Issues With Going Outdoors With Almost-20-Month-Old. Wearing Me Thin!

[SilverSabre25]

OK, I didn't know that.

NP Sensory issues aren't something most people know a lot about.

Believe me, it's frustrating. Sometimes a stimulus will be fine with me (sounds, sensations, etc) and then sometimes it affects me like an electric shock and I can NOT stand it. DH will be rubbing my back and I'm fine and then BOOM! in the matter of a couple seconds it goes from nice to me screaming at him to stop and jerking away from him. It used to be a big problem--he'd get upset that I hadn't stopped him sooner if it was bothering me, but now he understands that I can't, because sometimes there's not a middle ground there.

Same with noise for me--it can be loud all day but then there will come a certain point where in the space of about one minute it becomes unbearable and I'm scrambling to get away from any auditory chaos.

[harperluu]

Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?

Here is my take on this. This child sounds like he hasn't been completely comfortable and settled in childcare since he began coming. As he grew to trust his caretaker and his environment, a very loud, scary sound unpredictably entered what had finally become a safe place.

Also, I think parents aren't always really upfront with how a child behaves at home. I've had people tell me their infant was really easy, but when they come to child care they cry all the time. How can that be? Because sometimes parents create environments where children will never have any discomfort. This could explain some of the difference (or reported difference) in behavior the OP is seeing.

[Willow]

Mayou - to answer your question - kind of IMHO.

My have had several foster kids diagnosed with SPD (which is extremely common with drug exposure in utero, premature birth and neglect which all had faced), some that I suspected had it but were never formerly diagnosed, and I've also cared for some kids that were just plain coddled by helicopter parents and they learned to take full advantage of being able to manipulate those around them.


How those suffering from SPD responded to anything in life (as with most every child) **DID** always depend entirely on who was with them. If they were with someone they felt safe with and had a good healthy bond with they were far more inclined to cope better with any of their perceived stresses. A child with SPD who doesn't like airplanes is not going to be magically fine hearing one around one person and a puddle on the floor around someone else. However, a child with SPD may feel more secure and better equipped to deal with what it does to their body and mind around one person or another.


I *DON'T* however believe children with true SPD are capable of completely disguising their angst to a personal trigger. If a child is completely fine with a given scenario in another context then that's not SPD. It's intolerance. And while they can be mild on up through severe that's not a disorder that warrants some special intervention.

At that point I'd be looking to why the child is so intolerant of x, y or z and sorting out what I can do to get them over it or at least to a point where they can function despite it.


I had an 8 month old once who screamed when her legs touched the grass outside. She also couldn't handle being bare legged on the carpet. As in screamed as if she were being stabbed until she was moved or her voice went hoarse. She had plenty of feeding problems to boot and was ultimately diagnosed with SPD. I got her to the point where she was able to feed relatively well with me (nowhere near perfect but functionally she was able to sustain herself so that was a giant success in my eyes) but during visits with her mom (who was really a stranger to her at best) she reverted right back to square one....sometimes even steps behind that.


On the flip side of that one in my very first batch of daycare kids ever was a nearly 3 year old little girl. Her very first day we went outside and imagine my horror when she near lost HER mind over crossing the lawn in flip flops and the grass touching her feet. Screamed and carried on begging me to carry her as if her feet would burst into flames if her toe touched another blade. Of course my mind jumped to SPD and I talked to her dad that night about it. Come to find out, she'd just plain never walked bare foot in grass. He said "she hates that so I carry her when we're out in the yard." She was trying to play the same exact game with me. A couple of days hanging out on the driveway alone instead of playing with the other kids on the lawn and swing set and she was instantly over her ridiculousness, racing around barefoot in the grass just like everyone else. She didn't hate grass between her toes at all, she was simply taught that being overly dramatic got her attention. That is NOT SPD. That's manipulation pure and simple.


See the difference?

[MaritimeMummy]

Okay, so a bit of an update.

I had someone from my home day care agency come out and observe him. He did the same thing for her as he does for me. But then once we were outside, he let loose. he didn't cry, but he still sought his "safe" places, and still cringed and made a very upset face when he saw the parked lawn tractor that wasn''t running, and at the powersaw that my father in law ran next door. But all in all not a terrible experience outside, not like normal.

We observed a few things.

#1 - FT DCG was not there at the time. DCG has a tendency to bulldoze around the house and when she discovers that we're going outside, she makes it very plain and repeats it over and over, "We going outside?! Here, put on me sunscreen! Is this his sunscreen? Hold still, me help you with you shoes, "X" (at that point she is forcing herself on whatever child it is that she has chosen to put shoes on). So maybe my DCB was at ease without her there?

#2 - We went outside in the morning rather than the afternoon. Could be that he's getting tired of the same routine and wouldn't mind a switch up?

#3 - SEPARATION ANXIETY! It seems pretty likely. He's super smart, observant, listens to and follows direction very well. But because he's so quiet and reserved, he might notice more than another child that oh, I don't know, his mother is working shift work, 11 hours a day, full time. He's 20 months old and still not sleeping through the night...now it makes sense to me, he is trying to see his mother. With me, he might either be making the association that going outside means going into the car to go home, and he's not going home. Or, he might think when we go outside that I'm going to devote my attention to everyone else but him.

He DEFINITELY is NOT manipulating, nor is is suffering from any developmental disorder. But there are still things to address. thank goodness the rep came today.

[MaritimeMummy]

Here is my take on this. This child sounds like he hasn't been completely comfortable and settled in childcare since he began coming. As he grew to trust his caretaker and his environment, a very loud, scary sound unpredictably entered what had finally become a safe place.

THIS also came into discussion.