Considering Terming And Need Advice

[wdmmom]

I have an 9 month old dcb in my care. He's been coming since he was 7 weeks old.

A few months after starting working for them, dcd changed jobs which changed dcb's attendance from 5 days per week down to 4 days per week. (Doesn't attend on Fridays.)

Since returning from Christmas break, dcb has learned to crawl, pull himself up, etc.

I've noticed I DREAD Mondays and Fridays now. It seems like dcb comes back from being home for a day or 2 and he just won't sleep. If he does it's for 45 minutes in the afternoon. Dcm complains that she picks him up and he's falling asleep when he gets home which puts him off schedule for eating, bathing and going to bed.

Dcb is so little too. I have 2 other kids (brand new 1 year old and a 10.5 month old and I just can't have them play with 9 month old because he's so little I'm afraid he'll get hurt. Dcb's soft spot is still present and he's not even 20 pounds yet for being 9 months old! He doesn't hold his own bottle either. Thursdays are the best days of the week.

It's not that he's a BAD kid, he just requires such a high level of monitoring, it's exhausting. And the nap thing is getting really old.

The parents are super nice people, they pay on time, they seem very happy with the care dcb is receiving, etc. But, I'm just over the lack of schedule this kid obviously needs.

I also found out that my 2nd longest running family is due with a new baby in August! If my oldest dcb doesn't head off to preschool, I'm considering terming 9month old so I can continue to work for the family I've had for 3 years.

Is terming something I should even consider?

[cheerfuldom]

I guess I dont see why you are considering terming....

What is the issue with nap. I understand that he only wants to nap for one short period but obviously thats not enough. I dont think that terming over it is necessary though. Does he have his own area to sleep in? I would do a darkened room, white noise, tuck him in and leave him there for the full nap. At 9 months old, I would do 2 two hour naps a day....or a one hour in the morning and a 3 hour in the afternoon. It doesnt seem like it is an issue that cant be overcome, especially since he is at your house 4 days a week. A little CIO should do the trick. Now if you are opposed to CIO or if letting him cry is not an option due to set up or regulations, then yes, that is a problem.

As for being small.....not 20lbs at 9 months does not seem abnormal at all. if you are worried the other kids will hurt him then you need to create a safe space for him when you are not directly supervising. even a pack n play with baby toys would be fine. a gated off area. Is there a reason why this wouldnt work? also teaching the others that they are not to touch baby, ever.

[wdmmom]

I guess I dont see why you are considering terming....

What is the issue with nap. I understand that he only wants to nap for one short period but obviously thats not enough. I dont think that terming over it is necessary though. Does he have his own area to sleep in? I would do a darkened room, white noise, tuck him in and leave him there for the full nap. At 9 months old, I would do 2 two hour naps a day....or a one hour in the morning and a 3 hour in the afternoon. It doesnt seem like it is an issue that cant be overcome, especially since he is at your house 4 days a week. A little CIO should do the trick. Now if you are opposed to CIO or if letting him cry is not an option due to set up or regulations, then yes, that is a problem.

As for being small.....not 20lbs at 9 months does not seem abnormal at all. if you are worried the other kids will hurt him then you need to create a safe space for him when you are not directly supervising. even a pack n play with baby toys would be fine. a gated off area. Is there a reason why this wouldnt work? also teaching the others that they are not to touch baby, ever.

He is in his own area. The room is as dark as can be. Their is a fan that is on. He comes in and goes down for 1 hour. Never naps. Whines and cries the entire time.

Afternoon nap is 1230-3pm. He naps for 40 minutes, stands up and whines/cries the remainder of nap.

I don't get kids up from nap in the middle of nap for crying. I make my rounds and I will lay him back down but he just proceeds to scream more.

I have a playard but he's just so frail and flimsy that I'm afraid he's going to get hurt in there too! His movements are very jerky. He is the size of an average 5 month old. Not 9 month old. 9 months old, 16 pounds and 26 inches long.

[cheerfuldom]

how would he get hurt in a play yard?

anyway, if you feel that he is not adjusting well to the change in schedule and that the naps have become an issue then go ahead and term. its up to you if you want to keep up with the CIO or just let him go. he does sound petite but there is nothing the parents can do about that. if he is not the right fit for your group because of the naps and play style, then its perfectly fine to move on to another family. If its been more than a few weeks with very consistent nap routine and he still screams every day, then yeah, anybody is going to get tired of hearing that. there is only so much you can do to help them sleep.

[countrymom]

does he nap once or twice a day. At that age they usually nap twice a day. Could the morning nap be too long thats why he's not naping in the afternoon.

the soft spot would worry me, could he be a failure to thrive baby. Are his bottles too heavy (I had a child who came with glass bottles, and they are heavy) is he eating baby cereal. Who watches him when you don't.

[Kym2098]

Terming is a tough choice I think under any circumstance.
I'm still new to the child care business and recently termed an infant tat was in my care since Nov. (he was 6mo when I termed him 2 weeks ago).
I termed due to lack of schedule and consistency. It would take 2-3 days for this infant to get bk on a routine here. Mom and dad were new parents and both worked full time and I can understand a schedule may be hard to maintain but the lack of consistency made my job even harder!
I spent 8 weeks dreading Mondays and was exhausted by Thursday.. My infant mostly only cried and hardly ever slept, and needed to be held all the time. I was truly unhappy watching him.

I really think you should do what's best for you. If you can keep him until the other family starts new baby do that... But if you are struggling or unhappy providing care for this infant let him go.

Since terming my infant my stress level is down and I'm much happier on Mondays!

I wish you luck on your decision!

[wdmmom]

I'm afraid he'll get hurt in the playard because he consistently tries pulling himself up and he falls. He's constantly bonking his head or falling in very awkward positions.

As for napping. He comes in at 8am. He goes right down for nap. All kids get up around 850am - 9am. He never sleeps during this time. EVER.

He eats before arriving in the morning. He eats 1/2 jar fruit and 1/2 jar vegetable for lunch in additional to a 4 oz bottle. After nap I make a 6 oz bottle but it's seldom he drinks more than 4 oz.

I don't think the bottles are too heavy. If anything they are short and wide so they should be easier to hold. I think between the jerky movements and the extremely short attention span are the cause. When I have a staff assistant here, I've tried feeding him in another room with no noise and no distractions. It does no good.

I agree with that "failure to thrive" statement. He's in the 30th percentile for height and the 20th percentile for weight based on what dcm told me.

[KnoxMom]

I guess I'm most confused by your motives. How can you handle a newborn if you are finding the 9 month old difficult? There will be much more feeding, holding, limitations, etc. If it is about you being exhausted then wouldn't terming end in more headache?? Now if the true motive is you trying to hold on to the long term family, that makes more sense. I remember when I had my daughter, my provider termed an 18 month old because my son was already in care and we were there first. She had it in in her contract that siblings always had priority :-/ Hope everything works out for you!

[wdmmom]

I guess I'm most confused by your motives. How can you handle a newborn if you are finding the 9 month old difficult? There will be much more feeding, holding, limitations, etc. If it is about you being exhausted then wouldn't terming end in more headache?? Now if the true motive is you trying to hold on to the long term family, that makes more sense. I remember when I had my daughter, my provider termed an 18 month old because my son was already in care and we were there first. She had it in in her contract that siblings always had priority :-/ Hope everything works out for you!

The new baby would be full time, 5 days a week. The family and I share the same philosophies in parenting and their 3 year old THRIVES on routine. Getting a brand new baby that either will be or that I could put into a regular, daily routine here would be way better than what I have now.

It's not the feeding, holding or limitations I'm concerned with.

I never mentioned being exhausted or this child being difficult either. I just said that he doesn't know how to sleep and that he's so little, I'm constantly having to make sure he isn't hurting himself. I have 4 year olds that sleep better than this kid!

[countrymom]

he sounds like a fragile kid. I wonder if he's falling asleep on the way to your house. My concern would be that if he falls and hurts himself then are the parents going to be angry. Does he sleep at all at home.

[providerandmomof4]

Imho.....9 mo old's require constant supervision. ALL 9 mo old's. They are exhausting....that's why many (all, that I know personally) charge more for infants. At one point, I had a 3 mo baby and an 8 mo baby. It was a juggling act all day and really hard for me because I don't like to let babies cry....but sometimes I needed to get things done so....they would be in the saucer or bouncer. They were ok for short periods without me holding them, but I did hold them a lot. Now, they are 10 mo and 15 mo and both very mobile....but at least the crying over nothing other than wanting to be held..phase is over. To me, they only get easier as they get older. I would talk to dcm and see if you all can brainstorm as to why the baby won't sleep in the afternoon.

[Scout]

He is in his own area. The room is as dark as can be. Their is a fan that is on. He comes in and goes down for 1 hour. Never naps. Whines and cries the entire time.

Afternoon nap is 1230-3pm. He naps for 40 minutes, stands up and whines/cries the remainder of nap.

I don't get kids up from nap in the middle of nap for crying. I make my rounds and I will lay him back down but he just proceeds to scream more.

I have a playard but he's just so frail and flimsy that I'm afraid he's going to get hurt in there too! His movements are very jerky. He is the size of an average 5 month old. Not 9 month old. 9 months old, 16 pounds and 26 inches long.

My ds is 20 mos and only 21 lbs....he is not frail at all. He is a tiny tot but, has remained on his own growth curve at the whopping 5% since 4 mos. A baby does not need to weigh 20 lbs at 9 mos old! And ds1 is sometimes rough with ds2 and he has always held his own. Are you sure he'd get hurt or are you just afraid since he is smaller than most babies his age?

[julie]

Regardless of the reason, if you are coming to the conclusion that terming is an option, then I don't think you need to ask if it is something to consider. It is already there as an option in your mind, you are considering it.

I think anything that makes me dread any part of my job is worth considering terming over. There are parts of this job that are annoying for sure, but I generally wake up and look forward to what I do. Anything that changed my thinking on that would lead me to think that this care relationship is not working the way it is supposed to anymore. It's up to you what you decide, but I certainly don't judge you for wanting to term. A lack of schedule would be a huge dealbreaker for me.

[Play Care]

Regardless of the reason, if you are coming to the conclusion that terming is an option, then I don't think you need to ask if it is something to consider. It is already there as an option in your mind, you are considering it.

I think anything that makes me dread any part of my job is worth considering terming over. There are parts of this job that are annoying for sure, but I generally wake up and look forward to what I do. Anything that changed my thinking on that would lead me to think that this care relationship is not working the way it is supposed to anymore. It's up to you what you decide, but I certainly don't judge you for wanting to term. A lack of schedule would be a huge dealbreaker for me.

Only YOU know what you can tolerate and put up with. It's easy to read a post and say it doesn't seem like a big deal. Heck, I remember when I had a family of three who cried and whined all day long and refused to lay down at nap and I had people telling me that it didn't sound so bad I termed
In this case I might tell them that I wasn't able to meet the child's needs and he might be better in center care with more staff. Good luck!

[Heidi]

What time does he get up in the morning? Is it possible he's just not tired at 8 yet, and then that messes up his whole day?

Can you have the parents write down his routine at home for a few days?

"So, I'm having a little trouble getting baby on the same routine here as the other kids. I KNOW it's causing you problems at night. Would you be willing to write down his home routine this next weekend so that I can brainstorm a bit?"

How does he go to sleep at home? Is he rocked, co-sleeping, sleeping in their room?

As for the softspot, 9 months in early. The average is 12-24 months, according to the internet. ...and you know if it's on the internet, it's got to be true!

He's probably not as delicate as you think. Also, if he's "confined" too much, he can't get as much gross-motor exercise, which certainly won't help him sleep, KWIM?

He does sound like there could be some issues, but it's probably too early for anyone to "diagnose" anything...