CPS Duo

[m.kids1301]

Just want to know if anyone has any suggestions for me. I just started last week watching 2 siblings; 7 month old girl and almost 2 year old boy. I've been working with this family for about 13 years and it's pretty dysfunctional. I cared for the 3 youngest and now their mom has a new baby and her oldest son is the father of these 2 I'm now caring for. He and the kid's mom don't work because he doesn't want to! Mom wants to go hang out with friends and she got a court order against the dad because they argue constantly, but they keep getting back together again. The mom has been staying at a shelter and was warned if she left they'd remove the kids. She did, and they did. Grandma, the dad's mom, doesn't want them in foster care because she thinks they'll never see them again, so she's trying to care for these 2, and an 18 year old, 9 year old and her 4 month old! The 2 kids haven't been taught much of anything, but the baby was being breastfed which is now bad because she's having to take a bottle. She cries when she's here nearly 80% of the time. I was able to get her to calm down for a while when I was holding her but I cannot just sit and hold her constantly. Has anyone else dealt with kids like this? I feel for the kids and want to help, and I can understand their grandma's desire to keep connected to them. She's not sure she has the patience to keep caring for the girl very long. I'm not sure if I will keep my sanity! Thanks for any suggestions.

[Michael]

Welcome to the forum.

[hope]

It is very nice of you to help this family out. Are you warming the bottle enough? Have you tried a soft blanket against babies cheek as she feeds? Swaddling? White noise?
Each baby is different in what soothes them but sometimes when a baby has never been soothed you can find some routine that will begin to. Try to black out room baby is napping in with some white noise and rub back. As for feeding, try to lay. Soft blanket inbetween you and baby as you hold her so she longs for that. Bf babies prefer warmer bottles. Try re warming after baby has taken some. Don't let it cool down too much. Hope you find something that works. Best of luck.

[Leigh]

Just want to know if anyone has any suggestions for me. I just started last week watching 2 siblings; 7 month old girl and almost 2 year old boy. I've been working with this family for about 13 years and it's pretty dysfunctional. I cared for the 3 youngest and now their mom has a new baby and her oldest son is the father of these 2 I'm now caring for. He and the kid's mom don't work because he doesn't want to! Mom wants to go hang out with friends and she got a court order against the dad because they argue constantly, but they keep getting back together again. The mom has been staying at a shelter and was warned if she left they'd remove the kids. She did, and they did. Grandma, the dad's mom, doesn't want them in foster care because she thinks they'll never see them again, so she's trying to care for these 2, and an 18 year old, 9 year old and her 4 month old! The 2 kids haven't been taught much of anything, but the baby was being breastfed which is now bad because she's having to take a bottle. She cries when she's here nearly 80% of the time. I was able to get her to calm down for a while when I was holding her but I cannot just sit and hold her constantly. Has anyone else dealt with kids like this? I feel for the kids and want to help, and I can understand their grandma's desire to keep connected to them. She's not sure she has the patience to keep caring for the girl very long. I'm not sure if I will keep my sanity! Thanks for any suggestions.

Even at this very young age, kids grieve the loss of a parent (even a horrible parent). I urge you to contact CPS for some guidance on how to comfort the child. I am a foster parent as well as daycare provider-CPS workers with experience have lots of knowledge about these situations (finding one with experience is the problem!). Even if they can't help, they can direct you to someone who can help you at no cost to you. Best of luck, and bless you for trying!

[cheerfuldom]

It sounds like this little one needs A LOT of one on one attention and time to bond with her daycare provider. Its up to you if you have the time and patience needed to fulfill her needs. She has been thru a lot already for sure but the best thing is to be honest with grandma about what you can and cannot do. Perhaps she would do better with a SAHM or someone with a very small ratio of kids.

[rmc20021]

Even at this very young age, kids grieve the loss of a parent (even a horrible parent). I urge you to contact CPS for some guidance on how to comfort the child. I am a foster parent as well as daycare provider-CPS workers with experience have lots of knowledge about these situations (finding one with experience is the problem!). Even if they can't help, they can direct you to someone who can help you at no cost to you. Best of luck, and bless you for trying!

I agree...children who go into foster care usually need more/different kind of care than kids who come from loving, caring, stable families.

[m.kids1301]

Thanks for all the suggestions; most of that is what I'm trying. We're not sure how long this will take. Mom skipped her visitation today but their dad kept his time. The little girl is getting more used to us, but she wants to be held ALL the time, and I just can't do that in a group setting. I'm not sure if grandma is going to try to get custody if the parents don't get their act together because she doesn't think she can handle this little thing crying so much. So sad for these little things!

[Leigh]

Thanks for all the suggestions; most of that is what I'm trying. We're not sure how long this will take. Mom skipped her visitation today but their dad kept his time. The little girl is getting more used to us, but she wants to be held ALL the time, and I just can't do that in a group setting. I'm not sure if grandma is going to try to get custody if the parents don't get their act together because she doesn't think she can handle this little thing crying so much. So sad for these little things!

It can really be hard on the daycare providers when parents skip visits, too! I've been the foster parent AND the daycare provider in this situation, and it hurts either way to see what these losers are allowed to do to their kids. Just wait 3-4 years until the kids are completely bonded with someone else and THEN a judge sends them back to the chaos of their "real" parents. For some reason, the judges often completely ignore the best interests of the little lives the laws are written to protect.

Best of luck with this situation-the only people who seem NOT to get hurt by it are the parents who skip visits and continue to make bad decisions.

[Angelsj]

You can hold her and still get things done. Try a Moby Wrap or similar device.

She can get the soothing she needs to bond, and you can still do other things.