What To Do?

[Unregistered]

I have a sick family member, very close to me ( basically raised me ) and I made plans to go in the summer to visit because her illness, what they are telling us is terminal. After I plan my trip for the summer, they called us again and told us that we should go sooner because chances are if we wait until original date we won't see her alive. When I planned this, I talked to my sub about it and she gave me the OK to plan everything and that she would be here while I was gone. Well now, I need to change my plane tickets and my sub has backed up, not only because is sooner, but because she got bad news herself about her health, just crazy....

Anyways, now I am left with this plane tickets ( bought with sacrifice cause I don't have that much $$$) and not knowing what to do. I don't want to close the DC because we know we will eventually get a call telling us about the passing of this family member we are flying to see, when that happens I will close the DC because of grieving and I will take those days to fly again for funeral services, and that is something I have to do.

Ok, so because I don't want to close... I have a friend, a provider, she can take them for a week, she is in another town but accessible for all my parents, really accessible. Should I just tell them she is going to be my back up? If they refuse or complain? should I just close?
Or should I just not travel and loose my ticket and the chance of seeing her again?

One of the problems is that something similar happened last year, and it all turned out to be OK, I don't want them thinking is just me making stories up, but at the same time this person is like my mother, well she is my grandmother, and I would just be so sad if I don't get to see her. I cant ask one of my families to stay home, because they have a vac schedule for the same month so it would be to much for them and their jobs.

Advice

[NeedaVaca]

You need to do what you need to do! I would not take the chance of canceling the ticket/flight if she is that ill. You might look back with regret for the rest of your life. If you have someone they can use as backup then that's great, the parents can decide if it works for them or stay home or find their own back up. If I had a parent upset with me when I tell them I'm going to see my grandmother for the last time before she passes I would not want them for a client anyway!

[e.j.]

You need to do what you need to do! I would not take the chance of canceling the ticket/flight if she is that ill. You might look back with regret for the rest of your life. If you have someone they can use as backup then that's great, the parents can decide if it works for them or stay home or find their own back up. If I had a parent upset with me when I tell them I'm going to see my grandmother for the last time before she passes I would not want them for a client anyway!

Go. You'll never regret going to see her before she passes away. You have a back-up provider to offer the dc parents. If they complain or refuse to use her, apologize for the inconvenience but let them know they are free to make other arrangements.

[cheerfuldom]

OP please take a moment to re-read your own post as if it was someone else's problem.....

someone is considering NOT using a non refundable plane ticket to go see a very beloved relative that is on their death bed because a daycare parent may be upset over the backup care provided while the regular provider is out of town


there really is no choice to be made here. OF COURSE you need to go see your relative. dont feel bad about this happening so close to your other relative's passing. its not like we have control over these things.

in 5, 10, 20 years....are you going to look back, if you dont go, and have regret for not saying goodbye OR be glad that you stayed so some other people are not inconvenienced. in the big picture, you going is 1000% more important than any daycare family....especially when you have arranged backup care already!

[Unregistered]

OP please take a moment to re-read your own post as if it was someone else's problem.....

someone is considering NOT using a non refundable plane ticket to go see a very beloved relative that is on their death bed because a daycare parent may be upset over the backup care provided while the regular provider is out of town


there really is no choice to be made here. OF COURSE you need to go see your relative. dont feel bad about this happening so close to your other relative's passing. its not like we have control over these things.

in 5, 10, 20 years....are you going to look back, if you dont go, and have regret for not saying goodbye OR be glad that you stayed so some other people are not inconvenienced. in the big picture, you going is 1000% more important than any daycare family....especially when you have arranged backup care already!

The problem is that what happened last year was with the same person. That is when she started to get ill, they called us and told us to go say good bye, I was a wreck, parents were not that understanding about it and it made it worse.
We spent there a week, amazingly she got better and went back home, but we were sure we would not see her again. She kept getting better and she was even able to travel last year and come stay a month with us, she was going to stay longer but her health started to decline again and we had to send her back. She has a social worker, that social worker called my father last week and told him that if he wants to see her "awake" again he should go soon. We had already made plans for June, and I had all set up for that week, had plane tickets and all. Then, after the call from social worker we decided to change tickets and I was still going to have backup in my house for that week, but then my backup went Friday to the Dr and
got bad news about her health, called me and cancelled on me so I was left with nothing. There is when I found another provider that was willing to take them,but parents said no and basically asked me to find another option for them, and I did. Not everyone is in the ideal situation, meaning parents and myself, some parents were able to get full care for the week, others decided to keep them home and another found par-time care so again, is not ideal and I am loosing a lot of money at the worse time. I was ( still am ) so stressed that thought about canceling, but i was basically raised with my grandma and I cannot even think about not being there. Just keep me in your prayers and that all parents can find a good backup that works for them and that all works out for good.

[ksmith]

I would definitely go. Family trumps work. In my contract I make sure to include that I have a back up provider, but there is not guarantee, and that they are are ultimately responsible for finding alternate care. If they don't understand and leave then good riddance.

I had a similar situation this summer. My mother in law was in the hospital and was touch and go so my husband and I immediately left with little notice to daycare parents. Most were understanding but one family. They wound up leaving, but in the end it was for the best. I definitely do not want to care for a family that doesn't understand family emergencies.