Vent: My Turn To Feel A Little Guilty For Insisting On Payments

[MarinaVanessa]

Sorry this is more of a vent but I really need to get it out. I'm pretty good at asking for payments when they are due and at enforcing my policies but this time I did feel guilty.

I have a new family that started a month ago (family with the 4 mo infant that constantly grunts the entire time he is here and cries when put down) that I wrote about before. I went through everything with the parents during the interview (young parents, DCM in college) and they signed a contract for 2 days a week on Mondays and Wednesdays but only bring DCB for 4 hours each day.

I've had a sign posted on my door for 2 weeks now reminding parent's that I would be closed on Monday (DCM had no school on Monday either) and on Tuesday I received a text from DCM that DCB would not be here Wednesday, ok cool. I make all of my invoices on Wednesdays and everyone pays on their last day that they are scheduled for the week. This DCM prefers to pay through our banks person-to-person bill pay so I send her a request for payment through the bank after I send out all of the invoices, she does not have the text message alert activated for this so the bank sends her an alert through email.

Last week I sent a payment request on Wednesday and by Saturday she still hadn't paid it so I had to text her to remind her to pay it. She didn't pay it until Sunday and I never got a response to my text.

Yesterday invoices got emailed and I sent her a payment request through the bank as always and by today no payment again. I send her a text this morning and I don't think I was rude just very firm and up front and it was wordy:

ME: "Hi DCM. I sent a payment request yesterday through [bank] for payment for daycare for next week and I noticed you haven't sent the payment yet. As a reminder again your tuition payment is due on Wednesdays by 6pm or they're late. I'll waive this late payment fee again for this week but please take care to pay on time thanks . You should probably also activate text notices through [bank] if you don't check your emails regularly."

Everything that I sent her we covered already and this is the second time that I suggested she sign up for text alerts so that when I requested payments she would receive a text. Last week she said that it was fine because she could check her emails on her phone.

I got this response:

DCM: "So I still pay for the days he doesn't go, and I apologize for it being late my sister passed away and my aunt had her baby but she had severe complications and has been in the hospital for the past week, im not in town I havne not checked my email lately because im trying to help my family but I sent you ur payment just now.

So now I feel horrible that she lost her sister and that she's having other medical family problems.... but .... at the same time, we covered this. I do feel for I really do but I'm the type of person that feels the need to clarify things as they happen. I did respond back with my sympathies and at the same time business is business:

ME: Oh 'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry for the loss of your sister, ill keep you and your family in my prayers through this difficult time.

DCM: Thank you (I receive this text as I'm writing the next text)

ME: "And yes, per our contract and policies in the handbook tuition is based on enrollment not attendance. The fee is paid at the flat weekly rate, certain holidays are paid as well as child absences. You do not pay if I close because I am sick or go on vacation."

I was in the middle of writing the last text and had decided to send two texts (one with my sympathies and one with the answer to her question) instead of one because it didn't feel right to me to send her a sympathies text mixed with business. I wanted to send it in text so that I had a written record of having sent it to her but now I'm wondering if I look like a complete cold hearted witch. *sigh* I should have just waited until Monday to clarify shouldn't I?

[Blackcat31]

I would have done the EXACT same thing as you.

I understand that she had persona issues happening but honestly if you are always going to allow personal situations to effect payment responsibilities then it should apply to ALL of your parents and whatever they deem personal...kwim?

I know you already know this because you are one smart cookie and I am sure you are just feeling bad but I agree that business is business and in your defense, had DCM maybe communicated with you ahead of time about this, you wouldn't have to be feeling so guilty/bad now.

I say don't worry about it and that you are teaching DCM a very valueable lesson in that life DOES happen and the bills still need to get paid.

:hug: for feeling bad, but I still think you handled it ok.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Sorry she's having a hard time with her family (death and her Aunt's complications), but bills still have to be paid on time. Don't feel guilty at all.

[NeedaVaca]

I totally get where you are coming from but I think you did the right thing! I would feel bad too BUT, I need to be paid on time or else MY bills/groceries/etc could suffer...

[cheerfuldom]

to my knowledge, there are no utility companies, credit card companies, mortgage holders, etc. that waive fees and payments because of a death in your family. it just doesnt happen. i understand she is going thru a hard time and that she maybe didnt even realize that it was payment day again BUT bills are bills. we all have them. if she cannot afford to pay based on enrollment, then your program is not the right fit and she can leave anytime. its ridiculous to say, as an adult, "i didnt know that" when she signed the document and you discussed it together.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thank you ladies, I really do appreciate it. And yes I'm feeling guilty but lately I've been questioning my decisions and emotions and second-guessing myself. It's hard for me to figure out if it's the pregnancy hormones or the "real" me talking KWIM.

I'm happy to hear that I didn't go overboard. I was thinking about it further and I suppose too that I wasn't at all really feeling too motivated to be super nice about it (before she responded to today's text) because he is only here 2 days a week. One of my other DCK's had a schedule change which, if I didn't have this 4mo, I could now advertise for another FT kid. I figured, well if I'm upfront and she gets mad or feisty and decides she doesn't like paying for days he isn't here she can give her 2 weeks notice which she has already paid her deposit for and I can fill his spot with a FT kid. If she stays then that's ok too.

Then I got her text and felt guilty and selfish . The initial emotion was probably the "real" me and the guilty/selfish person was probably this dang "pregnancy" me ::. Thanks again for letting me vent and hearing me out. It cheered me up

[MarinaVanessa]

to my knowledge, there are no utility companies, credit card companies, mortgage holders, etc. that waive fees and payments because of a death in your family. it just doesnt happen. i understand she is going thru a hard time and that she maybe didnt even realize that it was payment day again BUT bills are bills. we all have them. if she cannot afford to pay based on enrollment, then your program is not the right fit and she can leave anytime. its ridiculous to say, as an adult, "i didnt know that" when she signed the document and you discussed it together.

See this is also what I was thinking. I covered this during the interview, again when we went through the contract and handbook together when she signed the contract and I reminded her about late payments last week. She should have incurred $30 worth of late fees for last week and this week but I waived them because I WANTED to be nice. So I guess she can be happy about that part of it at least .

[Michelle]

there are different phases of grief... denial, anger, acceptance... etc. I think she was in the anger phase when dealing with you.

I am so sorry for her family and you did everything right and I would have all the same emotions too.

Hugs and stay strong!
:hug:

[nanglgrl]

I think you did exactly what I wish I'd done about a million times. You weren't mean at all and in fact maybe I'm the mean one because my first thought was "yeah right, I'm sure her dog died too". I know it's mean but I had a client that used to have a similarly horrible excuse every 2 weeks. I can't tell you how many times she hit a deer with her car, someone was in the hospital, her bank accounts were frozen by her ex husband...and on and on. Then she slipped up and I realized I'd been played for a fool. She never said anyone died though.

[KnoxMom]

From what I can tell, you did everything right and were more lenient than many. I'm learning to treat late payments as if they were on an automated system with invoices: $XX.XX due by DD/MM/YYYY. Amount Due if Paid After: DD/MM/YYYY = $XX.XX. This is what my utility bill looks like monthly. The late fee is fully my responsibility if I have more pressing matters and decide to pay after the due date. With that said, I imagine I would do a fee waiver for a pressing situation as well. Business or not... we do have hearts ya know ;-)

[Blackcat31]

its ridiculous to say, as an adult, "i didnt know that" when she signed the document and you discussed it together.

See this is also what I was thinking. I covered this during the interview, again when we went through the contract and handbook together when she signed the contract and I reminded her about late payments last week. She should have incurred $30 worth of late fees for last week and this week but I waived them because I WANTED to be nice. So I guess she can be happy about that part of it at least .

My DS just got pulled over by the police the other day. He was ticket for not displaying a front license plate (it is required front and rear in our state).

He told the police officer that he wasn't aware of the rule and didn't know that.

The police officer responded that ignorance is never an excuse.

[williams2008]

I think you did the right thing as well. I'm sorry that she is going through what she is going through, but when it's all said and done bills still have to be paid.

[Zoe]

Don't feel bad. It's not like you're a mind reader and knew all of these family tragedies were happening. She wasn't paying her bills and you had no idea why. The fact that she told you the reasons why she wasn't paying late might have been her way of making you feel bad or it was simply the truth. I don't know which it is. If she was really making that as an excuse she could have told you about it beforehand. You're allowed to ask for payment and you're allowed to have sympathy for dcm. I think you did everything right.

[DayCareDiva30]

My DS just got pulled over by the police the other day. He was ticket for not displaying a front license plate (it is required front and rear in our state).

He told the police officer that he wasn't aware of the rule and didn't know that.

The police officer responded that ignorance is never an excuse.

[MarinaVanessa]

My DS just got pulled over by the police the other day. He was ticket for not displaying a front license plate (it is required front and rear in our state).

He told the police officer that he wasn't aware of the rule and didn't know that.

The police officer responded that ignorance is never an excuse.

This is EXACTLY what my DH said to me. He said "Just because I don't know all of the CA laws doesn't mean I won't get a fine for doing something I didn't know was wrong"

I havn't heard from her since but I still plan on talking it over with her on Monday.