How would you handle this? Gun question.

[bunnyslippers]

This is a new one for me. In a conversation with a dcm this morning, it came up that my husband owns a gun. I have been caring for her daughter for almost a year.

She was not happy to hear that he owns a gun. Her concern was that my children may think it is a toy and hurt one of the dcks. I explained that the gun is in a locked gun safe in our attic, that the bullets are kept in a completely different location, and that my children do not even know we own it (they are 2 and 5). I further explained that our attic is a pulldown, from the second floor ceiling.

She told me she needed to process it and we would talk this afternoon at pick-up. She has a right to be concerned, though I feel her concern and worry is unneccessary. I just am not sure how to address her concerns any more than I already have.

I am frustrated and feeling a bit sad. This is a mother I truly enjoy working with, and I adore her daughter.

That being said, I am getting a bit tired of having to defend decisions my family makes on a personal level to my clients. I am tired of my children being judged by them, my house being evaluated, and our personal rights being questioned.

We are respectable, mild-mannered, intelligent, well-educated, and responsible people. Our home is immaculate and safe in every way. Our two boys are kind children. We are not having shooting contests in our backyard, popping out our teeth and drinking beer on the stoop every night once the daycare closes. We are the same family today she thought we were yesterday.

Thoughts?

[MamaBearCanada]

I don't think you can address her concerns more. I don't think you have done anything wrong but if the mom has a fear, rational or irrational, she is going to have to convince herself one way or the other about her child's safety. This is a touchy subject for many people despite the "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." You have followed all the safety measures. I don't know if seeing how & where things were stored would help.

It's situations like this that are teaching me to say less and less about my life and activities to other people.

[Mom&Provider]

I was just thinking...say less, more often...then I read the PP'er say it too.

I have a bad habit sometimes too of saying too much, then I wish I hadn't...nothing you can do now. You've explained it all and that's that. I would almost wonder tho if your families don't have a right to know? Are there any rules out there that state it has to be declared?

[wdmmom]

I understand the parents concerns but she cant tell you what you can and cant possess under your roof...especially when its legal.

With many states (Iowa included) many citizens have permits to carry. That is of more concern than something you own on another floor of your home.

I guarantee she is or has encountered plenty of people...officials or citizens that carry or possess a gun of some sort and hasnt thought twice.

A daycare provider or their significant other possessing a gun is NOT illegal. I dont feel it needs to be addressed prior to enrolling kids either. IMHO, its no different than your neighbor, a teacher, grandparents or family friends. My bet is the child has already been around a weapon and didnt even know it.

Would her concerns be what they are if you were a martial artist or if you were married to a cop? What if you had a japanese sword in a case mounted 10 feet above the floor? Ya know what i mean? If a parent is looking to leave, theyll find any reason.

[Crystal]

We are not having shooting contests in our backyard, popping out our teeth and drinking beer on the stoop every night once the daycare closes. We are the same family today she thought we were yesterday.

Thoughts?

OMG! I just spit coffee! I REALLY needed that laugh! Thank you!

All kidding aside, I think you handled it well and hopefully Mom will accept the fact that there is a gun in the house and TRUST YOU enough to move past it.

I understand your feelings about growing tired of your personal life being an open book with families......it's one of those things that comes with being self-employed and working from your home, especially with children. We are held to higher standards and under much more scrutiny than others would be.

Best of luck, I hope it all works out

[Blackcat31]

I agree that we are held to a different set of standards compared to others and although that can make being a child care provider as sipperly slope to navigate, I would have done the same thing you did and responded in the same way.

I would have told the parents that I am abiding by all licensing laws as far as safety and hazardous items, materials and environments but if the family felt they could not trust that I was following the rules, then I would suggest they turn in their two week notice and find alternate care.

I have some pretty strong feelings about guns and I think each persons thoughts/opinions about them are theirs alone but as a provider, you can only do the best you can by following your licensing rules about having guns.

I think it is imperative that families trust you and that you trust them and if that trust isn't there then the contract to care for their child should be discontinued.

[Willow]

People are going to feel how they're going to feel about it based on their personal experiences. If she lets that sour the working relationship IMHO that's too bad, but you can't fault her for doing what she feels she needs to do to keep her child safe. I wish all parents thought to care that much!

To avoid the surprise factor and head off any future qualms about it I throw that one out right at interview time.

Usually the dads oogle the deer, waterfowl and musky mounts we have on our living room walls and it's a nice intro into the conversation......"obviously we hunt, which means we own firearms. They are stored in a locked gun safe downstairs and all ammunition is kept in a separate locked box in another location we don't disclose to anyone. No firearms or ammunition will ever be out or accessed by anyone during daycare hours. It's important that you trust I will supervise to a level that you are assured your child will never have access to the basement outside of planned 5 minute once a month tornado drills, much less ever have an opportunity to lay a finger on the locked safe itself. Obviously it's a priority to us as parents to keep our own children safe while living with them in their home, please know it's just as big of a priority to us to keep any kids in my care safe while they're here as well. Do you have any questions or concerns you'd like to discuss about any of that at this time?"

To which the dads immediately start an inquiry into which kinds we own and how many

That's when we do as a previous poster suggested and choose a less is more approach. There are a whole lot of people who can handle hearing our son has a bb gun, or that we as deer hunters keep a rifle or shotgun in the house, but when they learn there are handguns for our conceal/carry permits up through to an AK-15 for predator hunting, that's when things could definitely take a turn and I'm not interested in debating my Constitutional rights and personal preferences.......we don't lie, just say all are legal and registered, licensing is well aware is and more than comfortable with the safeguards we have in place and then leave it at that.

[Childminder]

I am in MI and licensing requires at enrollment that it must state in writing whether or not we have guns on the premises as well as if our house was built before 1978 and if we have pets. My DH isn't a hunter but I was brought up as one and had my own guns till 2000 when I gave them to my son.

Just like hazardous chemicals they can be dangerous but stored properly they are just another item. Assure her that they are under lock and key and perhaps remove the firing pin or purchase trigger locks to make her more comfortable? Otherwise you are within your rights and she can choose to go elsewhere.

[familyschoolcare]

I have firearms in my house. I would have responded the same way as Op. Only would have added and I declared them to my licensing report during the initial inspection.

If a parent I had for that long suddenly became aware and that concerned about the firearms I would be tempted to say I am surprised that this concerns you so much I would have thought if it worried you that much you would have asked at the initial interview. But I am not sure I would actually say that.

[crazydaycarelady]

I think you have addressed it the best way you can and at this point dcmom has to decide what she wants to do. Short of getting rid of the gun there is nothing else you can do.

My dh is a PO so like Willow I also throw it out there at the interview. I just explain the we do have a weapon in the house due to dh's job and that we keep it up and locked. As far as I know this has never deterred anyone from coming here.

[bunnyslippers]

Thanks for all of the feedback, ladies! The DCM did say, "Huh, probably should have asked you about that before." I think it will turn out ok. That being said, I am not giong to engage in much further conversation with her about it.

If she brings it up, I will calmly listen to her concerns, and just reiterate that my husband has a firearm license, that daycare licensing is aware that we have it, and that we have followed all safety precautions.

If she pushed the issue, I am prepared to tell her that if she can't trust that her daughter is safe here at all times, this probably isn't the right place for her. She would probably have a heart attack if I said that to her. She waited for a spot to open up here for 6 months, and tells me constantly that she is so happy she found me.

I have been contemplating closing down at the end of this school year and going back to teaching in the fall. This whole incident just pushed me one step closer to that decision.

[Blackcat31]

I have been contemplating closing down at the end of this school year and going back to teaching in the fall. This whole incident just pushed me one step closer to that decision.

Hey, don't let it get to you. Parents have a right to be concerned about what ever worries them. You just do what you do and let them decide what they need to do.

I had a parent a while back ask me to sign an agreement stating I wouldn't use the microwave while her child was here.

To each their own.

[Country Kids]

Hey, don't let it get to you. Parents have a right to be concerned about waht ever worries them. You just do what you do and let them decide what they need to do.

I had a parent a while back ask me to sign an agreement stating I wouldn't use the microwave while her child was here.

To each their own.

Did you term them?

[bunnyslippers]

Hey, don't let it get to you. Parents have a right to be concerned about waht ever worries them. You just do what you do and let them decide what they need to do.

I had a parent a while back ask me to sign an agreement stating I wouldn't use the microwave while her child was here.

To each their own.

You are rignt! I love her, and think she is a great mom. We have become quite friendly. I guess when I say this has helped me make a decision towards closing, it is because I want to be in a position where I can have my home back without people needing to know details of my life. I am just ready, I think. I know I am ready, actually. I have loved being home with my children, but now they are ready for preschool, so I have the chance now to start fresh (well, in September).

[e.j.]

Hey, don't let it get to you. Parents have a right to be concerned about waht ever worries them. You just do what you do and let them decide what they need to do.

I learned a long time ago that I can't be all things to all people. I do what I do and parents either accept it or they don't.

I think you addressed her concerns honestly and appropriately and that's all you can really do. Parents get to decide what they can live with and where they draw the line when it comes to their kids' safety and well-being. It's hard to lose a family you enjoy. Hopefully, she'll consider the care you've been giving her dd for the past year and decide to stay on with you. If not, there will be others who will come along to fill her spot.