The Guilty Parenting...

[Babybear911]

Well...I see this time and time again. The parent who has a baby...takes the year maternity leave and in that year...doesn't let anyone else look after the baby! Well...my question is, when the baby starts daycare for the first time, what and how do you all think that child adjusts to daycare?

Then...at every drop off as the child is crying and sobbing..the MOM cries and sobs too! Well...that just makes the baby totally stressed, afraid, and overwhelmed...and for a daycare providers a nightmare!

By the way parents...9 times out of 10 the second the Mom is out of sight the children are fine. They may occasionally ask for Mom. I'm just frustrated with this new age parenting...where Moms and Dads are not dong their job as a parent!

Teach your child to self sooth!
Teach your child how to sleep independently!
Teach your child to socialize! With children AND adults!
Teach your child to trust someone other than Mom and Dad for safety and love! Get a babysitter and have a weekly date night or something! Help the child see someone other than Mom/Dad can be trusted and nurturing!

The above is your job as a parent. You are being selfish and cruel if you don't teach your child confidence, trust, and independence. It takes years to help children who are smothered how to be independant persons! if you don't know how to teach these valuable skills....go talk to Parents who have independant sleeping/confident little people or go take a course or get a private consultation from a sleep expert on how to teach your baby.


My favorite comments from dcp are:

"she just loves me so much it hurts her to not be with me".

"oh poor baby, I know Mommy is sad she's got to go to work too",

Or discussing in front of child how upset, scared, or "traumatic" daycare is for the child. Is your child deaf? Do you think they can't hear you or understand you?

or the dcp that has tears in eyes and creates hysteria because the child can sense their parent is upset!

If you want to have an insecure, dependant little person who can not cope being away from Mom/Dad and have the financial freedom to NOT work great! Go for it! By kindergarten your child might be ready for Mommy/Daddy to not go to class with them...but be prepared to grab the small chair in the back of the class just in case!

But my point is...if you are not privileged enough to NOT work...then do the WORK on maternity leave to teach your child valuable life skills before you return to work!

Uggggg.

A frustrated daycare provider.

[cheerfuldom]

Well...I see this time and time again. The parent who has a baby...takes the year maternity leave and in that year...doesn't let anyone else look after the baby! Well...my question is, when the baby starts daycare for the first time, what and how do you all think that child adjusts to daycare?

Then...at every drop off as the child is crying and sobbing..the MOM cries and sobs too! Well...that just makes the baby totally stressed, afraid, and overwhelmed...and for a daycare providers a nightmare!

By the way parents...9 times out of 10 the second the Mom is out of sight the children are fine. They may occasionally ask for Mom. I'm just frustrated with this new age parenting...where Moms and Dads are not dong their job as a parent!

Teach your child to self sooth!
Teach your child how to sleep independently!
Teach your child to socialize! With children AND adults!
Teach your child to trust someone other than Mom and Dad for safety and love! Get a babysitter and have a weekly date night or something! Help the child see someone other than Mom/Dad can be trusted and nurturing!

The above is your job as a parent. You are being selfish and cruel if you don't teach your child confidence, trust, and independence. It takes years to help children who are smothered how to be independant persons! if you don't know how to teach these valuable skills....go talk to Parents who have independant sleeping/confident little people or go take a course or get a private consultation from a sleep expert on how to teach your baby.


My favorite comments from dcp are:

"she just loves me so much it hurts her to not be with me".

"oh poor baby, I know Mommy is sad she's got to go to work too",

Or discussing in front of child how upset, scared, or "traumatic" daycare is for the child. Is your child deaf? Do you think they can't hear you or understand you?

or the dcp that has tears in eyes and creates hysteria because the child can sense their parent is upset!

If you want to have an insecure, dependant little person who can not cope being away from Mom/Dad and have the financial freedom to NOT work great! Go for it! By kindergarten your child might be ready for Mommy/Daddy to not go to class with them...but be prepared to grab the small chair in the back of the class just in case!

But my point is...if you are not privileged enough to NOT work...then do the WORK on maternity leave to teach your child valuable life skills before you return to work!

Uggggg.

A frustrated daycare provider.

It IS important for a parent to prepare themselves AND their children for the transition to daycare. You cant expect to dump them in a whole new world one day and for there not to be tears and trauma. Its really a disservice towards a child for a parent to not at least try to start prepping them before they go to daycare. Get them on a routine, teach them to sleep without rocking or co-sleeping, teach them age appropriate skills that the daycare will expect from them....do they need to give up the binky? drink from a sippy? etc.

[daycare]

I try not to blame parents...they are only doing what they know how and what works for them. They are only thinking about today, not the future. They are not thinking about what their child will need or not need in the future.

I became an instant mom over night. I did not know what in the world I was doing if it was right or wrong. I didnt even know how to change a diaper. BUT I learned and I did it all on my own. I figured out what worked and what made my chlid happy. I had NO clue that what I was doing was going to be setting my child up to fail once they went to childcare. It was not until then that I was told I should not be doing all of these things.

Yes there are books out there, there are things that parents can do to prepare, but you can't really expect for parents to do this to benefit us.

[Unregistered]

Seems like maybe you need to include a "New to daycare?" section to your new parent handbook.

Explain what you expect from parents at drop off, and how them lingering/crying/talking about ho hard it is to leave their child is hurting their child, making your job more difficult, and making the transition harder on everyone involved.

Explain at what age you expect them to be without a pacifier or bottle or rocking to sleep or whatever else it is that bugs you. Explain that getting baby used to being with Grandma or another caregiver will make the transition easier for everyone.

Sounds like you're just standing there watching all this instead of being proactive and making the transition easier for the child, the parents, AND you.

[Babybear911]

Seems like maybe you need to include a "New to daycare?" section to your new parent handbook.

Explain what you expect from parents at drop off, and how them lingering/crying/talking about ho hard it is to leave their child is hurting their child, making your job more difficult, and making the transition harder on everyone involved.

Explain at what age you expect them to be without a pacifier or bottle or rocking to sleep or whatever else it is that bugs you. Explain that getting baby used to being with Grandma or another caregiver will make the transition easier for everyone.

Sounds like you're just standing there watching all this instead of being proactive and making the transition easier for the child, the parents, AND you.

really?

How SOON do you think I have contact with these parents before they register?

Do you think I see them at birth of their child!?

I meet parents/child a MONTH or a few WEEKS before they start daycare and for a few minutes at best! They answer a few of my questions and I answer all of theirs and they call my references and boom...child is in daycare!

As for your other statement that I just stand there "watching" and not doing anything....

Seriously??????? Think I'm just standing their watching?????? Are you trying to imply I am a monster or something ?????

Seriously stupid comment.

Yes every child has a transition time...but months into it when child still screaming, crying and feeling abandoned by parents that's not okay!

For your information... I hold, cuddle, nurture every child in my care always! But imagine what happens when one child out of the 4 in my care can't even stand, sit, or play for 2 minutes so I can change another babies bottom!

Imagine what that does to the environment of the childcare facility!

Dont forget if im holding/caring for that 1 child all day that the other 3 children don't get any cuddles, snuggles, or attention for the entire day, as I'm focused solely on 1 child who wasn't prepared by their parents for daycare and LIFE! Ugggg.

But thanks for your useless post! Really valuable information! NOT!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Maybe you should just term the overly sheltered child? If it has been going on for months, then for your sanity, and the sake of the other kids, simply term. You are right, if the child can't function as part of the group, or you feel strongly that the parents aren't helping the situation and making the childs daycare experience worse by their parenting style, term. A family with a child who fits in better will come along.

[MarinaVanessa]

I didn't teach my almost 2yo to self sooth and he deffinetely doesn't sleep through the night in his room ... he crawls into bed with us at 2am pretty much every morning BUT I take care of him, no one else has to . If I had to take him to DC I wouldn't DREAM of doing this to my daycare provider. My DD (now 7) went to a family child care home and she was completely different because I knew that it wasn't fair to someone else to deal with this. Some people just don't think about things like this.