Kinda OT: Why Do I Let Strangers Ruin My Day?

[DaisyMamma]

With 3 kids in tow I'm at the pharmacy. Infant in carseat, who does NOT travel well. He cries through field trips, short trips in the car, walks, at the park, etc. It's hard for me to ever go anywhere because this baby stresses me out with the blood curdling screaming!
Some guy comes up to me and says excuse me ma'am but his carseat is really tight. So I check and inform him nicely that its actually looser than the state reccomends. He walks off and mumbles "well he's crying for a reason."
Well, he's spoiled and he wants to be at home in his comfort zone. Ugh. I'm like mad at the world now because of this guy. Babies cry! If I stopped to hold a baby because they are crying I would do nothing but hold babies full time, and then they would be more spoiled!

[Heidi]

Yes...he's crying for a reason! He wants YOU to hold him while I get my stuff done. ::

[DaisyMamma]

Thank you! I wish I thought of that. LOL

[littlemissmuffet]

Why is it when there is no issue that people think it's their place to get involved in your business... but when there actually is something alarming going on (parent screaming at child, parent hitting child, parent not watching child in traffic, etc) that most people turn a blind eye???

[wdmmom]

Babies cry. It's their way of exercising! If they weren't crying, I'd be worried. If they cry, it's music to my ears!

This guy doesn't know squat. Brush it off and go about your day.

It was nice of him to have concern but at the same token, not all children are the same, nor do they cry for the same reasons.

[Heidi]

Why is it when there is no issue that people think it's their place to get involved in your business... but when there actually is something alarming going on (parent screaming at child, parent hitting child, parent not watching child in traffic, etc) that most people turn a blind eye???

Yes! Have you ever seen the "what would you do?" tv series?

[littlemissmuffet]

Yes! Have you ever seen the "what would you do?" tv series?

Yes! That show actually REALLY upsets me. My husband and I have seen some very bad situations and put ourselves in potentially very dangerous situations ourselves to help someone... while other people just walk by knowing full well they could/should have stopped to help too!!
Meanwhile, these same people who did NOTHING tend to be the friendly neighborhood know-it-all who has an answer for everything that doesn't even matter. It blows my mind!

[AmyLeigh]

Yes...he's crying for a reason! He wants YOU to hold him while I get my stuff done. ::

Hahaha

I am feeling a little snarky today and I probably would have said, "yeah, poor thing, he picks up when I am annoyed by complete strangers who try to give me unwarrented parenting advise!"

I probably should stay home today.

[kathiemarie]

I'm going to be the bad guy here.
But people don't want to listen to a screaming kid. You know he dosen't travel well so why would you make strangers listen to him? If you don't want people to give you advice maybe you should think of how others are going to feel? While you have this child in care you might not get to run your errands, go on field trips etc. That is part of our business.
Just so you know I have a DC of 6 kids and we go all over town but if one acts up we leave and that means an infant screaming or toddlers not listening. I know this sound a bit b**** and I'm sorry for that but this is my biggest pet peeve.

[DaisyMamma]

I'm going to be the bad guy here.
But people don't want to listen to a screaming kid. You know he dosen't travel well so why would you make strangers listen to him? If you don't want people to give you advice maybe you should think of how others are going to feel? While you have this child in care you might not get to run your errands, go on field trips etc. That is part of our business.
Just so you know I have a DC of 6 kids and we go all over town but if one acts up we leave and that means an infant screaming or toddlers not listening. I know this sound a bit b**** and I'm sorry for that but this is my biggest pet peeve.

No worries.
I tend to not go anywhere when he is in care. My dd needed Tylenol.
That said, its not fair to the other kids that he is spoiled and only happy when we are in the playroom. They want to go outside, go to the park, etc. It's a tough situation. The ONLY way for him to be socialized and learn to deal with being strange places is to take him to strange places. He can't live his whole life in my playroom because he might make other people uncomfortable. And as the weather gets nicer I'm starting to do it little by little. I don't want to spend my whole life in my playroom either.

[Heidi]

No worries.
I tend to not go anywhere when he is in care. My dd needed Tylenol.
That said, its not fair to the other kids that he is spoiled and only happy when we are in the playroom. They want to go outside, go to the park, etc. It's a tough situation. The ONLY way for him to be socialized and learn to deal with being strange places is to take him to strange places. He can't live his whole life in my playroom because he might make other people uncomfortable. And as the weather gets nicer I'm starting to do it little by little. I don't want to spend my whole life in my playroom either.

Yes! You have to stretch his boundries/comfort zone, the other children need to go out, and sometimes, his needs need to be deferred for the good of others. Sorry, but even at a young age that's a life lesson. Otherwise, when do you STOP walking around egg shells to avoid upsetting him? When he's a year, 2, 7, 18?

Now, if you bring him into the nice restaurant my hubby and I go to on a Saturday night, or you were the lady at a wedding who let their baby scream through the whole thing, you might get a dirty look from Heidi.

I do wonder if he has some sensitivities, though. I used to have a dck who cried all the time when we were out (and a lot at home). It was too light, or too windy, or too crowded. Always something. She had huge brown eyes, always full of tears, and got a LOT of attention for it...poor thing
She also taught HERSELF to read by 3. Just wondering if there are any strategies that could help him feel the pain a little less...earmuffs? sunglasses? a pacifier? Maybe he just can't handle all that sensory input at once?

[Hunni Bee]

No worries.
I tend to not go anywhere when he is in care. My dd needed Tylenol.
That said, its not fair to the other kids that he is spoiled and only happy when we are in the playroom. They want to go outside, go to the park, etc. It's a tough situation. The ONLY way for him to be socialized and learn to deal with being strange places is to take him to strange places. He can't live his whole life in my playroom because he might make other people uncomfortable. And as the weather gets nicer I'm starting to do it little by little. I don't want to spend my whole life in my playroom either.

[Blackcat31]

No worries.
I tend to not go anywhere when he is in care. My dd needed Tylenol.
That said, its not fair to the other kids that he is spoiled and only happy when we are in the playroom. They want to go outside, go to the park, etc.

Personally, if ONE child has that kind of effect on all the other kids, then I would never keep him. He is being allow to control the entire group or rather restrict the whole group. One child's needs (I don't mean their basic needs) shouldn't really have priority over the groups needs....kwim?

It's a tough situation. The ONLY way for him to be socialized and learn to deal with being strange places is to take him to strange places. He can't live his whole life in my playroom because he might make other people uncomfortable. And as the weather gets nicer I'm starting to do it little by little. I don't want to spend my whole life in my playroom either.

I answerd in bold above too.

I do agree that is is important for this child to have his comfort zone stretched a little but shouldn't that be the parents job?

I mean if I were the parent of one of your other kids and I thought my child was missing out on trips to the park and outside field trips or outside play because one child had issues, I would be fuming mad that the difficult child's needs were being met instead of what ALL the other kids want/need.

I don't mean this rudely or snarky at all.....just my perspective. I think it was pretty rude of that stranger to come up and say something right to you.... but I do sort of agree with Kathiemarie in that I don't think it was fair to other shoppers to have to listen to this crying/screaming child.

I FULLY understand that your own dd needed Tylenol so you felt you HAD to take the excursion but honestly, if I knew it was going to be such a production, I would have called dcb's parents and said they needed to come get him so you could make the trip or had someone else stay at home with him.

Sorry though that the trip was such negative one for you.

[My3cents]

I answerd in bold above too.

I do agree that is is important for this child to have his comfort zone stretched a little but shouldn't that be the parents job?

I mean if I were the parent of one of your other kids and I thought my child was missing out on trips to the park and outside field trips or outside play because one child had issues, I would be fuming mad that the difficult child's needs were being met instead of what ALL the other kids want/need.

I don't mean this rudely or snarky at all.....just my perspective. I think it was pretty rude of that stranger to come up and say something right to you.... but I do sort of agree with Kathiemarie in that I don't think it was fair to other shoppers to have to listen to this crying/screaming child.

I FULLY understand that your own dd needed Tylenol so you felt you HAD to take the excursion but honestly, if I knew it was going to be such a production, I would have called dcb's parents and said they needed to come get him so you could make the trip or had someone else stay at home with him. I would not call the parents and ask them to come get him- they are paying you to watch their child. I would have done it before daycare or had someone else get it for me if possible,hub or friend.

Sorry though that the trip was such negative one for you.

I see both sides of this- my side--- when I am done daycare and I go to the store and a child is acting up it just makes me crazy- I am leaving the house to refresh, have been with kiddo's all day and I don't want to turn back on to that enviroment. I want peace

My child goes into a fit like that- we leave. Child learns quick that the behavior is not tolerated. Baby is different. Babies do need that consistency- thats all they have. I don't like the bright lights of stores, they mess with my anxiety, imagine what it is like being a baby in a carseat and being aimed to look up at that. I agree they need to be able to take the plunge at some point. Some babies are just not at that point and that is ok. They will be in due time. I agree it is the parents job. I don't do field trips for two reasons mostly 1) The liability and 2) I feel it should be the parents that do these things with their kids first. and prob the third reason would be, it can be challenging enough to just be at home, add a ton more of outside influences to them and it can be a recipe for a disaster. Kids often act out when they are in new situations, places. Just me and how I work.

I mostly agree with you Blackcat except for the part of calling the parents to come get the kiddo.

I don't like a kid that acts up when I am out and about but I also understand and try to have patience for as long as I can or remove myself-

[saved4always]

I guess I have a high tolerance for screaming kids who are not my responsibility. If I go to a store or someplace like that when I am "off", I just thank God that someone else has to handle the screaming child, not me. Now, if it was at a restaurant or a movie theater where the screaming actually does affect my enjoyment of life, I would not be happy. But people with screaming children in stores, parks or any other places where noise does not really affect what I am doing, does not bother me.

I do feel bad for the caretaker in these situations though...I do remember times when I had to finish grocery shopping with an unhappy child. I think everyone has had those moments...I spent half an hour filling the cart and the young child with me decides in the check out line that he has had enough and blows a gasket....leaving at that point, to me, teaches the child (older, not a baby) that we will leave whenever the child wants to leave and it leaves the fridge and cupboard bare. Sometimes my husband was out of town for work, so going without my own little ones was not even an option. So I don't fault anyone who decides to ride it out with the cranky child and get what they need and get out. It is one thousand times worse for the caretaker with the cranky child than it is for me to listen to it.