Biting

[DaisyMamma]

Kid comes in today and mom is upset that he has a bad bite mark on his leg. She leaves.

I didn't see it happen, but now I can remember he was fighting with a kid over a toy where I couldn't see. I was changing a diaper. I text her this and that I feel so bad. She says she just hopes it doesn't happen again. I just respond yes. But its obvious to me that's an indirect threat. Is it just me? Am I reading too much into it?

If you remember my recent past posts I'm having a hard time myself right now. I've got an assistant here almost all the time now to help and a sub when I need to get out. This incident has kind of upset me more than it should. Or maybe I should he worried?

The kicker is that I've been stopping this kid from trying to bite other kids the last couple weeks. I never mentioned it to parents but now I wish I had. It will only makes things worse if I mention it now.

[MNMum]

I have a biter right now as well. It is really hard to know what to do. On the one hand, I feel like it is a normal developmental thing that some kids go through. I feel like it should be my responsibility to try to remedy it. However, on the other hand, the child is hurting other children.

Now that I am on this child like a hawk, I'm noticing it is more than just the biting, she is doing a lot more pushing and scratching than any of the others.

I'm not sure how much biting parents should have to "put up with". I think she is being unreasonable if this is the first time it has happened to her child.

[Willow]

If it makes you and her feel better just let her know what you're doing to remedy the situation and prevent it from happening again.

Here's what I would shoot over in email if I were in your shoes:

Mom,

I've never had trouble with biting in my daycare before so please know I'm as thrown over this incident as you. Rest assured I am taking it very seriously and am just as concerned about it as you are.

I've networked with some other providers and have decided on top of strict line of sight supervision to sort of who the offender is and what their triggers are, I'm also going to put in place a shadow rule. Any child that bites will not leave my side nor be given the opportunity to bite again. Should I not be able to keep the children around him/her safe regardless of those actions the family of the offender will unfortunately seek care elsewhere as there isn't much more I can do to prevent those sorts of altercations between young children playing.

While I understand you must be upset please know I am too. Of course I don't want any child in my care to get hurt and do my best to ensure everyone's safety.

If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to drop me a line back or we can discuss them tonight at pick up.

Regards,
Provider

[daycarediva]

Kid comes in today and mom is upset that he has a bad bite mark on his leg. She leaves.

I didn't see it happen, but now I can remember he was fighting with a kid over a toy where I couldn't see. I was changing a diaper. I text her this and that I feel so bad. She says she just hopes it doesn't happen again. I just respond yes. But its obvious to me that's an indirect threat. Is it just me? Am I reading too much into it?

If you remember my recent past posts I'm having a hard time myself right now. I've got an assistant here almost all the time now to help and a sub when I need to get out. This incident has kind of upset me more than it should. Or maybe I should he worried?

The kicker is that I've been stopping this kid from trying to bite other kids the last couple weeks. I never mentioned it to parents but now I wish I had. It will only makes things worse if I mention it now.

How old is the child? If the bite was bad enough that it is obviously still a bite, even if you were changing a diaper, how did that go unnoticed? If I have a nonverbal kid screaming, they are usually pulling at/pointing to the injured area.

As far as stopping this particular boy from biting, that's why I am ALWAYS honest with parents about behavior. He could very well have been bitten back, and because you didn't document his previous biting/attempts you don't have much recourse here.

When you are distracted or with another child, where is your assistant? If/when your assistant isn't there, what is your game plan for keeping the kids in line of sight? (for instance when I don't have my older daughter or dh here, all of the kids sit with busy bags outside of the bathroom door where I can see them all and verbally redirect. They then take turns using the bathroom/getting changed.

I like the pp's email, that would be my game plan in the future as well.

[Play Care]

I am surprised that this child was bitten so hard as to leave a mark and he didn't scream? Cry? try to tell? :confused: Obviously it would depend on where it was, but could he have bitten himself?

In the future I would never tell a parent I didn't see anything - especially in a text where you are saying in writing that you were not supervising the children (my regs are clear that a child needs to be in my sight at all times). I do think mom was making a threat - but essentially her child has an injury and you are admitting you have no idea it was there. I might have said "Hmm, we had a great day of play yesterday. Billy did have an argument with a friend over a toy, but it didn't get physical. At no point did he scream/cry that he was hurt. I will certainly keep a close eye on him and get to the bottom of it." After that I might say "Gee mom I have been keeping an extra close eye on Billy. While I haven't noticed any other children biting, I have noticed Billy biting himself and others." (if that's indeed the case) But also in the future I would not keep serious issues from parents.

[NeedaVaca]

It's too bad you haven't previously mentioned the biting to this mom...even in light of him being bitten and how it may seem to the mom I DO think it needs to be mentioned now (very carefully). This mom is upset her DS has been bitten and has NO idea he has also been biting other DCK's. It's very likely he was bitten back and she needs to be brought up to speed.

[DaisyMamma]

He did scream and cry but he is 12 months old. They were in a hallway, which is now going to be gated all of the time. Assistant was not here at that particular moment, of course.

I said to you guys that I didn't see it, but not to her.

[DaisyMamma]

It's too bad you haven't previously mentioned the biting to this mom...even in light of him being bitten and how it may seem to the mom I DO think it needs to be mentioned now (very carefully). This mom is upset her DS has been bitten and has NO idea he has also been biting other DCK's. It's very likely he was bitten back and she needs to be brought up to speed.

I agree. I'm waiting for her to calm down a bit.

[coolconfidentme]

It's too bad you haven't previously mentioned the biting to this mom...even in light of him being bitten and how it may seem to the mom I DO think it needs to be mentioned now (very carefully). This mom is upset her DS has been bitten and has NO idea he has also been biting other DCK's. It's very likely he was bitten back and she needs to be brought up to speed.

I always mention the day's events with the parents whether it be good, bad or indifferent. You never know when it might grow into something else. I had mention to a parent that her DCG was stating in on the little white lies. A couple weeks later the parent came in & said DCG told her so & so bit her the day before & I didn't care. I assured her DCB didn't bit her for he was out that week having his tonsils removed. I then asked DCG why she lied to her mommy (in front of mommy) & she said cause it was fun. Aren't kids precious?!?

[countrymom]

acually how did you not see it when you changed their diapers.

[DaisyMamma]

acually how did you not see it when you changed their diapers.

It was in a weird spot close to his ankle on the back. He wears sweatpants all the time. It covers up that area when I pull them down.

I always mention the day's events with the parents whether it be good, bad or indifferent. You never know when it might grow into something else. I had mention to a parent that her DCG was stating in on the little white lies. A couple weeks later the parent came in & said DCG told her so & so bit her the day before & I didn't care. I assured her DCB didn't bit her for he was out that week having his tonsils removed. I then asked DCG why she lied to her mommy (in front of mommy) & she said cause it was fun. Aren't kids precious?!?

Geeze. Lesson learned. I can see where you're coming from. Thanks. It's a good tip. It's amazing how something little could turn into something big. It's never a dull moment.

[countrymom]

hmm is she sure its a bite mark.

[CedarCreek]

That reminds me that I need to talk to dcbs mommy about the lies he is starting to tell. He told me the other day that he doesn't have a Mom and that he had an old Dad that he hung out with last weekend. I know for a fact that his parents are his biological parents. I need to inform her before he starts telling lies about what goes on here and she believes him!

[DaisyMamma]

I have a biter right now as well. It is really hard to know what to do. On the one hand, I feel like it is a normal developmental thing that some kids go through. I feel like it should be my responsibility to try to remedy it. However, on the other hand, the child is hurting other children.

Now that I am on this child like a hawk, I'm noticing it is more than just the biting, she is doing a lot more pushing and scratching than any of the others.

I'm not sure how much biting parents should have to "put up with". I think she is being unreasonable if this is the first time it has happened to her child.

I agree. I think she is being unreasonable. She has an older child too. AND she is usually ok with things, she's not overprotective, so its actually out of character for her.

If it makes you and her feel better just let her know what you're doing to remedy the situation and prevent it from happening again.

Here's what I would shoot over in email if I were in your shoes:

Mom,

I've never had trouble with biting in my daycare before so please know I'm as thrown over this incident as you. Rest assured I am taking it very seriously and am just as concerned about it as you are.

I've networked with some other providers and have decided on top of strict line of sight supervision to sort of who the offender is and what their triggers are, I'm also going to put in place a shadow rule. Any child that bites will not leave my side nor be given the opportunity to bite again. Should I not be able to keep the children around him/her safe regardless of those actions the family of the offender will unfortunately seek care elsewhere as there isn't much more I can do to prevent those sorts of altercations between young children playing.

While I understand you must be upset please know I am too. Of course I don't want any child in my care to get hurt and do my best to ensure everyone's safety.

If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to drop me a line back or we can discuss them tonight at pick up.

Regards,
Provider

I'm considering sending off this letter almost exactly and I appreciate you posting it.

[NeedaVaca]

The only thing with this letter is saying you have never had trouble with biting before...you have with her son. You should try to reword it a bit to fit his biting in somehow.