Odd Request....

[daycare]

So the girl that I have been posting about and her family have made an odd request.

DCM has told me that every where they go there are issues with their child. Things like massive meltdowns so bad they have to leave where they are, other adults saying rude things to her about her child's behavior and what not.,

Well DCM came in tonight begging me to teach her how I care for her child all day and how I am able to get her to behave. They offered me to $$ to teach them and asked if I would come to their house. I have done something like this in the past, but the person was more of a friend of mine, so I agreed to it.

I can't see doing this for a DCF. I could see how it could go so wrong. I told her that I didn't have time to do anything like that, but I would be willing to set up a behavior plan together with both parents and that we could have a meeting next week. She looked at me while crying and said please please help us..........

HOw far do you go?????

[blandino]

So the girl that I have been posting about and her family have made an odd request.

DCM has told me that every where they go there are issues with their child. Things like massive meltdowns so bad they have to leave where they are, other adults saying rude things to her about her child's behavior and what not.,

Well DCM came in tonight begging me to teach her how I care for her child all day and how I am able to get her to behave. They offered me to $$ to teach them and asked if I would come to their house. I have done something like this in the past, but the person was more of a friend of mine, so I agreed to it.

I can't see doing this for a DCF. I could see how it could go so wrong. I told her that I didn't have time to do anything like that, but I would be willing to set up a behavior plan together with both parents and that we could have a meeting next week. She looked at me while crying and said please please help us..........

HOw far do you go?????

See, I have genuinely thought of this before. Almost like super nanny. But parents have to follow through after you leave, and that is the hard part (IMHO).

There is a reason that her child behaves the way they do at home, and those reasons really need to be discovered.

Is there maybe a parenting philosophy book that you could recommend ?Maybe Love and Logic ? I would also emphasize to her that things will get MUCH WORSE before they get better, and she just needs to push through.

[daycare]

See, I have genuinely thought of this before. Almost like super nanny. But parents have to follow through after you leave, and that is the hard part (IMHO).

There is a reason that her child behaves the way they do at home, and those reasons really need to be discovered.

Is there maybe a parenting philosophy book that you could recommend ?Maybe Love and Logic ? I would also emphasize to her that things will get MUCH WORSE before they get better, and she just needs to push through.

I have never really relied on any one given book, I take a little from a lot. I guess I could get a some name of some books and pass that on.

Honestly, I think that even if I did go and super nanny that family it would still fail, because I see that they give so many false threats and never follow through.....this is where they lose

[Crystal]

I think your offer to work on a behavior plan with them is fine. It is not your responsibility to parent the child with them.

Another option is to allow them to observe at your place. That is how my families know how I "get the children to listen and behave" for me. Observing redirection, limited choice, natural consequences, etc. IN ACTION gives them the tools that they can then practice at home.

[daycare]

I think your offer to work on a behavior plan with them is fine. It is not your responsibility to parent the child with them.

Another option is to allow them to observe at your place. That is how my families know how I "get the children to listen and behave" for me. Observing redirection, limited choice, natural consequences, etc. IN ACTION gives them the tools that they can then practice at home.

Do you think that it would work with the child knowing the parent is there?
This child turns into the devil when the parents come to pick up

[blandino]

Another option is to allow them to observe at your place. That is how my families know how I "get the children to listen and behave" for me. Observing redirection, limited choice, natural consequences, etc. IN ACTION gives them the tools that they can then practice at home.

BINGO !!!!

The only thing is the child may act out/respond differently since the parent is there. Which will make it harder on you, and probably a little more dramatic for the child. But it would still work.

[Leigh]

Seriously, all the advice these parents need is probably this:

1. Turn off the television
2. Close your laptop
3. Hang up the phone
4. Pay attention to your children
5. Do what you say you will do, even if it inconveniences you.

How many times have I regretted offering a consequence that hurt me at LEAST as much as the kid? I follow through anyway. That's why your kid listens to me and not you.

[Josiegirl]

SO true Leigh!

I'm wondering if the little girl mentioned is 4 or 5? That seems to be the age where I lose any control over the dcgs.
Personally, I wouldn't do something as the parents wanted, like someone said...they're the parents not you. They need to be firm and consistent. Don't make promises of discipline that you don't keep, watch what behaviors you're actually rewarding, and no bribery! Well, okay maybe a little bit bit my goodness, some parents go way over the top!

[daycarediva]

Dh says I should start a Nanny 911 service! LOL!!!


I would give them advice, ideas, a behavioral plan, a set of family rules, and the consequences and then tell them that the amount of success they have is up to them, follow through and consistency.

[Evansmom]

I think your offer to help them with a behavior plan is enough. I'm sure it's hard for them to be struggling with their child but it really needs to come from them and not you. Besides like the previous posters mentioned, when you're at their house or they're at yours DCG likely won't act the same and it could actually be confusing for her.

If I were you I'd probably also kindly mention the fact that they are not following through with consequences and get them to start there. I know it only took one or two times for my own kids to get it that momma isn't playing around. If they could put their foot down and suffer the tantrums that will happen but then remember it pays off big time after kids realize you mean what you say I think that would be a good place for them to start.

[cheerfuldom]

I would do a behavior plan.

if you have the time and resources, video and edit what a day at daycare looks like. I am sure you will catch yourself correctly the children appropriately and the parents can watch. they can also see their child behaving in action and will see what their child is capable of.

for me, I would go and "nanny 911" a family. but I would create a plan of action for this and require payment

[Laurel]

I would do a behavior plan.

if you have the time and resources, video and edit what a day at daycare looks like. I am sure you will catch yourself correctly the children appropriately and the parents can watch. they can also see their child behaving in action and will see what their child is capable of.

for me, I would go and "nanny 911" a family. but I would create a plan of action for this and require payment

I was also going to suggest maybe they can have someone come and video tape the day....at the parent's expense of course. Also blur the other children's faces unless you have their parents permission to leave them in.

As someone else said, I think you should tell them that you observe them giving their child too many chances and maybe they could start trying to change that.

Otherwise, just have them seek professional help with family counseling perhaps.

Laurel

[AmyKidsCo]

Run away! No way would I do something like that, for all the reasons everyone else mentioned.

But I've got parenting books that I lend to parents all the time. My favorites are the Love and Logic books, but 123 Magic is popular too.

[daycare]

I decided that I will just help with a behavior plan which we can go over in a meeting....they are going to pay me for my time. BUT I still think that it will be a waste of time..

Just this morning DCG is dropped off and on Friday she was allowed to bring a movie. Her mom asks me if it is still ok and that she left it in the car. I say yes and DCM goes to get the movie. When she retruns DCG starts hitting mom, scream crying and yelling I wanted the dora movie not elmo. Mom starts saying how sorry she is awe poor baby. DCM says should I drive back home and get it. BTW they live 30min the otehr direction

I was shocked. I walk over and say, DCG we do not hit. Please apologize to your mother now. DCG does. I then say, would you like Elmo or no movie at all. She scream for the other one. I tell her, I am sorry, but this is not a reason to be screaming or crying. You are ok, you are not hurt. If you are sad you may be sad, but stop scream crying now. Meanwhile dcm is just looking at me with this look on her face like OH NO my poor baby.

I again say would you like to watch elmo later today or nothing at all, she says Dora. I say that is not a choice. which do you want Elmo or nothing at all. DCG finally calms and says Elmo. Great job, thank you for making a decision. Now say goodbye to mommy.

I point DCG in the classroom direction and mom looks at me and says, I can go back home and get it, I don't want her to be upset......

Yeah.....not going to work no matter what I do unless these parents are hit over the head with a reality stick.......

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I decided that I will just help with a behavior plan which we can go over in a meeting....they are going to pay me for my time. BUT I still think that it will be a waste of time..

Just this morning DCG is dropped off and on Friday she was allowed to bring a movie. Her mom asks me if it is still ok and that she left it in the car. I say yes and DCM goes to get the movie. When she retruns DCG starts hitting mom, scream crying and yelling I wanted the dora movie not elmo. Mom starts saying how sorry she is awe poor baby. DCM says should I drive back home and get it. BTW they live 30min the otehr direction

I was shocked. I walk over and say, DCG we do not hit. Please apologize to your mother now. DCG does. I then say, would you like Elmo or no movie at all. She scream for the other one. I tell her, I am sorry, but this is not a reason to be screaming or crying. You are ok, you are not hurt. If you are sad you may be sad, but stop scream crying now. Meanwhile dcm is just looking at me with this look on her face like OH NO my poor baby.

I again say would you like to watch elmo later today or nothing at all, she says Dora. I say that is not a choice. which do you want Elmo or nothing at all. DCG finally calms and says Elmo. Great job, thank you for making a decision. Now say goodbye to mommy.

I point DCG in the classroom direction and mom looks at me and says, I can go back home and get it, I don't want her to be upset......

Yeah.....not going to work no matter what I do unless these parents are hit over the head with a reality stick.......

I am TRULY baffled by this group of parents who never want their child to be sad. The fact that these children are failing to develop coping skills when things do not go the way they would like them to at home is effecting them in every area of life and will continue to for the rest of their lives. It is maddening.

I have one child and the parent is as extreme as the one you listed above. Her child, one of many, has a ridiculously difficult time coping with the other children not obeying him. They don't and he is always whining, pouting, yelling, crying. The other children pay him no mind.