Too Old to Have Accidents... Kinda Long

[B Lou]

I have a 3 1/2 year old DCB who decided yesterday that he wanted to crap his pants. It was about 30 min. after nap time began. I called mom and told her what had happened and that DCB was freaking out. So asked me to throw away the underwear and give him clean ones to put on. (NO REALLY). So I helped DCB take off nasty underwear and he got very upset thinking I was gonna put him in a diaper. I told him to settle down, gave him clean underwear, washed his wash, and gave him a hug.
Today after eating lunch, brushing teeth, and going to the bathroom, I laid down DCK's and with in 5-10 min same DCB runs to the bathroom. Comes out with no pants on and asks for his extra clothes bag.
Now I know what your all thinking, you gotta be sh##ing me. Nope he crapped his pants again. Only this time he has it all over my bathroom and has clogged my toliet. (took me 20 min to unclog). Again he is freaking out.
I called mom told her what happened and suggested she not pick him up. I believe that the DCB is thinking that if he poops his pants then he will get to go home. Mom tells me to put a pull up on him and let him think about it.
Any suggestions?:confused::confused:

[Willow]

If at 3 1/2 he's still having accidents like that then he's not ready for potty training and needs to go back to pull-up's or diapers.

If those two are the only accidents he's had in a very long time I'd investigate why he's hit a blip....trouble with new pants buttons or snaps, too much juice or fiber in his diet, changes at home that are causing him to regress etc.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, nor would I let mom. He's still young. Maybe mom is pushing waaaay too hard if his fear was that you'd put him back in diapers?


I'd also sit down and just talk to him about it. I'd make sure he understood diapers/pull-ups weren't a punishment and ask him flat out why he thinks he's having such a hard time lately. Sometimes they'll tell you right then and there what your fix needs to be.

[B Lou]

I've had this DCB in care for almost 3 months. He has never had an accident before, NONE. Not sure the problem is.

[Crystal]

First of all, I am sure the child did not "decide that he wanted to crap his pants" Also, he's not to old for accidents.....it happens.

What are your naptime rules? Are you adamant about laying down and not making noise? Perhaps he thinks he might get in trouble for getting up from nap, and tries to hold it and can't?


Also, if he ran to the bathroom during naptime, and had time to make such a mess and clog the toilet, where were you? Why didn't you follow him to the potty?

If the only time potty is a problem is naptime, then pull-ups for naptime. Pretty simple, and it isn't the child's choice.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but this kind of thing makes me angry.....not at the child, but at the provider.

[familyschoolcare]

Also, if he ran to the bathroom during naptime, and had time to make such a mess and clog the toilet, where were you? Why didn't you follow him to the potty?

Seriously follow a potty trained child over the age of three to the bathroom. If that is was is excepted then I will add it to my list of why I prefeer to not watch children that are not yet fully potty trained and/or in a school program of some time.

[SilverSabre25]

If he was upset and "freaking out", I don't think he made a conscious CHOICE to go in his pants. I think that for some reason it was an accident and he had trouble controlling his bowels. He might be having some sort of a reaction to a food (allergies can crop up suddenly) or he could be getting sick. Another possibility is that he was trying to hold it--kids do that sometimes if it hurt to go once, they try to avoid going because they think it will hurt again.

I would try tomorrow having him go sit on the potty before nap and keep him there a little while longer. Maybe give him some books to read while he sits or something, and stay nearby. Get everyone else down (but don't make a big deal out of it) and give him some time to move his bowels before laying down.

[Crystal]

Seriously follow a potty trained child over the age of three to the bathroom. If that is was is excepted then I will add it to my list of why I prefeer to not watch children that are not yet fully potty trained and/or in a school program of some time.

Yes. If the provider knows the child is having BM issues, then she should have, at the very least, checked to see what was up. 3 is still very young.....I do not allow three year olds in the potty unsupervised.....as this provider found out LOTS can happen within a very small window of time.

And, yes, you're right, if you prefer not to have to supervise a child in the potty then you should watch older kids.

[craftymissbeth]

Incopresis

My DS was just diagnosed with incopresis after about a years worth of him having BM accidents. He's 5 1/2. So, no, your dcb isn't too young for accidents.

If you're not familiar with incopresis (def. not making any type of diagnosis here or anything, just trying to show you that there can be underlying causes for things like this), it's when the child has impacted stool and looser stool is still able to pass around it. The child's sphincter muscles become weak and are unable to hold anything in... and a lot of the time they can't even feel it until it's too late.

Hope this helps. It's super frustrating... I feel your pain

[mema]

I don't think he's too old for accidents. My ds wasn't even potty trained until 3 1/2 and I have a 3yr old now that is just starting. I say put a pull up on at rest time for a week and remind him to go before rest. I always stand outside the door especially if it's at rest time because they can normally hold it that 2 hours, so if they are getting up, it could be that they don't feel well. Even the 6yr olds I stand outside the door otherwise they tend to dilly dally and draw on the mirror with soap. The door is always closed except for a crack, so they do have privacy, but than I can hear better.

[DCBlessings27]

Has something changed lately in the child's life? Last week my 3.5 dcg had 2 accidents. She hadn't had accidents in a long time. Pooped her pants the first time and wet her pants the next day. The only reason I could think of for this is that she's acting out a little. Her sibling is scheduled to be born today, and I think she was reacting to the situation.

My dd doesn't really understand that we're having another baby. However, she has started acting out a little. Says her sippy is a bottle and wants to act like a baby sometimes.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

First of all, I am sure the child did not "decide that he wanted to crap his pants" Also, he's not to old for accidents.....it happens.

What are your naptime rules? Are you adamant about laying down and not making noise? Perhaps he thinks he might get in trouble for getting up from nap, and tries to hold it and can't?


Also, if he ran to the bathroom during naptime, and had time to make such a mess and clog the toilet, where were you? Why didn't you follow him to the potty?

If the only time potty is a problem is naptime, then pull-ups for naptime. Pretty simple, and it isn't the child's choice.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but this kind of thing makes me angry.....not at the child, but at the provider.

I don't follow my Preschoolers to the bathroom unless they are still using Pull-Ups. There would be no point in me watching a potty-trained child use the restroom. My time could be better utilized elsewhere. I have no issues with any of my potty trained Preschoolers using the restroom by themselves. All 8 of them do just fine.
If a child had an accident the day before (but prior to that never had any), then I wouldn't be expecting them to have another accident. If they did, it's not a big deal. Accidents happen. Life goes on. But I'm not going to follow a child daily after they have one accident.

I would use Pull-Ups at naptime for this child and just call them nap pants.

[Crystal]

I don't follow my Preschoolers to the bathroom unless they are still using Pull-Ups. There would be no point in me watching a potty-trained child use the restroom. My time could be better utilized elsewhere. I have no issues with any of my potty trained Preschoolers using the restroom by themselves. All 8 of them do just fine.
If a child had an accident the day before (but prior to that never had any), then I wouldn't be expecting them to have another accident. If they did, it's not a big deal. Accidents happen. Life goes on. But I'm not going to follow a child daily after they have one accident.

I would use Pull-Ups at naptime for this child and just call them nap pants.

I don't stand and watch the children use the restroom. I am near the restroom so that I can hear everything going on. They also yell to me "Crystal I am going to the bathroom!" before they go so I know to check in, and "I'm done!" when they are done and then I yell "be sure to wash your hands!" I also go in AFTER they use the toilet and make sure it is clean for the next child.....pee on the floor is not only gross, but slippery Been doing it that way for over 15 years with 14 children every day and I have not ONCE in my career had crap all over my bathroom. When THAT happens THAT means the child was completely unsupervised and THAT is not okay. So supervise or not, but if not, have fun cleaning crap off the walls, floors and child.

BTW, I said "follow" to the restroom with this one child because of the specific circumstances, I don't follow every kid to the potty either, I just make sure I am aware they are in there and that I can hear them....if there is anything out of the ordinary happening, I'll know it.

The point of supervising children using the restroom (aside from the obvious mess issues) is that a preschooler can do serious damage to the bathroom in a matter of seconds, as I said before the OP experienced that just yesterday.(she's fortunate it wasn't worse, plumbing repairs are expensive) If the child had a BM accident just the day before, than jumped out of bed and ran to the potty during naptime the very next day, you betcha I'd be making sure everything was okay.

My other point is that this was NOT the child's fault and the OP made it out to be like it was intentional. THAT is what makes me angry.

And, I agree, potty accidents aren't a big deal. And, like I said before, I'd also use pull-ups at naptime

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Makes sense. My kids are all the TMI type. They all yell, "I'M GOING TO GO PEE!" or "I'M GOING TO GO POOP!" before they go to the restroom. :: I am WELL aware that they are in there, and WHAT they will be doing while in there.

I agree that potty accidents are not intentional at that age. Often times, they're the result of being too busy to notice the "I have to go potty" warning signs. Or, something going in their lives causing them to regress.

[B Lou]

I's sorry I do believe this child is old enough to be in the bathroom by himself. As for them mess in the bathroom was only on the floor. I guess it wasn't all over the walls and everywhere as it sounded.

[christinaskids]

Poor guy, sounds like he has some sort of reason he has had accidents and maybe if it continues you could suggest a trip to the doctor? If hes never had an accident and was upset over it, he must of been really embarassed. I would def keep pullups on him until it gets figured out for your sanity.