Timeouts

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  • Cradle2crayons
    Daycare.com Member
    • Apr 2013
    • 3642

    #16
    Originally posted by sharlan
    DISCLAIMER: I am not going to try to cause controversy, but I want honest opinions.

    I grew up with the theory of using a quick swat on the rear end or the hand of a child to get their attention. I am not talking about beatings or abuse. Everyone says, no, you can't do that anymore. It's abusive, doesn't get the desired effect, blah, blah, blah. (I diagree, but that's not my issue.)

    I started using time outs, and have found that they work well for me. Maybe I am using them wrong. I basically give the child a choice - do what I want you to do (eat, pick up the toys, stop whatever) - or go to time out. Now I hearing that time-outs rank up there with swats/spankings/physical abuse.

    Ok, so what "natural consequences" do you use for behavior?

    Child won't eat - I take away the plate, throw the food away, and the child takes a nap. The child doesn't get a sweet treat for snack, if that's on the menu. What do you do?

    Child gets wound up and won't settle down - I send to time out for the child to regroup. What is your acceptable solution?

    Child refuses to share. Most of the time, I don't make them share, if they had that toy first. I have way too many toys.

    Child refuses to pick up - my worst thing as far as my parents are concerned - I rarely make the kids pick up, I do it myself at nap or after they leave. (I am working on this, but it's hard because I want things put away MY way.)

    Give me other scenarios and your solutions.

    No claiming Provider X is an idiot for not doing things your way.
    I use time outs... They've worked well for me for 20 years and no kids were damaged because I used it. Even though I don't use it as a first line of discipline.... I still use them. Opinions are like... Well you know..l everyone has one. If something is working for you, use it. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make your choices bad.

    As far as the picking things up for my personal kids, I have what we refer to as the "uh oh box" it's a big box with a list of laminated chores... If they leave their stuff out, I pick it up and in order to get it out, they have to pick a chore and complete it and I have to check their chore.

    The daycare kids pick up or they don't get the toys. If they leave them on the floor, those toys get out up for x amount of time or days until they can learn to pick up.

    In my CDA and NHI info, natural consequences are defined as negative or positive consequences. For instance. A child isn't acting right while swinging. You say, Johnny if you keep doing that you are going to fall out of the swing. Johnny continues, he falls out. Likely he isn't hurt but of course a fall scares them. That's a natural consequence for not minding.

    At my house, if kids don't eat, they do without until the next snack or meal.mthey don't go to time out for that .

    I use time outs pretty much like you do. If repeated re direction and distraction etc don't work, I use it as a consequence. Not to be weird, but it's not realistic for me to shadow four kids who aren't minding. My personal opinion and I'm sure to get bashed for this, our society has gotten to the point that we don't want a child to be sad they are in time out. We are so worry their feelings may be hurt that we don't want to discipline them anymore. I got spanked as a child and I'm not damaged. Yes, they are designed to sting and sting they did. Duh that was the point. As an adult, if I break the law there are punishments for that. Oh wait, now our prisons are better than some elderly people live. No wonder people don't respect the laws, there really aren't any consequences anymore and that's exactly how some people want to raise children. Not me, my kids know there are very real consequences for what they do. They are all well adjusted high functioning emotionally stable children. Wen they break the rules they know the behavior isn't good and there are consequences. They also know when they do good, there are lots of rewards.

    That's my two cents. Lol

    Comment

    • countrymom
      Daycare.com Member
      • Aug 2010
      • 4874

      #17
      do you guys find that you are constantly using time out or redirection with the dck's then you ever did with your own kids.

      Comment

      • JoseyJo
        Group DCP in Kansas
        • Apr 2013
        • 964

        #18
        I think a lot of the time out disagreements have to do with semantics. There are times IMO when children need to have a chance to cool down and regroup. Timeout is a way to do that, it doesn't have to be a punishment, it is a consequence and a natural part of being human that sometimes we need a chance to cool down, calm down, and think about what we are doing.

        We use "think about it" instead of time out here. It is not separation from the provider, it is separation from the behavior/activity that is causing the problem. There doesn't have to be a specific spot for thinking- we have a spot that we use but if it is not available it can be anyplace that is away from the situation and quiet. We use it when there is an undesired, repetitive behavior that the child needs to think about and correct.

        - For example- child knocks over another child's block tower, then laughs. We would say Oh no, we don't knock over other people's blocks! Since they built it they get to decide when/if to knock it down. Do you want to build your own tower so you can knock it down? If it happens again- Oh no! We don't knock over other people's blocks, go play in the other playroom with a different activity please. If they come back in and do it again (unlikely without us seeing it and redirecting, but sometimes they are sneaky!) Oh no! We Do Not knock over other people's blocks. You need to go and think about it.- We give them a few moments (30 seconds or so) to calm down, then go over and ask if they are ready to talk. If they aren't then we give them a little more time. If they are we talk about what happened (briefly, not a lecture) and decide on a better action for the future.


        Not eating: If your not hungry, don't eat. We don't serve sweet snacks (it riles the kids up IMO). So that isn't a problem. If they are playing around they must be done and are excused from the table to wash hands and go "read" (look at books) until everyone else is done. If they are sitting nicely they can stay at table until everyone else is done, then they are excused.

        Won't settle down- Redirection first, to a more physical activity. Then redirection to a sit down activity (coloring, drawing). Usually one or the other solves the problem. If the actions are dangerous (running, hitting, jumping around and knocking people over) then there would be 1 warning then it would be a "think about it" for a minute or 2, then redirection to a different activity.

        Not sharing- for "high demand" toys we set a timer for between 2-5 minutes and everyone who wants that toy gets it for a turn, then gives it to the next person when the turn is over. Works really well for us! (we have 2.5-5 yos) This is usually only for new toys, old every day toys do not have to be shared. They ask if they can have it when the person is done and the person can take as long as they want but gives it to that person instead of putting it up when they are done.

        Cleaning up- We have many, many small bins of toys, all labeled and separated by type. Everyone picks up what they had out at EVERY transition. We run a preschool-like program so there are many transitions to activities (circle time, learning activities, art, outside time, etc)throughout the day. We keep a pretty close eye on everyone and normally know who had out what toys. If someone "refuses" to clean up, I help them! I take their hands in mine and help them pick up each toy. They usually decide after 1 or 2 times of that they would rather do it themselves We have had many children who absolutely will not pick up after themselves at home and do it here quickly and happily. We do make it a game, races, high fives, exclamations of how fast they are, and how good of a job they did. We have a game with the last few children every day where we play eye spy trying to find any toys not in the right bins and putting them where they go. They love this one and always try to beat me in finding the misplaced toys!

        Comment

        • EntropyControlSpecialist
          Embracing the chaos.
          • Mar 2012
          • 7466

          #19
          Originally posted by countrymom
          do you guys find that you are constantly using time out or redirection with the dck's then you ever did with your own kids.
          Here's what I have noticed ...

          The children that are disciplined at home and not allowed to "run the show" rarely, if EVER, require any sort of correction here.

          The children who are never disciplined at home have a really hard time following the rules here. Sometimes, they will fall apart upon being told, "No." and throw a fit that includes going on and on about how sad they are. Their parents do not ever allow them to be "sad" at home and they have no idea how to cope with being corrected or redirected. It's quite ridiculous.

          Comment

          • Cradle2crayons
            Daycare.com Member
            • Apr 2013
            • 3642

            #20
            Originally posted by EntropyControlSpecialist
            Here's what I have noticed ...

            The children that are disciplined at home and not allowed to "run the show" rarely, if EVER, require any sort of correction here.

            The children who are never disciplined at home have a really hard time following the rules here. Sometimes, they will fall apart upon being told, "No." and throw a fit that includes going on and on about how sad they are. Their parents do not ever allow them to be "sad" at home and they have no idea how to cope with being corrected or redirected. It's quite ridiculous.
            totally agree!!! It's a shame to make a kid sad because you correct them

            Comment

            • youretooloud
              Advanced Daycare.com Member
              • Mar 2011
              • 1955

              #21
              Originally posted by EntropyControlSpecialist
              Here's what I have noticed ...

              The children that are disciplined at home and not allowed to "run the show" rarely, if EVER, require any sort of correction here.

              The children who are never disciplined at home have a really hard time following the rules here. Sometimes, they will fall apart upon being told, "No." and throw a fit that includes going on and on about how sad they are. Their parents do not ever allow them to be "sad" at home and they have no idea how to cope with being corrected or redirected. It's quite ridiculous.

              I have one girl who is allowed to run the home. But, here, she's my only challenge on a regular basis. The other kids are expected to behave within reason, and they do. Every kid deserves the occasional bad day, or meltdown, but this girl has several a day here, and nonstop at home.

              They show her they care about her by snuggling her through her tantrums, then cooing things like "I know you wanted tacos for dinner, but mommy had already made meatloaf... Mommy will make tacos tomorrow." I keep telling MOmmy..it's not about the issue, it's about the leverage she has.

              Comment

              • Michelle
                Daycare.com Member
                • Jan 2011
                • 1932

                #22
                DISCLAIMER: I am not going to try to cause controversy, but I want honest opinions.
                ::::::::::

                I wanted to start every post:
                this post has been cleared by Michelle's lawyer,licensing agent,pastor,God,speech writer,moderators,the president,and Oprah....so please don't get mad at Michelle

                but I thought that would be snarky!
                happyface

                just kidding!!!!! just kidding!!!!!

                Comment

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