Would It Be Wrong?

[cheerfuldom]

LOL! See, you are giving your perspective as a provider.

That was my perspective as a parent.

Now, as a provider, I think I might have done the same thing and felt the same way BUT it was not something I had to see differently because of my specific situation (having a separate house for daycare) because when my kids were younger and weren't in school, they actually had to get up and leave their personal toys/belongings and come to "work" with me.

So I am not necessarily disagreeing, I am just thinking from a parent viewpoint but bottom line is this should all be discussed prior to enrollment and like you said, as ling as the parents are on the same page as you are about this, it's all good.

Different things work for different people.

yes thats a good point. I do understand why some parents would have an issue with it, I just wouldnt change anything as a provider. I cant please every parent out there so I just do what works for me and either the parents can roll with that or they cant. There are plenty of choices out there for daycare and like you said, as long as everyone is upfront with expectations and boundaries, its not normally a problem.

[Play Care]

My kids were mine but I expected them to behave and follow the same rules as the daycare kids during daycare hours.

I too, think it's fine that your DS has his own car that he does not have to share with the other kids but I wouldn't let him use it during daycare hours.

I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.

When I first read the OP, I'll admit I cringed a bit and thought "I wouldn't do that" But then I remembered my own kids have their bikes that are not for dc use. :: However my own kids are in school and not dc age, and the kids couldn't physically ride their bikes (2 wheelers) anyway. When they were dc age, I did as other posters and they had their toys in their room or the basement family room and they could decide if they wanted to share (or not) but they were not going to bring out a toy that only they could play with. I wouldn't allow the dc kids to do that either...
I know the beauty of this business is that we can run things as we see fit, but one of the main reasons parents choose centers over in homes is because of perceived favoritism for the providers own children.
I guess I would either buy a new/used coupe for the group or do as another poster and ban anyone who is arguing over it from using it that day. That should leave the door open for at least one child to get to use them::

[SilverSabre25]

To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.

[SilverSabre25]

Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.

[bunnyslippers]

Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.

I don't want you to go to that grumpy space! You and your children can have nice stuff ~ you just need to figure out what the limits will be with the daycare kids. I am sorry you are torn, but you will figure out what is best for you!

[Crystal]

I'd treat it like this:

If DCK's are allowed to bring their personal belongings and do not have to share them, then I would treat my own child the same.

If DCK's are NOT allowed to bring personal belongings from home, I would treat my own child as if HE were at daycare, not at home, and not allow him to bring his personal belongings out around DCK.

I look at it like, if I were working outside of my home and my child was in daycare, he would be treated the same as all of the other dck. It should be the same at his own home. He can be "home" after hours, just like the dck.

I'd also consider how every other child felt, not just my own. If my child were in daycare and I found out that other children were receiving special privileges and mine was excluded from that, I would be downright livid, and I think most here, (even those who claim otherwise) would feel the exact same way. IMO- there should be NO double standards.

[Crystal]

Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.

I see your point, but why can't your child have nice things AFTER the other children have left? It would be the same if he were in daycare elsewhere. He'd go to daycare, play with daycare toys, then come home and play with his own toys. Just like you DCK do.

As far as the other children being mean to him, I'd put a stop to that immediately. They'd lose every privilege that they overstepped boundaries on....even if that ended up being everything by the end of the day. They'd be informed that it would not be tolerated for one second, just as you would not tolerate anyone being mean to them. My son's toys would be strictly available to him only, but in his room only, which is where he would have to go if he wanted to play with them during daycare hours. I'd put up a gate to the hallway that leads to his room to keep the other kids away from his room.

[MissAnn]

Well one thing is for sure....he has a LOT of toys all to himself once the daycare kids leave!

Somehow along the way we've developed a story about my house. During the day it's a daycare and has lots of kids things in it. When the last kid of the day leaves it turns into my REALLY nice house. In the playroom a hot tub comes out of the floor and I get in it every single night. All toys go away. The kids ask lots of questions.....does the TV go away????? I say NO! We watch it! It's been a really fun story. I guess it's like that for your son (OP)....during the day it's daycare and then when all those kids leave.....it's his home all to himself with only his family.

[bunnyslippers]

I think this whole thread is probably one of the main reasons I am packing it in this year. I have never been great at treating my own kids like the other daycare kids. My daycare is in our basement, and that is an area where everyone can access everything ~ no special, including my own kids. Over the years, though, I have found it harder and harder to limit my own kids from accessing their own stuff. This is their home, and the line became fuzzy. all of my upstairs rooms are off limits to the DCKs and their families...but it still got tricky.

Recently, I was directing my son ( he is 2.5) to help clean up the toys with the dcks. He was refusing, and being pretty defiant. I told him that next year, when he goes to preschool, his teachers will need him to help clean. He looked me right in the face and said, "Mama, I clean up preschool. This is my home not my school." Trust me, he then was informed he must clean up his home as well....but it did show me that it was really time to be done. We need this to be our home again, without the daycare part.

[Cradle2crayons]

I think this whole thread is probably one of the main reasons I am packing it in this year. I have never been great at treating my own kids like the other daycare kids. My daycare is in our basement, and that is an area where everyone can access everything ~ no special, including my own kids. Over the years, though, I have found it harder and harder to limit my own kids from accessing their own stuff. This is their home, and the line became fuzzy. all of my upstairs rooms are off limits to the DCKs and their families...but it still got tricky.

Recently, I was directing my son ( he is 2.5) to help clean up the toys with the dcks. He was refusing, and being pretty defiant. I told him that next year, when he goes to preschool, his teachers will need him to help clean. He looked me right in the face and said, "Mama, I clean up preschool. This is my home not my school." Trust me, he then was informed he must clean up his home as well....but it did show me that it was really time to be done. We need this to be our home again, without the daycare part.

That's why it's important for my kids to understand this is their home and their stuff is their stuff.

I have no problem with x things not being daycare things. I've never had a parent complain. I've never had a child complain.

I agree its an excellent learning experience for both your kids and the dck to learn that x things are NOT daycare things. And for your son, op, to understand that too.

It's not complicated for me. Look at it like this. Regardless of daycare, your kids are your priority. It's too easy now a days to coddle and be fair. Life isn't fair. And like others said, your idea of fair will never be the same as a kids idea of fair anyway.

Get your little one the coup. Maybe look around for another used coup so all three can have a car. And teach all of them some very valuable life lessons.

[Willow]

I'd do it.

In the grand scheme of life I'd rather end up with a couple of irked parents than have my child resent their raising in the midst of my career choice.

In every home you go to children have special toys of their own. If I were to visit a daycare family's home I would never expect their children to share EVERYTHING they have with my kids either.

Why would that or should that not go both ways?

Heck, even within daycare groups certain toys are off limits to others....toddlers can't play with mini Lego sets and you don't let older children gum on the baby toys right? Kids bring lovies in for naptimes and they're not expected to share those with the group too.

Not having everything you want or having everything everyone else has is simply a part of life. Although I make it a point to be fair to an extent fact is my children are not daycare children and there are different "perks" and cons that go along with being in their shoes. It's impossible to put everyone on the same playing field and I don't believe it's reasonable to push for 100%

[Willow]

I'd start watching garage sales for trikes or bikes because at 4 and 5 they're getting way too old for CC's anyway

[e.j.]

When my kids were little, they did have their own non-shared toys, but they couldn't bring them into the playroom and play with them in front of the other kids.

I'm not sure I'd get a cozy coupe that didn't have to be shared, but that's just me.

I agree. I've always treated my dc kids as though they were my own when they are with me. I wouldn't want to so obviously exclude them from using a new toy. I just couldn't do that to them.

I wouldn't have a problem buying my child his own Cozy Coupe but I'd have him use it after the others went home. Until then, he'd use the 2 cars the other's were using and they'd all just have to take turns.

On a side note, I have a whole fleet of Cozy Coupes. My husband found many of them for cheap at yard sales/flea markets. The kids have their favorites that they still fight over but I always direct them to another car until the favorite ones are available.

[TheGoodLife]

Aww, hearing how the others treat him makes ME want to buy him his own coupe :hug: Good luck in your decision!

[MissAnn]

To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.

So, how does giving your son exclusive toys help the daycare boys to want to "play nice" with him? Seems like a different strategy could help the boys play nice....or nicer. Why can't you just buy another cozy car that is for the whole group to avoid resentment? Play games that are for 3 or more. Praise the dc boys when they are playing nice. Enroll a child closer to his age? It just seems to me that your strategy could make things worse. It sets him further apart from the boys...versus solving the underlying problem.