Would You Say Something...

[daycare]

Today at pick up one of my DCP arrived and their child was sitting in time out for hitting another child. This mom knows we don't use time out very often unless it is for purposely hitting someone.

Well DCK is sitting in TO screaming like someone is hurting them. I ignore it. Child must have been there less than 1 min and is age 2. Well as soon as DCK hears that it is mom they run over and mom cottles them and hugs and kisses them and feels bad that they were in time out. REALLY?? I just told you that they went to time out for hitting another child. DCM says nothing to the child about what they did being wrong, HItting is not ok, NOTHING...Just awe poor baby.

DCM is taking forever to pick up. I am ignoring them and going on with my way. While I am helping another child in the bathroom, Her other child age 4 strikes my child. I hear nothing about it at that time.

As soon as the DCF leaves, my son (age 17) tells me that he saw the above incident occur and that DCM said to my little younger child oh well too bad...............

I was already bothered by the incident with the first child and now this. I am pretty upset about it.

What would you say? Since I did not see it happen, but I do believe my own children who said it did, I just don't know how to go about it.

[MamaBearCanada]

I would address both issues.

DCM needs to respect your rules & support you in enforcing them otherwise their child will never respect you because in their eyes mom can overrule any consequence you set. Perhaps talk to the mother about the child's aggression, ask how she deals with similar situations at home, and remind her that at your house the child needs to know that they must obey your rules - including staying in timeout until it is complete. The child should not leave just because mom is there. Mom can wait 2 minutes! You can't make Mom take responsibility for her child but you can stop her undermining you & your rules. Either she agrees or she leaves.

As for the second issue - ask the mom what happened. Don't tell her who told you just ask and see what her reaction is. If she denies it perhaps say something like: "Ok, I just wanted to check because this is my child's home and just like the DCKS they are not to be mistreated. I take aggressive behaviour very seriously. I would be very concerned if that had happened and your response was to blow it off. In fact, I probably would have considered asking you to find care elsewhere."

I say this because I would be prepared to term.

If she admits to it explain why it bothers you & give a warning.

[Leigh]

Oh my God! I'd tell her that not only do you expect her to back up your rules in YOUR home, but you would expect that should would ALSO deal with things in your home, such as when her other kid hit YOUR kid. Tell her I know what happened, and I'm appalled that you just said "too bad" to my kid rather than dealing with your child's inappropriate behavior.

[littlemissmuffet]

You are talking about the same mom in both situations?

First situation, I would have addressed immediately and said "Jane, I have rules in my home - and one of those rules is no hitting. I do not appreciate you demeaning my authority in MY home. Please, respect me, my rules and my home from here on out."

Second situation: "Jane, I was informed that little Johnny hit my child. I was also informed you witnessed this incident and responded with "Oh well, too bad." Unfortunately for you, this is MY home and MY child's home and it is my job to not only protect your children but of course, to protect my own - as a result, this is a final warning to you that you and your children are to behave appropriately in my home or I will no longer be able to provide care."

I would expect the parent to then terminate, and I would be 100% ok with that. I don't want people like that in my home... teaching littles how NOT to behave.

[Unregistered]

They would be on the edge of termination for the mom's behaviour not the child's.

[Josiegirl]

Can you afford to terminate? I know it's sometimes easier said than done. But I would be spreading the word you're looking for more children. It doesn't sound like this mom is on the same page as you. At All.

[daycarediva]

You are talking about the same mom in both situations?

First situation, I would have addressed immediately and said "Jane, I have rules in my home - and one of those rules is no hitting. I do not appreciate you demeaning my authority in MY home. Please, respect me, my rules and my home from here on out."

Second situation: "Jane, I was informed that little Johnny hit my child. I was also informed you witnessed this incident and responded with "Oh well, too bad." Unfortunately for you, this is MY home and MY child's home and it is my job to not only protect your children but of course, to protect my own - as a result, this is a final warning to you that you and your children are to behave appropriately in my home or I will no longer be able to provide care."

I would expect the parent to then terminate, and I would be 100% ok with that. I don't want people like that in my home... teaching littles how NOT to behave.

yup yup.

I am also appalled at how parents ALLOW their children to behave. 2's can be taught not to hit! 4, 5, 6yo's shouldn't have this issue anymore!

[LaLa1923]

You are talking about the same mom in both situations?

First situation, I would have addressed immediately and said "Jane, I have rules in my home - and one of those rules is no hitting. I do not appreciate you demeaning my authority in MY home. Please, respect me, my rules and my home from here on out."

Second situation: "Jane, I was informed that little Johnny hit my child. I was also informed you witnessed this incident and responded with "Oh well, too bad." Unfortunately for you, this is MY home and MY child's home and it is my job to not only protect your children but of course, to protect my own - as a result, this is a final warning to you that you and your children are to behave appropriately in my home or I will no longer be able to provide care."

I would expect the parent to then terminate, and I would be 100% ok with that. I don't want people like that in my home... teaching littles how NOT to behave.

It would take everything I had not to term immediately.

[Blackcat31]

They would be on the edge of termination for the mom's behaviour not the child's.

On the edge?!?

They'd be termed IMMEDIATELY if that happened in my house!!

Daycare ~ I'd absolutely address that and I would do it CLEARLY, IMMEDIATELY and probably with some not-so-nice words!!!

I am increasingly appalled at the behavior of adults now days.