Timeouts

[sharlan]

DISCLAIMER: I am not going to try to cause controversy, but I want honest opinions.

I grew up with the theory of using a quick swat on the rear end or the hand of a child to get their attention. I am not talking about beatings or abuse. Everyone says, no, you can't do that anymore. It's abusive, doesn't get the desired effect, blah, blah, blah. (I diagree, but that's not my issue.)

I started using time outs, and have found that they work well for me. Maybe I am using them wrong. I basically give the child a choice - do what I want you to do (eat, pick up the toys, stop whatever) - or go to time out. Now I hearing that time-outs rank up there with swats/spankings/physical abuse.

Ok, so what "natural consequences" do you use for behavior?

Child won't eat - I take away the plate, throw the food away, and the child takes a nap. The child doesn't get a sweet treat for snack, if that's on the menu. What do you do?

Child gets wound up and won't settle down - I send to time out for the child to regroup. What is your acceptable solution?

Child refuses to share. Most of the time, I don't make them share, if they had that toy first. I have way too many toys.

Child refuses to pick up - my worst thing as far as my parents are concerned - I rarely make the kids pick up, I do it myself at nap or after they leave. (I am working on this, but it's hard because I want things put away MY way.)

Give me other scenarios and your solutions.

No claiming Provider X is an idiot for not doing things your way.

[Play Care]

Not eating - If they were just sitting nicely but not eating I would let them sit until the meal was over. If they were goofing around or being rude, I would do as you would EXCEPT I would not withhold snack. I would make sure the snack was healthy and that's it.

Child won't settle down. I have this issue in my care now. I find that I need a LOT of structured, provider led activities with my group (mostly young boys).

Child refusing to share. I don't make anyone share a toy they are playing with. The only thing I promise is that when they are done, the other child can have a turn. Could be 5 seconds or 5 minutes, that's up to the child playing. I do not let children "hoard" toys, and a child who frequently lays claim to certain toys will find they are not allowed to play with that toy for a bit.

Child refuses to pick up. This is where I have to remember to get creative. We have "races" or I'll say "Susie, see how fast you can pick up the blue toys!" I have all my bins labeled so the kids know where things go. Mostly I have no issue with it. I do have to supervise and direct thought. No general commands to "go clean up!" If even after that they refuse, I'll admit they get some "thinking time" and I make sure we leave out some toys for them to clean when they are done. I will also make sure to bring out some really fun activity in the meanwhile and say sadly "Oh, I am sorry, but only kids who clean up get to do this. If you pick up those toys and put them back, then you can play." Because really, the only kids I have who dig in their heels and refuse to pick up are old enough to know better

[daycarediva]

This is how I 'discipline' my kids. I am not trying to get them to comply with what I want, what I say. These are the rules everywhere. I am trying to teach them to control themselves, their behavior and to be able to act appropriately anywhere they go.

I give reminders of rules in a positive way BEFORE the behavior is expected. (What kind of feet do we use in the library? YES that's right walking feet! Show me walking feet! What kind of voices do we use? Yes, whisper, can everyone whisper like Miss ****? etc.)

Same at home, outside, relatives homes, stores, ANYWHERE WE GO. Simply because rules are slightly different at different places and I don't EXPECT them to remember them all NOW. Everything is a learning experience.

When a less than desirable behavior occurs, I will remind the child. "What kind of voice are we supposed to be using in the library? Yes, whisper. Let's keep your outside voice put away for now." If the child persists, I position the child NEXT TO ME for more constant/instant reminders.

Time outs are only used when the child is out of control and not capable of reasoning. Here it is called 'taking a break'. "I can see how upset you are that Jane has the truck. Why don't you go take a break until you are ready to talk about it." I have kids who put themselves there now and then come talk to me afterwards.

If a child doesn't eat-they are hungry

I make clean up times easier. Bins are all labeled with photos and even young kids like sorting. I assign them a bin, and they carry it around and collect their toys. The ones done first get to move on to the next activity faster. My playroom can go from trashed to spotless in under 5 minutes for stickers at pickup time, too.

[youretooloud]

The only time I use Time out, is if *I* have just had it with the child, and he needs to be away from me.

It's never been effective for me. Ever. It doesn't even make me feel better. When I let them get up, i'm usually still mad, and the child hasn't learned anything.

Normally, I just remove them from the situation. If they are not playing nicely, but all the other kids are, they have to leave that group and go do something else. The other kids continue playing happily, and the problem causer goes to do something else.

Not eating. That one doesn't bother me. "Like it or Lump it, Eat it or dump it".

Getting wound up....Usually, we all just do something to get the behavior out of our system, then try to get back to what we were doing. If it's REALLY bad, I'll give that kid some hard jobs to do, or i've even made a kid run laps before.

If ONE kid won't clean up, Then he goes to sit down in the other room while the rest of us do it. "Help or get out of the way". If it's getting close to nap time, the non cleaning child has to lay down early. (since he's soooo tired) and Too bad for her, the only available space for a mat is in the back corner of the room...bummer....maybe tomorrow she'll feel like helping so she can join her friends at nap time.

But, honestly, these kids are HORRIBLE at picking up. It frustrates me beyond reason to see where they will stick something, just to get it out of the way.

[Play Care]

Going to be honest here. Today we were outside on the ride on toys. My 4 yo dc boy rode by my almost 3 yo dc girl, reached out and smacked her arm for no reason. When I called him out on it he *lied* to me and said he didn't touch the other child even though I saw him do it.

We have been working on giving others space - we call them our "bubbles" and the children are being taught to stay in their "bubbles" unless they want to give a high five or hand shake. So I *am* being proactive by teaching and presetting. Not touching another child is not something "new" here. We also talk about telling the truth, reading stories and role playing so they learn what this means and why it's important.

So yeah, he did get a time out. I felt better. Sue me::

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do a lot more redirection than I do time-outs. Children are often redirected to a new activity or toy if they can't play nicely with what they're currently playing with. Or, if they can't play nicely with the other children they are redirected to play directly in front of me.

Rules are reviewed constantly here and I usually tell the children the appropriate behavior I expect out of them BEFORE we begin something. For example, when we go to the park I do not allow the children to run (sidewalk would cause physical harm and has in the past) so I tell them, "Walking feet, please! Once we get to the park we can run, jump, skip, and play!" If one attempts to break a rule, they will remind each other.

I DO put children in "hula hoop time" if they are violent or talk back to me/are disrespectful. It nips any attempt at being violent or talking back to me/being disrespectful. They do not receive a warning. They instantly go there and have to play within the confines of the hula hoop until a.) the appropriate amount of time has passed (1 minute per year of age) or b.) they voluntarily agree to make better choices (which can be done prior to the appropriate amount of time passing). Of course, I had a child in the past that had escalating violent behavior and this did nothing to deter that. I had to end up suspending him which led to termination. I tried for 9 months and by that time I was really exhausted. But, for every other child I've had in my care ... it has completely stopped both of these things completely and I have very compliant children here.

[sharlan]

The only time I use Time out, is if *I* have just had it with the child, and he needs to be away from me.

It's never been effective for me. Ever. It doesn't even make me feel better. When I let them get up, i'm usually still mad, and the child hasn't learned anything.

Normally, I just remove them from the situation. If they are not playing nicely, but all the other kids are, they have to leave that group and go do something else. The other kids continue playing happily, and the problem causer goes to do something else.

Not eating. That one doesn't bother me. "Like it or Lump it, Eat it or dump it".

Getting wound up....Usually, we all just do something to get the behavior out of our system, then try to get back to what we were doing. If it's REALLY bad, I'll give that kid some hard jobs to do, or i've even made a kid run laps before.

If ONE kid won't clean up, Then he goes to sit down in the other room while the rest of us do it. "Help or get out of the way". If it's getting close to nap time, the non cleaning child has to lay down early. (since he's soooo tired) and Too bad for her, the only available space for a mat is in the back corner of the room...bummer....maybe tomorrow she'll feel like helping so she can join her friends at nap time.

But, honestly, these kids are HORRIBLE at picking up. It frustrates me beyond reason to see where they will stick something, just to get it out of the way.

The only complaint I've ever had more than once is that I don't teach the kids to pick up after themselves. I didn't teach my own to do it, either. My goal for the summer is to teach the kids to pick up/clean up after themselves.

My 2 grandkids that don't live here, were over visiting yesterday. The eldest 7 1/2 was eating a kiwano fruit and got it all over the table. She puts her fruit in a bag so they can leave, leaving the mess all over the table. I walk out front and she had taken a bag of Cheetos and spilled them on the walkway when she tripped. Yep, I got to clean up both messes.

[countrymom]

I use time outs here. It all depends on the kid

food, well I have yet to figure this one out. I have kids who refuse to eat and wait till snack time and then eat like pigs.

cleaning up, well I sometimes do bribery. If you clean up you get a candy, the one that doesn't clean up gets to watch and doesn't get anything. They learn fast.

I do redirect but it all depends on the kid and situation. I've had kids who I've redirected and come back and do the same thing.

But, I WILL NOT reason or negotiate with a toddler (older kids different story esp if they are your own) so, my sil (before she had kids) would always say how she would never send her kid to time out, that the best parents are the ones that talk to the kids (toddlers) so fast foward to now, she has 2 girls, one is 8.5 and 5.5 yrs old. The younger one talks so bad, and is very rude that they don't know what to do with her. The oldest one has some kind of bizarre behaviors going on too. Dh always says to his sister "so hows the reasoning going" she tells him to shut up all the time.

[Michelle]

I usually sing this song to them if kids are not sharing.." I like the way Sally's sharing" or " I like the way Johnny's eating"

It really does work here..

As far as grand daughter...I would have made her or her mom clean it up.

[Michelle]

I use time outs here. It all depends on the kid

food, well I have yet to figure this one out. I have kids who refuse to eat and wait till snack time and then eat like pigs.

cleaning up, well I sometimes do bribery. If you clean up you get a candy, the one that doesn't clean up gets to watch and doesn't get anything. They learn fast.

I do redirect but it all depends on the kid and situation. I've had kids who I've redirected and come back and do the same thing.

But, I WILL NOT reason or negotiate with a toddler (older kids different story esp if they are your own) so, my sil (before she had kids) would always say how she would never send her kid to time out, that the best parents are the ones that talk to the kids (toddlers) so fast foward to now, she has 2 girls, one is 8.5 and 5.5 yrs old. The younger one talks so bad, and is very rude that they don't know what to do with her. The oldest one has some kind of bizarre behaviors going on too. Dh always says to his sister "so hows the reasoning going" she tells him to shut up all the time.

perhaps maybe a sticker or stamp would be better for a reward than candy?

[Play Care]

I usually sing this song to them if kids are not sharing.." I like the way Sally's sharing" or " I like the way Johnny's eating"

It really does work here..

As far as grand daughter...I would have made her or her mom clean it up.

That has worked with some of my old groups, not anymore. If Timmy is kneeling on the couch and Susie is sitting nicely I will say "I like how Susie is sitting!" And Timmy will say, while continuing to kneel "Nice job Susie!"::

[Hunni Bee]

Ive always done timeout. Its worked for me with 90% of the kids I've had, at either center. Timeout to me just means leave the group for some length of time. It could mean go sit, go look out the window, go stand in the potty and scream, go rearrange all the stuffed animals, go see another teacher...whatever. Remove yourself, regroup and rejoin. But my premise is, you follow instructions or you leave and come back when you're ready to. I only occasionally give rewards, never bribes. If a child refuses to get it together, they might miss out on part of the next/fun activity. Positive reinforcement and redirection are my regular vocabulary.

Eating is not a battle I pick. If you're rude repeatedly, you leave. You don't want to eat, fine. But you don't get to fill up on milk, bread, etc.

Works for me most of the time. I work with a wonderful teacher who has taught me so much about teaching the children to manage their own behavior rather than trying to manage it for them.

[countrymom]

what do you guys do when a child doesn't eat their lunch. Then its snack time. Do you give the kids individual bowls or do a community thing on the snacks. I've tried both with dcg, and she will eat other peoples food too. (I've posted about her before, the eat nothing dcg) last week on our walk dcg freaked out because there was a fruit snack wrapper on the ground and she wanted it.

[littlemissmuffet]

*accidental post

[littlemissmuffet]

DISCLAIMER: I am not going to try to cause controversy, but I want honest opinions.

I grew up with the theory of using a quick swat on the rear end or the hand of a child to get their attention. I am not talking about beatings or abuse. Everyone says, no, you can't do that anymore. It's abusive, doesn't get the desired effect, blah, blah, blah. (I diagree, but that's not my issue.)

I started using time outs, and have found that they work well for me. Maybe I am using them wrong. I basically give the child a choice - do what I want you to do (eat, pick up the toys, stop whatever) - or go to time out. Now I hearing that time-outs rank up there with swats/spankings/physical abuse.

Ok, so what "natural consequences" do you use for behavior?

Child won't eat - I take away the plate, throw the food away, and the child takes a nap. The child doesn't get a sweet treat for snack, if that's on the menu. What do you do?

Child gets wound up and won't settle down - I send to time out for the child to regroup. What is your acceptable solution?

Child refuses to share. Most of the time, I don't make them share, if they had that toy first. I have way too many toys.

Child refuses to pick up - my worst thing as far as my parents are concerned - I rarely make the kids pick up, I do it myself at nap or after they leave. (I am working on this, but it's hard because I want things put away MY way.)

Give me other scenarios and your solutions.

No claiming Provider X is an idiot for not doing things your way.

I personally am all about spanking - and I don't think timeouts really work that well. Obviously I can't spank the DCKs, so here's how I would handle the scenerios you gave...

Child won't eat: Child sits at the table/in highchair until everyone else is done - goes straight down for a nap instead of having free play with the rest of the kiddos before nap (15-45 minutes depending on what time we eat).

Child is wound up/unsettled: Sent to the "timeout" corner to regroup until calm

Child refuses to share: If a child wants a toy, they must ask the other child to use it when they're done - this usually works out. If a child is taking toys, they are sent for a timeout and their favorite toy of the day is taken away for the rest of the day.

Child refuses to pick up: I have the other children leave some of the toys out and until the child refusing to pick up actually picks up they aren't participating in any other activity until it's done.