How Long Can You Put a Child in a Time Out

[nannyde]

Sorry, my mistake. I've been making a lot of those lately. I would blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I'm not sure absentmindedness and wrong-thinking is a pregnancy symptom.

I luuuvvvvvv your technique. I don't have to ever use that on the dc kids but my son... he's a nutter kettle o fish.

[Aya477]

I am by no means criticizing any poster's opinion/belief regarding spankings but I do want to place my two cents in:

I don't believe that lack of spanking in today's society is the culprit for crime or bad children. What has occurred is the almighty dollar has taken control of everyone. Parents are so urged to work and be married to their corporate jobs even spending hours at home on the computer to do more work after putting in a 10 hour day (my hubby, sister, sis-in-law; or take my brother who owns his own business and works 6 days/week at 10 hours each day). Other families are holding 2-3 jobs just to keep bills paid and food on the table for their children. Other families are stricken with a single parent who may not be able to successfully handle raising a child(ren) and also may devote a majority of their time to work. Young teenage mothers who are not equipped with the maturity or life knowledge/experiences to successfully raise a child. Another class is the wealthy who most likely spend alot of time devoted to their careers along with social activities that exclude the children. And of course there are parent(s) who absolutely just don't care about their children (which is nothing new).

Over the last two decades, the vast majority of Americans have been trying to achieve the ridiculous notion of the American Dream--big house, luxury cars, expensive vacations, private school, the list goes on. The consequence to this is the children are not parented or supervised. Parents leave their children at home in their early teens or before teenage years because they have to work. And what will a child that age do while being unsupervised?? They will get into everything that their parents have either told them not to or not instilled within them the right/wrong about whatever it is. The children are not taught right from wrong, morals, values, being a contributing and decent member of society. And they do not have the parents' support or involvement for schoolwork or activities. The desire to achieve and have more has deplenished the time and interest for raising decent children who grow up to be decent adults. That is the true problem with our children in today's society.

The thing with statistics is you do not always get the full picture--the parent involvement, socioeconomic status, demeanor of the child, etc.

I was spanked as a child...not very frequently and it didn't affect me one way or the other. I did have very involved parents who talked with me frequently about life in general and I believe gave me a proper foundation for morals/values with enough room to be my own person. I had a stay at home Mom. My father had an arsenal of guns in the home and at a very early age (5, I believe) began teaching my brother and I the dangers in weapons and proper use. (guns were always locked in a safe) What was on TV when I grew up is hardly any different than what we see today. We didn't spend alot of time watching tv though---we played outdoors until we were forced to come inside. Kids don't do that these days. They've been put onto the entertainment babysitter so that parents can do other activities.

[jen]

I was spanked as a child...not very frequently and it didn't affect me one way or the other. I did have very involved parents who talked with me frequently about life in general and I believe gave me a proper foundation for morals/values with enough room to be my own person. I had a stay at home Mom. My father had an arsenal of guns in the home and at a very early age (5, I believe) began teaching my brother and I the dangers in weapons and proper use. (guns were always locked in a safe) What was on TV when I grew up is hardly any different than what we see today. We didn't spend alot of time watching tv though---we played outdoors until we were forced to come inside. Kids don't do that these days. They've been put onto the entertainment babysitter so that parents can do other activities.

I think you are right on with this. It isn't the spanking that is the problem, it is the time or lack thereof, that parents spend with children. If a parent's only interaction with thier child is when there is a problem, you just get more problems. A child who gets plenty of love and attention is not going to be damaged by a spanking, they are simply going to learn that bad behavior equals not-so-fun consequences. Good life lesson if you ask me!

Plus, I have found that more everyday interaction and guidence equal less discipline in general.

Funny, its a vicious circle. Peole don't discipline so their kids are monsters. Their kids are monsters so the parent's don't enjoy spending time with them so they dump them at daycare or grandma's or anywhere that will take them. The kids are angry and hurt because they want their parents and are searching for their boundaries...so they act like monsters!

[professionalmom]

I am by no means criticizing any poster's opinion/belief regarding spankings but I do want to place my two cents in:

I don't believe that lack of spanking in today's society is the culprit for crime or bad children. What has occurred is the almighty dollar has taken control of everyone. Parents are so urged to work and be married to their corporate jobs even spending hours at home on the computer to do more work after putting in a 10 hour day (my hubby, sister, sis-in-law; or take my brother who owns his own business and works 6 days/week at 10 hours each day). Other families are holding 2-3 jobs just to keep bills paid and food on the table for their children. Other families are stricken with a single parent who may not be able to successfully handle raising a child(ren) and also may devote a majority of their time to work. Young teenage mothers who are not equipped with the maturity or life knowledge/experiences to successfully raise a child. Another class is the wealthy who most likely spend alot of time devoted to their careers along with social activities that exclude the children. And of course there are parent(s) who absolutely just don't care about their children (which is nothing new).

Over the last two decades, the vast majority of Americans have been trying to achieve the ridiculous notion of the American Dream--big house, luxury cars, expensive vacations, private school, the list goes on. The consequence to this is the children are not parented or supervised. Parents leave their children at home in their early teens or before teenage years because they have to work. And what will a child that age do while being unsupervised?? They will get into everything that their parents have either told them not to or not instilled within them the right/wrong about whatever it is. The children are not taught right from wrong, morals, values, being a contributing and decent member of society. And they do not have the parents' support or involvement for schoolwork or activities. The desire to achieve and have more has deplenished the time and interest for raising decent children who grow up to be decent adults. That is the true problem with our children in today's society.

The thing with statistics is you do not always get the full picture--the parent involvement, socioeconomic status, demeanor of the child, etc.

I was spanked as a child...not very frequently and it didn't affect me one way or the other. I did have very involved parents who talked with me frequently about life in general and I believe gave me a proper foundation for morals/values with enough room to be my own person. I had a stay at home Mom. My father had an arsenal of guns in the home and at a very early age (5, I believe) began teaching my brother and I the dangers in weapons and proper use. (guns were always locked in a safe) What was on TV when I grew up is hardly any different than what we see today. We didn't spend alot of time watching tv though---we played outdoors until we were forced to come inside. Kids don't do that these days. They've been put onto the entertainment babysitter so that parents can do other activities.

You make very good points. There certainly is a self-serving a philosophy is today's society. I think that there are many contributing factors - lack of parental involvement is one of THE biggest problems. And I was raised a lot like you mentioned. However, when my parents worked I would not have thought of going against the rules (as a preteen/teen) because my parents always had spies everywhere (neighbors). Ok, so maybe they weren't really spies, but I thought there was some kind of parent network of spies out there and would report back to my parents. After all, they always seemed to know when I had broken the rules, no matter how much I hid the evidence. All I try to say is that a parent who occasional swats his/her child is not an abuser and is does not mean that the child who is occasionally spanked will turn out to be a violent criminal. That's just propaganda. There are no reliable statistics that show a link between the occasional swat and crime, with a control for other contributing factors.

[professionalmom]

I think you are right on with this. It isn't the spanking that is the problem, it is the time or lack thereof, that parents spend with children. If a parent's only interaction with thier child is when there is a problem, you just get more problems. A child who gets plenty of love and attention is not going to be damaged by a spanking, they are simply going to learn that bad behavior equals not-so-fun consequences. Good life lesson if you ask me!

Plus, I have found that more everyday interaction and guidence equal less discipline in general.

Funny, its a vicious circle. Peole don't discipline so their kids are monsters. Their kids are monsters so the parent's don't enjoy spending time with them so they dump them at daycare or grandma's or anywhere that will take them. The kids are angry and hurt because they want their parents and are searching for their boundaries...so they act like monsters!

HOW INSIGHTFUL!! I think someone (maybe you) once said that quantity time = quality children. Instead there's a mentality of pass the buck and the parents are doing it, too! My heart just aches for these children that no one seems to care about (especially the parents).

[jen]

HOW INSIGHTFUL!! I think someone (maybe you) once said that quantity time = quality children. Instead there's a mentality of pass the buck and the parents are doing it, too! My heart just aches for these children that no one seems to care about (especially the parents).

I don't think it was me, but I definitely agree!!!

I've had these kids and it is such a horrible thing for everyone. Pretty soon everyone cringes when they see them coming. Kids may not understand all the why's and how's but they KNOW when they are not really wanted.

[Former Teacher]

First, sure some people do complain about the parents a lot. But you know what, I have every right to complain about how I am being treated in MY own home when a 22 year old BRAT decides to call me a f***** B**** and a C*** in MY home in front of MY child and MY DC kids all because I handed her a written 2 weeks notice of termination (calmly, and quietly). FYI - I waited too long and took too much from this DCM because I let her intimidate me and I feared this very reaction because she was such a hostile person.

Second, sure, they pay our salary, but they do not OWN me. I am not their slave to be whipped, demeaned, demoralized, etc. Again, everyone will respect me in MY home. Period. I give respect (usually laced with a ton of sugar and sweetness). SO I expect other to respect me. If you don't, I am channeling my inner Judy and saying "Next..." (which is similar to what you said). But I also have the right to do the "OMG! You will NOT believe what someone just said to me". I helps us to not feel like we're all alone. I stared to think it was ME. Then I came on here and realized, nope, it's not me because it happens to so many others.

Of course everyone needs to vent about their job. We are blessed to have this forum to vent to. And of course even when I was in your position I would gripe about the parents etc. However there is a HUGE difference between griping and just being downright disrespectful toward these people.
Now don't get me wrong. There ARE parents who don't deserve respect. And yes we all demand respect. The children demand it as well.

I guess what I meant is that I don't agree with some providers policies and the way they run their daycare. And yes as an outsider looking in, I feel IMO that the way that some providers "act" on this forum makes me wonder..how are they in business? Perfect example: when a provider complains about how she hates working her 9 hour days or how a provider moans and groans that at naptime no one slept so she didn't get her read her email etc.. Then yes, I do wonder...if you are THAT miserabile then you need to change your profession. Again these are just EXAMPLES. And again yes everyone complains. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't. I am just saying what I have been observing since I joined this forum.

It's just a matter of personal opinion that's all.

[professionalmom]

Of course everyone needs to vent about their job. We are blessed to have this forum to vent to. And of course even when I was in your position I would gripe about the parents etc. However there is a HUGE difference between griping and just being downright disrespectful toward these people.
Now don't get me wrong. There ARE parents who don't deserve respect. And yes we all demand respect. The children demand it as well.

I guess what I meant is that I don't agree with some providers policies and the way they run their daycare. And yes as an outsider looking in, I feel IMO that the way that some providers "act" on this forum makes me wonder..how are they in business? Perfect example: when a provider complains about how she hates working her 9 hour days or how a provider moans and groans that at naptime no one slept so she didn't get her read her email etc.. Then yes, I do wonder...if you are THAT miserabile then you need to change your profession. Again these are just EXAMPLES. And again yes everyone complains. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't. I am just saying what I have been observing since I joined this forum.

It's just a matter of personal opinion that's all.

I apologize for the misunderstanding. You are right that complaining about the core responsibilities of this job/career is ridiculous. I actually am very jealous of providers that have 9 - 11 hr days, 5 days a week. Most of the time, I work 12 - 16 hour days M-F plus 6-12 hours per day on Sat and Sun. Often it comes to 85 - 100 hours in a week. And I've actually had clients think I'm not flexible enough! ::

[Former Teacher]

I apologize for the misunderstanding. You are right that complaining about the core responsibilities of this job/career is ridiculous. I actually am very jealous of providers that have 9 - 11 hr days, 5 days a week. Most of the time, I work 12 - 16 hour days M-F plus 6-12 hours per day on Sat and Sun. Often it comes to 85 - 100 hours in a week. And I've actually had clients think I'm not flexible enough! ::

Thanks for understanding- I do have a hard time getting my thoughts across! ::

[Crystal]

Of course everyone needs to vent about their job. We are blessed to have this forum to vent to. And of course even when I was in your position I would gripe about the parents etc. However there is a HUGE difference between griping and just being downright disrespectful toward these people.
Now don't get me wrong. There ARE parents who don't deserve respect. And yes we all demand respect. The children demand it as well.

I guess what I meant is that I don't agree with some providers policies and the way they run their daycare. And yes as an outsider looking in, I feel IMO that the way that some providers "act" on this forum makes me wonder..how are they in business? Perfect example: when a provider complains about how she hates working her 9 hour days or how a provider moans and groans that at naptime no one slept so she didn't get her read her email etc.. Then yes, I do wonder...if you are THAT miserabile then you need to change your profession. Again these are just EXAMPLES. And again yes everyone complains. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't. I am just saying what I have been observing since I joined this forum.

It's just a matter of personal opinion that's all.

We need a standing ovation smilie for this one! I agree 100%

[Former Teacher]

We need a standing ovation smilie for this one! I agree 100%

thank you! thank you! yet ANOTHER person who understands me

[Janet]

Time-outs

I hate to use TO's because I don't think that they work a good portion of the time. I do a lot of removal of priviledges when the positive reinforcement doesn't work. Honestly, sometimes the energy that a provider has to expend in order to get a problem child in check isn't worth the pay. I would expel a kid that was wreaking havoc at the drop of a dime. This is a business and I have other clients to worry about. As far as the spanking goes, I wouldn't feel comfortable with spanking my daycare kids even if I could, but I won't hesitate to let the parent give the kid a spanking in my presence as long as it didn't cross the line into a beating. I've actually called a daycare dad to come over on his lunch break to give his kid a swat (the dad asked me to) and I had no problem with that. Too much power is being taken away by the government for not only daycare providers and teachers, but parents, too. I was spanked a lot as a kid and I turned out OK.