Help-Parent That Has Separation Anxiety

[JuJubug]

How do you deal with parents with seperstion anxiety?
I have one parent that insist on coming in late everyday, like 1 to 1 half hr late. Insist on taking both her kids to class. Going in with her 19 month old and says that he just want let her leave, which actually he's trying to play w/ others and she keeps insisting that he plays with her which results in him then wanting her to stay. She then complains about how he want let her leave.
I asked if she just wanted to sneak out and I would take him and distract him with the group.
She sounded offended and told me that she thought that was mean when parents did that.
So I stoped trying and started to play with the rest of the children and ignored her and let her do her thing. after about 30 mins she got frustrated with him, yelled and jerked him around, spanked him and then pushed him in my arms, left and slammed the door.
I dont get how she thought this was better than leaving him happy.
But my problem is this happens alot, everyday that she brings him. I am trying to be poliet and drop hints. She has 2 children in our school and we cant afford to loss any by offending anyone (attendance is low)
This is causing stress for the other children (they get upset with the distubance), stress for my teacher and for her kid. It knockes everyone off schedule. What would you do? I'm at the point with just being blunt and telling her whats up.

[Kaddidle Care]

She yells and spanks him in front of the other children? That needs to be addressed by your Director ASAP. The mother sounds like a nutter. It sounds like she WANTS the little one to fuss and cry at Daycare so she has an excuse to stay home with him.

[cheerfuldom]

How do you deal with parents with seperstion anxiety?
I have one parent that insist on coming in late everyday, like 1 to 1 half hr late. Insist on taking both her kids to class. Going in with her 19 month old and says that he just want let her leave, which actually he's trying to play w/ others and she keeps insisting that he plays with her which results in him then wanting her to stay. She then complains about how he want let her leave.
I asked if she just wanted to sneak out and I would take him and distract him with the group.
She sounded offended and told me that she thought that was mean when parents did that.
So I stoped trying and started to play with the rest of the children and ignored her and let her do her thing. after about 30 mins she got frustrated with him, yelled and jerked him around, spanked him and then pushed him in my arms, left and slammed the door.
I dont get how she thought this was better than leaving him happy.
But my problem is this happens alot, everyday that she brings him. I am trying to be poliet and drop hints. She has 2 children in our school and we cant afford to loss any by offending anyone (attendance is low)
This is causing stress for the other children (they get upset with the distubance), stress for my teacher and for her kid. It knockes everyone off schedule. What would you do? I'm at the point with just being blunt and telling her whats up.

you HAVE to do something. does the director/owner know about this? why is there not a policy about timely drop offs? you cannot have a parent manhandling and spanking a child at your daycare.....there IS a liability to that as well as a risk of one of the other kids repeating the scene and their parents thinking it is the teachers spanking (you know how kids can retell stories). you must put a stop to this immediately.

[Blackcat31]

How do you deal with parents with seperstion anxiety?
I have one parent that insist on coming in late everyday, like 1 to 1 half hr late. Insist on taking both her kids to class. Going in with her 19 month old and says that he just want let her leave, which actually he's trying to play w/ others and she keeps insisting that he plays with her which results in him then wanting her to stay. She then complains about how he want let her leave.
I asked if she just wanted to sneak out and I would take him and distract him with the group.
She sounded offended and told me that she thought that was mean when parents did that.
So I stoped trying and started to play with the rest of the children and ignored her and let her do her thing. after about 30 mins she got frustrated with him, yelled and jerked him around, spanked him and then pushed him in my arms, left and slammed the door.
I dont get how she thought this was better than leaving him happy.
But my problem is this happens alot, everyday that she brings him. I am trying to be poliet and drop hints. She has 2 children in our school and we cant afford to loss any by offending anyone (attendance is low)
This is causing stress for the other children (they get upset with the distubance), stress for my teacher and for her kid. It knockes everyone off schedule. What would you do? I'm at the point with just being blunt and telling her whats up.

Sometimes parents really need a reality check. Hints aren't working so you need to just lay it all out there and tell her.

It isn't automatic that parents think outside of "my" child and "their" own world so don't let it frustrate you.

Just say what you mean but don't say it mean.

[Michael]

More info: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ration+anxiety

[JuJubug]

Actually I am the Director. A little more into detail.
The teacher of this room was out sick, our subs could not come in with the last min notice so I had to sub in this class of 18 month olds.
We have a policy about drop offs, coming in late etc. but some parents choose not to read this and want to do what they feel is best.
When she came in and continued to stay I offered to distract him so she could slip out or sneak out and she said she thought this was mean.
I encouraged her to slip out but she did not take my polite hints of this is not working.
When she got very frustrated and spanked him this was not something that I saw coming. In fact I was shocked and she quickly pushed him into my arms and left quickly.
I am the director of a business and I know what she did infront of these children was wrong but also they are 18 mnths and paid her not attention. I also know that the confrontation between her and I in front of these children would be worse then her quick hissy. This is what she did to her child that was still in her care whether she is in or out of our facility. I dont let things like this happen in our facility but when the unpredictable happens what do you do?
Actually I did do something I sent out letters to parents about how being late disrupts all ages and that they will have to wait paitiently for me to meet them at the door if they choose to arrive after 9:15 am and I will take the child in they can not. I also told them that if they insist on walking in to drop off they can open the door, kiss good bye but not go in to the room. No discussion with teachers about child, no lingering etc. They have got to go and that this has gotten out of hand. I did it politely and to the poiint. I feel as though it has been addressed and in the future I wont even have to deal with this type of walk ins bc it will be nipped with a copy of my letter sent home. Also this mother has had her hubby bring the kids in and I addressed it with him and I will with her if my letter didnt sink in.

[MarinaVanessa]

Why not provide her with an area for her and her child to play with on their own until SHE is ready to leave? For example if you have a front lobby or hall area where you can put a few toys and just let her do her thing there instead of in the classroom.

I would definitely be upset if I was a parent and I found out a child was spanked in front of the other children regardless of whether is was done by a parent or not. You as the director should think about the liability issues this could cause. I know you said these were 18mo but even at this age some can speak even if it's simple language. What would you do if one of these other kids went home and told mommy and daddy that "Teacher spank" . How is another child to know that it wasn't a teacher but actually a parent? You could find yourself in some hot water and lose more than just 2 children. You can lose several more and even your reputation.

Sounds to me like you need to sit down and have a one on one meeting with her. It doesn't have to be confrontational at all but just a sit-down where you let her know that spanking and aggression on the grounds is inappropriate and prohibited. Then explain that because of what happened she can no longer walk her children into the classroom. She can stay as long as she wants in the designated play space that you set aside for her and let her know that you don't do this for anyone but that you can accommodate this area for her under these circumstances, and once she is ready to leave she can let you (or other staff member) that she is ready to leave and her children can be walked to their classroom by the staff. If she agrees and then says she she is ready to leave and then lingers have the staff excuse herself "Linda, I can see that you're not ready yet. Let me know when you are" and then have them walk away. She needs to get the hint.

I personally wouldn't create a designated space for her but seeing as to how you don't want to make waves with her it might be a good option for you. I think it goes without saying that violence and aggression should not be tolerated at all in front of the children. That would be immediate termination for me. She has already shown that she is comfortable with spanking her child in front of the other children so you should assume that she will feel comfortable with doing it again.

Keep us posted.

[JuJubug]

Oh trust me it wont happen again. I'm not allowing her in the room due to the disruption. I've made it very clear. I'll let you know what happens next week. I'm interested to see what her response will be.

[clep]

It is in my contract that shaking, bribing, withholding food, yelling, and spanking or hitting of any kind results in immediate termination without refund of fees.

That is absolutely unacceptable in my eyes.

[JuJubug]

Think I'm going to add that. Each year seems like we always encounter something that has to be added in the hand book. That is a good one to add

[Unregistered]

To MV: The director was not saying that she had spanked the child, she had stated that the parent had spanked the child in front of the other children, just to clarify. I too experience a lot of mornings that the parent lingers and it does make the separation for the child more difficult. I too feel that at times parents tend to make separation worse for the child if they do not get the reaction they want before leaving. They need to not only reassure the child that it will be ok, but themselves as well. I tend to think that these parents want their child to miss them because of their own guilt, not realizing that the child "picks up on this behavior", therefore making separation harder for both of them. If they were to keep a normal morning routine for the child with a quick hug, kiss, "mommy will be back to pick you up, have a fun day with the kids" and QUICKLY leave, the child would then not obsess over the situation as the parent would like them to. The child always seems to be happy at pick up's therefore not indicating any other problems. Sometimes it is hard to get the parents to understand these things unfortunately.