Sticky Situation:: Would You Term?

**cheerfuldom** · 11-05-2012, 09:48 AM

well this is why a lot of the providers here have a "no family, no friends" rule. because there are A LOT of people that take advantage of the caregiver and ask for special treatment and special rates. you cannot change your arrangement for napping (correct?) so your sister and nephew HAVE to work within what you can provide. If that is not happening, you will have to decide if you will term or not....only you know what drama this will cause in the family and if you will be able to deal with that. But it also may help you decide to consider the amount of money you will lose in the 3.5 years it takes to get nephew to kinder (total up the discount they are getting!) and if you can really deal with the napping situation for potentially years to come. Obviously your sister is not going to work with it at all and not even going to sympathize so you are on your own with the naps. either you can deal with it or you cant.

**sharlan** · 11-05-2012, 09:50 AM

I think it's best not to mix family and business of any kind. I would term if you can get by without her money.

**crazydaycarelady** · 11-05-2012, 09:58 AM

My advice for the future is NEVER EVER EVER watch for family, friends, or neighbors!

As for your sister - if you feel like you want to term than I would do that. Whether you keep him or term there is likely to be drama. I hope you two can get beyond it. Good luck!

**littlemissmuffet** · 11-05-2012, 10:15 AM

My number one rule as a home childcare provider - no family, no friends, no neighbors... no exceptions!

I would absolutely terminate. Yesterday!

**PolkaTots** · 11-05-2012, 10:20 AM

I agree with the other providers, I too have the no friends, no family rule. If it were my sister, I would term them, but help her find another provider.

**Brooksie** · 11-05-2012, 10:21 AM

Thanks guys. Yeah, I definitely agree that next time NO FAMILY. But she grabbed that spot a long time ago when I was deciding to do this, and it was my first sure thing. Now its my biggest pain in the booty.

I'm not so concerned about our relationship after wards, because she's a little out of touch with reality these days any way, but I am concerned about the relationship I have with my nephew. She seems to hold her boys against my mom and I'd be afraid we'd lose them all together.

Aside from all that, how would you guys bring up the termination? I wouldn't know what to say and lord knows she will cut me off. (this would be my first term and probably my hardest)

**cheerfuldom** · 11-05-2012, 10:31 AM

Originally posted by Brooksie

Thanks guys. Yeah, I definitely agree that next time NO FAMILY. But she grabbed that spot a long time ago when I was deciding to do this, and it was my first sure thing. Now its my biggest pain in the booty.

I'm not so concerned about our relationship after wards, because she's a little out of touch with reality these days any way, but I am concerned about the relationship I have with my nephew. She seems to hold her boys against my mom and I'd be afraid we'd lose them all together.

Aside from all that, how would you guys bring up the termination? I wouldn't know what to say and lord knows she will cut me off. (this would be my first term and probably my hardest)

you cannot run your business at the mercy of what she might or might not do. give her a brief letter that documents her last day of care. tell her you have tried to make the napping situation work and it is not working at all and you wont be able to continue taking care of nephew anymore. resist the urge to apologize profusely (as if you are doing something wrong) or over explain. provide a few resources for alternative care if you can but thats not necessary. you just have to bite the bullet and do it

**sharlan** · 11-05-2012, 10:33 AM

It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. It sounds like she will turn it all around on you. She's been doing YOU a favor by letting you watch her son.

I would try to tell her in the calmest way possible, that it's really best for her son if she finds alternate care.

**Brooksie** · 11-05-2012, 10:44 AM

Should I give like, a warning? You know, if we don't get the napping resolved in the next could weeks I will have to term? Or is that giving her too much control/leeway

**cheerfuldom** · 11-05-2012, 10:46 AM

Originally posted by Brooksie

Should I give like, a warning? You know, if we don't get the napping resolved in the next could weeks I will have to term? Or is that giving her too much control/leeway

why would you give a warning? is there really anything she can do or change at this point to magically get him napping at daycare? not really. you have already tried what you could and its not working and you have already discussed with her and she has provided no help. A warning is just going to drag the transition to new daycare out even longer. Rip the band aid off girl and just terminate.

**Chatter Box** · 11-05-2012, 02:21 PM

Do you ever just go out and have a girls night? Just tell her you want to talk to her and take her out for a couple glasses of wine or something? Sometimes with family situations it can help to get away from the atmosphere. Tell her up front that you want to talk to her about some things so that she's not blindsided when you get there. She may be more receptive if she sees the conversation coming at least. Above all be sympathetic. Don't blame or point fingers.

I would be open with her. Be honest with her but tell her before the conversation starts that you are having a difficult time finding a positive way to deal with this situation in a way that works out for everyone involved and that you are very conflicted. That it is a difficult situation to be in because you don't want to hurt anyone but you have to be able to make your situation work as well.

**Brooksie** · 11-06-2012, 07:14 AM

So I got a call from my sister last night saying that DCB (nephew) tripped and fell into his lunchbox/cooler and hit the corner of it, gashed his head open and needed to go to the ER to get it glued shut. She started the conversation off in an accusing tone saying that it was because he doesn't nap well and he was "delirious". This kid is the most uncoordinated kid I know and every one in the family calls him stumble bunny. But thats typical sister for you, she blames everyone else for problems. So now I think I'm definitely going to terminate but am nervous she's going to tell people that it was somehow my fault at DC. UGH what a headache! The last thing I need in the beginning stages of my DC is a family member talking bad about me for no reason.

**cheerfuldom** · 11-06-2012, 07:23 AM

this is your way out! take it

"Sister, I know you are concerned about his napping. So am I. I cannot get him napping at daycare and have tried everything that I can with my current set up. I think now is a the best time to begin looking for care so you can get him in a setting where is napping, just as you want. I will watch him until the end of November but you are welcome to take him out sooner if you find a good fit before then. Nov. X will be his last day in care"

put it on her....SHE is the one that is complaining about his napping and SHE is the one that is now free to find a new daycare. YOU totally understand her concern and support her in finding a new daycare

**EntropyControlSpecialist** · 11-06-2012, 07:26 AM

Dear Out of Touch with Reality Sister,
After November ___, 2012 I will no longer be able to care for Stumble Bunny.

Your Annoyed Sister

Can't argue with a sentence written on a piece of paper, can ya?

Sticky Situation:: Would You Term?

Sticky Situation:: Would You Term?

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