Absent Mother And Mothers Day..

[allsmiles]

as i was reading you guys great ideas on mothers days gifts and i was getting excited and i just thought of my newest dcb, he is 4 and CPS took him from his mothers home.. he lives with his father in a new city and dad doesnt seem very fond of mom..
i know he is in a better place , but of course kids dont think about any of the bad things they went thru, they just know they miss their mom.. sometimes he cries, poor kid

sighhh.. im gonna try and keep things as positive and upbeat for him as i can.. he may be fine during the project, but i dont know..should i approach things differently with him?

[Play Care]

as i was reading you guys great ideas on mothers days gifts and i was getting excited and i just thought of my newest dcb, he is 4 and CPS took him from his mothers home.. he lives with his father in a new city and dad doesnt seem very fond of mom..
i know he is in a better place , but of course kids dont think about any of the bad things they went thru, they just know they miss their mom.. sometimes he cries, poor kid

sighhh.. im gonna try and keep things as positive and upbeat for him as i can.. he may be fine during the project, but i dont know..should i approach things differently with him?

I am in a similar situation with my one dc girl and I decided to have her make the mother's day card for her dad. Right now he is both

[Michelle]

well, we just make the mothers day card/gift for their mothers anyway.
Maybe it is the extra boost or encouragement that will help get her life straight.
maybe not... doesn't matter
If a child has a mother, do your best to have the child make at least a card.
Dad can figure out what to do with it. It's all about the kid loving his mom and that's whats more important.
Last year we had some foster kids and we made gifts for both adoptive mom and biologically mom.. they both should be honored

[Lyss]

Is mom not in the picture at all? Or dad wouldn't pass the gift along like the other thread?

I've had kids make things for grandma if no mom or other mom figure. Or I just let them make the project for whoever they want. I just spin it into making a gift for a special person so no one feels singled out

[allsmiles]

Mom lives in another state, the kids were taken away due to neglect and i dont know if dad is in contact with her or not. Its more the fact that it is a VERY soft spot for the dcb..He has only been with us a few weeks, but he has cried a few times about missing home.. i dont want be insensitive or to stir up any hurt feelings.. Do the foster kids ever vent to you or get upset about their situation? i just will have my hugs ready..

[Michelle]

Mom lives in another state, the kids were taken away due to neglect and i dont know if dad is in contact with her or not. Its more the fact that it is a VERY soft spot for the dcb..He has only been with us a few weeks, but he has cried a few times about missing home.. i dont want be insensitive or to stir up any hurt feelings.. Do the foster kids ever vent to you or get upset about their situation? i just will have my hugs ready..

I have had kids come from homes that horror stories were written about!
Extreme abuse , neglect, malnourishment ( their stomachs were bloated as in those 3rd world country commercials!) it was so bad that the parents went to jail for 5 years and even after everything these kids went through... they still wanted their mommy and daddy and cried for them all the time!

They had their parental rights immediately terminated and never got to even hold the baby mom was pregnant with... she was handcuffed while giving birth..I know... pretty extreme, but so was what she did! :confused:

But in spite of all of this.... I still had the kids make their mom a Mothers Day gift, they had no idea mom & dad were in jail and never got it.

The point is to try get to a normal routine and do the things that every kid gets to do.. not to be excluded for something that is not their fault!

[allsmiles]

I have had kids come from homes that horror stories were written about!
Extreme abuse , neglect, malnourishment ( their stomachs were bloated as in those 3rd world country commercials!) it was so bad that the parents went to jail for 5 years and even after everything these kids went through... they still wanted their mommy and daddy and cried for them all the time!

They had their parental rights immediately terminated and never got to even hold the baby mom was pregnant with... she was handcuffed while giving birth..I know... pretty extreme, but so was what she did! :confused:

But in spite of all of this.... I still had the kids make their mom a Mothers Day gift, they had no idea mom & dad were in jail and never got it.

The point is to try get to a normal routine and do the things that every kid gets to do.. not to be excluded for something that is not their fault!

oh definately he will do the craft.. i guess i was looking for the words or ways to help him deal with whatever might arise when we do it.. but thanks guys.. glad to know others have dealt with this.. im sure I will be blessed to say just what he needs to hear at that mioment!!:hug::hug:

[luv2teach]

Perhaps you could ask Dad if he would be willing to pass the card/gift along first?

If not, I agree with the poster who mentioned doing something for Grandma. That is what I have done in the case where a parent has passed away.

[AmyKidsCo]

It's hard without knowing the child... if you think he'd feel better making the gift/card for his Mom then that's what I'd do, and ask Dad for the address so you can mail it to her. But if not, is there a grandma or aunt he could make the gift/card for?

Or he could make it for Dad instead. I had a family with 2 moms so on Father's Day the child made a gift/card but instead of "#1 Dad" I wrote "#1 Mom" on it. (or whatever)

[Michelle]

oh definately he will do the craft.. i guess i was looking for the words or ways to help him deal with whatever might arise when we do it.. but thanks guys.. glad to know others have dealt with this.. im sure I will be blessed to say just what he needs to hear at that mioment!!:hug::hug:

We were told to say... (when kid is crying for mom) " I know you are sad right now and that's o.k.... mommy can't take care of you right now but "Mary" loves you and is taking care of you right now." .. no other explanation, as to the details or promises should be given..then over time just make this statement shorter ..it's up to the social workers/relatives/etc. to give explanations...
I have had a kid ask me.." but why doesn't my mommy want me?"
I would say.. That is a very important question and I will have "Mary" (or whoever you are told to refer these questions to.) talk to you about this!

There are some really good websites for foster care
We are with the kids most of the day and it's important to know what to say when hit with the hard questions!
I would text the dad and let him know that his ds will be going home with the gift and ds is very proud of it ... but if the little boy does not want to make a gift... then don't force him

[Bookworm]

It's hard without knowing the child... if you think he'd feel better making the gift/card for his Mom then that's what I'd do, and ask Dad for the address so you can mail it to her. But if not, is there a grandma or aunt he could make the gift/card for?

Or he could make it for Dad instead. I had a family with 2 moms so on Father's Day the child made a gift/card but instead of "#1 Dad" I wrote "#1 Mom" on it. (or whatever)

Years ago, when I first started in daycare, I had a family somewhat like this. Mom completely abandoned them and dad became both parents. When May rolled around whe sent out invitations to the annual Mother's Day lunch and included dad. He was excited to be included and said he would be there. Well, his job wouldn't give him the time off and his daughter had a very hard time with hi not being there. Grandma came in his place, but DCG was still upset. All the other moms took turns comforting her trying to make her feel better.

When I looked around a few minutes later, dad was coming in the door. He didnt want me to announce him, he wanted to surprise DCG. When she saw him, I can't begin to describe the look on her face. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Everyone agreed to give him the prize from the raffle we held every year. It was a week of free daycare. I still choke up when I tell people this story.

[MsLaura529]

Years ago, when I first started in daycare, I had a family somewhat like this. Mom completely abandoned them and dad became both parents. When May rolled around whe sent out invitations to the annual Mother's Day lunch and included dad. He was excited to be included and said he would be there. Well, his job wouldn't give him the time off and his daughter had a very hard time with hi not being there. Grandma came in his place, but DCG was still upset. All the other moms took turns comforting her trying to make her feel better.

When I looked around a few minutes later, dad was coming in the door. He didnt want me to announce him, he wanted to surprise DCG. When she saw him, I can't begin to describe the look on her face. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Everyone agreed to give him the prize from the raffle we held every year. It was a week of free daycare. I still choke up when I tell people this story.

I'm sitting here trying not to cry while reading this. JUST the type of story I needed to hear tonight, thank you!

[Brooksie]

as i was reading you guys great ideas on mothers days gifts and i was getting excited and i just thought of my newest dcb, he is 4 and CPS took him from his mothers home.. he lives with his father in a new city and dad doesnt seem very fond of mom..
i know he is in a better place , but of course kids dont think about any of the bad things they went thru, they just know they miss their mom.. sometimes he cries, poor kid

sighhh.. im gonna try and keep things as positive and upbeat for him as i can.. he may be fine during the project, but i dont know..should i approach things differently with him?

I have a friend who has raised his daughter for the past 9 years alone. The mother never wanted to be in the picture. Last yea I saw on his fridge that she had drawn him a card for mothers day and it said something like " To the best Mommy ever, I love you daddy" It was so sweet, I could have cried. For parents that are playing both roles I would still let him participate but maybe guide him towards doing it for his daddy.