An Eye For An Eye?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Delving even further, practice makes perfect right?

My home growing up conflict with my siblings was strictly regulated and largely prohibited. I was not allowed to question authority either.


As an adult I have a terribly hard time standing up for myself in relationships with my family, friends and daycare parents.

Perhaps I have no backbone because I was never allowed or encouraged to grow one??

But, on the flip side of things we have all of these wild DCKs who are allowed to tell their parents how things are going to be and have quite the backbone. I fear for their future since they haven't been trained to obey authority.


I intervene when anything physical is involved or really harsh sounding words. I give them the phrasing they need when they are "tattling" or if I see something, and after doing that x amount of times they are able to do it for themselves without any sort of intervention from me. "Please don't do that!" "Please don't hit me, that makes me mad!" "I don't want to play with you right now because you hurt me." "Please let me know when you're done with that toy!" etc. etc. etc.

[countrymom]

Delving even further, practice makes perfect right?

My home growing up conflict with my siblings was strictly regulated and largely prohibited. I was not allowed to question authority either.


As an adult I have a terribly hard time standing up for myself in relationships with my family, friends and daycare parents.

Perhaps I have no backbone because I was never allowed or encouraged to grow one??

acually thats how I grow up but I'm getting better. I think that if I was taught how to use my words and defend myself better it would have been better in grade school because then I wouldn't have been bullied.

[countrymom]

first let me say, that there is a huge difference between little kids (in our care) and grade school kids.

grade school kids are mean, I have never seen such meaness and bullying like this generation and even thou the school will give you the schpeel that they will help you, really they won't. Even higher up won't. They will side behind their employees.

my kids where always taught to never hit another kid, to go and tell. Well guess what that doesn't work anymore, as a matter of fact they are the ones that would get in trouble. So what are they suppose to do, no one wants to help them. they do come home and then I do get involved because no one will listen.

I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer, but i will say that if the complaints where taken seriously then kids wouldn't have to take things into thier own hands.

[Blackcat31]

Delving even further, practice makes perfect right?

My home growing up conflict with my siblings was strictly regulated and largely prohibited. I was not allowed to question authority either.


As an adult I have a terribly hard time standing up for myself in relationships with my family, friends and daycare parents.

Perhaps I have no backbone because I was never allowed or encouraged to grow one??

There were six children in my family (and a slew of foster children).

Conflict in my home was normal, natural and expected (with so many children....it sort of goes with the territory )

The rules for conflict resolution in my home was "Figure it out amongst yourselves"

We were NOT allowed to ever get physical.

We were also HIGHLY discouraged from "tattling" My mom used to say "Unless someone is dead, dying or bleeding, then I don't want to hear about it."

If we fought, my mom/dad NEVER intervened unless it became physical and then we were ALL in trouble. If the fighting got really bad or drawn out and no resolution was in sight, my parents would simply tell us to find something else to do.

From that experience I learned:

• NO hitting or physical behavior is necessary to solve conflict.
• Sometimes I was in the right and sometimes I was wrong.
• Sometimes I was the leader and sometimes I was the follower.....(we all played the different roles at times, depending on how strongly we felt about each situation).
• Fair does NOT mean equal.
• Kids CAN solve their own issues without adult intervention.
• Adults were still the ultimate authority.

I believe as a result of that, as an adult.....I have a great backbone, have zero issues sticking up for myself, standing my ground and speaking up for what I believe in. I am often the one who adds my 2 cents...whether I was asked or not.

So whether that has anything to do with how I was raised or not, I cannot say but I raised my own kids the same way and BOTH are very outspoken, strong individuals who have no issues speaking up for themselves.

My son did experience some major bullying in school but not for lack of being able to stand up for himself....but because the "No bullying No tolerance" rules they have in schools now days go against everything I taught my kids. I didn't teach my children to be tattle tales and I didn't teach them to mediate everything until 50-50 and fair, or that we MUST like and be friends with everyone..

Do I think my childhood played a role in my assertiveness and backbone strength now?

....ABSOLUTELY.