VENT: Why Do Parents Enable Their Kids When It Comes To Eating? *SIGH!*

[MaritimeMummy]

2.5-year-old DCG comes with breakfast that she never really eats. Most times it's a yogurt, an apple sauce, and a pouch of oatmeal for me to make or a small container of cereal. Always 3 things. She never eats any of it. I'm always opening the yogurt and the apple sauce, she only ever takes 2 bites and says she's done.

So now I've just been giving her one item and not giving her another item until/unless she finishes the first.

Anyway, this morning she came with a yogurt and a container with a medium sized muffin with a crapload of icing on it. I thought it was a cupcake a first...who puts icing on a muffin? So I immediately took the food out of her bag like I always do. She asked for her breakfast. So I gave her the yogurt without mentioning the muffin. She looked at the yogurt and refused it, and said she wanted her muffin. I told her nope, not until she eats her yogurt. Also, I didn't tell her or show her that she had a muffin, which meant that her parents showed it to her and told her she was taking one and having it for breakfast. When she asked to eat her breakfast, she was really asking to just eat the muffin.

By "eat the muffin", I know all she was going to do was lick the icing off.

Honestly, the child has the stubbornness in her that she would not touch that yogurt and refuse all food until she'd get that muffin. She's here with me now telling me she's hungry but she won't eat the yogurt. She never eats her breakfast...maybe the parents are using the muffin as a means to get her to eat something knowing that she doesn't eat but honestly, that just peeves me off.

Sorry, not really looking for advice, more of a vent. But here's a question: when your parents send food for their kids, is it healthy? If it's not do you serve it anyway? And if not, what do you tell the parents when they pick up and see the food hasn''t been touched?

[countrymom]

this is why I serve breakfast. Today I noticed that one of the jk boys was eating a yogurt tube because he refuses to eat breakfast unless its junk food. He already is wired and a very naughty boy I can just imagine how he will be in school today.

I wouldn't give her a muffin (what kind has icing in it) and really a yogurt isn't a breakfast for a little kid. I would talk with the parents and maybe give them ideas what they can give her for breakfast. Heck dry cereal would be better than muffin with icing. Can you offer her a piece of toast.

[MaritimeMummy]

I do a morning snack at 9. If they come earlier than that (she comes at 7) they are to have already had breakfast or they come with it. I'm not in an area where we have meal programs. She wastes food. I do not want to give her an extra meal, even if it is just a piece or toast, for her to just throw away. That may make me a tight wad but those are my rules.

[daycarediva]

That's why I serve all meals. I always have cold cereal as a back up, but some kids having SKITTLES (yes it happened) and others having fresh mixed berries and oatmeal didn't sit well with me (or the kids).

[Crazy8]

my dc kids bring their breakfast and yes, I serve it. Sometimes its healthy sometimes not so much. I do not provide breakfast (or lunch) so it is the parents responsibility what their child eats. My contract states certain foods can not be sent in (chips, candy, etc.) but aside from that it is not my place to say what type of muffin is acceptable and what type isn't. I will choose how to feed my own children, dc parents are responsible for theirs.

[itlw8]

if something has frosting they eat that and leave the rest . So I wipe off the frosting on a napkin before I give it to them.

[cheerfuldom]

they are probably just trying to get her out the door. parenting by surviving each moment instead of trying to instill life long (healthy) habits.

[Blackcat31]

Can I ask you why she can't just eat (or waste) whatever it is the parents send with her? I mean what is the difference if she only takes one bite and tosses it or simply licks the frosting off and doesn't eat any other part of it?

It isn't wasteful to you, since the parents sent it. I mean it may seem wasteful to you but she may very well do this same song and dance in the car on the way over and the parents would toss the food (waste it) too and you wouldn't be the wiser....kwim?

I competely understand how frustrating this seems, but I guess I am not understanding why it bothers YOU so much?

If you were paying for and supplying her breakfast, then I would have a competely different take on this whole thing but honestly we cannot control how parents parent or what they do with their children or what they allow their children to do so I think there really is no sense stressing about it or giving it a second thought.

If it really is too much, then I would stop allowing parents to send food with their child and serve it yourself. Otherwise...shrug it off and know that what you serve the DCK's is healthy and nutritious.

I hope that didn't come across as snarky or rude as I was NOT meaning to be

.....I guess I am just one of those people who seriously lives by the whole concept of changing the things I can change and not stressing over the things I can't change.

[Country Kids]

Black Cat-I can't speak for the OP but I can speak for myself. When I had parents bringing the kids food it still bothered me to throw it away because:

A: I knew the child needed to eat
B: I knew by the child not eating we were in for a rough day
C: If child didn't eat, they were very grumpy because I believe low blood sugar
D: You can't tell me, they can take one bite and be done.

So even if the parents did bring food this is what I was up against by the child not eating. I have found if I got a few bites into them they usually finished but it was getting those bite in.

[Blackcat31]

Black Cat-I can't speak for the OP but I can speak for myself. When I had parents bringing the kids food it still bothered me to throw it away because:

A: I knew the child needed to eat

Child DID want to eat, just not in the order the OP wanted and not WHAT the OP wanted. Many a kids have skipped breakfast and lived just fine until morning snack or even lunch and not died so I don't believe a child HAS to eat if they don't want to.

B: I knew by the child not eating we were in for a rough day
The OP was talking about breakfast, not skipping food ALL day so like I said above, I highly doubt skipping yogurt and only licking frosting would have made this DCG have a rough day....especially if she is used to eating like a bird all the time

C: If child didn't eat, they were very grumpy because I believe low blood sugar

Again, child wanted to eat (or lick frosting off the muffin) which in turn would have given her high blood sugar since it was frosting.

D: You can't tell me, they can take one bite and be done. Why not? I have a couple DCK's who eat like birds....hardly enough to sustain them but they do it. My own DS would refuse to eat at times (sometimes the whole day) when he was under 5 and today he is a healthy 6' 3" and weighs 208 lbs. Kids know their own bodies and they WILL eat when hungry so forcing them to do it isn't really going to work and it is counter-productive too.

So even if the parents did bring food this is what I was up against by the child not eating. I have found if I got a few bites into them they usually finished but it was getting those bite in.

I answered in bold above.

I fully understand the importance if healthy eating but when a parent sends the food, it really doesn't effect us if the child chooses to waste it and it really isn't our concern WHAT the actual food item is (healthy or not) unless WE are the ones providing it.

If the provider supplied breakfast and the child asked for it and wasted it every day, then this would be a completely different scenario but in this case, the parents sent the food which says to me THEY approved of it and this is how their DD normally eats.

I also want to say that it seems that those providers who stress about what and when children eat are the ones who seem to have picky eaters/food issues.

I serve, they eat. That is it. I don't stress about anything food related. Kids will either eat or they won't but I surely won't force, bribe or reward them for doing so.

[MaritimeMummy]

Can I ask you why she can't just eat (or waste) whatever it is the parents send with her? I mean what is the difference if she only takes one bite and tosses it or simply licks the frosting off and doesn't eat any other part of it?

I get what you're saying, but here's my view on that. I should be consistent with how she approaches all her meals here, no matter if it came from here or from home. If I give her the idea that it's okay to waste food for one meal but not okay during others while she's here, it's confusing to her. If I shrug my shoulders at what she's wasting in the morning and then cook and serve her my own food later in the day, she's going to think, "well, she was okay with me being picky in the morning so I can continue to do it all day long". KWIM?

[Blackcat31]

I get what you're saying, but here's my view on that. I should be consistent with how she approaches all her meals here, no matter if it came from here or from home. If I give her the idea that it's okay to waste food for one meal but not okay during others while she's here, it's confusing to her. If I shrug my shoulders at what she's wasting in the morning and then cook and serve her my own food later in the day, she's going to think, "well, she was okay with me being picky in the morning so I can continue to do it all day long". KWIM?

You have a point there but I guess I was thinking that even if she wanted to be picky about what is served later, I still wouldn't give it a second thought.

You serve, she eats (or doesn't) but nothing in between.

I just would NOT allow food to be an issue at all. If she is hungry and asks for food in between meals, I would just keep repeating that we already ate.

Make it a non-issue and don't allow yourself to be pulled into HER issues about it.

[cheerfuldom]

the main reason why I found this scenario to be annoying is because the parents offered up basically a dessert for breakfast.....that means a sugar crash and a hungry kid for the daycare provider, not cool. I wouldnt have let her have that muffin either. If she was really hungry, she would eat the food. I refuse to be a part of kids getting junk food if I can help it and I dont offer up the junk in an effort for a kid to eat anything.

But I do agree in general with Black Cat. there is only so much you can do regarding kids and food so just be careful that you dont let it stress you out or anything. I would have just tossed out the muffin and if the kid ate the rest of the yogurt or food, fine. If not, that goes in the trash too.

[JustAMom]

I honestly don't see what the big deal is. The parents normally send a healthy breakfast. Which, to me, means they are trying. One day they send a treat for breakfast. One day. I don't see why that is such a problem. If it was an everyday thing, then I definitely can see your point. I think if you want to control what they eat, you need to provide the meals.

[Country Kids]

I answered in bold above.

I fully understand the importance if healthy eating but when a parent sends the food, it really doesn't effect us if the child chooses to waste it and it really isn't our concern WHAT the actual food item is (healthy or not) unless WE are the ones providing it.

If the provider supplied breakfast and the child asked for it and wasted it every day, then this would be a completely different scenario but in this case, the parents sent the food which says to me THEY approved of it and this is how their DD normally eats.

I also want to say that it seems that those providers who stress about what and when children eat are the ones who seem to have picky eaters/food issues.

I serve, they eat. That is it. I don't stress about anything food related. Kids will either eat or they won't but I surely won't force, bribe or reward them for doing so.

I guess I should have clarified.

The children I have really have an extrememly rough morning if they don't eat breakfast. Literally tons of time out, aggressive behaviors, not listening, almost adhd behaviors.

The same children can eat breakfast and have the best mornings! No problems what so ever.

So I personally know mine have behavior issues when they don't eat. I also know if they don't eat it will have been about 17 hours since their last food intake when we eat lunch. If they are going to be stubborn about eating, thats fine. I know though I have to be on higher alert due to the behavior issues.

Also, mine that get "sugary" breakfast, will crash midway through the morning and just fall apart. The crying starts, not being able to behave, share, etc. I would rather they just eat here and I know what they are getting.