Screamer in the DC!!!

[Leigh]

I wasn't going to say anything but it irks me when people state things like your above.

Holding a child constantly does NOT produce healthy attachment.

In fact it quite usually produces children who are very unsure of the world around them and are prone to be fearful/anxiety ridden in general later on in life.

It is probably why as you described in another thread, your son couldn't stand you turning your back to him. How he couldn't stand to be separated from you.

That level of angst and anxiety is *not* healthy attachment.


It absolutely 100% *IS* important that parents and caregivers be consistent....meaning not just parents doing the same thing at home all the time and caregivers doing different things consistently at daycare all the time. All need to work together to offer a single consistent experience for the child or it will result in the separation anxiety you described as well as what others have shared in this thread.

My son is NOT full of angst and anxiety. He went through a period of not liking me to turn my back on him when I was doing dishes or other things where I had my back to him in the kitchen. He plays VERY well independently, he does very well with other kids. He isn't afraid of people, he doesn't have separation anxiety. As I stated, he is VERY well adjusted (and this is not just my opinion, but that of his doctor and his social worker-who still visits to observe his interactions with Bio-brothers who were adopted by family).

I did NOT state that holding a child constantly produces healthy attachment. I tried to get across that it does NOT harm a child, and I stand by that 100%. A child who is NOT worried about whether his needs will be met is a well-adjusted child. A child left to cry, whose caregivers don't hold him to try to "teach" him something is the one who will have the issues. I just termed a kid whose parents told me that she cried because she was spoiled...she was 9 months old. They didn't hold her because they didn't want to spoil her worse (as they were advised by previous daycare to do). Attachment disorders can result from NOT being held enough.

I'm sorry that I was not clear enough on my post on another thread-I was NOT trying to imply that my son had attachment issues (as he does not)...he went through a period where he didn't want to see me working in the kitchen with my back to him.

I find your personal attack to be condescending, aggressive, and incredibly rude, but I want to thank you, DR. Willow, for diagnosing my child when his OWN pediatrician, 3 social workers and family counselor were unable to. BRAVO!

[Willow]

Letting a child cry it out does not produce attachment disorders.

Frankly I'm shocked that any daycare provider would ever claim such a thing because short of caring for one child and one child alone it would be impossible to tend to their needs 100% of the time.


What you've put out there about your own child, and what you've stated about attachment do not jive. I'm sorry if you don't like that I said something about the contradictions but it is what it is.

A lot of people have misconceptions about attachment driven parenting and advocating holding a child "constantly," as you said you did, will not benefit the masses should they make that same choice themselves.

That's not my opinion, it's behavioral science and it has been proven as far as the development of children goes.

[coolconfidentme]

I've been reading a lot about colicy babies. He seems to fit the profile.

[Willow]

I've been reading a lot about colicy babies. He seems to fit the profile.

My son was "diagnosed" with colic at the age of about 6 weeks and it stuck around until he was about 4 months old. He didn't stop fussing when picked up, rocked or held. He just hated life all the way around the whole time it lasted and I'm not going to lie, so did I . If it would only have been as easy as picking him up I'd have about a million less gray hairs

Colic typically manifests in the first month and resolves by month five. It typically doesn't hold off until the age your daycare kiddo is now, nor does it resolve with being picked up.

There is no official test for it so who knows for sure, but I'd guess mom and dads confession that he's being held a tremendous amount has everything to do with his inability to be happy and secure unless an adult is right there in his face.

[coolconfidentme]

My son was "diagnosed" with colic at the age of about 6 weeks and it stuck around until he was about 4 months old. He didn't stop fussing when picked up, rocked or held. He just hated life all the way around the whole time it lasted and I'm not going to lie, so did I . If it would only have been as easy as picking him up I'd have about a million less gray hairs

Colic typically manifests in the first month and resolves by month five. It typically doesn't hold off until the age your daycare kiddo is now, nor does it resolve with being picked up.

There is no official test for it so who knows for sure, but I'd guess mom and dads confession that he's being held a tremendous amount has everything to do with his inability to be happy and secure unless an adult is right there in his face.

DCM says he has been a crier since he was a month old. He old stops crying when he is held & walked around. UGH!!!

[Blackcat31]

I had one of those too. (BOTH a daycare kid and my own)

The DCK stopped crying if I picked him up and walked around holding him all day. If I even made the motion to start bending over to put him down, he could "feel" it and would immediately start screaming.

I stuck it out until he was a year old and he suddenly just stopped. It was like a light switch. He was 3 days shy of his 1st birthday and he just stopped crying.

His mom and I joked that he just hated being a baby but had high hopes for toddlerhood. ::

There must have been some truth to that because since then he has been the best kid ever. Always happy, very social and totally into making everyone laugh! Total ham and super cute! (He will be 3 in July).

If I had to do it over again....I'd run farther and faster than you could imagine within the first month.

My DS? Well, he stopped crying around age 5. NO clue what his deal was....he was held, not held, in family care, center care, relative care, nanny care and then my own daycare....still cried.

He is 21 yrs old now and the most fantastic kid ever but he is also my last....for the above reason.

Sorry I have NO advice other than as a child care provider, I would never agree to deal with that ever again.

[coolconfidentme]

I had one of those too. (BOTH a daycare kid and my own)

The DCK stopped crying if I picked him up and walked around holding him all day. If I even made the motion to start bending over to put him down, he could "feel" it and would immediately start screaming.

I stuck it out until he was a year old and he suddenly just stopped. It was like a light switch. He was 3 days shy of his 1st birthday and he just stopped crying.

His mom and I joked that he just hated being a baby but had high hopes for toddlerhood. ::

There must have been some truth to that because since then he has been the best kid ever. Always happy, very social and totally into making everyone laugh! Total ham and super cute! (He will be 3 in July).

If I had to do it over again....I'd run farther and faster than you could imagine within the first month.

My DS? Well, he stopped crying around age 5. NO clue what his deal was....he was held, not held, in family care, center care, relative care, nanny care and then my own daycare....still cried.

He is 21 yrs old now and the most fantastic kid ever but he is also my last....for the above reason.

Sorry I have NO advice other than as a child care provider, I would never agree to deal with that ever again.

My BF says I need to change my DC name to The Island of Misfit Toys because I take in all the stays nobody wants to deal with. He has to remind me I can't save them all, .

I have high hopes for my town crier. I tell him every day he will find a reason to be happy & do great thing one day cause I believe in him! In the meantime..., I will run farther and faster than I can imagine!