Another Potty Question?

[Francine]

Is it odd that a 3 year old boy just doesn't care about going potty? He knows what to do, if his Mom or I sit him on the potty he will pee every time so he does know what to do. I can have him go every hour or so but he will still pee or poop his pants in between. We have been working on this for months, we have gone from diapers to pull ups to underwear, back to diapers when he just kept going in his underwear and now Mom is back to pull ups. We have tried bugging him all day about it and not saying anything about it and leaving it up to him. Being in wet or poopy pants doesn't bother him at all. Mom wants to send him to pre school in the fall, but if something doesn't happen soon with the potty situation that's not going to work. Any suggestions?

[Willow]

He's obviously not ready, and at three no that's not odd at all.

Despite him going when you sit him down he doesn't really know at all what the process should be.


I'd put him back in diapers completely and stop pushing him. When he starts indicating this is something he wants to do and is better aware of his functions and subsequent discomfort then you can throw in some encouragement and he should pick it up very quickly.

Kids don't learn things like this when it's merely convenient for a parent or pre-school schedule. If he doesn't pick it up by fall big whoop, I hope mom will know better than to chastise him for that as it's really not that big of a deal.

[Country Kids]

I have one like this also!! They actually tell mom and dad that they have to go at home and go in. Here, nothing!!! The child kept just going in the pull up so I thought if we switched to underwear it would work. It did for awhile but now we are back into wetting/pooping in them. Everytime it happens back into a pullup we go. Everyday we start over to see how it goes. Some days no issues, other days every pullup is having to be changed due to wetting/pooping in them. What gets me is the child can have urine/poop running literally down their legs and not tell me. So I'm not sure whats going on with going at home but not here?

[BumbleBee]

He's obviously not ready, and at three no that's not odd at all.

Despite him going when you sit him down he doesn't really know at all what the process should be.


I'd put him back in diapers completely and stop pushing him. When he starts indicating this is something he wants to do and is better aware of his functions and subsequent discomfort then you can throw in some encouragement and he should pick it up very quickly.

Kids don't learn things like this when it's merely convenient for a parent or pre-school schedule. If he doesn't pick it up by fall big whoop, I hope mom will know better than to chastise him for that as it's really not that big of a deal.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

[Kiki]

He's obviously not ready, and at three no that's not odd at all.

Despite him going when you sit him down he doesn't really know at all what the process should be.


I'd put him back in diapers completely and stop pushing him. When he starts indicating this is something he wants to do and is better aware of his functions and subsequent discomfort then you can throw in some encouragement and he should pick it up very quickly.

Kids don't learn things like this when it's merely convenient for a parent or pre-school schedule. If he doesn't pick it up by fall big whoop, I hope mom will know better than to chastise him for that as it's really not that big of a deal.

I was going to say that as well.
My youngest DD will be 4 in October, and she showed no interest in going potty until about January of this year. I tried with her more than once, but then decided to just have her let me know when she was ready.

[Willow]

I have one like this also!! They actually tell mom and dad that they have to go at home and go in. Here, nothing!!! The child kept just going in the pull up so I thought if we switched to underwear it would work. It did for awhile but now we are back into wetting/pooping in them. Everytime it happens back into a pullup we go. Everyday we start over to see how it goes. Some days no issues, other days every pullup is having to be changed due to wetting/pooping in them. What gets me is the child can have urine/poop running literally down their legs and not tell me. So I'm not sure whats going on with going at home but not here?

I would be pretty skeptical of a parent that said the kiddo was trained perfectly at home but then showed zero grasp of the concept while at daycare. Are you sure they're not spinnin' you a story so you continue to push him when he's with you hoping you'll make more progress than they currently have?


Kiki - my daughter trained herself at 2 1/2. My son waited until a month before he turned 4. I waited until both were practically begging for underware and could show me for a number of days that they could keep dry and go in the potty. I'm so glad you're taking her lead. Guaranteed when she's ready she'll train within days. She'll let you know when it's time




A bitty rant - I refuse to play the pull-up game. I flippin **LOATHE** those things. And the back and forth some parents expect a provider to endure with the lets try this thing even thought kiddo isn't ready, and then kiddo regresses if they ever grasp the concept at all, wait a bit and then they want to push it again, and eventually kiddo regresses again...and again and again and again and again....it's not only flat out RIDICULOUS, but can actually be detrimental to the kiddos psyche.

After my kids decided to ditch their diapers they never had a single accident, even at night. I don't understand parents who put up with peed and pooped on car seats, carpets, couches, restaurant chairs, beds, laps etc all in the name of pushing something that is only a matter of convenience for THEM. It's disgusting to my senses and my mind. We don't set a date that a kiddo has to learn their alphabet by, or algebra..."johnny you better master you're social skills by the time you're exactly 39 months of age or else!" So why do so many expect all kids be able to master potty training by a set age or by a certain date?? It's just crazy to me....

[Francine]

Please, nobody take this the wrong way I'm just asking, but have you ever ran into a kid that was just being stubborn about it? That just refused because they could? This kid is very smart, he was an ooops child for this couple pretty late (at least for me), his siblings are 19 and 20 years old. They have been told my their Ped. about different things (eating, bed time etc) that he is manipulating them and from what I see the parents totally fall for it and allow it.

[Willow]

Manipulating means he's not ready.


He needs to go back to diapers. 100% of the time. Until he can prove he can stay dry for everyone in diapers reliably and for an extended period of time he shouldn't have the option to be in anything else.

If he's five or six and still "manipulating" then I'd have him checked first by a pediatrician to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong, and then a psychologist to diagnose any mental health issues. But age three? There is no way to peg this as behavioral at this point. All kids buck it if they're pushed to hard and that sounds like exactly what's going on here.

Manipulation is a loaded word I don't think is fair for these parents to be throwing around. Parents could be merely telling the doc x, y and z to gain sympathy instead of being able to take a step back and get real about what the situation actually entails. It's extremely common.
For example:
Parents account - OMG, our baby *screams* ALL. DAY. LONG. Pediatrician - baby is a needy attention seeker.
Reality - baby cries no more or less than any other infant. Pediatrician - that's great your baby is obviously well attached and secure in it's world!

Same could be happening here:
Parents account - OMG our four year old plays us like a fiddle. He constantly tests us at meal time, bed time and now with potty training. Pediatrician - wow, sounds like he's manipulating you, better be careful with that.
Reality - four year old is no more challenging than any other kids his age because all four year olds will test and manipulate. Pediatrician - Behaviorally your four year old is completely normal.

It's all about the perception, delivery and the way information is conveyed.

Pediatricians are rarely qualified to diagnose mental health/behavioral issues and shouldn't be relied upon to accurately even venture a guess.

[Country Kids]

[QUOTE=Willow;239351]I would be pretty skeptical of a parent that said the kiddo was trained perfectly at home but then showed zero grasp of the concept while at daycare. Are you sure they're not spinnin' you a story so you continue to push him when he's with you hoping you'll make more progress than they currently have?


This is what I thought but one parent drops/picks ups about 95% of the time. Then when the other parent does drop/pick ups I will casually ask how the child is doing at home with the bathroom stuff. They will actually tell the same thing the other parent does. I can ask "Are they staying dry through the night" and whatever the other parent has said, this parent will answer the same (not word for word) but give an agreeing answer.

The child will also tell them when they have gone to the bathroom but won't here. So I'm not sure what the difference is but there is something.

[Blackcat31]

I would be pretty skeptical of a parent that said the kiddo was trained perfectly at home but then showed zero grasp of the concept while at daycare. Are you sure they're not spinnin' you a story so you continue to push him when he's with you hoping you'll make more progress than they currently have?

I have had several children in my care and seen many many instances of children being trained at home (accident free) and then not be trained (many accidents) at daycare.

Two TOTALLY different environments = two totally different behaviors, expectations and results.

Seen it many times in my experience.

I am sure there are parents out there who do spin stories in hopes that the provider will get the child trained under their watch versus having to do all the hard work themselves but it can definitely go both ways.

[Francine]

[QUOTE=Willow;239359]Manipulating means he's not ready.


He needs to go back to diapers. 100% of the time. Until he can prove he can stay dry for everyone in diapers reliably and for an extended period of time he shouldn't have the option to be in anything else.

Thank you! So we put him back in diapers and then what? Do we stop any mention of it, do we ask him if he has to go potty and accept his "no" when he says it, do we just matter of factly tell him to go potty ever once in a while?

Here is the other thing, he weighs over 50 pounds. Size six bearly fit him, they leave indentations on his skin. I'm sure they make something bigger that he would fit into but I can't see Mom investing into anything expensive.

[Willow]

[QUOTE=Francine;239394]

Manipulating means he's not ready.


He needs to go back to diapers. 100% of the time. Until he can prove he can stay dry for everyone in diapers reliably and for an extended period of time he shouldn't have the option to be in anything else.

Thank you! So we put him back in diapers and then what? Do we stop any mention of it, do we ask him if he has to go potty and accept his "no" when he says it, do we just matter of factly tell him to go potty ever once in a while?

Here is the other thing, he weighs over 50 pounds. Size six bearly fit him, they leave indentations on his skin. I'm sure they make something bigger that he would fit into but I can't see Mom investing into anything expensive.

Holy buckets that's a big kid! My seven year old doesn't hardly weigh 50lbs!

Small adult diapers for the size issue? Otherwise I have no clue. That's a new one to me, hopefully someone else will have a good suggestion.


I wouldn't ask him if he has to go potty anymore. I'd start from scratch and turn the whole thing back into a non-issue. When he starts squirming because he doesn't like the feel of what's in his pants you can ask him what's up, but beyond that I think this kiddo likely needs a restart. Hold off on everything until HE initiates asking to go, or needing to be changed. It's sometimes tough to be patient but I really believe this is a situation where that and only that is the only thing that'll get him to where you want him to be, much faster too

[Francine]

[QUOTE=Willow;239397]

Holy buckets that's a big kid! My seven year old doesn't hardly weigh 50lbs!

Small adult diapers for the size issue? Otherwise I have no clue. That's a new one to me, hopefully someone else will have a good suggestion.


I wouldn't ask him if he has to go potty anymore. I'd start from scratch and turn the whole thing back into a non-issue. When he starts squirming because he doesn't like the feel of what's in his pants you can ask him what's up, but beyond that I think this kiddo likely needs a restart. Hold off on everything until HE initiates asking to go, or needing to be changed. It's sometimes tough to be patient but I really believe this is a situation where that and only that is the only thing that'll get him to where you want him to be, much faster too

Yes, he is a big boy but he isn't fat he is just solid as a rock. I have backed off for the past couple of months until this week when his Mom brought pull ups again. He won't tell me when he has to go but he will every now and again say " change my diaper" Mom and Dad let him run around naked at home alot, inside and outside. Outside he just pees wherever and inside she thinks he goes into the bathroom, I would lay odds that there is pee in alot of places around their house that they don't know about. So gross!