus comes. It sounds to me like a cycle has begun and she just needs help to break the cycle. Any amount of extra non-stressing about the bus will do her good. I agree with the others who suggested not talking about it with her. When she gets home focus on school not the bus. Before bed focus on school or an activity happening afterschool and ignore the bus. Help her relax before bed and ignore any mentions of the bus. Even in the morning use phrases like "time to get ready for school" vs "hurry up the bus will be here soon". Try hard to not mention the word bus and it will stop drawing her attention to it. Good luck and keep us posted.

Took the words right out of my mouth.
Honestly, it reminds me of a little boy I have at daycare, who is 3 years old. He comes five days a week, and he's a very smart, well-behaved kid. It's not like he is constantly in trouble so he's scared or anything. BUT when his mom or dad drop him off, almost ALWAYS, he holds onto their legs and SCREAMS like someone is killing him or something. (Seriously, that is no exaggeration. ) AS SOON AS they are out of sight, he jumps out of my arms and runs to play with the other kids. It's mostly just a show for his parents. At first, they'd call and check on him. Then, I'd text them as soon as he quit crying, usually before they were even to the car! Now, they don't even bother to ask, they just hand him over and leave. If your daughter is getting on the bus fine in the afternoons, maybe it IS just a show for you? I mean, obviously it's a very stressful show for the both of you, but that could be it? If possible, I would let someone else walk her to the bus, and see if that helps. Are there any neighbor kids that she could get on the bus with? Maybe she just doesn't like getting on alone? Idk...it sounds like a tough situation, but it will get better! Keep us updated.

[JJPlaycare]

Again more tears this am! She opened up a little this morning and this is what I am understanding and getting out of her! I think she is fine on the bus, nothing wrong going on there - other than it is a long boring ride! What she said this am is that sometimes she gets sad because she doesn't get to see us anymore, she said she doesn't even get to see her own family all day! She is so use to being here and being my little helper I think she is really missing it! She knows I am going to be here all day and that isn't helping! She said it isn't fair that she has to go to school and all the other kids get to see her own mommy all day long and she doesn't! She is COMPLETELY clung to my husband as well, which isn't my usual little girl! She has ALWAYS been a mommies girl, so I think with that she is just trying to get ahold of SOMETHING or SOMEONE! It is like she is trying to find any possible way or reason to be able to stay home! I think she is saying she doesn't want to ride the BUS and using the BUS as an excuse, because I think she knows once she gets on the bus it is taking her away from mommy, daycare, sister, whatever the rest of the day! So I think she is just saying the bus knowing that she is going to be gone all day, but really the problem is just being away from us! The bus ride is an hour long, in which gives her alot of time to think about us, what we are doing, and alot of time to be sad and get her emotions rolling! I am not sure, but this is what I am understanding from her! The teacher said she is fine at school, she does have moments during down time where she says she is sad and wants her family, but otherwise is participating and taking part in class and the activities! She has shown some hesitation about the bus ride home and I am not sure exactlly why or where that would be comming from! I think that has to do with her friend being on there, not being on there or the timing of her and her friend getting on there! I don't know! I have asked her a ton about the bus ride, without trying to put anything into her head! I don't want to say is someone picking on you? And start putting things into her head because at this rate I feel like she will just say yes to anything if it entales staying home! I don't know, the doctors nurse just called and she is going to talk to the doctor some more and hopefully I get some advice there! I don't know it is just stressful! I am trying my darndest to get through this, to be as mellow as possible and not let it stress me out because that wouldn't help the situation! I have had a feel melt downs at night to my husband once she is sleeping, but nothing she has seen or heard! I don't know I just hope we start getting somewhere real soon with this for her sake as well as mine! LOL Thanks guys for all the support, encouragement and advice - I appreciate it all and will keep trying everything I can! I just can't believe it is going on this long! Gosh!!