Let's Be Best Friends

[Lyss]

I'm new to home care, I've been open less than a year, and would like some advice. I recently accepted a new DCK, a child basically the same age as my own child, and the DCP are very nice. They recently relocated to our area and don't know many people, so the mother has been dropping many comments about how we're all going to become "great best friends."

I'm a little concerned about becoming "best friends" with a DCP. This is my business and I'm afraid becoming friends (she's talking bbq's, family movie nights, weekend coffee get togethers....) will make it harder if issues arise (of which there are a few already I'm addressing with her) in the future and also, not to sound rude, I want my weekend free of DCK!

Yes I think it would be great for our children to get to be best friends but I'm hesitant about a relationship outside of providing care.

What would you do?

[Springdaze]

I have to agree with you. unfortunately most times it doesnt work. its hard to tell a friend when they need to be reminded of a policy or something like that. I have some g friends that are former clients, and maybe one that I would have been friends with, but not besties. these were also fortunately parents that I never had problems with.

[Mydaycare]

Totally agree with you!!! You don't want to deal with dck on weekends!!!

[Meyou]

I've become very good friends with DCF's after their child had moved on to school. But I try to stay professional while we're still in a working relationship. I have two very good friends that I met providing childcare for their children.

[DaisyMamma]

I so agree with you. Not only do you need to keep the relationship at a professional level to keep your business running smoothly but why would you want to see dck or dcp after work? Even the best families are still part of your job and time off is time off!

I had a dcm invite me to the beach over this weekend. To me it sounded like working for free on a day off. No thanks! But have fun!

[GretasLittleFriends]

I do school aged care, and have 3 SA DCKs along with my own son. One of the kids is in my son's class, and he's been with me the longest. I live outside a very small town. My kids' graduating classes are in the 60 - 70 children range. It is hard not to be friends with my DCPs. We have attended countless birthday parties, a wedding, and various BBQs. We helped one DCM paint and move into her new house. Not to mention, some of my other non-daycare friends are friends with my daycare parents. Yes this could be difficult if something went sour, but it's something I'm not really worried about. Though maybe I should be... LOL.

I do have one dcb8 who can be a huge challenge of a child. His mother is well aware of this, as they have problems with him at home. He's usually pretty good for me (until mom comes to get him). His mom is probably the one dcm that I'm closest with. I keep it very clear that I'm in charge of the child when I'm at my house or we are on a field trip. At their place or another social place (such as cub scouts) he's not my concern, though I've been known to give him a "look" once in a while, I will not speak a word, as it's not my place to parent him.

My parents understand that my time off is just that, and they know I look forward to my weekends. Yet at the same time, like I said, our lives intertwine in such a small area, it is impossible to not be involved outside of daycare hours. I actually enjoy it, and am still able to stay professional when I am on the clock.

[Willow]

My parents understand that my time off is just that, and they know I look forward to my weekends. Yet at the same time, like I said, our lives intertwine in such a small area, it is impossible to not be involved outside of daycare hours. I actually enjoy it, and am still able to stay professional when I am on the clock.

These are my thoughts too.

My business may be a business, but it's also rooted in family dynamics and forming really close relationships. We may not be best friends, but especially living in such a small town it's impossible to keep things on the clock exclusively, nor would I want to! If I ever had to start working outside of the home I'm much prefer to leave my children with someone who was more like an aunt to them, and a friend to me, rather than someone who was focused on maintaining the boundaries of a working relationship only.

I love my daycare kids, and they love me. Their families love that I offer them a home away from home when they can't be with them and appreciate me for more than just the service they pay me to provide. It would be really difficult if not impossible to separate that love within the context of work day hours only, at least for me.


All that said, you have to do what's right for you Lyss. If blurring the lines makes you uncomfortable and you think it'll cause problems in the future then don't compromise your values or feelings. If she starts asking for specific evening and weekend outings you can always politely decline with the excuse that you're too busy. Eventually she'll get the hint I'm sure. You could also direct her to different places to meet people if there are any locally...think Lions Club's, school volunteer programs, summer recreation classes for adults or her kids etc. I know what it's like to move to a small town and know next to no one. That's pretty scary and lonely territory! Let her in on where to meet others and how to integrate into the community. I'm sure she'll quickly make friends elsewhere and happily leave you alone.

There are plenty of parents who feel the same way that I'm sure would appreciate and prefer a more professional atmosphere. Just like with all providers and families finding the right fit is so important, this is just another extension of what that entails

[B Lou]

I have become very very good friends with several of my DCP. It is easy to work out as long as everyone involved understands the importance of business is business and personal is personal. It's easy to do as long as everyone stays adults.

[Lucy]

It sounds a little stalkerish to me. Or at the very least, desperate for friends. Kinda pushy to be saying that stuff and putting pressure on you to force a friendship when you hardly know each other. I would just let those comments go in one ear and out the other. When she invites you to things, always have an alibi in mind. If she's not too dense, she'll catch on after awhile that you're not interested. Maybe!!

[momofsix]

These are my thoughts too.

My business may be a business, but it's also rooted in family dynamics and forming really close relationships. We may not be best friends, but especially living in such a small town it's impossible to keep things on the clock exclusively, nor would I want to! If I ever had to start working outside of the home I'm much prefer to leave my children with someone who was more like an aunt to them, and a friend to me, rather than someone who was focused on maintaining the boundaries of a working relationship only.

I love my daycare kids, and they love me. Their families love that I offer them a home away from home when they can't be with them and appreciate me for more than just the service they pay me to provide. It would be really difficult if not impossible to separate that love within the context of work day hours only, at least for me.




All that said, you have to do what's right for you Lyss. If blurring the lines makes you uncomfortable and you think it'll cause problems in the future then don't compromise your values or feelings. If she starts asking for specific evening and weekend outings you can always politely decline with the excuse that you're too busy. Eventually she'll get the hint I'm sure. You could also direct her to different places to meet people if there are any locally...think Lions Club's, school volunteer programs, summer recreation classes for adults or her kids etc. I know what it's like to move to a small town and know next to no one. That's pretty scary and lonely territory! Let her in on where to meet others and how to integrate into the community. I'm sure she'll quickly make friends elsewhere and happily leave you alone.

There are plenty of parents who feel the same way that I'm sure would appreciate and prefer a more professional atmosphere. Just like with all providers and families finding the right fit is so important, this is just another extension of what that entails

This exactly!

[SunshineMama]

It sounds a little stalkerish to me. Or at the very least, desperate for friends. Kinda pushy to be saying that stuff and putting pressure on you to force a friendship when you hardly know each other. I would just let those comments go in one ear and out the other. When she invites you to things, always have an alibi in mind. If she's not too dense, she'll catch on after awhile that you're not interested. Maybe!!

Agreed! I had dcp's basically stalk me to find me through a friend on facebook and they wanted to be friends. I kept my distance and was professional. Thank goodness! Because I termed them last week and now they are being really rotten to me! Dont mix business with friendship.

[Countrygal]

These are my thoughts too.

My business may be a business, but it's also rooted in family dynamics and forming really close relationships. We may not be best friends, but especially living in such a small town it's impossible to keep things on the clock exclusively, nor would I want to! If I ever had to start working outside of the home I'm much prefer to leave my children with someone who was more like an aunt to them, and a friend to me, rather than someone who was focused on maintaining the boundaries of a working relationship only.

I love my daycare kids, and they love me. Their families love that I offer them a home away from home when they can't be with them and appreciate me for more than just the service they pay me to provide. It would be really difficult if not impossible to separate that love within the context of work day hours only, at least for me.


All that said, you have to do what's right for you Lyss. If blurring the lines makes you uncomfortable and you think it'll cause problems in the future then don't compromise your values or feelings. If she starts asking for specific evening and weekend outings you can always politely decline with the excuse that you're too busy. Eventually she'll get the hint I'm sure. You could also direct her to different places to meet people if there are any locally...think Lions Club's, school volunteer programs, summer recreation classes for adults or her kids etc. I know what it's like to move to a small town and know next to no one. That's pretty scary and lonely territory! Let her in on where to meet others and how to integrate into the community. I'm sure she'll quickly make friends elsewhere and happily leave you alone.

There are plenty of parents who feel the same way that I'm sure would appreciate and prefer a more professional atmosphere. Just like with all providers and families finding the right fit is so important, this is just another extension of what that entails

I think this was a great post and put into words exactly what I wanted to convey, as well. I think giving her a helping hand would only IMPROVE your business. If people see you as helpful, caring for others, they are much more likely to bring their kids to you!

For my DC, it is as much or even more about the parents than the kids. The parents are the ones paying my "salary", and they need to feel comfortable and secure with me. I'm sure this is more pertinent to a home daycare in a rural area than, say, a center dc or even a dc in a larger city. I am not best friends with my dc parents, but I'd certainly consider us friends.

I'm sure as this mom who is new to the area begins to feel more "at home", she'll spread out and become involved in more places and with more people. I assume she has a job? She'll meet people and begin to feel more confidence. In the meantime, I wouldn't be able to help befriending her. She needs to begin to feel that she "fits in" in this new community.

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

[DaisyMamma]

I live in a small town too. Graduating class under 100. I'm perfectly friendly with DCP but that's it. I say no to bbqs and bd parties.