Zero Separation Anxiety- Good Or Bad?

[Bookworm]

Does anyone know how public schools handle separation anxiety? I have a "Velcro-parent" and their robot child so I'm curious.

[cheerfuldom]

Wow! Willow~ I think you serious "get" what I am talking about with these robot children. It's like they are hypnotized or something. :confused:

I think your theory (about the dog) is probably spot on. I think the parents have robbed their child of the ability to figure out what comes next and to process things in their minds since they are so used to someone stepping in immediately and doing things for themselves.

The one little one I have like this is 2.5 and the mom is a severe helicopter parent. My DH says she is a "velcro-parent".... ::

Cheer, you are so right! This kind of behavior is almost disruptive and difficult to deal with in its own way and sometimes VERY frustrating.

The saddest part is it doesn't seem so bad when the kid(s) are younger but as soon as the social aspect becomes more influential and when the associative and cooperative play stages should start happening, the kids are left sitting alone looking like a deer in the headlights.

It's like they completely missed the cues the other kids picked up in parallel play.

parallel play? whats that? havent seen too much from my kiddo yet, she has a long way to go. Actually, I have been starting her out playing with the babies/toddlers and she does watch them and learn from them. normally I wouldnt do that but for her, it is helping a bit. my 17 month old is fairly good at it and so she can teach this DCK a thing or two

[Blackcat31]

parallel play? whats that? havent seen too much from my kiddo yet, she has a long way to go. Actually, I have been starting her out playing with the babies/toddlers and she does watch them and learn from them. normally I wouldnt do that but for her, it is helping a bit. my 17 month old is fairly good at it and so she can teach this DCK a thing or two

1.Unoccupied play: the child is relatively stationary and appears to be performing random movements with no apparent purpose. A relatively infrequent style of play.
2.Solitary play: the child is completely engrossed in playing and does not seem to notice other children. Most often seen in children between 2 and 3 years-old.
3.Onlooker play: child takes an interest in other children's play but does not join in. May ask questions or just talk to other children, but the main activity is simply to watch.
4.Parallel play: the child mimics other children's play but doesn't actively engage with them. For example they may use the same toy.
5.Associative play: now more interested in each other than the toys they are using. This is the first category that involves strong social interaction between the children while they play.
6.Cooperative play: some organization enters children's play, for example the playing has some goal and children often adopt roles and act as a group

Those are the developmental stages of play that each child supposedly goes through while learning to be social and learning social ettiquitte.

[spud912]

There is sooooo much more to it than that though.


Kids can pitch fits just to pitch fits. Kids can pitch fits because they know they'll get their way. Kids can pitch fits because they truly dislike a situation.

That doesn't mean they have any sort of attachment disorder.

If your daughter can be dropped off with other people in different situations and function just fine (as you indicated) then that right there tells you it's an issue with the environment, not her ability to attach or her experiences with attachment in her past.


As for the daycare child you describe, if she displays separation anxiety upon her parents departure and happiness when they return elsewhere in life then that's plenty to assume she's securely attached. Children can also form secure attachments with their daycare providers (quite common actually) if they spend enough time with them, which could explain her being just fine with you and your home.


You can't analyze one single scenario and declare a kid this or that. An assessment would need to be done on the child's entire life and current behaviors to make the determination if an actual attachment disorder is at play.

Fair enough . I getcha!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

A securely attached child will generally(emphasis on generally) be a bit concerned with their parent (or primary caregiver) leaving them in the care of someone else, but will rebound quickly and function just fine without them. Upon return a securely attached kiddo will generally greet them happily.

Any variation of that can be due to a particular stage, a mere bad day, or if it's been a long standing trend can also be the result of an attachment disorder.


A child who goes into complete and utter distress mode when their parent leaves them and stays that way for much if not the entire duration of the absence is either not securely attached or is grossly undersocialized.


If you'd like more information on this I have loads of links.

After dealing with loads of therapists and attachment disorder diagnosis in my foster kiddos it's become a bit of a point of interest for me.



I think the part I struggle with most is when daycare parents see extreme separation anxiety as a sign that their child just loves them beyond measure. That's not at all what it means, and I always feel awful for the child left languishing like that. I took a drop in 18 month old earlier this year who's grandmother was his primary caregiver, out of the sight of either her or the boys mother his behavior bordered on the psychotic. I genuinely feared for his mental health and wondered how on earth they were one day going to try to get him to school

On the flip side are parents who think when their kids tear out of their vehicle without even saying goodbye and scream and pitch a fit about going home that that's a nice little signal to them that their child merely has fun here. Ermmm....nope. If you have to drag your kids to your vehicle kicking at the end of the day because they don't want to go with you, that's so far from ok it's not even funny. But it's not my place to explain or fix how not ok that really is.


I am big on attachment parenting and have been since before my oldest was born. I nursed, wore them, co-slept, never did CIO, never spanked or slapped them. I've never worked outside the home, and I've never left my kids with a babysitter outside of my immediate family (they are currently 8 and nearly 10). They were also enrolled in various sports and activities from toddlerhood on. I took them with me everywhere and taught them that the world was a safe place to explore. I've never heard anything but extreme praise from their teachers, coaches and the general public about how kind, polite, well adjusted and smart they are. I would not put up with them losing their minds in my absence at any age. I'm not sure what steps I'd need to take if that were what was occurring but I wouldn't feel comfortable with them having that reaction to anything in life, much less that reaction to something having to do with me.

So interesting. We had one like this for 5 weeks. The only person she would talk to was me. She would attempt to follow me around and repeat the same things over and over and over and over. She refused to eat while in our care (9 hours) as well saying our food was "gross" and would wait to go home and eat cookies and fast food. She wasn't a good fit for our group.
She was nearly 4.

[canadiancare]

I find that kids go through stages of separation issues and the last is around 21 months in my experience. I usually have my kids from 1 year (end of mat leave) to beginning school (4 yrs old) so they get used to coming to me over the 3 year period and while some days they are tired and cranky when they get dropped off I usually just get a Hello! and the day begins.

All my parents pick up within a 10 minute window as I close at 4 30 (I work 630-430) so everyone has pretty well the same shift. At 4 20 we get back from our walk and I don't take out any new toys we stay in the front of the house with some chalk or something not overly interesting so that pick up can go relatively quickly. I do have one kid who protests and gives his mum a hard time to put him in the car but I think it is because he is an only child who really loves the social part of daycare so going home isn't as much fun.

I have one kid who is my "needy" child and she does a fake whiney cry for 30 seconds when I open the door in the morning and then again as soon as she sees her mother at night. It kind of bugs me but I know that is just her.