Do You Do Gifts For Siblings Not In Your Care

[countrymom]

here's the back story. I have a dcg (age 3) who has a brother (age 7). I had watched the brother for a long time, but he's in school now and rarely comes here. So today dcg asks me if I had treats for her and her brother. I asked why do I have to give a treat to her brother, and she said that mommy said so.

here's more--dcb is different. Well every time I buy or give something to dcg he throws such a huge fit. But I shouldn't have to buy something for him, because he doesn't come here. Last time I bought candy necklaces for the kids and he started to freak out in the van when dad came because sister got something and he didn't. Most of the time dcg then has to either give him half or give him the whole thing. I feel so bad for this girl because she can't ever have anything for herself (she's so good I would clone her thats how good she is)

so what should I do, do I start sending extras home with her (but then I'm going to have to do it with everyone) or just her and tough luck on him. He doesn't share with his sister, acually he's very mean to her, like I said he's different.

[Cat Herder]

she said that mommy said so.

This is a parenting issue, not a daycare issue.

I would not.

I would try to give the little girl special things she can enjoy at my house since the parents are undermining your intent.

[lil angels]

I would tell the little girl I will not because he does not come to my house anymore. Maybe she will tell mom.

I agree that is a parenting issue all the way. That is there prob not yours that is terrible the little boy needs to learn he doesn't always get everything his sitter does. It's a fact of life.

Wow

[VTMom]

I have a similar situation...or maybe more like mirror image! Although my older former DCB is 6, not 7!

I do get the older sibling a Christmas gift. He has a fit, hates it, tosses it aside, and is completely rude about it, but I do it anyway. As far as smaller items (goodie bags, holiday treats, etc)...nope...he needs to fend for himself. He's had fits about it, and I gently redirect him to the benefits he receives at school that his younger brother doesn't. Falls on deaf ears, but it's not a bad lesson. Sad that I'm the one pointing this out as Mom looks on expectantly.

In my situation, and sounds like you may be in the same boat, is that the younger one is the one who always suffers and gets the short end of the stick. In my opinion, this is going to come back to bite Mom and Dad. It won't take long for the youngers to realize what they need to do to get what they want. My younger sibling already shows what he's learned - scream and pitch a fit to get what you want. Monday reprogrammings are fun!

[HappyHearts]

I would try to give the little girl special things she can enjoy at my house since the parents are undermining your intent.

^This!

I am sure the boy gets to have a little something from his class in school. They do here anyways. Many of my kids older siblings always come home with a little cup or something with goodies they got in school, and they don't get extras for the younger siblings at home or daycare.

[crazydaycarelady]

I don't give treats to the older siblings who have moved on because I figure they are getting treats at school.

VTmom - there is NO WAY I would buy that kid a x-mas gift if that is the way he responds.

[countrymom]

I have a similar situation...or maybe more like mirror image! Although my older former DCB is 6, not 7!

I do get the older sibling a Christmas gift. He has a fit, hates it, tosses it aside, and is completely rude about it, but I do it anyway. As far as smaller items (goodie bags, holiday treats, etc)...nope...he needs to fend for himself. He's had fits about it, and I gently redirect him to the benefits he receives at school that his younger brother doesn't. Falls on deaf ears, but it's not a bad lesson. Sad that I'm the one pointing this out as Mom looks on expectantly.

In my situation, and sounds like you may be in the same boat, is that the younger one is the one who always suffers and gets the short end of the stick. In my opinion, this is going to come back to bite Mom and Dad. It won't take long for the youngers to realize what they need to do to get what they want. My younger sibling already shows what he's learned - scream and pitch a fit to get what you want. Monday reprogrammings are fun!

omg yes you have the identical siblings as I do. And yes I have bought a christmas gift and thats exactly what he did too.

[itlw8]

no they get stuff from their new school.... I do at times invite them back to our gingerbread house party IF I have room. BUT those are really great kids and a big help to me during the party.

[daycare]

I would be broke if I had to gift all of my DCKs siblings...I have one family that has 6 kids and only has one here.

During the holidays, I always create a goodie bag. I ask each family to bring a healthy snack, or stickers, or little bubbles, and etc. YOu know the kind of stuff that you would find in a party bag at a bday party. I normally only buy a few things and then add all of the other treats that the parents bring to the bags. This way I am not eating all of the cost and they have a goodie bag big enough to share if they wanted to.

But I agree with cat hereder......it does sound like its a parenting issue and if that is the case, maybe just have her enjoy her treat at your house......

[youretooloud]

I always say "no, this is YOUR party, he had a party at his school".

But, I have the parents that would never tolerate their kids asking such a thing, so I guess I don't have to worry about it.

IF, it was the end of the day, and I happened to have left over stuff that I wanted to get rid of, I'd hand that out to the siblings....but, it's just because I had it..not because I should.

[countrymom]

thanks guys, I'm just going to hand her something. She always gets the short end of the stick.

You know how bad it is, her brother has a sensitivity to eggs, so for the little girls 3rd birthday she didn't get a cake (we were invitied to her party) she got to eat ice cream because her brother couldn't eat cake so she wasn't allowed to have one either. I made her one and she got to blow out the candles. Like I said, she is so good, you all would want her.

[daycare]

thanks guys, I'm just going to hand her something. She always gets the short end of the stick.

You know how bad it is, her brother has a sensitivity to eggs, so for the little girls 3rd birthday she didn't get a cake (we were invitied to her party) she got to eat ice cream because her brother couldn't eat cake so she wasn't allowed to have one either. I made her one and she got to blow out the candles. Like I said, she is so good, you all would want her.

Im going to ask a strange question....what is her race?

in my home country, often boys are treated better than girls. Luckily I did not have any immediate brothers, but I was treated differently than my male cousins and expected to be submissive to them...

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This is a parenting issue, not a daycare issue.

I would not.

I would try to give the little girl special things she can enjoy at my house since the parents are undermining your intent.

Exactly.


The only sibling we send things home for is a special needs child that we adore. lovethis

[bunnyslippers]

I have a similar situation. I currently have two families here that I have had for years, and each family has an older sibling that has moved on. One of these children is a lovely child who is still friends with my older son. He is polite, thoughtful, and grateful. The other child is a monster in every sense of the word, and I have nothing to do with him at all.

This Christmas, the lovely child will be getting a gift from me along with his siblings. The monster will not be getting one.

I send the gifts home with parents and they are never opened here. The monster won't know the difference, and the sweet child will know that his kind behavior is appreciated.

I have also given no gifts in the past, to those children that can never be pleased and are ungrateful for what they receive.

[saved4always]

No way would I be a party to garbage like that. I only get gifts and treats for the children actually in my care. The parents need to teach the important life lesson that everything is not always equal and sometimes his sister is going to get things that he is not. He is old enough to know this already. There will be times that he will get treats from school, parties, etc. that will not include his sister. And there will be times when little sister gets something from her daycare provider which are not meant for him. What is wrong with these parents???!!!! Catering to him like that is creating a tyrannical brat!