He's Almost 5 Now...

[Bookworm]

Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.

[daycare]

Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.

all of my DCP know this... sometimes they are upset by it, but I tell them you knew this going into it. I don't do bad behavior, the kids know this. I have very very few behavior problems from my DCKs....well at least now, I cant say taht a year ago.

I think that it is very simple...You don't and you won't!!!

I even use this with my older teens and my older kids that I coach on the field. I hav parents ask me all the time how do you do that again??? I just laugh and tell them ahhh just beat them with a chicken........all joking of course.....

[youretooloud]

I won't tolerate that behavior either. If the parents aren't concerned about an actual problem that would require intervention of some sort....then he's a typical child that needs to learn to live in the world.

I had a girl who will turn five in August. She's been kicked off an airplane (had to stay the night in the city that the airline booted them) Was kicked out of her hockey team, and has til May to shape up in her preschool before she has to find a new school.

It took three major tantrums that inconvenienced the parents before they decided it was time to crack down on her behavior.

[daycare]

I won't tolerate that behavior either. If the parents aren't concerned about an actual problem that would require intervention of some sort....then he's a typical child that needs to learn to live in the world.

I had a girl who will turn five in August. She's been kicked off an airplane (had to stay the night in the city that the airline booted them) Was kicked out of her hockey team, and has til May to shape up in her preschool before she has to find a new school.

It took three major tantrums that inconvenienced the parents before they decided it was time to crack down on her behavior.

yes there is a magical word....its called NO.... I don't know why parents have such a hard time telling this to their kids

[Bookworm]

all of my DCP know this... sometimes they are upset by it, but I tell them you knew this going into it. I don't do bad behavior, the kids know this. I have very very few behavior problems from my DCKs....well at least now, I cant say taht a year ago.

I think that it is very simple...You don't and you won't!!!

I even use this with my older teens and my older kids that I coach on the field. I hav parents ask me all the time how do you do that again??? I just laugh and tell them ahhh just beat them with a chicken........all joking of course.....

I explain all this to every parent in my room and all but one agree 100%. Ironically, it's the parent whose kid has the most tantrums. She called my
Director to complain that I had the audacity to discipline her child in front of her while he was throwing a fit over a toy he wasn't supposed have anyway. My Director asked me to explain to her again about my policy on tantrums to which she responded that she didn't think it was fair that he didn't get to participate because he was upset. My response to her was, he didn't participate because he had a tantrum and I don't entertain them. She is not happy with me now but she won't pull him out because I'm the only one who can control him. Thank God school starts in 3 1/2 mos.

[Live and Learn]

Lots of good suggestions already. I'll just add that I like to randomly reward good behavior.

When he is having a fit go around the room and give each non tantruming child a treat. Sticker, m&m, little plastic dinosaur, something. Say something like "Miss ***** is looking for children who are behaving kindly and playing quietly. I see Susie is. (Give her a treat.) I see Billy is. (Give him a treat.) I see Ella is...." and so on. When you lastly get to the tantrummer he will probably ask or his treat too. Then you say. "Maybe next time I give treats you will be playing quietly and behaving kindly." .......and walk away and give attention to the children playing nicely.

This has worked so many times for me. Good luck. He is old enough to know better and probably gets extra attention at home for behaving this way.

[Heidi]

Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.

crying spot, tantrum chair, thinking spot...all essentially the same thing.

I have a smallish house with vaulted ceilings. Normally a lovely thing, but not when a 65 lb child is screaming at the top of his lungs.....

[Heidi]

ok...so this is what I have done so far in the last 9 months....

-Explaining the reason, if possible, for my decisions.

-Moving him to another room to have his fit, saying "come on back when you are done.

-Reading books on feelings, giving him alternatives to screaming and throwing things (go to the other room and chill or punch a pillow or use your words...which he does...he talks all the way through a tantrum).

-smacking him upside the head....JUST KIDDING!

-Giving him a chance to earn a really cool reward (an RV vehicle) for going 5 days in a row without a tantrum. He did it....which proves he's capable of it.

-talking to him about WHY he has the tantrums in a quiet moment and explaining that although it's tough, sometimes we don't get what we want, and we NEVER get what we want when we act like that.

-Using humor and pretending to have my own tantrums...which all the kids think is hysterical. My daughter (14) made me sit on the step. He KNOWS he's being ridiculous...he laughed when I did it.

-Several weeks of a dollar reward system where he could earn "dollars" for positive behaviors (like helping someone or being especially kind), and loose them for poor behavior. At the end of the week, he could "buy" things at home from mom. This was tedious and a waste of time, but I went along with it because mom wanted to try it.

-Just plain walking away when he tantrums, which can be difficult in a house of our size. The 4 other kids, plus my 11 & 14 yo own kids and I all end up very ACTIVELY ignoring it, while we all keep making eye contact with each other to the affect of "Oh God, please let it be over soon!". If we can't walk away, like if he starts at the snack table because he didn't get the cracker he wanted (no kidding), then I remove him. I don't talk at all, just take his hand gently and lead him to a spot a bit away, then walk away.

He has been in school mornings, so I thought it was getting better, but after pondering, I think he is just here less, so it SEEMS better...

I guess I am just out of ideas! I want to help him, I really do, but at this point, I am going for survival.

I would LOVE to throw up my arms and say "goodbye" some days, but I have his 3 younger sibs too, and only have 5 in my group. Phone calls for care are rare around here....

So, knowing all that, what do think?

[christinaskids]

My dc kids RARELY tantrum here and the parents love it. I just put them in the other room and shut the door or in the crying spot til they are done. I tell them to rejoin us when they are done. This way it gives them almost no attention to it good or bad. I think a reward sysrem is awesome but its giving them attention to it. Once they are done, ill say are you done now? And they will say yes and we will go on as if nothing happened. If they arent dome ill say well looks like you arent done, just let me know when you are. Tantrums are attention seeking behavior, even if the attention is negative attention.

[SilverSabre25]

My dc kids RARELY tantrum here and the parents love it. I just put them in the other room and shut the door or in the crying spot til they are done. I tell them to rejoin us when they are done. This way it gives them almost no attention to it good or bad. I think a reward sysrem is awesome but its giving them attention to it. Once they are done, ill say are you done now? And they will say yes and we will go on as if nothing happened. If they arent dome ill say well looks like you arent done, just let me know when you are. Tantrums are attention seeking behavior, even if the attention is negative attention.

Man...knowing what you told me now, I think I have to agree with this...

and talking to mom. And possibly that evaluation...

[Meyou]

The only thing I can offer is that whatever you try give it a good two weeks before you try something else.