What Does It Take To Get Excused From The Table?

[Heidi]

I was just wondering what might prompt all of you to excuse someone from the table.

I excused 2 of my dc kids (3 1/2 & almost 5) yesterday about 1 minute into snack.

"I don't WANT graham crackers, I want fishies..." ( btw graham crackers are not something he dislikes)
..."this is not a restaurant...be happy you got something...graham crackers are yummy"

"Hey, I got mine last..."
........"Yep, you sure did..."

Crawls under table
....you can sit up, or you may be excused" counted slowly to 3.....

well, you are EXCUSED goodbye!
whine, scream, cry....

and that was the almost 5yo. In the meantime, sis putting on her own show, so she was also asked to leave.

5yo then proceeded to throw one tantrum after the other for the next hour. First he wouldn't leave the table, held on (I peeled him off as gently as possible and moved him a bit away). Then, he got over that and went to ride bikes. 3 minutes in, he crashed his bike into my son's, and lost his bike privileges. He then went to the sandbox, and played maybe 5 minutes, then threw a huge handful of sand into his sisters face. So, he was told to go sit on the porch (in the shade) and look at a book.

When mom got here, I told her he'd had a rough afternoon, and had tantruming most of the last hour.. "Well, he looks like he doesn't feel well (mom says). uhh...no kidding...he's been crying for an hour!

We were going to the same place, and he cried all the way there (I was in my own car). When we got to our destination, his dad was there, and guess what? He STOPPED IMMEDIATELY and was all "oh hiiii dad"...

yeah.....it's gonna be a loooonnngg summer, man...

[Blackcat31]

Um, yeah ALL of the reasons you listed would not only get a child that age excused from the table but in he/she would also be eating the remainder of the days meals and snack separated from the others.

Meal and snack times here are relaxed but VERY routine and consistent. If a child does not have appropriate manners and behaviors (especially when I KNOW a kid has them or has been here a while) and will not abide by those expectations will not be allowed to join the rest of the kids.

I would NEVER allow one child to ruin it for the others. I want my DCK's to enjoy eating and talking and having a good social experience.

One kids sour attitude buys him meal time solitude for any of the day's remaining meals/snacks.

Social hour at my table is a priviledge not a right.

[MrsB]

Um, yeah ALL of the reasons you listed would not only get a child that age excused from the table but in he/she would also be eating the remainder of the days meals and snack separated from the others.

Meal and snack times here are relaxed but VERY routine and consistent. If a child does not have appropriate manners and behaviors (especially when I KNOW a kid has them or has been here a while) and will not abide by those expectations will not be allowed to join the rest of the kids.

I would NEVER allow one child to ruin it for the others. I want my DCK's to enjoy eating and talking and having a good social experience.

One kids sour attitude buys him meal time solitude for any of the day's remaining meals/snacks.

Social hour at my table is a priviledge not a right.

Totally agree and have the same exact meal time philosophy and rules!

[Christian Mother]

Ohhh...I was thinking this tread was when they wanted down from the table...like "May I be exscused" or "I'MMMM DONNNNEEE"!! ::

The littles haven't done this yet...thanks for reminding me what is next.. LOL!!

Snack time here has been really simple and I've never had any problems. Some times they tell me they don't want a particular snack and then I offer a choose and then most of them get excited bc they got to choose for them selves but most of the time I pick it out and it is what it is. There isn't much argument about it. If they did I'd tell them "I guess your not very hungry for your snack then". Go play then...

[Heidi]

Yeah..I just wanted to hear that I'm not a freak because I think that a 5 yo who throws temper tantrums for 45 min or so is not OK.

It's hard when mom (who I adore-she's very sweet), answers every behavior with "oh, he's tired" or "oh...he must be sick". arggg. Then I feel like such a big huge meanie.

I KNOW I shouldn't...my kids (who are 11 & 14) are looking at this kid like "are you kidding?" orther dcp witnessed a bit of it, he's looking at this kid like "if that were MY child...."

Like I said, it's going to be a looonggg summer! Too bad they don't have preschool in the summer...

waaaaa haaaaaa (wear is the bursting-into-tears emoticon?)

[WImom]

I actually do it opposite ' I have a play, you stay' rule. If you play your stuff gets taken away but you also leave last from the table. I've also had kids eat at seperate tables too.

It's working with my group since they hate being last for anything.

[Heidi]

I actually do it opposite ' I have a play, you stay' rule. If you play your stuff gets taken away but you also leave last from the table. I've also had kids eat at seperate tables too.

It's working with my group since they hate being last for anything.

He was screaming at the top of his 62 lb lungs. I am sure the children who were trying to eat in peace were happy to see him go. ::

[daycare]

Um, yeah ALL of the reasons you listed would not only get a child that age excused from the table but in he/she would also be eating the remainder of the days meals and snack separated from the others.

Meal and snack times here are relaxed but VERY routine and consistent. If a child does not have appropriate manners and behaviors (especially when I KNOW a kid has them or has been here a while) and will not abide by those expectations will not be allowed to join the rest of the kids.

I would NEVER allow one child to ruin it for the others. I want my DCK's to enjoy eating and talking and having a good social experience.

One kids sour attitude buys him meal time solitude for any of the day's remaining meals/snacks.

Social hour at my table is a priviledge not a right.

so ture...

also when the I have one DCK who is acting up at the table, they get to leave immediately and have to sit away from the group. It shows all of the rest of the kids that their behavior is not ok.

amazing how kids act from parent to parent.

[Countrygal]

I probably wouldn't be that nice. If my kids say one thing like "I don't llliiiiikkkeee this" or "I want the red cup!" they are excused. "Alright, you can have the red cup another time, but not now, so I'll just take this and we'll see if you like the color cup you get at lunch...." OK, I'll admit that if it's been awhile they get one warning, but only if it is very abnormal for them to act that way. btw - my son is the one who has been excused the most! ::::

A screaming fit would not only get the child removed but sent to rest, because, like the mom, I would probably "assume" he needs some rest since he is behaving in such a manner. He MUST be tired. Yes, he must. What do we do when tired? We rest. 1/2 hour would be a start for me(or maybe through the next activity?).

If they are just talking too much or being disruptive (singing, etc), they are removed to a separate table all by themselves. If it continues they are excused (but so far it's never gotten that far).

I know, I'm mean.......

[Abigail]

I've excused only one child from the table who is 2. This child was taking food and letting it drool out of their mouth back onto their plate. This child also would take food when they thought I wasn't looking and just drop it on the floor intentionally and the other kids tattled as I watched out of the corner of my eye, . Then this child would pound elbows on the table and be loud and wiggle about. When this behavior isn't stopped when asked it's to-be-excused-from-the-table and go sit in the hall. In a few minutes they can come back to eat nicely.

Second warning when they return is "Sit and eat nicely or you'll be done. Please use your table manners." in a firm voice which has happened only once and they were 90% done eating so they had their whole serving and would be fine.

I wouldn't ever take food away from a child, but I would have them wait to eat alone or eat first if they couldn't use nice table manners. I really stress on it at a young age because it's necessary. I would say we only have 2-3 days a month that are "tough table days".....the kids in general are very well mannered and love mealtimes or as they say "Eat Time!" happyface

[Sprouts]

I was just wondering what might prompt all of you to excuse someone from the table.

I excused 2 of my dc kids (3 1/2 & almost 5) yesterday about 1 minute into snack.

"I don't WANT graham crackers, I want fishies..." ( btw graham crackers are not something he dislikes)

..

This is when I start to to sing " you get what you get and you don't get upset!" and smile

[Ariana]

If kids whine or don't wantto sit at te table, my rule is they go pick a book and sit on a spot on the floor. I don't discuss anything with them other than this. Unfortunately my DD is the worst for this, the other kids listen to me. I also do this during family gatherings with the kids so they don't interrupt the adults convo's with their whining. I simply say "if you don't want to sit at the table and eat, you may go pick a book...what's your choice" and then follow through. I personally do not respond to "I don't like this or that" statements. In my home they're allowed to not like something, they can state it once and then it's book time

[Heidi]

If kids whine or don't wantto sit at te table, my rule is they go pick a book and sit on a spot on the floor. I don't discuss anything with them other than this. Unfortunately my DD is the worst for this, the other kids listen to me. I also do this during family gatherings with the kids so they don't interrupt the adults convo's with their whining. I simply say "if you don't want to sit at the table and eat, you may go pick a book...what's your choice" and then follow through. I personally do not respond to "I don't like this or that" statements. In my home they're allowed to not like something, they can state it once and then it's book time

Yep...they can "not like" anything. That's ok, and they are never forced to eat something, I encourage them to try it, but that is not an issue.

With this little man the issue is more "it's all about me", all the time. He complains when he's not first in line, he complains if someone's piece is bigger, etc. Life is always SO unfair to him, you know? He can't even stand to see someome else getting the last cookie because now there's no more for HIM to have 2nds! He'll whine, then all-an-out cry if someone isn't willing to "fix" it. If crying doesn't work and doesn't get him sympathy (or sometimes even empathy, because honestly I can't always even rile that up), then it's time to haul out the big guns and make everyone pay for his unhappiness.

In fact, my empathy for him is more for the long run. Honestly, I am scared for him. He has learned NO coping skills at 5. None. Not even once in a while. "**** it up" isn't even on the radar. How will he ever deal with dissapointment?

If anyone has any recommendations on good books, let me know. Maybe I should be thinking about using the summer to influence him vs. worrying about how tough it's going to be on me?

[Blackcat31]

Yep...they can "not like" anything. That's ok, and they are never forced to eat something, I encourage them to try it, but that is not an issue.

With this little man the issue is more "it's all about me", all the time. He complains when he's not first in line, he complains if someone's piece is bigger, etc. Life is always SO unfair to him, you know? He can't even stand to see someome else getting the last cookie because now there's no more for HIM to have 2nds! He'll whine, then all-an-out cry if someone isn't willing to "fix" it. If crying doesn't work and doesn't get him sympathy (or sometimes even empathy, because honestly I can't always even rile that up), then it's time to haul out the big guns and make everyone pay for his unhappiness.

In fact, my empathy for him is more for the long run. Honestly, I am scared for him. He has learned NO coping skills at 5. None. Not even once in a while. "**** it up" isn't even on the radar. How will he ever deal with dissapointment?

If anyone has any recommendations on good books, let me know. Maybe I should be thinking about using the summer to influence him vs. worrying about how tough it's going to be on me?

The gulf between successful and unsuccessful children will not necessarily arise due to differences in intelligence and skills, but rather due to differences in ability to handle setbacks and persist in the face of frustration.

We used these books in my courses in school. They all had some wonderful methods and activities for teaching kids how to handle frustrations, fell good about themsleves and how to manange social situations:

http://www.amazon.com/Skillstreaming-Early-Childhood-Prosocial-Kindergarten/dp/0878223207

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966234138/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0878223207&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=04YEWSBWJVVW3S170TDV

http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Activities-Building-Social-Skills/dp/0439163536/ref=pd_sim_b_8

[Ariana]

Yep...they can "not like" anything. That's ok, and they are never forced to eat something, I encourage them to try it, but that is not an issue.

With this little man the issue is more "it's all about me", all the time. He complains when he's not first in line, he complains if someone's piece is bigger, etc. Life is always SO unfair to him, you know? He can't even stand to see someome else getting the last cookie because now there's no more for HIM to have 2nds! He'll whine, then all-an-out cry if someone isn't willing to "fix" it. If crying doesn't work and doesn't get him sympathy (or sometimes even empathy, because honestly I can't always even rile that up), then it's time to haul out the big guns and make everyone pay for his unhappiness.

In fact, my empathy for him is more for the long run. Honestly, I am scared for him. He has learned NO coping skills at 5. None. Not even once in a while. "**** it up" isn't even on the radar. How will he ever deal with dissapointment?

If anyone has any recommendations on good books, let me know. Maybe I should be thinking about using the summer to influence him vs. worrying about how tough it's going to be on me?

I see this as his way of gaining control over his life on a continuous basis. He likely comes from a home of negotiators and he gains control by whining and then getting his parents attention through negotiating. If you want to teach him coping skills then model them (which is sounds like you do already). He has very few resiliency skills and the best way to teach that is by modeling and talking about it. I would recommend doing a Google search on resiliency skills in kids (this is the course I took http://www.reachinginreachingout.com...resilience.htm)

I take care of an SA in the summers and this kid whines CONSTANTLY over everything. I simply state the answer ONCE and then ignore. I remember once when she whined because the cheese was white and she "only eats orange cheese". I simply stated "well thats what we're having today". Thats it thats all. I didn't make any remarks about how it's the same, or stop whining, or why don't you try it, or you'll be hungry later etc. I made a simple statement and stopped talking entirely. She ate it! I attached zero value to it and zero control to it by not engaging in the dialogue. These kids come to us with these messed up ideas of control and messed up ways to deal with the world. If she hadn't eaten it then that would've been fine too but at home this discussion would have likely gone on for 10-15 minutes with the end result being her having a crying meltdown and the mom making her the orange cheese. This in turn teaches her that this is how you deal with problems and gain control.