What Is With Enablers?

[mrsnj]

It has officially been 5 days of summer play. FIVE. And everyday this week I get a lecture on my door step about 'peer pressure' from a DCD and how his daughter feels forced to do things and go in the pool and if she doesnt go in the pool the other kids won't play with her and how I should go in the pool with her cause there 'is a difference between the above ground pool and our in ground pool and she would feel better if you went in too' and blah blah blah!!!!

Oh.....my.....gosh!

Now yesterday I had a talk with this child about how if she doesn't want to do something she doesnt have to but if she puts on that swimsuit and goes in the pool then that is HER choice (or really whatever activity as it just isn't about the pool). No one holds her down and puts the swim suit on her, no one drags her out by her heel and into the pool, stands there and blocks the ladder so she can't get out and then blackmails her to look like she is having fun! HER CHOICES. An hour later she is back in the swimsuit on her own and in the pool and was the last one in! Then it seems goes home and whines to her father that my daughter and the other SA kids made her do it!

So....could I go in the pool (there by taking my time away from all the other kids I watch) and hold her hand or make the other kids play with her when they want to go in and she doesn't. REALLY!???????????


Let me point out....she has been coming here for three years and is in 2nd grade!!

I am ready to beat my head against a wall! NO! I will not force the kids to play with her if she chooses not to want to do what everyone else are doing. She CAN go and do something else if she likes. But I am not forcing the kids to do what she wants to do all day. NO! I will not go in and hold her hand. She is either willing and able to go in and swim on her own or she can splash in the provided kiddie pool/sprinkler. NO! There is no difference between an in ground or above ground pool! Oh wait there is! YOUR POOL IS DEEPER! NO! I will not allow you to stand on my doorstep every day for the rest of the summer informing me about peer pressure and how 'bad' my daughter and the other children are for trying to get her involved in things.

*insert hair pulling icon*

WHAT IS WITH PARENTS?

I know....how about we let the kids work things out, teach your daughter to make good choices on her own and allow her to grow in the process

[Willow]

It's not just kids. I'm seeing more and more people in general who make choices and then whine to high heaven about how miserable they are. Seriously. DUH! I swear it's an epidemic!

I loooooooath it when people play the victim card. Kids and adults alike it's just so freaking stupid.

Kids being encouraged to behave that way WILL turn into baby whiner adults who are then confused when you tell them to grow up and be accountable for their own choices.


I'd tell dad she is obviously manipulating them with her lies and you have no clue why she'd do such a thing. Point blank ask him why he thinks she might be doing such a thing because that is NOT what is going on at your house. Point put that if he thinks other children going about their own business ignoring her is "peer pressure" that you are truly concerned about her lack of self confidence and decision making skills. I'd maybe go so far as to suggest a mental health eval if she is feeling THAT MUCH pressure just from other kids living their life and her merely observing.

Admittedly I'd nip this harder than a lot of other stuff simply because I am extremely intolerant of "victims" who really aren't

[Heidi]

"Sometimes peer pressure can be a positive thing, DCD. It's only when it's used for evil that it becomes a problem"

[preschoolteacher]

Try to get the problem off your shoulders, and turn it into something to work on with the DCG.

If a physically-able 2-year-old wasn't walking, you wouldn't permit a parent to guilt you into carrying the child around. No, you guys would sit down and talk about how little Bobby needs to learn to walk... and you would brainstorm how to help him... and you'd get the parents on board to work on it at home.

So for this girl, you could phrase it as... "Peer pressure exists, and it always will exist. We want to teach Sally how to stand up for herself and do what is right. She's old enough now to have these skills. Mom and Dad, you want her to be able to do this, because you will not always be there to protect her. When she gets into middle school, you want her to be able to say no to drinking, drugs, dangerous behavior, etc. We need to teach Sally how to speak her mind and not be persuaded."

Put the problem right back where it belongs, with Sally. It's not YOUR problem. It's a skill Sally needs to develop.

You can check out library books about peer pressure. There are lots of strong girl characters, especially in chapter books for children this girl's age. What about the American Girl series? Just a brief Google search about girls standing up to peer pressure would turn up many books.

And I'd also considering stop calling it "standing up to peer pressure" because that puts the blame on the other children. It's not THEIR fault. Not like they are asking her to do something bad! You could call it "sticking to your choices" or "sticking your ground" or "not being persuaded" or "thinking for yourself."

[daycarediva]

Try to get the problem off your shoulders, and turn it into something to work on with the DCG.

If a physically-able 2-year-old wasn't walking, you wouldn't permit a parent to guilt you into carrying the child around. No, you guys would sit down and talk about how little Bobby needs to learn to walk... and you would brainstorm how to help him... and you'd get the parents on board to work on it at home.

So for this girl, you could phrase it as... "Peer pressure exists, and it always will exist. We want to teach Sally how to stand up for herself and do what is right. She's old enough now to have these skills. Mom and Dad, you want her to be able to do this, because you will not always be there to protect her. When she gets into middle school, you want her to be able to say no to drinking, drugs, dangerous behavior, etc. We need to teach Sally how to speak her mind and not be persuaded."

Put the problem right back where it belongs, with Sally. It's not YOUR problem. It's a skill Sally needs to develop.

You can check out library books about peer pressure. There are lots of strong girl characters, especially in chapter books for children this girl's age. What about the American Girl series? Just a brief Google search about girls standing up to peer pressure would turn up many books.

And I'd also considering stop calling it "standing up to peer pressure" because that puts the blame on the other children. It's not THEIR fault. Not like they are asking her to do something bad! You could call it "sticking to your choices" or "sticking your ground" or "not being persuaded" or "thinking for yourself."

SOOOO many SA kids lack these skills, everyone is a follower and NEEDS to be liked, included, validated, etc.

Here we call it "making your own choices".

There is no 'peer pressure' to play legos because everyone else is playing legos. It's a CHOICE. You do not HAVE TO chose legos. Now if the kids were picking on her or making comments because she chose something different they would be met with a "It is Sally's CHOICE to paint. It is your choice to play legos. Both are good choices."

[Heidi]

Try to get the problem off your shoulders, and turn it into something to work on with the DCG.

If a physically-able 2-year-old wasn't walking, you wouldn't permit a parent to guilt you into carrying the child around. No, you guys would sit down and talk about how little Bobby needs to learn to walk... and you would brainstorm how to help him... and you'd get the parents on board to work on it at home.

So for this girl, you could phrase it as... "Peer pressure exists, and it always will exist. We want to teach Sally how to stand up for herself and do what is right. She's old enough now to have these skills. Mom and Dad, you want her to be able to do this, because you will not always be there to protect her. When she gets into middle school, you want her to be able to say no to drinking, drugs, dangerous behavior, etc. We need to teach Sally how to speak her mind and not be persuaded."

Put the problem right back where it belongs, with Sally. It's not YOUR problem. It's a skill Sally needs to develop.

You can check out library books about peer pressure. There are lots of strong girl characters, especially in chapter books for children this girl's age. What about the American Girl series? Just a brief Google search about girls standing up to peer pressure would turn up many books.

And I'd also considering stop calling it "standing up to peer pressure" because that puts the blame on the other children. It's not THEIR fault. Not like they are asking her to do something bad! You could call it "sticking to your choices" or "sticking your ground" or "not being persuaded" or "thinking for yourself."

[Crystal]

I'd nip it in the bud NOW. The next time dad says that, I would say to his child, right in front of him, "since you have so many complaints about swimming to your parents at the end of the day, you will not be allowed to swim today." And then I'd follow through. I'd give her books and have her sit in a shady spot while the rest of the group swims. However, since it has already happened today, I'd just tell her without dad there and not let her swim.

One day of that and I'd almost guarantee she won't complain to her parents for no reason again.

[Heidi]

I'd nip it in the bud NOW. The next time dad says that, I would say to his child, right in front of him, "since you have so many complaints about swimming to your parents at the end of the day, you will not be allowed to swim today." And then I'd follow through. I'd give her books and have her sit in a shady spot while the rest of the group swims. However, since it has already happened today, I'd just tell her without dad there and not let her swim.

One day of that and I'd almost guarantee she won't complain to her parents for no reason again.

oooh oooh Crystal don't mess around!

[Crystal]

oooh oooh Crystal don't mess around!

Haha! I AM serious though. She's too old for that nonsense. If she hates it so much, take away the privilege. Simple IMO.