I'm Losing Hope...

[Angelwings36]

This has been beyond the worst month for me and I’m having a hard time holding my chin up and moving forward. I started out this month with a full daycare, budget on track and everything was looking great. Then I found out I was pregnant and started to worry about how I was going to incorporate the daycare around being a new parent. I had never cared for a newborn baby in a daycare setting and I was concerned about how I would make everything work out. In the end my husband and I with the advice of my doctor decided that I would close July and August since I was due July 15th to take time to bond with just my baby and heal myself. I am high risk for postpartum depression and anxiety so my doctor thought it was best not to have to deal with the daycare at the same time as a new baby. I decided to tell two of my clients (one that had been with me for 3 years and one that I was friends with outside of the daycare). At that time I didn’t share what my plan was because it was too early to say if it was really what I would follow through with. I just wanted to share my exciting news with others but was concerned about telling all of my families this early. This bit me in the rear big time! The family that was with me for 3 years gave me notice because she was concerned I would go into preterm labor and then she would have no one to care for her son. The second family gave me notice soon after as well since she worked at home and felt she could work her schedule around her children and then wouldn’t have to pay for daycare at all. I was down two children.

A week later another family gave me notice because they needed longer hours (7:00am - 5:30pm) I am open 7:30am - 4:30pm Mondays and Fridays and 7:30am - 5:00pm Tuesday - Thursday. Now I was down 3 children.

A week later I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage and was forced into taking 4 days off of work in a week so I could get to all my doctor’s appointments, complete the miscarriage and heal. I had now lost my baby. During this time I ended up terminating another family that was causing me much unneeded stress and making my life way harder than it needed to be. I was now down 4 children.

This week I have been sick with a horrid cold that I am sure is turning into bronchitis and haven’t been sleeping at night due to coughing. I did open the daycare though regardless because I just couldn’t swing taking any more time off and I am done on Thursday for my Christmas holidays so it was a short week.

Last night my husband comes home for work and informs me that his mother’s breast cancer is back and she is going in for surgery on Wednesday. He said all of this through tears. It is not looking good and everyone is completely devastated. I can’t be with my husband on Wednesday because I have to work and I can’t close again after just taking 4 days off and with my Christmas holidays starting Thursday. I feel like the worst wife in the world not being there to support my husband!!

Today a family walks in and informs me that they thought I was open until Friday although in my November newsletter my holiday dates are clearly outline. Dcd is clearly upset as he has no childcare for Thursday and Friday and can’t make payment tomorrow since he didn’t plan ahead for it.

I just feel so torn in so many different directions right now. I am super emotional, still fatigued big time from the miscarriage, sad for my husband and his family, worried about filling the 4 spaces I need to fill...

I just feel like throwing in the towel! This is all just so much for me right now and I’m so mad that because of the daycare I can’t be there for my husband when he needs me the most!

[My3cents]

This has been beyond the worst month for me and I’m having a hard time holding my chin up and moving forward. I started out this month with a full daycare, budget on track and everything was looking great. Then I found out I was pregnant and started to worry about how I was going to incorporate the daycare around being a new parent. I had never cared for a newborn baby in a daycare setting and I was concerned about how I would make everything work out. In the end my husband and I with the advice of my doctor decided that I would close July and August since I was due July 15th to take time to bond with just my baby and heal myself. I am high risk for postpartum depression and anxiety so my doctor thought it was best not to have to deal with the daycare at the same time as a new baby. I decided to tell two of my clients (one that had been with me for 3 years and one that I was friends with outside of the daycare). At that time I didn’t share what my plan was because it was too early to say if it was really what I would follow through with. I just wanted to share my exciting news with others but was concerned about telling all of my families this early. This bit me in the rear big time! The family that was with me for 3 years gave me notice because she was concerned I would go into preterm labor and then she would have no one to care for her son. The second family gave me notice soon after as well since she worked at home and felt she could work her schedule around her children and then wouldn’t have to pay for daycare at all. I was down two children.

A week later another family gave me notice because they needed longer hours (7:00am - 5:30pm) I am open 7:30am - 4:30pm Mondays and Fridays and 7:30am - 5:00pm Tuesday - Thursday. Now I was down 3 children.

A week later I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage and was forced into taking 4 days off of work in a week so I could get to all my doctor’s appointments, complete the miscarriage and heal. I had now lost my baby. During this time I ended up terminating another family that was causing me much unneeded stress and making my life way harder than it needed to be. I was now down 4 children.

This week I have been sick with a horrid cold that I am sure is turning into bronchitis and haven’t been sleeping at night due to coughing. I did open the daycare though regardless because I just couldn’t swing taking any more time off and I am done on Thursday for my Christmas holidays so it was a short week.

Last night my husband comes home for work and informs me that his mother’s breast cancer is back and she is going in for surgery on Wednesday. He said all of this through tears. It is not looking good and everyone is completely devastated. I can’t be with my husband on Wednesday because I have to work and I can’t close again after just taking 4 days off and with my Christmas holidays starting Thursday. I feel like the worst wife in the world not being there to support my husband!!

Today a family walks in and informs me that they thought I was open until Friday although in my November newsletter my holiday dates are clearly outline. Dcd is clearly upset as he has no childcare for Thursday and Friday and can’t make payment tomorrow since he didn’t plan ahead for it.

I just feel so torn in so many different directions right now. I am super emotional, still fatigued big time from the miscarriage, sad for my husband and his family, worried about filling the 4 spaces I need to fill...

I just feel like throwing in the towel! This is all just so much for me right now and I’m so mad that because of the daycare I can’t be there for my husband when he needs me the most!

Regroup!!!

If you don't take care of you, all of this does not matter. You have a lot coming at you all at once.

A miscarriage is an emotional time, you just can't expect yourself to snap out of that. One moment at a time, break it down, one minute, five minutes, until you can handle life. Breathe, take some deep breaths and handle each problem one at a time, to the best that you can. Allow yourself time to grieve but also allow yourself to not be stuck in that state and want to move forward in life. Hugs to you-

Hire someone to come in and sub for you, yes it will cost you a little bit now, but in might save your clientele for future. Big picture means that everyone won't leave, and you can have the time to get the things you need done, and be with the family. Small picture is that you will loose some money having to pay someone.

Sickness happens- if you have to close, protect yourself by having a clause in your policy book for paid sick days. Talk to your parents and explain to them that you will not be taking the time off in the summer due to losing the baby and that you will hope they will stay on with you. You can't control what other people are going to do, only what you do. Daycare is an up and down business, sometimes you have tons of kids and then other times you can't fill spots.

IF you do become pregnant again why worry about how the baby is going to fit into your daycare. It will- You might have to adjust here and there to accommodate but we do that now with each new child that comes into our care. It sounds scary, but you will know what to do when the time comes and the baby is there and it will work out. It is your baby, not someone else's baby and that is a difference as absurd as that may sound. The bonding has already been started.

If you have to take a little time off to be there for your husband and his mom, so be it. If something should happen you don't want to look back and say, golly I wasn't there and now it is too late. Explain to your parents that you have to take a couple of personal days and you hope they will understand. If they choose to leave you, you can rebuild from where you are at. Life happens. It is not like you went out and caused all of these things to happen so you could be off.

Take life one thing at a time and work with it the best that you are able to and everything else will fall in place. Life is too short on this earth to remain in a state of depression over small things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life- Hang on to your rope and enjoy the ride instead of working against it-

Best--- Hugs and hope to hear soon that life has turned around for you or at best that your coping skills have been enlightened and a small load taken off.

[bunnyslippers]

My3Cents said it all. Take the time, and regroup. You will get through this difficult time. You have so much coming at you, from every side. I KNOW how hard that is, and I have been right where you are.

Focus on yourself, take the next couple of weeks to get perspective on everything, and know that it will get better. It has to!

Hang in there ~

[MamaG]

Can you find a sub? If the only family left is the one not reading newsletters I'd probably drop them to and go be with your family. Family is your priority not the day care families, your family. What if she dies Wednesday? Can you forgive yourself if you aren't there for your hubby for that? He just lost his baby and is fighting to keep is mom the next week!

You are only human. I would walk away from day care for a moment.

[SilverSabre25]

oooohhh, honey ((HUGS)) What an awful, awful month. It seems to have been awful all around, it's the energies in the air or something. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you out. We're here, all of us, as a shoulder to virtual-cry on and a safe haven in which to vent and to provide you with all the support we can through our keyboards.

[Willow]

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling like this

Your hormone levels are undoubtedly still all over the place because of the loss. I wouldn't make any permanent decisions until you've given it a bit more time for them to return to normal.

As my3cents said take deep breaths, minute by minute if you need to and do your best to get through the week. You've got almost two whole weeks then to recoup your body and regroup your thoughts and your perspective may change greatly.

I'd hate for you to make any rash decisions only to regret them later. It's really tough to get up and running, and infinitely harder than that if you throw in the towel and then want to pick it right back up.

[PixiePrincess]

Can you find a sub? If the only family left is the one not reading newsletters I'd probably drop them to and go be with your family. Family is your priority not the day care families, your family. What if she dies Wednesday? Can you forgive yourself if you aren't there for your hubby for that? He just lost his baby and is fighting to keep is mom the next week!

You are only human. I would walk away from day care for a moment.

just what i was gonna say!

[Meeko]

oooohhh, honey ((HUGS)) What an awful, awful month. It seems to have been awful all around, it's the energies in the air or something. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you out. We're here, all of us, as a shoulder to virtual-cry on and a safe haven in which to vent and to provide you with all the support we can through our keyboards.

Beautifully said Silver....

Lots and lots of love and hugs from all of us. You WILL get through this rough patch. Hang in there sweetie lovethis

[Crystal]

oooohhh, honey ((HUGS)) What an awful, awful month. It seems to have been awful all around, it's the energies in the air or something. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you out. We're here, all of us, as a shoulder to virtual-cry on and a safe haven in which to vent and to provide you with all the support we can through our keyboards.

Oh, I really echo this.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there were more I could do.

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

[Scout]

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling like this

Your hormone levels are undoubtedly still all over the place because of the loss. I wouldn't make any permanent decisions until you've given it a bit more time for them to return to normal.

As my3cents said take deep breaths, minute by minute if you need to and do your best to get through the week. You've got almost two whole weeks then to recoup your body and regroup your thoughts and your perspective may change greatly.

I'd hate for you to make any rash decisions only to regret them later. It's really tough to get up and running, and infinitely harder than that if you throw in the towel and then want to pick it right back up.

I agree with this. Take time. Remember all things get better with time. Be with your family over the holidays and relax as much as you can.

[melilley]

I agree with My3Cents! And as Willow said, don't make any decisions right now. Your hormones are going to be all over the place for a while and it's hard to decide what is best especially when you have other issues going on at the same time. As a person who went through a miscarriage at 12 weeks, I can say that with my hormones being out of whack, I too wanted to throw in the towel and stop working with children, but thankfully I didn't! Take time for yourself! Thinking of you!

[clep]

I am so saddened to hear of your situation. It can be so difficult financially relying on a day home and extremely stressful.

I hired an aid to help me when my husband had difficulties with his health and just kept her as I also started another business that is much more profitable that the day home.

Maybe you would make more money having someone else work in it than shutting down all together? I make 2400 a month even with paying my aid to work full time in place of me.

My prayers will be with you.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling like this

Your hormone levels are undoubtedly still all over the place because of the loss. I wouldn't make any permanent decisions until you've given it a bit more time for them to return to normal.

As my3cents said take deep breaths, minute by minute if you need to and do your best to get through the week. You've got almost two whole weeks then to recoup your body and regroup your thoughts and your perspective may change greatly.

I'd hate for you to make any rash decisions only to regret them later. It's really tough to get up and running, and infinitely harder than that if you throw in the towel and then want to pick it right back up.

Well said! Also agree with 3cents kind words.
Good to see you Willow!!

[Countrygal]

Lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and prayers coming your way! No job, including one we run ourselves, is more important than family.

I know how terrible it is to feel the money crunch right at Christmas - I just lost 2/3 of my daycare, too! But family is still most important. Perhaps being down in numbers right now is a good thing - it will give you a little time to breathe and heal.

God bless!