What Is Going On With These Two!

[turkey]

Hello Everyone! I have never posted anything on here, but I have read so many threads and haven't found an answer to my situation!

I have a 20 month old dcg, who had been with me for a year now. About 2 months after the first dcg enrolled, another dcg about 3 months older enrolled. both full time, both early arrivals. My issue, Is the younger/first enrolled child acts out, swings at, grunts at, this other child instantly when she arrives at dc. This results in the arriving child to cry, and need some sort of comforting to calm down. (or at least this is what her mom thinks) Im lost. I've tried to re direct, give high fives, hugs, say hi!, but it doesn't work. 10 minutes after parents leave, I can "make" then hug and high five, this usually results in someone crossing their arms or grunting about it, but then. VOILA! Their friends! .... Any suggestions? should I stop making them hug, say hi? I was initially thinking my first enrolled child was jealous.. but it's been 6 months! I think the attitude started to escelade about a month ago. My first enrolled child also has issues with keeping her hands to herself.. is the other dcg scared of her? I don't think she likes this new dcg taking my time. how do I fix this? Im tired of this newer dcg whining when she walks in the door and sees other dcg.

[daycarediva]

They just may not get along. I would have other dcg actively engaged when dcg comes in the door, and then spend some 1:1 getting newer dcg comfortable before you encourage them to greet each other.

[NeedaVaca]

Can you set your 1st arrival up with coloring or play doh at the table when your 2nd child is due to arrive? It will make the drop offs easier for everyone that way. If they are having trouble keeping hands to themselves then I would have a no touching rule even for hugs for a while.

[cheerfuldom]

I never force kids to hug or touch others. Thats disrespectful.....we wouldnt force an adult to hug someone they didnt want too, right? I think you are making it worse OP, not better. I would put the first arrival at an activity while caring for the second and give that second child some space and time to transition to daycare. Even 5 minutes should be fine. Who wants someone right in their face in a door way and then some other person forcing hugs and stuff?

[Heidi]

Can you set your 1st arrival up with coloring or play doh at the table when your 2nd child is due to arrive? It will make the drop offs easier for everyone that way. If they are having trouble keeping hands to themselves then I would have a no touching rule even for hugs for a while.

I was going to suggest this, too. Put her in a chair with an activity nearby. Then, you can greet child #2 fully and invite her to join in the activity.

I agree with the other poster who said I don't make them hug. At this age, they don't have the motor skills to always distinguish "hugs" from wrestling, so I tend to discourage it. Any touches should be "gentle hands, gentle hands", and giving them the message that they "have to" hug seems disrespectful. Totally get what you are trying to accomplish, though.

[Play Care]

I never force kids to hug or touch others. Thats disrespectful.....we wouldnt force an adult to hug someone they didnt want too, right? I think you are making it worse OP, not better. I would put the first arrival at an activity while caring for the second and give that second child some space and time to transition to daycare. Even 5 minutes should be fine. Who wants someone right in their face in a door way and then some other person forcing hugs and stuff?

[butterfly]

They just may not get along. I would have other dcg actively engaged when dcg comes in the door, and then spend some 1:1 getting newer dcg comfortable before you encourage them to greet each other.

I have one similar to yours OP. I have a little girl that's been here since birth. She's been here longer than anyone else here currently. She acts kinda like a dog who's protective of her territory. She's very aggressive when others come near her or act interested in what she's playing with. I have a constant battle with her to "use her words" instead of scream or get aggressive. She's been here long enough to know better and know that that behavior is not acceptable here, but she gets away with it at home so it's a never ending battle. She has no routine or consistancy at home and gets whatever she wants with a scream at home. It's a hard habit to break when she gets rewarded for that behavior in other environments.

I always tell my dck to apoligize. I don't force physical touch with her especially since that is often a cause of issues with her. (hitting, pushing, etc) I constantly redirect and encourage kind words.

:hug:

[rmc20021]

They just may not get along. I would have other dcg actively engaged when dcg comes in the door, and then spend some 1:1 getting newer dcg comfortable before you encourage them to greet each other.

Ditto...The one arriving second may be doing some of it due to the response she's getting from mom. I'm sure she's somewhat apprehensive, but some of it may be put on too.

Some kids just don't click...

[turkey]

Thankyou for your opinions! I have had my first child busy with an activity, at the table, on the floor, but she wants to come and see what's going on. Im not sure if strapping her into a highchair when 2nd child arrives is practical/or the way to go either. I see what you mean about telling them to hug.. I never really thought of it that way. But what I don't understand is why they are great after this happens... ?? Thoughts? They share, they "talk" they high five all day/pound it ( that's their favorite thing to do around here) The attitude only lasts for a Maximum of 2-5 minutes, then you would have no idea there was even an issue...I posted this last night, and this morning I repetitively told my first dcg "***" is coming soon and there was no issue this morning at all

[cheerfuldom]

Thankyou for your opinions! I have had my first child busy with an activity, at the table, on the floor, but she wants to come and see what's going on. Im not sure if strapping her into a highchair when 2nd child arrives is practical/or the way to go either. I see what you mean about telling them to hug.. I never really thought of it that way. But what I don't understand is why they are great after this happens... ?? Thoughts? They share, they "talk" they high five all day/pound it ( that's their favorite thing to do around here) The attitude only lasts for a Maximum of 2-5 minutes, then you would have no idea there was even an issue...I posted this last night, and this morning I repetitively told my first dcg "***" is coming soon and there was no issue this morning at all

Glad it was better. It just sounds like a transition issue. The second ones needs a moment to get used to the idea that she is at daycare and just mentally transition to the change. If the 2nd insists on coming to the door, you need to give her something she can do at the door or some instruction....a spot on the floor where she has to stand until 2nd girl is in and puts her things down and they both are directed to go play. The 1st girl needs direction on how to handle this social scenario. You dont just jump on someone when they come in the door!