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I have a dcb that is about 31 months old. He'll be 3 in April. I am serioulsy concerned that he has a developmental issue. If you ask him to pick up the toys, he stands there and acts like you're speaking Greek. I figured that was too broad of a request, so I would tell him pick up the blocks. I basically have everything in bins so it's easy to pick up. He then will pick up a block and I'll tell him what bin to put it in. He walks over to it and stands there with it as I tell him to drop it in. He will stand there forever. Then other times, he will walk around the train table looking at the toys and never picks up anything. He also will pick up something and act like he doesn't have a clue where it goes. He also is one that will sit with food in his mouth at lunch and I have to actually tell him to swallow it. If you ask him anything he absolutely does not answer yes and no appropriately. If you ask him if he has a dog, he'll say yes. if you ask him if he has a cat (which he doesn't), he'll say yes. I could go on and on. His mother is an elementary school teacher and she seems clueless about it or at least has not said anything to me about it. She is not the type that you could really talk with her about it. I dont' have a clue how I would even bring it up. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I've been doing daycare for almost 12 years and I have to say, for an almost 3 year old, I haven't had a child that is this out of sorts. Do any of you have similar problems? I'm hoping it's just something that he will get better as he gets older. Oh, BTW, he has a brother that just started in the gifted kindergarten program.
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I posted this late last night, so I didn't get any comments on it. Can anyone give me any advice today? thanks. -
I have a boy (3) who is just like this. Will NOT talk to me or my husband or any adult figure except his parents. If you leave the room, he will jabber box to all the other children....the minute I return to the room he stops and does this weird stare into space routine. He shakes his head yes to all questions, never shakes no. Can't (or maybe won't) follow simple directions like go put your shoes by the door. Pick up the block and put it away....stuff like that. He's also still 100% in diapers and is given a bottle at home. Maybe that's it...IDK. I've mentioned to mom about how he will not talk to me or other adults. It doesn't phase her. He CAN talk (although not very clearly) but he choses not to. This child is from a hispanic family. I talked to a parent/preschool teacher of an after school kid I watch and they call it 'selective mutism, although he understands english perfectly fine. He spoke english first and spanish second /shrug.
I have no advice except that I understand your frustrations!Comment
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I bet you that at home EVERYTHING is done for him. Thats why he doesn't clean up, he doesn't want to because he knows that someone will do it for him. I wonder if they puree his food too. Can he put his shoes on or coat, if not then someone is doing everything for him.Comment
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That's what I wonder too is if they don't have him do anything at home. He does put his own shoes on when we go outside and just this week he actually put his coat on. i turned around and he had it on and I couldn't believe it. Of course I praised him all over the place
That's the thing, I don't know if he's playing me or if he really isn't connecting the dots in his brain. Sometimes just the look on his face like he's struggling.
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This.
It's auto-pilot because the child is never required to do anything for themselves and is likely satiated by tv every waking hour he's not with you.
I have one like that who's turning 5 next week. Ask her what her favorite color is and she goes deer in the headlights....then throw out brown if she's looking at the carpet at that moment, green if we're outside by a tree, blue if she's coloring and that's the crayon she just happens to have in her hand. Ask her what ever favorite activity is and it's the same, deer in the headlights, then a sort of confused panic to come up with something, then if I asked while we're cleaning up, it's cleaning up, if I ask while she's washing her hands, it's washing her hands. If someone has a dog she has a dog, if someone has a burmese python she has a burmese python, if someone had a little league game last night she had a little league game last night....no independent thought, she struggles greatly with thinking outside the box with her play, and her self help skills are definitely lacking in an almost startling way......about the only thing she could do for the longest time without prompting was holler at her mother at pick up time about wanting whatever junk food was in their vehicle NOW.
I too wondered for a long time if something was up.
There is, and it's developmental, but not developmental in an inherent way....I believe her issues are entirely the product of her home environment.
The glimmers of him doing things on his own are likely the result of seeing other kids in your care do it and you giving him opportunities to replicate. I've seen similar sporadic and surprising breakthroughs here and there with her.
If you've been around kids long enough you know full well if something is off. I'm glad this is only the first time you've seen an auto-pilot kid, I've seen several and it seems like it's becoming a sort of phenomenon.Comment
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I have an autistic foster son that does that. He's 11 now, but he's non-verbal, mentally delayed, and will not do ANYTHING unless directed to. Seriously, he will sit on the couch until you tell him to get up, sit on the toilet until you tell him he's done and it's time to clean up, he'll hold the game controller until you tell him, "it's ok! press the buttons! play the game!" Once directed, he can engage for snippets of time but then needs directives again. Very time consuming, but the sweetest angel ever. NO behavior issues! Hope this little boy is just privileged and not special needs.Angelique
Mother of 4, stepmother to 3, foster mom (of none, currently), back at it again! Large license, and almost full!Comment
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I'm glad someone else has seen a rise in this too. I'm wondering if its just easier for the parents to do this then let their children do things on their own. I will say that if parents continue to do this, the child will develope some sort of issues (I have a dcb like this) and its a hard one to fix.Comment
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Some of this does sound like him. That is what concerns me. I keep looking for classes in our area regarding autism, but I can never find any. I was concerned yesterday because I put in a short movie for the kids and they all sat there watching and the only time he got up was to stand right in front of the tv at the very end when the credits were rolling. Black screen, scrolling credits with music and he stood about 2"'s away from it and kinda swayed back and forth. It just kinda struck me as strange, not that he was swaying because there was music, but the way he was staring at the credits rolling up the screen.Comment
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Willow I have seen a couple of kids that were not self-sufficient over the years, but not to this extent. I am amazed that he can gethis own shoes on quite frankly. I have had kids that do the usual, I can't do it, kind of thing, but just the look on his face sometimes like (and I don't want to seem mean), but the DUH look ya know? Like all cylinders are not connecting. When you guys have had kids like this have you ever said anything to the parents?Comment
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My go to is always to suggest a pre-K evaluation.....under the pretense that aaaaaaaall kids get one because it's nice to have a baseline of things parents (and I as the provider) can help the child work on to be K ready when it's time. I'll hand them a list of dates and times as well as a phone number they can call to set up the evaluation. I remind them it's free and poke and prod them until they finally relent and get the child in.
The same lack of processing is witnessed by evaluators, at which point they'll call the parents out point blank as far as everything the child can't do and why, and that's usually the best wake up call because my nose is kept out of the "you need to stop babying your child and allowing the television to be your sitter" confrontation that needs to happen.
I play stupid when they come to me saying kiddo is lacking and I need to be working on x, y and z here (duh, have been since day 1
) and then I make sure to poke and prod to make sure they're continuing the same at home.....I'm not above guilting the heck out of them if they're not.
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Do you think he's a little young for the pre-k testing though at 31 months or no? It amazes me because she's a 2nd grade teacher. Unless like everyone says they do everything for him. If they ask him to do something, they would see, but if they don't ask, they're not gonna see.
She was trying to get his gloves on him yesterday and he was just kinda standing there in lala land. He obviously had 2 fingers in the same spot and she was trying to get it on and saying to him, can't you see where your fingers need to go? He just stood there. She finally said, I guess you don't, here move these fingers over here and literally moved his fingers for him.Comment
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I have a DCB just like this also. Same age, same scenario. Won't play with toys or looks like he doesn't know how to play with toys, doesn't talk much, when he does talk it's often intelligable, 1-2 year olds can all help clean up and sort toys into the proper bins while this DCB needs a lot of direction just like how you describe (in the time it takes to tidy up the entire playroom DCB will have put away maybe 2 toys and all of which under my constant direction), takes an incredibly long time to eat and will often just chew his food and keep it in his cheeks instead of swallowing, often just wanders arounds and watched the other children play etc.
In visiting and talking to his parents and from others close to them including an ex child care provider friend of mine that used to watch him before he came to me I have learned this child has a lot of TV time and is not only the baby of the group, but the only boy in the family (dad dotes on him a lot), the only child that actually lives in the household (DCM only has DCB while her husband has older girls from a previous marriage that visit but do not live with him) and so he is babied and coddled a lot.
Perhaps the situation is similar to your DCB. Unfortunately it's still to early to really know whether he has a delay or not but I highly doubt it. Some kids are just slower to warm up and slower to pick up certain things especially if they are not offered the opportunity to explore and practice their motor and verbal skills on their own KWIM? I would just continue to assist him with verbal instruction amd lots of encouragement. Give him plenty of opportunities to assist and do things for himself and then see if you notice any improvements over time.Comment
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