Need to Term!

[makap]

Sorry this is long. I have been thinking about this for quite some time and am just not sure how to go about doing this so I am hoping for some ideas/advice. I have NEVER termed before and am dreading it yet really looking forward to having stress free days.

I have been caring for children for close to 25 years now with a period of time in between where I stopped for a few years to work outside of the home. In the past 25 years I have never had any problems with out of control children or them not listening to me or having extreme temper tantrums.

It has only been within the past couple of years it has been very difficult with some that I have had in care. One went to school in September (brother to one of the boys that I have trouble with now) The two difficult ones who are here now are approaching preschool age they are 2.5 and they are getting worse by the day. It seems the bigger they get the more behavior issues they have. These 2 have always been a challenge but as they are getting older it is becoming more than I can handle while caring for the others. It is to the point that I feel very stressed trying to care for the ones who are super great kids because the 2 more difficult ones take up so much time and energy. I have one who has actually hurt me because of his being so resistive to redirection and aggression when I attempt to correct his behavior. The other has complete meltdowns whenever he can not have his way and screams for hours at the top of his lungs. I can not allow to either one of them to play with anyone due to the aggression and acting out. They can't play together or with anyone else. I have tried everything to make it work!! I have just had it with these 2 and want to terminate them however the parents are very nice and I want to do it in a gentle way. (If there is one)

I currently have 5 children in my care. All are boys and all have been with me since they were 10-11 months of age. The other 3 children are 2 and 13 months old. The 2 year old and both 13 month olds are so great. Play well together and get along & have no behavior issues. Also they are from families who I have had for the past 8 years. I can honestly say I believe parenting styles play a huge part in the behavior I am seeing from the "newer" families.

How would you term the 2 difficult ones? It is just too hard for me right now with this group to provide care for infants, toddlers AND preschoolers. In the past it has been a breeze so I know without a doubt that it is not me.

I am just looking for ideas on how tell the parents that I can no longer provide care for these 2 as gently as possible to avoid hard feelings or any kind of retaliatory problems.

Any advice would be so appreciated.

[countrymom]

I'm wondering if you could term the worst one first and then see how the other one is. sometimes you need to take the problem away and everything will become calm. I take it you have spoken to the parents several times about this behavior so they must be aware of what is going on. I'm curious as to what do the parents have to say about this. Otherwise, I would just write a simple note (give 2 weeks notice) and just say that little johnny has outgrown your program and leave it at that.

[daycarediva]

I'm wondering if you could term the worst one first and then see how the other one is. sometimes you need to take the problem away and everything will become calm. I take it you have spoken to the parents several times about this behavior so they must be aware of what is going on. I'm curious as to what do the parents have to say about this. Otherwise, I would just write a simple note (give 2 weeks notice) and just say that little johnny has outgrown your program and leave it at that.

I would see if there is an instigator. I had to term a 4yo due to behavior two months ago. The day she wasn't here was a CAKE WALK and the kid who I thought was as 'bad' as her, was not at all on that day. She came back and it was like all hell broke loose with those two! No problems with dcb since she left, he is a dream kid!

[MarinaVanessa]

I would non-stop watch the two and see which of the two was starting the problems or start with terminating the child with the most challenging behavior. If one hits for example, and the other doesn't then I'd start with the one that hits.

You may find that by removing one child then issues may stop. Sometimes if one child doesn't have the others energy to feed off of the issue may lessen or even stop completely. If they are both the same in regards to aggressiveness then I would terminate the child bringing in the lesser income or the child with the easier schedule. If they both come at the same time for the same schedule then I'd look at the DCP's. Which DCP's are more open to communication and are more cooperative, follow policies, pay in a timely manner etc. Or you can simply terminate the most recent children of the two to sign up.

As for the actual termination part that all depends on how you want to terminate. You can either be up front with them about the reasons why you are terminating the child or you can soften the blow and give a different excuse. Giving the real reason may help the parent's see the behavior as a real issue or make them aware that there is a problem, it can also open you up to possible liability in regard to the parents taking the news offensively and causing trouble with you and licensing. It happens, rarely but it happens. The second option is less likely to create friction and you give the excuse that you are simply overloaded and need to reduce enrollment. The second option won't bring up the issue at hand nor does it actually confront the problem. All in all it really is up to you and what you are comfortable doing.