My Child Won't Sleep

[daycare]

I am not too sure what I can do if anything.

My own child is 4. He has never been a sleeper since birth. He stopped taking naps at age 1.5. BUT he needs them. Every day he wakes up around 5am to 6:30am. He does not nap. I deal with horrible behavior all morning most days. Some times it goes on all day. He does not nap and only gets about 5 to 8 hours asleep each night. We fight him nightly to sleep, somtimes 3-5 hours. He wakes 2-3 times a night and has done this since birth.

He is very small for his age, most of my 2 year olds are bigger than him. Other than small in size, he is on track with everything else. He is a very smart boy and is a pretty good eater most of the time.

I don't know what to do. I have not slept in years and my body got used to it, but now I am finally starting to feel the pain.

Anyone ever deal with this? What should I do? What can I do? Should I take him to the doctors?

[Unregistered]

If there is nothing medically wrong with him it's time for tough love. Set his bed time,get a good routine.Tell him goodnight and shut the door.I know some people will say it's cruel but if my child refused to stay in their bed and I had done everything possible.I woud simply put a lock on his door.Tell him goodnight and don't go back in until the morning.If there is nothing wrong with him then he's just playing you. 10-12 hours a night is what most children that age need.I wouldn't do anything less than 10,some kids need less but if he's acting up all day,he needs more than 8.
Try talking to him about the new routine and what you expect,for him to stay in his bed.Tell him you will leave the door open but if he gets out of his bed you will shut it.Say it and mean it.It's hard to reverse if you didn't set an expectation since he was little.
Hard but not impossible to fix.
I get to decide when my children are up,not them.I can't force them to sleep but they won't leave their room unless I say it's time to get up.
I have four,they go to bed between 7:30p.m.-8:00p.m. I use cry it out after 6 months.
I put you in your bed,you can cry and scream all you want and unless you're sick I'm not coming.Call me mean,I know I'm scarring my children for life,whatever.People are doing their children a huge diservice when they don't set a good bed time routine.You are actually stunting their development. I believe you are doing more harm than people claim cry it out does.My children understood after only a couple times.I mean business!
I'm like nanny 911-I've gone to people's house to sleep train their children.You just have to be more stubborn than a 2 year old,or 4 year old in your case.You get out of bed 100 times,I'l walk you back 100 times.I'll do it for a week if I have to,but you will stay in your room.It's non negotiable.I've never had to do it more than 2 nights with the families that have me help them.Good luck!

[SunshineMama]

I am not too sure what I can do if anything.

My own child is 4. He has never been a sleeper since birth. He stopped taking naps at age 1.5. BUT he needs them. Every day he wakes up around 5am to 6:30am. He does not nap. I deal with horrible behavior all morning most days. Some times it goes on all day. He does not nap and only gets about 5 to 8 hours asleep each night. We fight him nightly to sleep, somtimes 3-5 hours. He wakes 2-3 times a night and has done this since birth.

He is very small for his age, most of my 2 year olds are bigger than him. Other than small in size, he is on track with everything else. He is a very smart boy and is a pretty good eater most of the time.

I don't know what to do. I have not slept in years and my body got used to it, but now I am finally starting to feel the pain.

Anyone ever deal with this? What should I do? What can I do? Should I take him to the doctors?

Some people just need less sleep than others, but based on what you said it sounds like he does need to get some more sleep in him. Do you have him lay down at nap time or do you let him play? Sleep begets sleep. Maybe sstart with naps, and have him lay quietly and watch a movie, read a book, etc. My daughter (will be 4 in June) will play with her leap frog explorer or reading tag for 30 minutes and then drift off to sleep. We also have a pretty consistent night time routine that begins every night at 7:30. She will tell me that she wants to get up, or that she can't sleep and I tell her to close her eyes and count sheep jumping over a gate. Sometimes I will tell her to close her eyes and I will tell her a magical story- the key is to get them to close their eyes and drift off gently to sleep.

There are some nights where I have to put my foot down and tell her that she has to stay in bed when I put her down, and she may get up when Mr. Sun wakes up. She protests but generally will get to sleep.

[daycare]

If there is nothing medically wrong with him it's time for tough love. Set his bed time,get a good routine.Tell him goodnight and shut the door.I know some people will say it's cruel but if my child refused to stay in their bed and I had done everything possible.I woud simply put a lock on his door.Tell him goodnight and don't go back in until the morning.If there is nothing wrong with him then he's just playing you. 10-12 hours a night is what most children that age need.I wouldn't do anything less than 10,some kids need less but if he's acting up all day,he needs more than 8.
Try talking to him about the new routine and what you expect,for him to stay in his bed.Tell him you will leave the door open but if he gets out of his bed you will shut it.Say it and mean it.It's hard to reverse if you didn't set an expectation since he was little.
Hard but not impossible to fix.
I get to decide when my children are up,not them.I can't force them to sleep but they won't leave their room unless I say it's time to get up.
I have four,they go to bed between 7:30p.m.-8:00p.m. I use cry it out after 6 months.
I put you in your bed,you can cry and scream all you want and unless you're sick I'm not coming.Call me mean,I know I'm scarring my children for life,whatever.People are doing their children a huge diservice when they don't set a good bed time routine.You are actually stunting their development. I believe you are doing more harm than people claim cry it out does.My children understood after only a couple times.I mean business!
I'm like nanny 911-I've gone to people's house to sleep train their children.You just have to be more stubborn than a 2 year old,or 4 year old in your case.You get out of bed 100 times,I'l walk you back 100 times.I'll do it for a week if I have to,but you will stay in your room.It's non negotiable.I've never had to do it more than 2 nights with the families that have me help them.Good luck!

we have had a routine that has been set in stone since birth.... this is how it has always been. My husband changed his work hours so that he could be home to help me more.

I will not lock him in a room. that is not a option. I think that is cruel. JUST what i think.

I spend plenty of time with him and I wish I knew why he was not sleeping. But I don't....

[daycare]

Some people just need less sleep than others, but based on what you said it sounds like he does need to get some more sleep in him. Do you have him lay down at nap time or do you let him play? Sleep begets sleep. Maybe sstart with naps, and have him lay quietly and watch a movie, read a book, etc. My daughter (will be 4 in June) will play with her leap frog explorer or reading tag for 30 minutes and then drift off to sleep. We also have a pretty consistent night time routine that begins every night at 7:30. She will tell me that she wants to get up, or that she can't sleep and I tell her to close her eyes and count sheep jumping over a gate. Sometimes I will tell her to close her eyes and I will tell her a magical story- the key is to get them to close their eyes and drift off gently to sleep.

There are some nights where I have to put my foot down and tell her that she has to stay in bed when I put her down, and she may get up when Mr. Sun wakes up. She protests but generally will get to sleep.

every day at nap time here is our routine.

at 1230 we play games- then at one he has to lay down on his bed. he looks at books for about 20 min then come out to the front room. I allow him to lay down and watch tv for another 20 min and then he plays toys until everyone wakes up.....It is 2 hours of hell for me because I have to keep him quiet and occupied so that the others can sleep.

I used to read him stories for 30 min to an hour, but I can't be in a different room than the DCK. I tried to do it in my front room, but if the DCKs hear me reading the stories they don't go to sleep....

[cheerfuldom]

we have had a routine that has been set in stone since birth.... this is how it has always been. My husband changed his work hours so that he could be home to help me more.

I will not lock him in a room. that is not a option. I think that is cruel. JUST what i think.

I spend plenty of time with him and I wish I knew why he was not sleeping. But I don't....

I don't think you have to lock him in his room. Stop trying to "make" him sleep and start requiring that he lay in his bed and stay quiet. Create the environment so that he can fall asleep. Clean out the toys, put on quiet music in a darkened room, make his room very boring. There is no reason that you have to spend up to 5 hours getting him to bed at night.

But I am not going to lie. Its going to take weeks maybe of tough love, very very VERY consistent. You will have to have a lot more energy, patience and perseverance than he ever could dream up.

I would tuck him in. Park right by the door with my back to him, read a book. Every time he gets up or gets rowdy, tuck him back into bed with "its time for bed".....no other words, no snuggles, no drinks, no nothing. Rinse and repeat 1000 times until he gets that laying down at bed time is not optional. The time will be shorter and shorter as he realizes that bed time is not optional, mom always "wins" this battle and there is no use putting up a fuss every night because mom will never ever give in.

Yes it is true that some people have medical reasons that cause sleep issues but the reality is that a lot of moms that struggle with this is because they don't really require anything else from their child and bed time becomes a battle and an activity for the child, rather than a firm rule and routine in place. I think it is important to take a hard look at your methods and see if possibly, it is you.....and not a medical issue.

[christinaskids]

You could try putting him in his bed and sitting by it until he falls asleep. Dont look at him or rub his back or he will become VERY dependent on it. Trust me, we had sleep issues with my twelve year old from starting that stuff and she just got out of it the last two years or so. If he gets out of bed, just put him back and sit there like you were and rinse and repeat. I know how difficult it is! You just have to be more stubborn than the little one which can be very difficult. You could also try melatonin. It is the natural sleep chemical in your body. A lot of my dc parents swear by it.

[Kelly]

Have you ever asked your doctor about having a sleep study done? There are many types of sleep disorders that can affect children.

[SunshineMama]

every day at nap time here is our routine.

at 1230 we play games- then at one he has to lay down on his bed. he looks at books for about 20 min then come out to the front room. I allow him to lay down and watch tv for another 20 min and then he plays toys until everyone wakes up.....It is 2 hours of hell for me because I have to keep him quiet and occupied so that the others can sleep.

I used to read him stories for 30 min to an hour, but I can't be in a different room than the DCK. I tried to do it in my front room, but if the DCKs hear me reading the stories they don't go to sleep....

Oh man No break for you at all- must be exhausting! Will he sit in his own bed for an hour or so and just lay there with a book by himself?

[sharlan]

My youngest daughter has been going through this for 6 1/2 YEARS. She is lucky to get 2 - 3 hrs of unbroken sleep a night, unless I take the kids for the night. Most days she is a incoherant walking zombie.

Stand firm, and get everyone on your side, no compromises. It's going to take awhile, you have to undo 4 years of bad routine.

#1 Your son sleeps in HIS bed and HIS bed only. Keep him out of your bed, no watching tv at night in your bed. No sleeping in his bed for you, either.

#2 Set up a reasonable bedtime and routine, no deviation whether Dad is there or not. He is old enough to follow the routine even if you are not there.

#3 At the appointed hour take him to his bed, read 1 or 2 stories, not 1 or 2 hours of stories, hug, kiss, goodnight, and walk out. Everytime he comes out, take him back, no talking no discussions. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, take him back. NO SLEEPING IN HIS BED, either.

#4 At naptime, he stays in his room, in his bed. He can lay there quietly and read a book, but he stays in his bed until you say it's time to get up.

I would never lock a child's door at night, but I would put a gate across it to remind him that he stays in his room.

Good luck.

[countrymom]

I don't think you have to lock him in his room. Stop trying to "make" him sleep and start requiring that he lay in his bed and stay quiet. Create the environment so that he can fall asleep. Clean out the toys, put on quiet music in a darkened room, make his room very boring. There is no reason that you have to spend up to 5 hours getting him to bed at night.

But I am not going to lie. Its going to take weeks maybe of tough love, very very VERY consistent. You will have to have a lot more energy, patience and perseverance than he ever could dream up.

I would tuck him in. Park right by the door with my back to him, read a book. Every time he gets up or gets rowdy, tuck him back into bed with "its time for bed".....no other words, no snuggles, no drinks, no nothing. Rinse and repeat 1000 times until he gets that laying down at bed time is not optional. The time will be shorter and shorter as he realizes that bed time is not optional, mom always "wins" this battle and there is no use putting up a fuss every night because mom will never ever give in.

Yes it is true that some people have medical reasons that cause sleep issues but the reality is that a lot of moms that struggle with this is because they don't really require anything else from their child and bed time becomes a battle and an activity for the child, rather than a firm rule and routine in place. I think it is important to take a hard look at your methods and see if possibly, it is you.....and not a medical issue.

listen, I have 4 kids, if I allowed them all to get up at gawdly hours, no one in my house would ever sleep. She is telling you something that works. lots of 4 yr olds don't need naps, but you need to teach him to sleep longer in the morning or stay in his room. No one said to lock him but if he is leaving then put a gate up. You need to be firm.

[countrymom]

also, try melatonine. Its a herbal over the counter. His sleep cycle might be off, thats why he keeps waking up. It works because ds had this issue for about 3 weeks. He kept waking up and staying awake for 2 or 3 hours. He was so tired in the morning that he could barely get up and go to school. Well it took 3 doses and voila, his sleep was back to normal. He just needed something to set him back. The ladies all gave you great advice, and they all work. Also, at 4 he should also learn to play quietly.

[daycare]

I don't think you have to lock him in his room. Stop trying to "make" him sleep and start requiring that he lay in his bed and stay quiet. Create the environment so that he can fall asleep. Clean out the toys, put on quiet music in a darkened room, make his room very boring. There is no reason that you have to spend up to 5 hours getting him to bed at night.

But I am not going to lie. Its going to take weeks maybe of tough love, very very VERY consistent. You will have to have a lot more energy, patience and perseverance than he ever could dream up.

I would tuck him in. Park right by the door with my back to him, read a book. Every time he gets up or gets rowdy, tuck him back into bed with "its time for bed".....no other words, no snuggles, no drinks, no nothing. Rinse and repeat 1000 times until he gets that laying down at bed time is not optional. The time will be shorter and shorter as he realizes that bed time is not optional, mom always "wins" this battle and there is no use putting up a fuss every night because mom will never ever give in.

Yes it is true that some people have medical reasons that cause sleep issues but the reality is that a lot of moms that struggle with this is because they don't really require anything else from their child and bed time becomes a battle and an activity for the child, rather than a firm rule and routine in place. I think it is important to take a hard look at your methods and see if possibly, it is you.....and not a medical issue.

I understand what you are saying. But we have had a good bed time routine in place everyday for years. It's not that

[countrymom]

maybe you need to change your bedtime routine. The older they get their needs are different. I found that having a bath every night made them more awake then tired. Also, we made their bedtime later. Whats your bedtime routine. Also, I don't lay with my kids or read with them, I found that this made them awake even more. they do watch tv, but within 15, they are sleeping and I make sure that the shows they watch won't give them nightmares.

[Crystal]

Have you tried any form of discipline for getting out of his bed after he has been told not to get up?