Child Care Provider Going Through Divorce...

[bunnyslippers]

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry you are facing this. Even if it is something that should have happened long ago, it is a difficult time in anyone's life.

I was faced with a life changing illness last year. While it didn't impact my marriage, it did impact me as a person. I was very honest with my dcfs at the time, and was therefore able to address their concerns immediately, and they also understood if sometimes I was a hot mess (not really that bad...). They actually became a very strong support system for me while I was ill.

In my case, my husband is quite involved with the dc, even though he has his own full time job. As a result, I know the dcfs would be concerned if we were to separate. In your case, it really depends on how involved your husband was in your day-to-day, and if it is going to impact your future standing in your home.

Again, I am sending you strength and well wishes during this transition. While I don't know you, I have followed you through this forum, and I am pretty sure you are a tough cookie who will prevail!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I can't see myself being able to continue to provide daycare if my marriage were to end. My income as a caregiver wouldn't pay for this house and neither would whatever child support my husband would contribute since our kids are 21, 19 and 15.

Luckily that isn't the only reason I stay with him.

Continuing to keep busy and work is actually extremely helpful. Plus, what I make a provider is more than what a schoolteacher makes so I am more than able to provide for all of my bills myself so it would be stupid to quit.

You would be surprised at what you're capable of doing when YOU are the provider for your family.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

PolkaTots,

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a tough row to hoe, I've learned from experience.

Make a point to always have a good front when parents come. If you don't tell them why, they will eventually ask. They will especially want to be assured that thier child was not at risk while he was there. I had a couple parents ask me that questions.

Keep your answer short and sweet. They don't really need to hear the saga.

Keep your chin up.

EntropyControlSpecialist: You wrote my story right there. Ever go to survivinginfidelity.com? Great place to get support.

I haven't ever been there. I actually don't even wish to continue talking about his infidelity much beyond telling people he WAS unfaithful when they ask about our divorce. I'm healing pretty well right now.

[LK5kids]

When I did fcc the first time I went through a divorce and not one parent batted an eye. It all worked out fine! Some were happy for me!

Hope all works out for you. While I had a very easy and amicable divorce I still prepared for it mentally beforehand because I knew there could and would be obstacles (money issues, kid issues, dating again, etc).

While I had a fairly friendly divorce there still were stessors. Take good care of yourself and rely on your support systems (family and friends) and listen to your lawyer-I didn't necessarily take all my lawyers advice and it was a mistake.

{HUGS} and well wishes to you through this time of transition.

[jen]

First, Hugs!

Second, yes. I went through a divorce while doing daycare. I didn't loose any families...

Funny story...DCM came in and said:

"Did your husband change hours at work? I'm not bumping in to him in the morning anymore."

He had in fact changed jobs so I said, "He's working at such and such now."

Son walks in, he was eight and said...

"Yeah, and he doesn't live here anymore."

Awkward!!!! But it was fine, everyone was really supportive. That said, I did slip it in to coversation with the other parents, but always with a smile and never with any details at all other than to say all was well.

Good luck and take care of yourself!

[youretooloud]

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine the stress you are under.

I think that if you work really hard at it, and keep it together, they will not feel like it's a problem. If you are letting this get the best of you, and the kids and parents notice it, then maybe. But, I kind of doubt they will have a big problem with it.

I would tell the parents when you are ready to tell them. But, don't let it look like you are an emotional wreck. Just make sure they see that you can handle this. Make sure the kids don't see you fall apart. It's scary to them if you are having a hard time. (noticeably hard time)

You can fall apart, and have a hard time here though. It's sometimes great therapy.

[permanentvacation]

I got divorced years ago. All of my daycare parents knew about it. The parents that I was closer with knew more of the details of what had happened to lead to the divorce. It did not affect my daycare business at all. Most of my parents or daycare children had never even seen my (at that time) husband. He typically was already out of the house on his way to work before I opened and he typically didn't come home from work until after I closed. He packed his things up and moved out of the house over the weekend. So the daycare wasn't affected by his moving out.

Honestly, as long as the daycare lady keeps the house and business continues as usual, I don't see why it would matter to your daycare parents that you are getting divorced. Now, if your spouse is very involved in the daycare, if you and your spouse are displaying your maritial problems during daycare hours, or the spouse moves out during the daycare hours, then it would concern the daycare parents. But if you keep your personal life seperate from the business, no one should care about the divorce.

[Mommy2One]

(Hugs and virtual support)

As a parent, I would say if/how much you tell them depends on how friendly you normally are and how much your soon-to-be-ex was around the daycare before.

My current provider only cares for my daughter and an infant, both part time, so it's a pretty friendly, casual atmosphere. She's a heart on her sleeve sort of person and we usually chat for a couple minutes at drop off and pick-up. I imagine if she was going through a divorce it would be obvious something was upsetting her. Her husband also works a slightly atypical schedule so I'm used to seeing him around at least one day/week when I pick up DD and he's pretty involved with all the kids. Their own two boys and my daughter are all old enough (2.5yo-6yo) that I can imagine one of her sons saying something to my daughter who would then likely repeat it to me.

Long story short, I think eventually clues would start adding up and I'd begin to guess that something was going on. I wouldn't expect details but in the back of my mind I would probably wonder if she would have to move, change schedules, etc. The divorce itself wouldn't make me change my mind about her caring for my daughter... if anything I would want to be supportive.

You may want to give your parents a very brief, matter of fact head ups: "Just so you're aware, XX and I are getting a divorce. I do not intend to move or change schedules and, while this may be personally difficult to me at times, it will not affect my ability to remain professional and continue giving the children entrusted to me the exceptional care I have always offered." I'd also try to meet with your ex during non-daycare times, just because parents may be concerned about arguments in front of their children since not all divorces are amicable.