Give Me Strength - Tell Me This Will End

[momma2girls]

Do not be afraid to term a biting, hitting, pushing kid. If you are worried about losing his income, you need to think about losing the other well-behaved kids' incomes as the parents pull their kids out due to injury. Set a limit of the # of incidents you are willing to tolerate and tell mom that you are at your final warning. At least, that's what I would do

I agree!!! It is not worth keeping and having your child or worse another child getting hurt or bitten!!! Be careful, you may start loosing other children, families because of this one!!!

[Unregistered]

BentlyBands I did NOT say it WAS ADHD I said LOOK into every possiability. Its people like YOU who have NO idea HOW HARD it is to have a SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD. I WISH I had someone tell me something was wrong with my Son when he was 2 and just as agressive as this little boy instead of saying it was NORMAL toddler behavior because it was NOT he is SPECIAL NEEDS and I didnt find out till he was 5 BECAUSE everyone kept saying his behaviors where normal when they where NOT luckly he has gotten the help he needs and is doing well BUT his toddler years would of been ALOT easier for him if he would of gotten the help he needed then.

[MarinaVanessa]

I was curious to see if there was any progress with the biter. I also wanted to share a few things that I've picked up along the way that have helped me because although toddlers and biting is relatively normal behavior, it does not mean it is acceptible behavior.

It's great that you are working with the child to get him to stop but I would suggest keeping it even more simple. Keep shadowing him but try to make it seem as though you are not doing it so that he doesn't realize that you are giving him extra attention. Remember that with kids negative attention is still attention to them, they might actually be biting to get attention. Intervene when he is about to do something or has done something and firmly and calmly but simply say "No bite", "No hit", "No throw" etc. Be careful not to get angry with him or show frustration. Stay calm and don't overreact because this reaction might excite him even more.

I found that instead of using time outs for a child that bites just saying "No bite" and then moving him as far away as possible from the other child and ignoring the biter for a few minutes works better. Then you can focus on the child that was biten. He may then realize that "Hey, when I bite she doesn't pay attention to me. She pays attention to the person that I bite".

Also I occasionally remind the biter that "Biting hurts, owie" when the child is not doing any biting at all. This just reminds them that biting is not ok. Then a quick hug and big smile and say "Thank you for not biting" or "You're being so good. No biting yay!". Be excited when he is being good (positive reinforcement) and following the rules.

You know I took a training about discipline and behavioral challeges and they actually say to avoid asking the parent to pick up the child after biting/hitting because this can actually reinforce the habit of biting. Usually toddlers bite/hit because they are jealous, overly tired, teething, frustrated, angry, there have been recent major changes at home or in daycare, the child has too much structure, not enough structure, or just to see what happens. Remember that they are toddlers and learning about their surroundings and cause & effect. Also being picked up and taken home because they are being "bad" can add to any anxiety.

You can talk to the mom again and show her what your routine is at daycare and what you do if this happens and then ask her what her routine is at home and suggest that she stick to it religiously (or create a routine if she doesn't have one already) and adopt your method of handling the biting issue so she can do this at home. Having a routine and being consistent in both the daycare and at home can relieve some of his anxiety. Oh and make sure that mom is giving him enough sleep at home. This method has worked for me and the kids that I have/had had and actually pretty much works well whether it's biting, hitting, pushing or throwing things at kids. Keep us posted.

[DancingQueen]

MarinaVanessa those are all great suggestions - a lot of them I've used with him but a few I might try.
I think the hardest part is that he does NONE of this behavior at home. But part of the reason is that he is NEVER challenged at home. As I've said before he is an only child lives with mom, gramma and grampa. He gets anything he wants whenever he wants it. He is catered to constantly and they admit to it.
Gramma said "we don't say no to him because we don't need to - the stuff he wants is all with in reason"
So the child is NEVER told no. LOL
So when he comes here he thinks that every toy he can have whenever he wants it. Every seat he wants to sit in, every book he wants to read.. etc....
So those instances make sense to me.
the times when he just walks up to someone and slaps them.. those are the times I just don't see coming and I don't understand what is behind it.
Today he was getting in the car seat.. he has to pass my 1 year old in her seat to get to his seat. She didn't touch him at all.. He swats at her and yells "NO HIT"
I saw the entire transaction - she wasn't even looking in his general direction.
Or today when my daughter was playing with her magna doodle and he wanted to watch. She let him watch - then she handed him the pen and let him have a turn. He took the pen thens pit on the magnadoodle and pushed her and said "NO HIT" ?????
When it is about sharing or him taking toys or someone in his space - I can usually catch those mid-swing. But the ones like I just described? I just don't see them coming. They are often times whenI'm RIGHT THERE when I have him in the same room as me so no one gets hurt. And he always stops after and smiles at me with that "I'm the sweetest little boy in the world" smile. And it is quite honestly getting hard for me to treat each new instance as a single event. By time 3pm rolls around I've had it. And I think I start showing my frustration.

This morning I went into the living room to turn off the TV
I went to walk down the hall to the play room and I notice he isn't in the play room.
I asked my dd where he was and she said "he went that way"
I head back down the hall and he is sitting in the time out chair with that same smile on his face
I asked him why he was there and he said "I bit Ella"(mydd)
I go into the play room and ask Ella if he bit her and she started getting teary eyed and showed me his teeth clearly on her arm. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said "I didn't want him to have to go to time out again"
She loves this little boy. And so do I. But c'mon!

[DancingQueen]

He took the pen thens pit on the magnadoodle

that should read

He took thep en then SPIT on the magnadoodle

[Live and Learn]

that kiddo has to go.
You will start to lose your other clients if you don't term the naughty lil guy.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I would document every time, it will be a pain,.. maybe make a deal out of it,.. Isaac, this is your occurance notebook. Each time you are mean to someone or have to go to time out we will write the reason why. date and mention every single thing, what happened, what you did. Then I would give the other kids hand stamps for good behavior,... at pickup time,.. and then when he asks for his get out the notebook,... read through what happened. "sorry Isaac, maybe tomorrow you wont have any " writes". And you can have a handstamp too. But today you did not behave and you will not get a handstamp. Maybe on fridays, let the kids who had 3 or more handstamps watch 5 min of cartoons before nap? (Ive done this and it worked for me)

[MarinaVanessa]

Yes document, document, document. This boy is a toughie but you nailed it right on the head. He doesn't do this at home because at home there is no one to compete with and he is never challenged. If you are adamant to try to resolve the issue or at least work with them I would highly encourage that they punish at home for something done in DC. I wouldn't normally feel this way but it seems like he is not being taught that this behavior is wrong at home because he has no reason to challenge them. For example, if he bites then have one/many toys taken away at home. "Today you bite [child]. No toy" or something like that.

It seems to me like you have already tried many things and it is just not working out. He knows that its wrong, he put himself in time out for crying out loud, but he still does it. Obviously he thinks that the punishment isn't that bad. *sigh* I don't think you have a choice here but to either send home or to terminate. You have tried many things already. Now you have to think about the rest of the group.

[countrymom]

I had the same kid today sit on the younger one, but mom keeps saying thats how they play at home (the 2 brothers) but come on, I now send him to the corner all the time, I don't put up with nothing anymore. Sometimes he spends more time in the corner sometimes only once a day. Like yesterday, mom is telling me how he threw his glasses under her bed and she couldn't find them, well here he gets punished if he takes his glasses off (the other kids also tell me) how are his eyes going to get better if he doesn't wear them. And then he poured coffee on the library books and mom had to pay for the damage, and she just made up an excuse, oh he was tired, he's 2 give me a break.

[ninosqueridos]

I term'd a dcg a couple of months ago for similar behaviors - I just couldn't leave the room without hearing another of her "victims" scream - it was terrible. Lots of explaining to the other dcps.....AND it was hard b/c I adored her, but her Mom was in complete denial and was beginning to question ME and whether I was being truthful. I cannot explain to you the RELIEF on the faces of my other dcps when they found out she would no longer be with us. The days are peaceful now. Good luck!

[QualiTcare]

I agree!!! It is not worth keeping and having your child or worse another child getting hurt or bitten!!! Be careful, you may start loosing other children, families because of this one!!!

i agree. my son was being bitten on a daily basis, usually multiple times, by the same kid when he was in daycare. she didn't bite anyone else - just him - and the teachers said it was for no reason. she'd just run up and bite him and he never retaliated. they tried observing and documenting to find her "triggers" but there really weren't any. finally, my husband and i went together to talk to the director and told her she would either have to move the biter, move my son (to another room) or we were taking him out - and i mentioned how sad it was that a "good kid" was going to have to leave because of an out of control child. luckily, this was a center so she had the ability to move the kid to another room and get her away from him. i know you don't have that option, but parents won't tolerate their "good kid" being bullied for very long. if you have to lose a child, it should be the one causing the trouble.